


our deal

by rannas



Category: New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon-Typical Violence, Canonical Character Death, Character Study, Getting to Know Each Other, Introspection, Lies, M/M, Slow Build, Suicidal Thoughts, Trust Issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-17
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:46:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 33
Words: 147,947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26508439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rannas/pseuds/rannas
Summary: You’re really useful.So, how about you stop hanging out with dumb ole Kaito and be *my* friend instead?I think I can be useful to you too y’know?I can help you save everyone.And you wanna save everyone, riiiiiight?It’s an offer he has no reason to take. But then why does part of him feel like he should?
Relationships: Oma Kokichi/Saihara Shuichi
Comments: 439
Kudos: 891
Collections: Quality Fics





	1. trust

Red-hot anger came over the detective. He’s so tired of being messed with by this boy. Kokichi had been nothing but gleeful as all of these terrible things that had happened to them went down after all. And he just kept insulting Kaito more and more. It was more than the normal teasing, poking, and prodding. He couldn’t even begin to figure out what Kokichi is up to besides just causing trouble, trying to get a reaction. He never could parse what Kokichi Ouma was up to, but he seemed to be getting more and more erratic as time passed. He spent time with him before after all, he had been frustrating at some points but not on this level. He even thought he could have begun to understand him once. But lately, something had seemed different about him, but it did not stop him from finding himself stuck on some of the things he would say when no one else seemed to be listening. And once again something Kokichi had said was making him wonder if that really could be true. The words replayed right back to him. He was angry… but he can’t deny he was also curious. 

**_You’re really useful._ **

**_So, how about you stop hanging out with dumb ole Kaito and be *my* friend instead?_ **

**_I think I can be useful to you to y’know?_ **

**_I can help you save everyone._ **

**_And you wanna save everyone, riiiiiight?_ **

_It’s an offer he has no reason to take. But then why does part of him feel like he should?_

He picked up the phone “Shui---” But that nagging sensation in the back of his brain made him pause. Was it the so-called detective’s intuition that Kokichi had been joking about? Was it the fact that his attempts to understand Kokichi had been nothing but running into walls and yet… he had not entirely given up? The promise of saving everyone... did he really mean it? 

And he wasn’t sure how but he thought the wide purple eyes of Kokichi’s avatar had somehow widened. It was a lie right… he was messing with him. Trying to throw him off. 

“Give me a reason I should trust you.” His hand holding the phone lowered slightly. The Kokichi avatar had a smiling, blushing face on it. It told him nothing more than his real face would have. 

“ _Neheehee_ I knew I was right to like you so much Shuichi.” Shuichi moved the phone back towards his ear, clearly, he should have gone with his first instinct and logged out to see what had happened to Miu. 

“Fine.” Kokichi’s voice was deeper, no longer playful and childish. “I can show you something that proves I’m serious.”

“Where is it?” Shuichi couldn’t help but wonder if he was being stupid and just being dragged into another one of his many lies as he asked. But at the same time, he was _curious_. 

“Oh, you’ll see” The singsongy childish tone was back and the annoyance flared back in return. 

“Kokichi…” Shuichi warned, avatar hand gripping tight on the phone. 

“ _Fiiiiine_ . If you don’t like what I have to say. Then I promise to leave you alone. Forever. I’ll even lay off your stupid friends.” Kokichi’s avatar eyes were on him and stepped even closer to his own avatar. Much like the smack that Kokichi had delivered to Keebo earlier, he could _feel_ the proximity between them somehow. Some sort of phantom body heat. “But I can’t tell you everything I have planned for us yet. Mysteries have to be unraveled bit by bit right mister _detective_?” The last word was laced with an almost seductive purr. 

“So are you going to stop lying to me all the time?” Shuichi responded, staying his ground despite Kokichi’s avatar being so close to his own. 

“Oh _noooo_. I never said that. Working with me will involve lying. Lots and lots of it. Don’t you save us all by lying all the time? The others might not notice, but a liar like me does y’know.” Even his avatar form seemed to hold that all too familiar gleam in its eye that Shuichi couldn’t even pin down as malicious or benevolent. Somehow it was both at once, and that was unnerving. 

Shuichi frowned. Kokichi wasn’t wrong. Lies had been crucial in every trial. And every time, Kokichi has absolutely noticed. The truth was not always good. He knew that all too well. The truth of the first case he solved… had not made things better. And his lies had stopped his friends from making grave errors in the trials. He wished they weren’t in the virtual world. Making a deal here almost seemed fake. Like fictional versions of themselves and the moment they left Kokichi would be back to his normal trouble-causing self, laughing at how he had gotten Shuichi to think there was some sort of method to his madness. But he knew if he left before agreeing that whatever this was would break, permanently. Even with his limited understanding of how Kokichi Ouma operated, he was pretty sure of that. 

“I know there is no reason to trust a liar like me. That’s good you know. Doubt is a good thing. Can’t be a detective without it. Not a good one at least. Blind trust, without doubt, is for idiots after all.’ He knew that was a dig at Kaito and the smugness in his tone was irritating but Shuichi knew he wasn’t wrong…. After all, to truly believe in Kaede, be had to both trust her and doubt her. He had doubted Kokichi, but could he now trust him? What he had just said was true after all. So everything he said couldn’t be a lie. But were these lies laced with truth or truth laced with lies? Or did it even matter?

Once again, Kokichi had a knack for saying things that somehow answered his own thoughts as if he was saying them out loud. “But I mean it. I _can_ help you. I’ll give you a real reason to trust me in the end. And that’s _not_ a lie.” 

He wasn’t sure if time was standing still, or if in this Neo World Program it just doesn’t pass the same way as it did in the normal world, but he felt like he stood there across from Kokichi in that fake living room for ages. The phone was still gripped in one hand, he could say his name and escape at any moment. Be done with Kokichi and his antics. _But was it all really antics?_ Shuichi couldn’t tell even himself if he was making a mistake but he set the phone down and held out his avatar hand to Kokichi. Just as he once had before to be received by nothing; and with his hand, he said, “Okay, let's save everyone.” Part of him was waiting for the shoe to drop, for that horselike laugh to ring out again and for Kokichi to chide him for believing such a stupid lie. But it never happened, if he wasn’t mistaken the other avatar looked _surprised_. 

“ _Ohh_ so you are going to be my friend?” Kokichi said excitedly before reaching out his hand. The avatar forms don’t have fully defined enough hands for it to feel like a handshake, but he feels the warmth emanating from Kokichi’s hand despite that, “That’s good, I do _love_ Shuichi so much after all.”

“What?” Shuichi stepped back surprised, hands still grasped together in their handshake. 

“Are you going to back out because you know my true feelings?” Kokichi dropped his hand and turned his avatar head impishly at him. His tone was deceptively blank. 

“Are you messing with me?” Shuichi glared at Kokichi. He knew he must be messing with him on some level, but he also felt like this was the other boy’s subtle way to give him an out of whatever strange deal they just made. The avatar’s face made him harder to read than normal, but maybe it was the detective instinct again that made him feel like something about this whole exchange was actually genuine. Maybe Kokichi actually could do something to fix this impossible situation, to save everyone. 

“Who knows? I just hope you aren’t messing with _me_ and making fake deals. You know how I feel about liars Shuichi." He looked serious yet again. "But we really should go back y’know. They are going to need a detective. The rest of us really can’t do aaaaanything without _you_ after all.” 

Shuichi wondered just what all he might have just agreed to as he finally picked up the phone and said his name, the pit of dread in his stomach grew knowing whatever he was about to face in the real world was likely not going to be pleasant. _What all did Kokichi Ouma know…. and what on earth had he just agreed to?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just replayed drv3 and just couldn't get the thought out of my head of what if they actually decided to work together in this scene and I just wanted to try and write it out.


	2. investigation

Darkness awaited him when he woke from the dream that was the virtual world. Of course, his headset was still on. It was blocking his vision. _Could he hear his name being called?_ He pulled off the headset and was immediately greeted with a nauseating sight across the room from him. 

_Miu…_ . _face contorted in agony. Hands clasped to her neck. Unmoving_. At this point, he had seen enough dead bodies to know that Miu Iruma, the Ultimate Inventor was dead. The body discovery announcement played in the background as he stood behind Maki, Keebo, and Tsumugi staring hopelessly at the body but he didn’t really hear it. He saw Monokuma standing there, well that’s different he guessed. He heard some crude joke about beer and fucking and how he was the crude one now, which was enough for Shuichi to tune him and the remaining Monokubs out for now. At least until they got the file, it’s not like they said anything useful ever. The stuff out of those robots mouths almost made some of the things that came out of Kokichi’s mouth look tame, well _almost_. 

“What took you so long?” Maki had moved stealthily over to his side, whispering in his ear.

Shuichi gave what he hoped was a reassuring smile and shrugged, “Just thought I saw something that might have been the clue, but it was nothing.”

“Oh… okay. I thought _he_ might have been bothering you.” The slight sharp tilt of her head and the murderous glint in her red eyes are enough to tell him just what _he_ Maki meant but he still looked back. Kokichi had also left the virtual world. He was standing behind everyone else, hands behind his head, an almost… _pleasant_ grin on his face. A wave of frustration and regret from deciding to maybe actually trying to trust this boy began to rush over him but was stopped full force when he looked into Kokichi’s eyes. His eyes did not match that easy-going posture or expression. Unlike his avatar eyes, he could see more subtle changes. He could see the lines forming on the sides, the wetness lingering on his eyeballs, it was a look of sadness or better yet… _regret_? It was strange. Kokichi Ouma had never held back on theatrics. If he wanted to cry for dramatic effect, he simply would have, after all, it would hardly have been the first time. But this expression looked much more like he was withholding something as if the lie he was presenting for all of them to see was cracking. A tiny, almost imperceptible one. One he was pretty sure no one else could see, based on the daggers Maki was throwing in Kokichi’s direction with her eyes. 

Maybe Shuichi was just seeing what he _wanted_ to see in Kokichi’s face. Some sort of reassurance that choosing to be his friend, choosing to work with him to save the others was a good choice, that Kokichi was actually a good person withing that entanglement of lies. _What’s done is done._ And it wasn’t like Kokichi had not left an escape door open in their tentative alliance, it was almost as if he was expecting Shuichi to bail as soon as he could. Which… to be fair was not off the table. It all depended on just what Kokichi Ouma could have that he thought would be enough to earn his trust. 

But it was not the time for that now, Kaito busted into the room shouting as he saw the corpse, “Wha- Miu?! Wh-What the hell is going on here?”

“You’re too late okay? All the others finished gasping in terror already.” Kokichi jumped in quickly with a smug tone, “But anyway, where were you this whole time Kaito? What were you doing?” 

“I-I was taking a nap” Kaito snapped back, worry etched on his face

“Taking a nap?” Shuichi repeated, well that sort of explained his sudden disappearance from the virtual world. He heard Gonta say he was sleeping as well… that was also strange. But as Kaito explained, he had been logged out involuntarily and then just went back to his room to sleep instead of logging back in. Not inherently suspicious but it did mean he was the only person in the real world when the murder was committed.

“Hey Kaito, if you’re gonna lie you might as well do it better!” Kokichi’s hands were clenched, bouncing as he admonished Kaito in a loud voice that had Maki scowling, “Do you think you can make the killing game exciting with a crappy lie like that?” 

Kaito panicked at Kokichis’s words. But Shuichi stepped in, giving a small glance to Kokichi as he did so. Did he really think Kaito was lying? It didn’t seem like it. Or was Kokichi just baiting Kaito yet again? He told the group that right now was not the time for that, that they needed to start the investigation. Kokichi laughed in response and made some comments about how _of course Shuichi_ was ready. Whatever that meant. His time to shine… well it wasn’t wrong. His talent really did only seem to be useful when one of their classmates was killed. Unfortunate but true. 

“Explain it however you like Kokichi.” Shuichi took a deep breath, there was time to think about whether his abilities could have any other use some other time, not right now when their lives were on the line. “The fact is if we don’t find the culprit we’ll all be executed. But I won’t let that happen. I’ll find the culprit so that we can all survive.” 

“Even if the culprit is Kaito?” Kokichi’s all too familiar innocent tone was barely containing the rancor hidden within his statement. 

Kaito of course panicked yet again, “Huh?! What?!” 

Luckily, any further commentary or argument was cut off by Monokuma passing out the Monokuma File with yet another crude comment he had no desire to acknowledge (nor did any of his other classmates). Shuichi looked over it immediately, ignoring the bears as they made their exit. It never was all that much help but usually, there was some sort of hint- often in what Monokuma decided to _not_ include. He heard Kokichi give some cheery comment on how he would find the culprit, but it was his second statement that gave him pause. _You guys hated her! Not as much as you hate me but still!_ He was clearly trying to start trouble again, poking and prodding at their feelings for a reaction. But Shuichi felt a pang of guilt, was Kokichi right? Did they really only appreciate their friends when they were killed? Had he really gotten to know and understand Miu Iruma as he should have. He was just as guilty of being annoyed with her antics and feeling uncomfortable with the rather… crude things she said after all. Not only that… did he truly _hate_ Kokichi Ouma? Yes… and no…. Some of the things he did Shuichi definitely hated. The way he teased, demeaned and made light of things. But as a person… Kokichi was _interesting_. He said things other people were afraid to. And as much as he derailed the class trials, he also in his own weird way, put them on track. He was someone who would joke about being dead, but still, be covered in real blood because he was sharp enough to check something he had not even considered. He didn’t know _how_ to feel about him honestly, but he must not _hate_ him right… he did agree to work with him after all. 

He didn't quite parse everything his friends say. He could hear the hurt and loss and anger in their tones (well except for Kokichi who seemed more focused on bullying Keebo than mourning Miu) but his mind was already on the case. He was so tired of this awful feeling. He was going to do something to stop this. Not just solve this case… save everyone… even if it meant taking a leap of faith into the arms of a lie incarnate. 

“Shuichi, don’t carry the burden all by yourself.” Kaito’s booming and friendly voice cut into his thoughts. 

“Huh?” Shuichi responded breaking out of his trance, but before he could respond to Kaito’s encouragement and boasting about his sidekick, Kokichi intervened. He went on about reliable Shuichi was and how he couldn’t work with a culprit like Kaito. _What are you--- is this part of the plan? Should I really be doing this?_

“Neeheehee. You love to believe don’t you, Kaito? But that belief can turn against you, especially in this killing game y’know?” Kokichi’s response to Kaito was yet again unnerving. Another flashing warning sign that maybe he should just drop whatever game they had begun and just work with Kaito. But before he really even considered the option, Kaito actually backed down. He left Shuichi with a smiling Kokichi and reassurance that he trusted him to figure the case out. _But would he still trust him if Kaito knew he was also willing to potentially trust Kokichi as well? But it didn’t matter right now, he had to do this._

Investigating with Kokichi was… not easy. It was very different than his last investigation with Maki. But Shuichi could not deny Kokichi was helpful. Despite his constant joking, he was quick to pick up on things. Pointing out clues and asking questions that were actually getting them somewhere. He was observant and quick on his feet. It was no wonder he had kept up so easily in the last class trials. Although, maybe ‘kept up’ wasn’t the right way to think of it. Shuichi had a growing suspicion that the Ultimate Supreme Leader was actually already ahead of him. While it felt like he was slowly marching through the mud to try and find the truth of this case, it felt as though Kokichi was prancing through it like it was a field of flowers, like it was easy for him. He was not sure what bothered him more, the fact he seemed to know too much about this case or the fact he seemed to know too much in general. But he continued on with Kokichi by his side, slowly gathering evidence for the case. 

But investigating the case was proving hard when his brain was also still stuck on figuring out Kokichi in addition to the murder of Miu Iruma. _I tend not to trust others a lot._ Throughout questioning everyone, one statement Kokichi made lingered. Despite the fact he led up to it but saying he hated liars which seemed doubtful at best, he did sense a nugget of truth in that. But if he did not trust people, why was he willing to trust him? Or was that just another lie? Why was there poison in Kokichi's seat? Even if it didn't make any sense. Why did Kokichi know so much about the poisons in his lab? Why did he know so much in general? 

He got a break when he went into the virtual world again. Although, the fact Kokichi had read him as easily as a children’s book still weighed on him. Before he could even say he wanted to go back and investigate, Kokichi said it first. _How did he do that?_ But he still goes around and investigates the world, but he’s not really sure if he comes out all the wiser. Being distracted didn’t help. But he listed the clues back in his head, hoping the refrain would get him ready and focused for the case- they were depending on him, he couldn’t let them down now. _The toilet paper, the phone, the hammer, the poison, the noise, the map, the signboard, the lattice, the helmet….._

This case was confusing. Not that the others hadn’t been tricky to piece together, he never really was able to get the whole picture until the pressure was on in the trial grounds. But the pieces were not coming in to place at all right now. Trying to solve a crime in a world with different rules, one that was formatted by the victim herself was a challenge. 

When he returned, Maki was still in the back there while Monotaro went through the code. Well, her and Kokichi. And he may not know how much to trust Kokichi, but he definitely did not know how much to trust the Monokub, especially with their lives at stake. 

“Oh _oh,_ you’re back Shuichi?! Lemme guess you solved the _whoooole_ case and we can all go home now.” Once again Kokichi had jumped to his side, earning him another glare from Kaito. 

“Uhhh-" Shuichi froze, hating how Kokichi was so easily able to throw him, to knock off the veneer of confidence he tried to put on in times like these. He turned to the large computer unit, “Maki, did you find out anything?”  
  
“No, he’s still looking.” She gave the Monokub a disparaging look. But that really was their best shot. And if it was a Monokub holding up the trial, he assumed they would at least get some extra time on the investigation for him to finish, but as for what to investigate next- he didn’t know. 

Kokichi chirped up, once again demonstrating his eerie tendency to reply to thoughts Shuichi had not spoken out loud, “Oh, I know. Why don’t we go look in the dumb sluts lab? Maybe she left some notes there?” 

Shuichi was about to comment that he doubted it, after all, Miu had been spending an increasing amount of time in this room and there was no need for her to have notes clear across campus, but Kokichi grabbed and squeezed his hand and the words died in his mouth. 

“Uhh- sure.” He bit his lip, was he actually going to get this proof that he had mentioned back then, or was the ball finally going to drop, and this turn out to be some sort of elaborate prank? He had another chance to turn back, to refuse whatever help Kokichi was apparently offering, Kokichi's grip on his hand was light and would be easy to break. But he doesn't pull away, he's too curious just what this proof he had promised was and if this was the moment he'd finally get to see it. “Hey Kaito, check up on Maki okay?” She looked increasingly frustrated at Monotaro and would probably be comforted by Kaito’s presence and maybe they would be distracted enough with the presence of each other to not question too much of whatever was going on with him and Kokichi. 

“You gonna be okay bro?” His eyes flickered down to the hand that Kokichi had grabbed and was now yanking outside the computer lab. He looked… disappointed, confused, and definitely like he’d be willing to punch Kokichi once again.  
  
“Uhh yeah, no problem.” Shuichi smiled reassuringly as he stumbled away, barely able to keep his balance as he was pulled. He’s pretty sure Kaito frowned, but he didn’t say anything or try and follow. Kaito really did seem to trust him. 

He was greeted with one of Kokichi’s pouts when they made it out of the room, “Thought I told you to stay away from him.”  
  
“Kokichi---” But he was interrupted quickly. 

“Okay, race ya to her lab.” And Kokichi took off in a white blur down the hall. Shuichi was tired, they had been in that world all night but resigned he took off after him. His heart was racing in his ears, both from the physical exertion of trying to keep up (Kokichi really was insanely fast) and from the growing anxiety building in his chest. Miu was dead. He should be focusing on the case. And yet here he is, sprinting out into the courtyard chasing after some elusive promise from known liar Kokichi Ouma. It was a risk, but he still wasn’t turning back. 

Kokichi was fighting back being out of breath when Shuichi finally made it to Miu’s lab. Despite his training with Maki and Kaito, Shuichi’s side was stitching and he was also fighting for his breath, but he didn’t bother faking it like the other boy, “Oh so slow Shuichi, that wasn’t any fun at all.”

“Wait--” He reached out but Kokicki had already slithered inside the lab. _Were they not going to finally talk now that they were alone? Why had they even come here then?_

The detective followed him into the lab but the moment he stepped past the threshold, he saw something fly at his face. “Catch!” Kokichi shouted manically and Shuichi immediately panicked throwing his hands in front of his face but it was too late, something round and metallic slipped through his fingers and to the ground.

 _Crash----_ whatever Kokichi had thrown fell to the ground in a clang of metal on metal (it looked like some sort of pink ball but it had happened so fast it was too hard to tell) and began emanating some sort of thin smoke.

_What the hell had he gotten himself into?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lots of dialogue near the beginning is ripped straight out of the in-game scene. I was hoping to balance both reenacting the game here since obviously not much would have changed yet but also adding new insights as I could. I also tried to focus more on the new while using the game script as a skeleton aka I skipped over and summarized as much as I felt I could without it sounding too boring or rushed (at least I hope so- any feedback is appreciated since I still plan to include the trial in a similar fashion), but also avoided getting into the semantics of the actual case since that's not really the point of this.


	3. truth

The smoke cleared quickly. There was not much of it, and it wasn’t very thick. It didn’t seem to have any noticeable effect either, he didn’t feel sick and the smoke hadn’t even made him cough. Strange. _Was that some sort of prank?_ But it didn’t do anything so that did not really make sense either, “Why did you do that?” Shuichi asked, trying to tone down the bewilderment in his voice.

“Uh duh, Shuichi. I wanted to laugh at you when you dropped it,” Kokichi smirked. But he was not actually laughing, so was he just lying yet again? Would he ever get better at being able to tell? Was following him here just a fool's errand? 

He felt another flash of anger, “What the hell was that? I--” 

“Here.” A piece of paper was shoved into his hand. Kokichi looked serious. It was not the first time he had seen him like that but it was one of his rarer moods. But analyzing the ever-changing faces of Kokichi Ouma would have to wait. Shuichi looked at the piece of paper. It looked like some sort of blueprint. The drawing and handwriting were neat and detailed. Some of it was crossed out and changed, and that seemed to have different handwriting. The second one looked more familiar. That was Miu’s scrawl, he recognized it from notes she took on the cameras. So who drew the original? And more importantly what on earth was an…. 

“Electro Bomb?” Shuichi read out loud, looking at the insanely detailed draft in his hand.

“Yep… Miu made it and you trust her right? Way more than me anyhow.” Kokichi fiddled with a strand of his hair, sounding bored. 

He scanned it again, but the jargon on it just went over his head, his brain was already overwhelmed, “What is this even for?”

“Wow, a detective that can’t even read? Now that is not boring. It’s on the blueprint silly. It disables all electronic transmissions. You really are such a dear for dropping it you know. Now, we can’t be interrupted... Or watched,” Kokichi’s grin curled into that smirk that sent chills down Shuichi’s spine. 

“Interrupted?” Kokichi was tapping his chin as if waiting for him to piece it together. “Are you saying we are being watched?”

Fists balled at his sides, Kokichi responded with a hint of aggression, “Are you stupid? Has hanging around Kaito actually turned your brain to mush? Think Shuichi.” 

He bristled at the insult but continued on his trail of thought regardless, “Monokuma, right? So that he can decide the outcome of the trials. ”

“Well _obviously_. How else would he be able to know the murders for sure? Otherwise, he’d just have us vote right away y’know. Wouldn’t really matter who he killed if that was the case.”

 _Wouldn’t matter_ … how could Kokichi talk about their lives so casually. Like they didn’t matter. The pain on Miu’s face was still haunting him. The last moments of all of his friends all were etched in his brain, no matter what, he was sure he would never forget them. “What are you saying?” Shuichi replied tersely.

Kokichi sighed looking at his hands as if bored, “I know you are more into emotions and trust and all that. Which is gross. But you aren’t dumb. Have you ever wondered why Monokuma cares so much about the rules? Why would it matter if we were right if our lives are dispensable to him? Why would he want to make it… _interesting_?” 

The emphasis on the last word is almost palpable. _Interesting_. There was no denying Monokuma seemed invested in making this hellish school life of theirs… interesting, but he had also heard Kokichi say the exact same thing. “Aren’t you always saying you are enjoying this game? That you want it to be interesting.”  
  
“It was a lie. I don’t like games I am forced to play.” His eyes kneaded together as if in pain, in a way that doesn’t look fake at all. But his face quickly swaps over to a coy grin, “There are lots of types of games my beloved Shuichi, don’t you remember our time together?” Of course, he did, Kokichi threatened to kill him unless he won games. Games that ended in ties and ultimately in Kokichi cutting his own hand. It was all very confusing, and left him feeling more and more lost most of the time. So maybe it only made sense that it had graduated to him standing in front of Kokichi once again trying to decipher what was behind the lies. “Games you must win. Games that are more fun to lose. Games that are more fun to tie. Games that are better if you just don’t play…. And games that are meant to be _watched_.”

“How? I haven’t seen any cameras? Are they hidden in the monitors? Or...” He knew there were the tiniest of spy cameras. After all, he had worked on infidelity cases with his uncle. Cases with cameras hidden in stuffed animals catching their spouses in the act of cheating with the babysitter. So it made sense that they could easily hide cameras in this academy, but if that were the case couldn’t they just find the blind spots… cover them… 

His brain turned once again, but Kokichi reeled him back in. “For people who spend a whole lot of time talking about the power of friendship, you really don’t actually listen to your friends do you?” Another blueprint was shoved into his hand. 

_Bug vac_ … _Bugs…_ “The tiny bugs Gonta saw- wait so are they? That's... crazy.” 

“Haven’t used it yet, looks like Miu finished a prototype at least though.” He glanced at one of the many things scattered across the workbench next to him. ”But bugs that spy on us? Is that really sooooo strange to you? Seems to fit the whole ridiculous theme that they have going on with the bears and the exisals and all that right?”

_Watched… Why hadn’t he considered that seriously? He had been so consumed by the mysteries that the flashback lights gave them. The Ultimate Hunt, the strange funeral, all of that- he had not really considered actually thinking about this school and the game they were stuck in. Was he just a fool? Should he have been using whatever little bit his ability granted to solve the mystery of this game and not just the murders?_

Pulling on the ends of his jacket sleeves, Shuichi felt a familiar wave of anxiety rush over him. Gazing down, the metallic floor of Miu’s lab seemed to swirl beneath him. The illusion of confidence he had gained, feeling like he was doing something good for his friends... Was he really just ignoring what was really important? He promised Kaede that he’d work to save everyone so they could be friends but since then six more of them had died. If he was a better detective he could have stopped all this, right? 

Shuichi snapped out of his spiraling thoughts when he felt warm fingers curl around his chin. The touch was gentle, yet pulled him slowly so his gaze was back up from the floor into Kokichi’s inscrutable violet eyes. “That’s not all you know, I also think your dearest Kaede… was right.” Shuichi’s mouth opened but he found that he could not form any words. 

“Well, so were you of course. There is a mastermind in this game. I’m sure of it.” Shuichi can see a flash of white teeth bite down on Kokichi’s pink lips, a reminder of just how close they were standing now. Kokichi didn't wait for Shuichi to answer, but he dropped his hand, and Shuichi could feel the skin on his face still tingling after it left. 

“Don’tcha think it’s a little too convenient who died? Kaede, who actually wanted to end the game. And my dearest Rantaro who clearly knew something important enough for whoever is using us to hide. Maybe our dearest Kaede was not such a cold-blooded murderer after all?” Kokichi's eyes stayed glued on to his own as if waiting for a reaction. 

“But she set up a murder, she rolled the shot, how else---”

Kokichi's voice got louder, “I don’t know Shuichi, maybe I am an expert at Rube Goldberg machines. Maybe that’s actually what my evil organization does. All 10,000 of us are out right now creating complicated murder machines. Maybe I have so much practice in murder machines that I can absolutely tell that my dearest Rantaro was totally not even under where that shot put ball would have bashed his head in.” 

The edge of anger in Kokichi’s voice was met by exasperation in Shuichi's own, “Why are you still lying?”

“How many times do I have to tell you, I’m a li-”

“But the cameras are off, I thou-”

There was a dangerous gleam in Kokichi's eyes as he cut him off, “You thought I would just change who I was and be all sweet and honest if we were friends. Damn Shuichi. You really can’t just accept me for who I am huh?” His voice was laced with anger and what he thinks might even be genuine hurt, which he had never heard in Kokichi's voice before. “Lies aren’t all bad y’know. But...I would never speak like this without the bomb my dearest detective. Take that how you will. I don’t want to end up like Kaede and Rantaro. Not before I end this game.” 

His usually composed voice cracked with emotion and Shuichi relented, “I--- sorry.” He tried to calm himself again, it was too easy for him to get either flustered or riled up by Kokichi’s words but he needed to handle this rationally, like the detective he was. “So then what actually happened?”

“A detective who just wants all the clues fed to him. That doesn’t seem like you all.” Kokichi was fiddling with strands of his dark hair again.

Shuichi felt like he was just being led in circles, the moment he thought he caught Kokichi in a moment of honesty it swiftly turned back into his typical shielded and cryptic ways. It was, as always, exhausting. His voice was barely over a whisper, he’s not sure if he’s actually asking Kokichi or just wondering out loud. “Is this just a game to you? 

“However you want to think of it, mister detective.” Kokichi sighed, “But like it or not, we are players in this game. Ignoring that it’s a game hardly changes the truth you claim to love oh so much.” 

Maybe Kokichi’s unusual way of thinking was not as far off the mark as he had thought. The truth. The truth was they _were_ stuck in Monokuma’s game. And ignoring that wouldn’t change the facts. Facts that he needed if he actually wanted to solve the mystery of this killing school semester. “So you think one of us is this mastermind?”

“Of course. Mastermind, ringleader, spy, whatever you want to call it. But the only way it makes sense is if someone on the inside is working with Monokuma doncha think?”

Well _yes_. That's what he had thought in the first place but had dropped the idea after watching Kaede’s execution. He did not want to walk that same path, the one that led her to that gruesome and awful end. Had she really thrown her life away though in her search for the mastermind? Or had she just become a target...

“You have to work for it you know.” Kokichi was watching him intently yet again, “Use that brain of yours.”

“But- H-how can I---” Shuichi stuttered, after all, he had already failed once after all. Who was to say he would not fail them all again?  
  
“Are you really that insecure? Should I go get your stupid emo hat?” That teasing drawl he used to poke fun at his classmates so often snapped his focus back outward from his own inner thoughts consuming him once again. “Did you not hear how everyone was relying on you? They _need_ you. They _trust_ you. They _rely_ on you. Maybe a little too much but whatever. Do you really think so little of them to not believe it yourself?” Kokichi paused and looked away from Shuichi. “Plus, I said I thought you were useful, didn’t I?”

 _Was that a compliment?_ Shuichi doesn’t know how to respond but Kokichi fills the brief silence quickly. “It’s okay to not have it all figured out yet. Knowing too much in this game has a price, my dear detective. Do you want the next class trial to be about your murder?” 

Another chill ran up his spine, but as grim as it was imagining himself as the next victim, Kokichi reminded him of the impending ordeal ahead of them. The trial…. He didn’t investigate. “The trial… I’m not ready… There was still more I need to go back and see if ---”

“There isn’t enough time. But don’t fear I’ll guide you through the trial. I’m sure you can keep up with me, you always do shine in a trial after all.”

He had a suspicion during their time investigating that Kokichi knew more than he was letting on. That he knew entirely too much for a casual bystander in fact, “Guide me… Kokichi, did _you_ kill Miu?” 

“What if I said I did?” Usually, when Kokichi was claiming to be a culprit, he was smug or playful or some weird hybrid. But he said it this time with a completely serious look. He was absolutely hiding something, but what, he had no idea. 

“If you did. then this whole thing is pointless.” 

“It probably is.” Kokichi was still way too serious, which just confused him even more “I don’t know if there is a good outcome for me anymore, my dearest.” 

_What did that mean?_ “What can’t you just work with everyone? I mean, you worked with Miu after all.” 

“Yeah… now that worked out so well.” He scoffed, “Nasty bitch didn’t trust us.” His haughty demeanor faded, face twitching oddly, it was disconcerting. “You’ll see… or maybe you already know, I’m not sure just how much that brain of yours has figured out.” 

“I-“ Shuichi trailed off. 

“Trust only gets people killed here Shuichi. You should know that by now.” 

“But aren’t you trusting me?” 

“Is that a mistake Shuichi? Are you actually the evil mastermind?” He shrugged with another chill-inducing grin, “I guess it wouldn’t be so bad to be killed by someone I like oh so much if it turns out that way.” 

_Liked…_ why was he messing with him like that still? All the 'beloveds' and borderline flirting was… unnerving. It must be intentional. He did seem intent on keeping him off-kilter after all. 

“This is the last time I can speak so honestly with you my dearest. By the time we leave the trial the electro bomb will have worn off and you will…. ” Kokichi trailed off, the silence too loaded to be a coincidence but Shuichi remained silent. “You know you’re a target now right? The mastermind will know that something messed with their cameras. They will be watching us. Our time should be almost up. _If_ you want to actually keep this promise… it’ll have to wait till after the trial. But that's all up to you.” 

Kokichi sounded unsure. Like there was no way Shuichi would actually continue to want to work with him after the trial. Did he expect to be dead? Did he expect Shuichi to betray him? It made no sense to seek out a deal, a friendship, and then to seem to expect it to fall apart the next minute. But Kokichi was right, time was limited and those kinds of thoughts would have to wait.

As if on cue, _Ding ding dong._

The announcement didn’t play in the lab, he assumed the electro bomb would stop that but the echoing of the alert rang loud enough outside to alert that they were very much out of time. 

Kokichi’s hand moved back up to his face, fingers softly dancing across his cheek, “I have a little something I need to do before the trial, but no worries Shuichi, our affair can be our dirty little secret yeah? I know you wouldn’t want to tell killer girl and Kaito that you are actually friends with a liar like me right?” His mouth opened but Kokichi deftly placed a finger over his lips before he could speak. “And what I mean by that is I’ll have you killed if you speak a word of this. Understand?” 

He swallowed air that somehow seemed thicker than before, his insides were turning as much as his mind was now, “U-understood.”

A playful grin danced across Kokichi's face. “Good, well stall Monokuma until I get there _mmmkay_?” Kokichi’s other hand slid down his forearm briefly before their hands met and Shuichi felt some object being pressed into his palm. But before he could react, Kokichi had slipped away, all that was left was the afterimage of white dashing through the door of Miu’s lab. That and the electric current he could still feel dancing across his skin where Kokichi’s hands had been. He looked down at his hand. Once he had offered his hand to Kokichi and he had refused. Honestly, Shuichi had wondered if that had been the end of the road, that he’d never get a real chance to understand Kokichi Ouma but now that their hands had actually finally touched in that fateful meeting in the virtual world, and now once again, he had a feeling that could change. He just hoped he wouldn’t regret the curiosity that just kept pulling him in. But Kokichi had left more than the phantom touch lingering on his skin this time. 

_A card key? Was this… the motive Kokichi had stolen?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trying to make this a confusing conversation for Shuichi without it actually being confusing was a bit of a struggle to write out. I felt like Kokichi needed to give him enough substantial reason to actually be willing to trust him (esp with what the trial will reveal) without laying all his cards on the table. Hope it is enjoyable to read!


	4. doubts

_Tired_. Every bit of him was so damn tired. That skanky bitch had kept them up all night in the virtual world after all. But he ran no matter how bone-tired he was. Couldn’t be late for the trial after all. But he had something very important to do first. Part of him wished he could just keep running, out of this godforsaken game. He wondered what really was waiting outside that dome, and if he’d ever get to see it. Were those strange stars of Gonta’s even real? _What a stupid thought._

Saihara had actually agreed to help him. Agreed to be _his_ friend and actually stuck with him during the investigation even when he seemed annoyed. He didn’t swear off Momota or anything which was a shame but… he really was not sure what he had expected. That moment in the virtual world… that had been on pure impulse. Saihara had fascinated him ever since the first trial. He was smart. He lied and allowed Akamatsu to be caught even though it had clearly been difficult for him. He doubted Akamatsu-chan but still clearly trusted and cared for her. That was _interesting_. Ouma was full of doubt. He doubted everyone here and everything around them. And in return most of the others seemed wary of him and how easily he could spin lies. That was fine. He only really bothered with any of them when he needed them. Well… except for Saihara. The detective had sought him out. Gave him gifts he actually liked and kept coming even after he had threatened to kill him. No matter how much he messed with him, he continued to come and see him. And those times with him, playing games and drinking tea. _Well, they weren’t boring_. 

But was that enough to actually trust Saihara? Or did he just want to? Maybe he was getting in too deep and he was actually just desperately throwing a rope knowing full well he scared everyone too far off the catch. This stupid, stupid game was beginning to consume him. The web of lies he had woven since the beginning had protected him at the beginning. But now he felt closer and closer to drowning in them. The last person he had tried to get help from ended up planning to murder him after all so who could blame him? Would Saihara be able to help him float again or was he just dragging him down? He clearly hadn’t pushed him too far to catch his last-ditch attempt at tossing out a lifeline. But whether Saihara would keep hold or let go after this trial was a whole other story. 

He unlocked his room quickly and immediately started looking through his large assortment of trial-related paraphernalia he collected. He grabbed what he needed, about to turn and leave before stopping to look at his board. He would have to update his board after the trial. _Probably_. Eyes lingered on Saihara's picture on the board and the word he had written under it. _Trustworthy?_ Too difficult to know for sure, he really never could figure him out but he wanted to believe it. At least, he would see after the trial if that was true or not. Although, he probably deserved Saihara’s betrayal. His lies were not as evil as the others wanted to paint them, but even he could not lie to himself and deny that he now had blood on his hands. Enough of that kind of thinking though. If this game needed a villain to end it, then that was the lie he would live. Juggling the lives of those remaining were the kind of cruel calculations a game like this forced you to make. Sacrifices to make sure more survived. But was it worth it? Was it worth was he had done... what he was willing to become to make sure this game would not continue past this point?

He left his own room and moved downstairs to pick the lock into Saihara’s room, his hands were shaking. _The hell was that about._ The detective's room was rather empty. Far different from the piles upon piles of evidence he had hoarded. The room smelled just like the detective did, that almost smokey sandalwood scent that he remembered way too vividly from the time he patched up the hand Kokichi had stabbed a knife through. A rush of annoyance passed through as he felt his chest tighten at the memory. _Goddamnit Saihara,_ He dropped off his special delivery onto the detective's bed, laughing to himself as he did. Well, that should liven things up at the very least. Whether it could actually change anything, that was at least a welcome unknown. Just another game they would play and he would just have to wait and see if Saihara would take his turn or drop their game for good. A move to test the other player more than one to advance the game, necessary to formulate a proper strategy. Would he back away and play defense like he expected? Or would Saihara continue to be surprising? 

He left the detective's room and took off running again. He needed to get to the grounds before he got chased down by Monokuma for being late after all. It was time for a trial of truth and lies. Of course, he would be the liar. The devious trickster who led everyone astray versus the brilliant detective who would solve the case for everyone's sake. And once he did, once Saihara knew what he did- the role he had played and the one he intended to continue playing as long as it was necessary… Well, it was fun while it lasted right? --This little alliance of theirs. After this they could go back to being the rivals fate had destined them to be in this twisted game. And that was fun in its own way, so did it really matter how this trial went? All that mattered was that it was a step to move forward in this game, the move you never want to make but have to avoid losing at all costs.   
  
He put on a fake grin as he entered the red door, greeted with the usual looks of contempt and confusion from the others. Did it matter if Saihara believed him after this? Complications like this were what made this all fun right? Or maybe he was just lying to himself. And maybe he was wasting his time working with Saihara... Maybe it was easier just being hated and operating on his own. Perhaps Saihara was as doomed as his other allies now. Was it worth changing his entire plan to accommodate this unforeseen alliance? One born of his own insatiable and foolish interest in the other boy. Maybe... Maybe not... For now, he would wait and see. He had to get through this trial first. He glanced over at Gonta, who looked distraught and bit down hard on his already scarred lip. No matter how good of an actor he was... he couldn't fake through that conversation. So he went over to where Momota was hovering all over Saihara once more, Harukawa close by. No... he couldn't have that. Momota could cause way too many problems in this trial. More than he usually did with his idiocy and blind trust. So he forced on a smile. It's easy after all, he's done it so many times by now it almost felt real. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Switched naming conventions mostly just to differentiate the POV shift a little extra, hope that isn't too jarring or obnoxious to read.


	5. preparations

It was a quick walk to the trial ground. Everyone else was still in the school when they had left after all so he had some time to sit there and think by himself. But he wasn’t thinking about the case. He really was not thinking about the case much at all. He was thinking about Kokichi and the conversation they just had in Miu’s lab. Honestly, Kokichi really hadn’t told him all that much in retrospect. Just the fact that he was sure they were being watched and the fact that he was sure there was a mastermind. An idea he himself had dropped soon after Kaede’s trial. Was that a mistake after all? 

And Kokichi… who seemed to have no regard for the rest of them. He teased Miu constantly and manipulated Gonta. And constantly was on Maki and Kaito’s case as well. He was relentless to Keebo and his teasing and poking and prodding had angered all of them at some point. But at the same time… He was the only one who had acknowledged the idea of Gonta’s tiny bugs or realized how important Miu’s inventions could be. He constantly made fun of them for working together and wanting to be friends, but in some weird way seemed to recognize something in their classmates that they had overlooked. _Hmmm_. Had he written him off as a callous liar too quickly? Of course, the liar part was true. But was Kokichi really callous? Was he just messing with him when he acted like he actually cared about him? Before he would have been sure he was being messed with but now he wasn’t so sure. Despite the web of endless lies, he couldn't help but feel that there was this thread of something genuine within Kokichi Ouma. 

The fact that Kokichi was obviously withholding something did still bother him. That meant he shouldn’t trust him, right? But even if that conversation was still full of deflections and lies, Shuichi could not deny that it was rather… different from the way Kokichi usually acted. There was far less joking and antics. He had been playful still of course, in the way that always had him stumbling for words, but it still seemed different. There was something so sincere about when he said he wanted to end this game that he could not help but believe that was 100% the truth. His mind was still running over the entire conversation in his head on repeat. He should be thinking about the trial. But the intensity of that time with Kokichi in Miu’s lab had thrown him and had his mind going off in dangerous tangents at such a crucial time. 

“Oh, there you are.” Maki’s quiet voice roused him from his thoughts, “Where did _he_ go?” 

“Oh, I-I’m not sure.” Shuichi smiled at her weekly. She was the only one who had arrived. It made sense, their training had taught him how in shape she was; it only made sense she would get down here quickly. But she hadn’t waited for Kaito, was she worried about the fact he had gone off with Kokichi? 

Maki frowned, “Hmph, did you find anything?”

“Uh, s-some notes but it didn’t really help.” It was one of his shakier lies but Maki doesn’t seem to notice. 

She sighed, “Well, I can tell you what the bear found out since you missed it.” She filled him in on Monotaro's findings about the virtual world. Maki was quick and concise. Apparently, Miu has deleted objects like she had said, leaving only the hammer they had found near her body. Miu had apparently also added some wall that was not in the program before, one that only allowed nonhuman objects in. Both of which seemed confusing enough. But her final revelation was the strangest. Apparently, Miu had changed Kokichi’s avatar so that if she touched him he would be paralyzed. _Why would she do that…?_ There was a lot to consider in what Maki told him but it was not quite fitting in with the other evidence, not yet at least. But it wasn’t like he ever had the case solved when walking into the trial. Talking it over, and following where the evidence led in the flow of the class trial, now that was where he would understand just what happened in Miu’s case. But the reminder that Kokichi had told him that he would guide him through this trial left a sour taste in his mouth that wouldn't go away. Lost in thought he did not really acknowledge that Kaito, Himiko, Keebo, Gonta, and Tsumugi had now entered the room and were talking amongst themselves as well. Kokichi was still not here. 

Kaito made his way over to them and gave him a hearty pat on the back that knocked the breath out of him, “There you are sidekick, did Maki-Roll get you all up to speed?” He ignored her barely audible _Don’t-_ and continued, “You’re ready for this right?”

“I’m not so sure, there’s a lot I don’t know,” Shuichi responded timidly. Each trial seemed to have him feeling more and more confused as he entered it. Between the strangeness of everything involved in Miu’s death and his conversation with Kokichi, his mind felt like a ship out at sea being pelted with waves and wind, ready to capsize at any moment. 

“Eh, no worries Shuichi, I believe in you bro!” Kaito’s boisterous reassurance does him some good. Something about it just made Shuichi feel a little better. Maybe that’s why it was so easy being around Kaito. Being his friend was simple. Not challenging. Kaito’s belief in him made Shuichi feel less nervous, less inadequate. But realizing there was so much about this game he had not even begun to understand was sending him back to that place of feeling, well worthless. Was Kaito’s belief in him just some sort of security blanket? The same way he used to hide under that hat? The seed of doubt within him that he had kept under wraps was threatening to grow and consume him. But maybe that wasn’t such a bad thing… _Blind trust without doubt is for idiots after all._ Did he really believe Kokichi’s words? He didn’t think Kaito was an idiot. Kaito was his friend. But if he just trusted everything and doubted nothing then they will all be dead soon. If he really was going to be the Ultimate Detective, he needed to question everything. Including the people he cared for and trusted. 

In the background he sees Tsumugi comforting a still clearly upset and confused Gonta. Keebo was staring determinedly at the Monokuma statue as if daring it to open. Himiko was standing near them seemingly muttering to herself. He was pretty sure if he asked she’d say she was casting some kind of spell, so he doesn’t bother. And just as he was about to wonder about Kokichi’s whereabouts again, his impish voice rings out as the red door opens. “Oh, were you all waiting for me?” A death glare passed over Maki’s face and he was pretty sure he could hear Kaito trying to talk her down. No one responds to Kokichi but the eight of them look around the courtyard at each other in silence. 

“That everyone?” Gonta called out, looking extremely saddened by how small this gathered group was. “There are so few of us now.”

“This is just half of what we started with…” Tsumugi clasped her hands together. 

Keebo spoke with a strange determination, “Because we allowed this game to continue, we must stop it somehow.”

Kokichi chimed in, his voice dripping with a strange childish glee, “But we can’t stop nooooow! We can’t let the fun end!” 

“C-cut it out, I’m certain this trial will be the last one!” Keebo snapped back. 

Maki’s cool voice interrupted what would have likely been a long back and forth between Kokichi and Keebo, “Let’s focus on surviving this class trial first.” 

“Y-you’re right… if we mess up here our numbers will go down even quicker... It’d just be the culprit left…” Tsumugi’s voice was shaking. 

Kokichi’s playful voice was gone, replaced by his deeper coy tone, “That might be okay. Maybe that’s just another way to stop the killing game. If we all die then the killing game would end.”

“Don’t say stupid crap like that! It’s pointless if we all die!” Kaito yelled in response.

“Well… we don’t have to worry we have the Ultimate Detective on our side.” Himiko was looking at Shuichi expectantly, and the other’s gazes followed. He shuffled uncomfortably, having them all expecting so much out of him made him wish he could pull that hat over his eyes again. Even Kokichi was watching him, with a knowing smirk that didn’t quite match the other's hopeful smiles. 

“Yeah, it's time for the detective to shine. Shuichi please keep up the good work.” Tsumugi exclaimed brightly as if her earlier fears had totally been erased by Shuichi’s mere existence. 

“Y-yeah. I’ll do my best.” He stuttered, trying to muster whatever confidence he had. 

“Hey Shuichi, you’re getting all tense.” Kaito’s arm was back on his back, but this time not knocking the wind out of him but just a comforting sort of side hug. 

“Ah what?” Shuichi looked up at Kaito who’s grin had turned more to a look of concern. 

“Didn’t I tell you before? Don’t carry the burden all--” 

Kokichi had made his way over to the three of them, standing just a little too close in front of him, staring Kaito down. “And didn’t _I_ tell you before not to get in the way, Kaito?” 

“Huh, what’s your problem?” He could feel Kaito tensing behind him. And he didn’t need to look at Maki to know she was ready to strike at Kokichi within seconds. 

Ouma yawned and casually looked down at his hand, “We’re all relying on Shuichi to carry our asses through this class trial okay? You’re like a parrot repeating the same lines over and over. You’re bothering him. I think that’s the most annoying thing you can do to Shuichi y’know that?” 

Kaito stepped back. “Wh-what do you mean I’m not-” 

“Kokichi you’re annoying,” Maki replied in a low growl. 

“Whoa… killer girls glaring at me… I was only kidding around... “ Kokichi looked dejected in the face of Maki’s fearsome crimson gaze, and he turned and walked away, giving Shuichi the smallest of glances as he did. But before he could react the statue began to shudder and everyone stopped to look as it fell away yet again. Another class trial was at hand. 

Shuichi sighed. Why did Kokichi have to be like _that_? The way he had been treating Kaito was infuriating. It made his blood boil to hear his friend so casually insulted. But this annoying voice that seemed to exist in the back of his head ever since he took that deal asked if maybe he was annoyed because there was a kernel of truth in Kokichi’s nagging. Kaito was not bothering him of course, he enjoyed his presence. But maybe Kaito _was_ distracting him. Positivity and belief would only get him so far after all. Relying solely on that could very easily get all of them killed. Well... all but whoever the culprit in this case was. The identity of which he still could not figure out, even with the new information he just got. He'd once again have to rely on the trial to figure out the truth of this case. 

“Are ya coming, sidekick?” Kaito called out. The others had already made their way to the elevator while he was still swimming in the sea of his own thoughts. With one foot on the once sturdy solid land of truth and trust and one dipping into the murky pool of doubt and lies, Shuichi made his way to the elevator with a sinking suspicion that everything about his life at this Ultimate Academy was about to change. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dialogue at the end once again straight from the game. The trial next chapter is likely going to be very skimmed over mostly just highlighting Shuichi's different reactions based on his shift in perspective. But then on to total canon divergence!


	6. trial

The trial opened up on the same spiel as always from Monokuma, who seemed bored for whatever reason. But Shuichi did not have time to deal with the antics of that bear and the cubs. Not when everyone's lives were on the line. But one thing was different from the usual opening of this class trial, Kokichi started the trial with a question. One he had not ever considered, he doubted anyone had. The rules made it clear that there was one blackened and from the last trial, they learned that only the first blackened mattered. Monkuma seemed to care about the rules of this killing game and had stuck by them only adding a couple since the game had begun. But Kokichi had also said that Monokuma would do what was needed to make things _interesting._ Was this question just another way to test Monokuma? Or did Kokichi actually think this vote could result in a tie? There was no doubt in his mind that Kokichi knew way more about this case than he was letting on but still that question confused him. 

_Two first-place votes…_ Why would he ask such a thing? But he didn’t have much time to think about it, the trial had begun. Kokichi had already said something about how knowing that meant he could finally enjoy the game and got Kaito riled up. Which he quickly followed up by accusing Kaito of being the culprit, which only furthered Kaito in angrily denying it and the others backing him up. Not the best start to rationally trying to figure out the truth of this case. 

Kokichi’s eyes narrowed slyly, a finger placed just below his lip, “Trusted people can still kill y’know. We already saw that a buncha times! So many times… since Kaede.” At the end of these words, his purple gaze landed squarely on him. His stomach turned, was Kokichi expecting him to also accuse Kaito of Miu’s murder? Sure, if it was another person, Shuichi would find that level of denial suspicious. Of course, there was the fact that Kaito was the only one who logged out of the virtual world before the others. But he really did not suspect Kaito. But he wondered now if that was because he had the evidence to back up that claim… or did he just really want to believe his friend? Kokichi was right. They had trusted Kaede, Kirumi, and Korekiyo… But all of them had killed. It didn’t matter, someone in this room, no matter how trustworthy, committed this crime and he needed to look at the evidence. 

Kokichi resumed accusing Kaito of poisoning Miu and Kaito’s feeble attempt at denying it didn’t seem to be swaying the others. But Shuichi was not so sure, he remembered the bottle of poison. It absolutely was capable of killing a person, but not without certain telltale signs. So maybe he did have the evidence to turn this argument around. He needed more than just that desire to believe in his friend after all. 

“That’s wrong.” He stopped the conversation in its tracks explaining how poisoning could not possibly be the cause of her death. The poison from his lab clearly explained on its label that it caused subconjunctival hemorrhaging and Miu’s corpse lacked the telltale bloodshot eyes that would have marked her death as a poisoning. Understanding that meant he could help the others come to the same conclusion he had, that Miu had actually been killed in the virtual world and the bottle of poison in Kokichi’s seat was merely a distraction. That was clear to him but the rest of the case still wasn’t. Ouma seemed unconcerned by the shift in logic from his accusation against Kaito however, he was still grinning childishly with his hands behind his head. 

From there they could move on. They can determine that based on Miu’s body in the real world she must have been strangled in the virtual one. And by going over the rules of the virtual world they could agree on the fact that the equal strength of the avatars in the virtual world meant it was likely a tool was used to do the job. And despite Gonta’s confusion on the matter, the strange rules of the virtual world meant that his suspicion on what was used made complete sense. The toilet paper he had found would totally work as the murder weapon. Objects in the virtual world were unbreakable after all.

Everyone seemed to be in agreement which was good, but then Kokichi innocently asked what the deal with the hammer they had found next to her. Of course, he did. Miu had said she had deleted dangerous objects which meant that the hammer was left on purpose. While the others doubted it, Kokichi was quick to suggest that Miu brought the hammer to meet up and kill someone. Yes of course. But he was quick to point out that Miu had asked them to meet as well. He was leading them somewhere instead of derailing the trial as he often seemed to do. His deduction that Kokichi knew a little too much about the trial was unfortunately on the nose. And his comment about Miu not being trustworthy made even more sense. _Strange_ … she would make those things for Kokichi and then plot to kill him. But he couldn’t bring that up now. 

Instead, they discussed the crime Miu had attempted to set up. She had planted the poison, the logout and login record proved that she came in a few minutes after totally giving her the time. It also made the mysterious log out of Kaito make all the more sense. She used the cellphone to log him out and give her the chance to pin the murder on Kaito. That part made sense to Shuichi but… there was still so much he didn’t quite grasp yet. Kaito snapping at Kokichi broke his concentration, and he looked to his side to see a sinister grin creep over Kokichi's face in response. “People you trust and defend will ultimately betray you. This is a game of suspicion.” Shuichi bit his lip- trying to decipher Kokichi Ouma when they still had a case to figure out was a dangerous game, “Welp I think your ideals should stay the same. Because phonies like you are what make the game more interesting. Don’t you agree, Monokuma?” There he goes again with the interesting thing, he’s pretty sure Kokichi’s gaze flickers over to him before addressing the robotic bear. Was he playing around with Monokuma? He had said the game had to be interesting for one reason… people were watching. But of course, the bear and the two remaining cubs gave no sort of clue. 

His head hurt. He couldn’t keep trying to solve too much at once. The case at hand had to take priority. Kokichi had taken the lead once more, something that was becoming quite the trend this go-around. But what he said wasn’t a lie, if Miu had killed Kokichi this case would have been too hard to solve. She had complete control. Devious… but she really was a genius. They could call her a trusted friend all they wanted but Shuichi wondered if they really gave enough credit to her intelligence. After the cameras, he’d never really even thought about approaching her. Miu Iruma was too ridiculous... too crude… and because of that, he underestimated her.

Lost in thought, Kokichi still had the reigns on the trial which had led to inevitable arguing amongst everyone else spurred on by Kaito who seemed to be extra aggravated by Kokichi’s antics today. Was Kokichi really just like Monokuma as Gonta claimed? _Smiling, putting on a mask, never saying what you really think…_ Kaito was not wrong, Kokichi Ouma did all those things. But was it out of cowardice? Out of some desire to cause them harm as the bear did? That was the easy answer. But something… call it detective’s intuition or whatever doubted that was actually the case. The arguing between them continued. Truth or lies. Trust or doubt. Which was right and which was wrong? Did it really have to be one or the other? 

Maki tried to stop the arguing and get them back on track. But Kokichi’s claim of never going to the roof and the door being locked caused another round of pointless bickering. Shuichi took a deep breath, as much as his thoughts were racing, he needed to intervene. He needed to understand more about Miu’s death so he could solve this case. His address to the group was immediately met with a surprising amount of enthusiastic flattery from Kokichi but beyond that, they were back on a productive route. They had to figure out how Miu moved around in the virtual world in ways that seemed to break down the rules. 

The interruptions did not easily end though. Kokichi’s flattery and insistence that Shuichi could solve it all seemed to rile up Kaito even more but he would just have to ignore that for now. After Kokichi constantly tried to lead the trial, now Kaito seemed to be trying to do the same. Their bickering was throwing him more than he expected. The sly side looks Kokichi kept giving him weren’t helping. They were as confusing as Kokichi badmouthing Miu and getting the Monokubs to drop hints in return. _Was that on purpose?_ What end did his lies and trickery lead to? Was he really ready to follow such a turbulent path? Should he thank him for the help even if he really had no idea why he did the things he did? 

But for now, it was back to focusing on the strange events of the virtual world and how Miu had set up a crime that had led to her own demise. Kokichi was still extremely vocal, which usually resulted in the trials going in strange tangents but it seemed like this time he was actually keeping them on track oddly enough. He could do without the constant insistence from Kokichi that Shuichi was the only one who could figure things out and how they were partners, every one of those comments seemed to result in a tensing up from Kaito directly on his left. That had to be on purpose. But how pissing off Kaito fit into any plan he was unsure. He wanted to believe he had not made a mistake and beneath the exterior of Kokichi’s antics there was something genuine but the constant beratement of Kaito was not helping that belief, it just seemed so… petty.

The weird noises and the reappearance of the sign were vital clues in the end. It made sense to him now. The world worked in a unique way. It was like an old video game. The world looped. The map Miu had inserted was deceptive. On purpose no doubt to make sure the murder she wanted to commit would be impossible to figure out. The pieces were clicking into place and he felt a surge of confidence. He understood this, he could explain it to the others who were still confused. It all made sense and he could clearly tell the others the mysteries of the Virtual World. This of course earned him another outburst of praise from Kokichi. _You are useful, indeed!_ Useful _huh_. That’s exactly what Kokichi had said he could be to him back in the Virtual World when they made their deal. Kaito immediately accused him of being a villain pulling the strings in response. Well, he definitely was pulling them all along here. But to what end. Was Kokichi trying to lead him into a trap much like Miu tried to do? 

Kokichi continued to lay on the praise and prod Kaito, who seemed to get progressively angrier each time. An endless cycle between the two as Shuichi stumbled closer to the truth of this case. He needed to find the culprit who killed Miu. He had to ignore the two of them for now, Kaito's boundless positivity and belief and Kokichi’s indecipherable plans and where he fit into them would have to wait. 

The culprit. He had to focus on that. The other mysteries cascading around him couldn’t distract him from that. Things continued as they had been: nonsense from the bears, Kokichi taking charge of the conversation, and Kaito getting frustrated. It was fine, hand over his face he squeezed his chin lightly. Kaito was right, Kokichi knew too much but he tried to stay focused on figuring out how Miu’s body was moved from the roof to the chapel. The hints dropped made sense, and the lattice being there finally connected. But of course, Kaito immediately argued the point. _Why?_ Kokichi’s teasing must be getting to him. And Shumai? _What on earth was that about?_

But if these two were going to keep at it, he’d stay focused on the case. Kokichi had said to him that he'd lead him through this trial but was that really why he was being so insistent on taking the lead in every argument? Plus he was lying. Not that that was abnormal of course. But that claim that he was never on the roof, didn’t check out. He couldn’t have known those details about the roof if he hadn’t gone there. Following Kokichi’s hints and leads were working so far but… the suspicion that everything that had happened, the deal, the conversation in the lab, and all the hints were just leading him to some elaborate trap. He was probably expecting Shuichi to continue following along but can he? 

He bit his lip, and then called him out on the lie. He had to know why Kokichi knew way too much. Of course, this turned into more lies and more arguing. _Fine_. Two could play this game. He could lie as well. So he did. He told everyone that he went to check on Kokichi in the salon and he wasn’t there. The others quickly backed him up, even Tsumugi who could actually call him out. He looked to the side at Kokichi, his mouth agape in surprise before he flashed him an icy gaze. Kokichi pouted for a moment but switched to a serious deadpan expression. 

“Why do you guys hate lies that much? There’s only one truth, but endless possibilities for lies, y’know? And some of them are only white lies, or lies to be kind to people… If you deny all of that _just_ because it's a lie. Then that means you guys are just terrible at being lied to. Seriously, the worst!” The end of his spiel had him back his typical childish tones but the words still echoed in Shuichi’s mind. Were lies inherently bad? It was too easy to paint lies and Kokichi himself with the brush of evil but… He had just lied and had done so in every trial. Did that make him evil as well? 

Maybe Kokichi once again knew how hypocritical it was to allow the others to call Kokichi a liar while praising the lie Shuichi had just passed as the truth. Or did Kokichi see that lie as breaking their tenuous agreement from earlier? Maybe that was for the best, even if Kokichi did seem to have the means to do something about this game, Shuichi still couldn’t shake the unease pooling in his gut from the way Kokichi was acting. His revenge huh?

“You got some balls lying to me. I’m gonna take away your fun for pissing me off Shuichi. I won’t let you do any detective work or deduction or mystery-solving or anything!” There’s an edge in his tone that sent shivers down his spine and the malevolent glare in his direction only makes it worse. Kokichi Ouma had always had wild energy about him, like a mischievous puppy that never ran out of energy. But there was something different now, he seemed… unhinged. His once roguish behavior quickly was turning more and more maniacal. More rabid dog than a troublesome puppy. 

Kokichi did just as he promised, and began laying out the entire situation. Including that he worked with Monokuma. Hmm. If he would work with Monokuma, then that must mean whatever deal he struck with him was also some plot right? He should have known. But Shuichi did not have much time for this thought to mull over before Kokichi ended his spiel with the final bombshell. 

“Well, then… The culprit is Gonta.” 

The momentary silence in the courtroom is deafening before they all start expressing their doubt that it could ever be Gonta. But Shuichi could see Kokichi in his vision, grinning wildly. Shuichi listened and the pit of doubt in his stomach hardened. _Killing game busters_. Was Gonta just the trial run for whatever game he was now playing with him? Was Kokichi now going to use him in the same way? Of course, he made deals with Monokuma and Gonta, and now… whatever deal they had made would end up serving some twisted purpose. Shuichi rubbed his forehead. All these questions were running through his mind on loop and making his head pound in return. Any satisfaction he had found in unraveling the secrets of the virtual world had vanished and all that was left was the swirling pool of confusion where Kokichi had all too clearly thrown him in. For him to claim to work with, show him those things, and now this… 

The fighting between Kaito and Kokichi resumed and Gonta claimed his innocence. But Shuichi’s stomach turned. The dark aura surrounding Kokichi may have been meancing, but he was right the setting on his avatar would have made it impossible for it to have been Kokichi. The others were quick to jump on to the fact that they believed Gonta and not Kokichi. His fist clenched, the things he had not understood before about this case were becoming all too clear. He didn’t want to doubt Gonta as Kaito claimed, but he had to. It was what a detective did, and he wanted everyone to survive. 

Keebo threw him a lifeline as anxiety rushed over him, sweaty and stammering he agreed to look into the possibility as he felt Kaito’s hostility next to him grow. Kaito looked at him, betrayal in his eyes. Siding with Kokichi and Keebo against the rest, he saw his best friend look away every muscle tensed. He wanted to say something, anything, to reassure Kaito that this was the right thing, that they had to do this. But as much as he cared for him, Kaito Momota was stubborn and he could not find any words that he felt would change that.

Plus his attention was also on the arguing of a tearful Gonta and an uncharacteristically angry Kokichi. That edge in his tone was different. Shuichi had heard a tinge of that anger when he mentioned Miu in the lab but… it was nothing like the vitriol he was spewing at Gonta now. Kokichi Ouma had said many cruel things but usually, it was with a joking or playful tone. What had changed? 

“You guys blame and gang up on me, but now you’re gonna pretend to be good people?” Ouma’s face was red and his voice grew louder. Kaito stared him down, making sure to pointedly avoid looking at Shuichi while doing so. There’s a wild expression in Kokichi’s eyes that grows wilder every time Gonta shouts that he has no idea what they are talking about. 

No idea… he has been saying that. What if… _the user error_. Maybe that caused memory issues. He told the room his suspicion. It sounded crazy, he knew that but he felt that it was the truth. The wildness in Kokichi’s eyes fades and as Shuichi watches him, he thought he could almost see that smug facade return to his face like putting on a festival mask. The red-faced anger is gone and he resumed confidently reminding the others that Gonta was the only logical culprit to the dismay of all the others. Everything was happening so fast, he couldn’t keep up with all of his thoughts. Kokichi and Kaito’s fighting was only making it worse. His fear that he had done something incredibly stupid and reckless by even entertaining the idea that Kokichi Ouma could be trusted. But despite all that, he was pretty sure that he had reached the unfortunate truth in this case. 

“Shuichi! You’ll be my partner, right?!” The childish excitement could not entirely mask the snideness in his eyes. “Because if you don’t face the truth then we’ll all die, riiiiight? And you don’t want that, do you?” He was teasing him, right? Laughing at him for teaming up. But that didn’t quite make sense either. He didn’t understand but he pushed it away. If playing Kokichi’s game, for now, got them closer to the truth, he’d do it for now. They went through the alibis. Gonta was the only possible culprit. Kokichi’s smug grin with his hands behind his head. Kaito wouldn’t meet his eyes. The tears welling in Gonta’s mournful expression. It was all too much. 

Kaito tried to steer them from the unfortunate truth but he shook his head. It wasn’t enough. No matter how angrily Kaito yelled at Kokichi, it didn’t change anything. “Whose side are you on Shuichi?” He tried to explain, but the betrayal and anger on his friend's face didn’t leave. 

And as if that wasn’t enough, Kokichi continued to yell at Gonta to confess. But Shuichi gathered the scraps of confidence he had left and firmly stopped him in his tracks. And after all that praise and claim of partnership, now Kokichi was not meeting his eyes either. He explained everything he had figured out to everyone, trying to calm Gonta in the process. It didn’t matter, Gonta looked broken. They still wanted to believe they were being fooled by Kokichi, but he knew that wasn’t the case. He pressed the button with Gonta Gokuhara’s face and felt pain dance behind his eyes. 

There was only one vote for Kokichi. _Kaito…._ But the conclusion was right, but that was not something to celebrate. A heavy mood lay over the trial grounds. He still had questions. So many questions. But too many of those questions he didn’t dare speak in front of Monokuma. He looked at Kokichi, who was staring blankly at nothing in the distance. Masterminds, cameras, ending the game. Was that all just lies to confuse him? But that didn’t make sense either. Drawing him in like that, showing him those things and what he thought was a different side, a more truthful side… all to just throw it back in his face with the revelation that he had manipulated the kind and caring Gonta into murdering Miu. He wanted to scream, to tear his hair out, something… Kokichi kept looking away, smiling, and avoiding all their questions. But luckily enough Monokuma brought out some laptop and the avatar Gonta. So hopefully that would answer some of their questions. 

_Save everyone?_ Alter-ego Gonta told them how useless he felt. Unable to help them escape, not strong enough to fight Monokuma or the exisals. Shuichi could understand that frustration, even more now, he was not strong like Gonta, but he had been unable to use whatever detective skills he had to actually get them out of this game. As confusing as his conversation with Kokichi in the lab had been, he knew at least that wasn’t a lie. He had ignored so many potential clues about this game. 

The motive… the card key… the one in his pocket right now. So Kokichi had found where it went and saw whatever the motive of the outside world was. But instead of using that against them he went and asked Monokuma to reuse that motive… And then used the flashback light and his knowledge of Miu’s plan… But whatever Gonta had seen had been enough to terrify him enough to try and kill Miu and put all of them out of their misery. A mercy kill. As the Gonta Alter Ego put it, it was hell inside and hell outside. Was there really nothing to live for? But Gonta’s avatar wouldn’t tell them. Merely that it was pure despair. A despair that even had tears now steadily falling down Kokichi’s face. He’s not sure if they are real, but his own chest was shaking watching the sobbing Gonta avatar tell the story. 

It was starting to add up. The desperation in Miu’s plan. Kokichi’s desperate attempt to stop it, and Gonta’s desperation to save them all from misery. “Everyone… hates me… so the role of villain is perfect for me…” Kokichi was biting his lip and the tears are flowing steadily as his voice shook while defending Gonta. 

“Please, punish me too!” Kokichi cried out. Shuichi is taken aback. That didn’t seem like Kokichi at all who had often said how much he wanted to live. But in the lab… he had also said he didn’t think there was a good outcome anymore. But Gonta rejected the offer, apologized, and asked them all to get along before being pulled away by Monokuma. Shuichi closed his eyes to prepare himself for what fresh torture the bear had planned, and he heard Kokichi cry out once more for Gonta. It didn’t sound like a lie. Or maybe he really just didn’t want to imagine he could lie about something like this. The punishment is as hard to watch as ever. It may be the fourth time but he would never get used to this unique brand of cruelty. The last two remaining Monokubs are gone, but the pain in Gonta’s expression is what lingers in his mind. Tears were flowing freely now from everyone in the room, but Maki had not given up her questioning of Kokichi. _The secret of the outside world_. 

Kokichi’s face was turned down, and he ignored the first few attempts at questioning. Shuichi watched his fists clenched and what looked like a giant inhale before he looked up. There was a crazed look in his eyes now, made even more pronounced by the lingering red from his tears from just before. And Kokichi laughed. _It was a lie huh?_ The tears, caring for Gonta… All to make the game interesting. Kokichi’s smile twisted up even wider as he shouted how much he enjoyed the game of suspicion and betrayal. Shuichi could feel the malice dripping from his words and being. Was this the real Kokichi after all? But why was something inside Shuichi screaming that the Kokichi Ouma that had said he hated this game seemed far more real than whatever words came out from this current face clouded with an evil aura?

“The more you suffer, the more I enjoy it.” His words twisted into him like a knife. But he didn’t stop. Not until Kaito lunged at him. They hear a wham and it’s almost too fast to see but Kokichi lithely dodged Kaito’s fist and exchanged it with his own. Kaito fell to the ground and Kokichi jumped quickly away. Maki shouted in concern and ran up to Kaito. Shuichi paused, staring at Kokichi. He opened his mouth but nothing came out. The others joined Maki at Kaito’s side. The two of them remained, staring each other down across the room. Various emotions flickered across his face like tv channels being scrolled through and Kokichi muttered something that sounded like ‘pathetic’. Maybe Kaito really was wearing off on him because part of Shuichi wants to run over and grab Kokichi and shake him until he explains what the hell he’s doing. He’s breathing hard waiting for Kokichi to continue on mocking them all, but it doesn’t come. He just looked at Shuichi with a slight frown. He was waiting for him to say something for once. But Shuichi didn’t know what to say, he wanted to say too much and nothing at all at the same time. His heart hurt from losing Gonta and Miu. His head hurt trying to unravel everything Kokichi Ouma had thrown at him today. He couldn’t take any more. Not right now. 

“Kokichi--- no one wants you here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not my favorite thing to write in this story far so hope it's okay. The trial is pretty much the same except the ending bit (aka the 'no you're alone and always will be' line). Didn't intend to go super in-depth with it but I also felt that the inner thoughts and turmoil during the trial were important to set up for the story. Can't go full introspection yet since the trial is obviously pretty overwhelming and too much is really going on for him to actually gather thoughts but plenty of time for that (I took lots of breaks from this chapter to write a lot for the future ones because of that freedom not going to lie). This is the last chapter that so heavily relies on canon events and dialogue but like I said still felt that it needed to be included for things to make sense. 
> 
> Thanks for the comments and kudos so far and just being interested in this what-if scenario that just wouldn't leave my brain. I hope to have another update out soon. I also will likely comb through the previous chapters to catch any typos or errors I missed. I am an impatient editor so I am sure I've missed things. On an unrelated note, sometimes I feel guilty about dropping so many ellipses but I feel justified since this is a DR fic and rewatching this trial reminded me just how OFTEN DR uses them.


	7. aftermath

Kokichi Ouma had lots of different smiles. But the one he gave as he turned to leave the courtroom was one he had never seen before. It looked less like a smile and more like a pane of glass shattering. The cloud of malice he had conjured up before dropped as suddenly as Kaito had to Kokichi's counter-attack. Kokichi looked him up and down once more… Was he expecting him to say something? He wanted to. He wanted to scream. To tell Kokichi off. He punched Kaito. He was the reason Miu was dead, the life choked out of her in the lab. He was the reason that Gonta had just been brutally slaughtered before their eyes. He had laughed at them all. Told them their tears were meaningless and that his own grief was just an act. That he drew pleasure from their suffering. But the tears and twisted expressions were gone and all that remained was an emptiness in those violet eyes. 

“Fine. You’re boring me now anyhow.” The evil smile crept back onto his face briefly, just a shadow of what it was before, before spitting out his final words coated in bitterness “The one who will win this game… is me.” There was a shakiness in his words that left him unconvinced, but Shuichi was the only one listening anymore. And with that Kokichi finally slid out of the courtroom. Shuichi was the only one watching. Everyone else was gathered by Kaitos' side. 

Did he really enjoy their suffering? Shuichi’s fist clenched by his side as he moved toward Kaito. He’s groaning and there was a trickle of blood coming out the side of his mouth. Could Kokichi really have hit him that hard? There was no way that small boy was that strong right? Kaito’s pale face was drenched in sweat as he mumbled that he was fine. He tried to push himself off the ground but immediately collapsed. Hand over his face, he convulsed in what sounded like a cough, one that left his hand coated red. _Blood_? Shuichi watched in horror as he watched the blood drip down Kaito’s chin and hand as he told them it was nothing, just a cold and he must have cut his throat coughing. _Was this what Kokichi had said Kaito was hiding? How the hell did he seem to know way more than the rest of them?_ But Kaito stumbled to his feet and told them all in his typical boisterous fashion that he just needed to go back to his room and drink some water. Shuichi instantly offered his help and was met with a loud but hoarse refusal. 

“I don’t need your help… Shuichi.” Kaito still wouldn’t look at him. He staggered off and Shuichi stood frozen. Maki followed after him. Did Kaito blame him for what happened? He just… wanted to find the truth. To help everyone. Hell, he even went as far as to talk to Kokichi to try and save them all from this terrible fate. This game kept going and going. The corpses and dying moments of his friends plastered in his mind as a reminder of the price they had paid to even be standing there now. _Surviving_ … no they were just playing this damn game whether he liked it or not. _I don’t like games I am forced to play._

Kokichi’s words kept echoing in his mind as he separated from the other three, letting them file out of the trial room without him, claiming he just needed a moment alone. That wasn’t a lie. His mind was swirling. Kokichi and Kaito. _How has one day changed so much?_ Was this hell he was now in all because he entertained the idea that Kokichi Ouma actually wanted to help him? That someone who would lie and laugh at their misery actually would want to save everyone? _Or is that just the lie he wants us to believe?_

He ran his hand over the card key over and over as he walked back, his mind turning like the sea before a storm. His other pocket held the two blueprints folded up, reminders that earlier he thought Kokichi Ouma was someone who could be trusted. Clearly, a lapse in judgment right? The others had already made it back to their rooms clearly, the dorms were empty and silent. He wondered if Kokichi was in his room or if he had just disappeared into nothing as he often did. Like he had some secret knowledge of this school that on one else did. Why did he care anymore? _Did he care?_

He unlocked his door, ready to collapse, to fall asleep and find some escape from this suffering. In sleep maybe he could calm the growing storm welling in his own mind and silence all the thoughts that just caused him more pain. But a glint in color laying on his bed caught his eye before his body could hit the mattress. _A Kubs pad_. He had stashed Kaito’s in the back of his closet far from sight so it made no sense for it to be on his bed now. Was Monokuma messing with him? Was he so ready for them to kill more he was willing to just recycle motives? No, that didn’t sound like him, he only re-used the outside world because Kokichi was the only one who saw it, the Kubs pads were old news. _That wouldn’t be interesting now, would it?_ Why was Kokichi's voice in his head right now? After the trial that was the last thing he wanted to hear. 

Hands trembling, he picked up the pad gingerly from his bed and swiped at the screen, turning it on. _Kokichi Ouma’s Motive Video._ He pressed pause, he had wanted to let his brain rest but it was racing once more. What was he seeing? He shouldn’t watch this. But it was placed here… and likely by Kokichi himself. After all, the whole Bug Meet and Greet orchestrated by Kokichi would mean that he very likely got his hands on his own motive video. Or he could have just received it from the get-go like Kirumi did. _Hmmm…_ if that was the case his whole insistence on sharing the videos would be rather odd since seeing your own seemed to be the biggest appeal in that idea. But had he just wanted to show them to sow chaos right, to make the game more interesting? Or would it have made that motive useless? If they had seen Kirumi and Ryoma’s videos, could they have stopped their deaths? _What are you thinking Kokichi Ouma?_ The thick fog of lies and deceptions surrounding him made his already incomprehensible actions even more difficult to understand. But… there was a method to Kokichi's madness. At least, there had to be right? 

_I don’t want to be tricked. But I want to understand. I want to know what about him is real and what is fake._ He pressed play on the video and watched it. And the turbulent sea in his mind grew into a full-fledged storm. 

_What… does this mean…_

_Why... did he leave this here?_

_Was… he supposed to watch this?_

_How… was he supposed to feel?_

He thought he had given up trying to understand him. Everything about him just gave him a headache, his talent to the way he acted. It all was too much before today. And now… Kokichi had approached him to work together. A deal he took when almost every part of him said he shouldn’t. Kokichi had asked him right before they had left to see Miu’s body. Kokichi had told him he was useful and wanted to be his friend. Kokichi had told him his suspicions about this game. That they were being watched and that there was a mastermind that made sure things went the way it was intended. But Kokichi also worked with Monokuma. He tricked Gonta into killing Miu. Two of their friends were dead and he was to blame. Even if it was not by his hands, he loaded the figurative gun. 

He was so tired. He should just sleep. But he knew his thoughts would only keep him awake. The whole night would be haunted by Kokichi’s many faces. He needed to escape his room. There was no student council anymore and even if he was pretty sure Kaito was far too angry with him to have training, maybe some fresh air would do him good. He made it to the courtyard and found himself continuing to move. 

He let his feet carry him while his brain turned. He hadn’t felt so lost in a long time. Each class trial had been a heartbreak of some sort but this one broke him in a new way. He hadn’t felt so lost since… _huh_. He found himself standing in front of a familiar door. Maybe his feet knew somehow this was the best place to go when he was at his lowest. He had not been here since that night. He sees Kaede being pulled away from him and his heart breaks again. He sees the evil smile Kokichi gave them after Gonta’s death and his soul cracks again. He turned the knob of the Ultimate Musician’s lab and hoped that whatever memories of her lingered in this place could guide him once more. 

It would seem strange to come here and not have music playing. He doesn’t want to listen to _Clair de Lune_. No, that was Kaede’s song in his mind, her will to him. He needed something else, Shuichi skimmed his finger along the recordings along the wall. One caught his eye and he stopped. Her bright and cheery voice rang through his head again and he felt that all too familiar pang. _Gymnopédie #1 by Eric Satie_. She had mentioned that before he thought. It was supposed to be relaxing right? He pulled it off the shelf and put it in the player, pressing play and repeat. He doesn’t stand like he did before, but found himself moving without thinking once more until he was lying flat on the cool tile floor of the lab. He realized how stupid it probably would look to someone if they were looking, but there was something oddly comforting about lying face up, limbs splayed out on the hard ground as he let the sounds of recorded piano music wash over him. 

It’s simple. He doesn’t know much about music but he can tell that much. There’s no crescendo or build up. It merely flows, circling around his head. The notes are slow and deliberate, and as he let himself sink into him, it was almost like he was floating along with each press of the piano key. The notes meander, but within them, he felt a melancholy stillness. A stillness in which he hoped his racing thoughts could finally unwind. 

_Kokichi Ouma_. His motive said that his organization forbade murder. 10 people, not 10,000. Crimes of the prankish variety nothing dark and morbid like Ouma had always hinted at. Of course, he had always been suspicious that it was a lie. More so because he was just a teenager like him, but should he really have doubted it because it was something he was not capable of doing? Well, no, he was capable of it. Miu and Gonta were dead because of him. There was no denying that. But trusted people, good people, did bad things in a game like this didn’t they? 

No one would have believed him if he said Miu was trying to kill him, would they? He wouldn’t have believed it. Kokichi was always threatening to kill people or saying people were gonna kill him, so why would he? And if Miu really had killed him as she had planned. Shuichi took a shaky breath. Figuring out the virtual world would have been so much harder, after all, despite her antics, Miu Iruma really was extremely intelligent. And if she had been there, would they really have doubted her testimony on the workings of that world that had been so crucial to the case? Would they really have voted for Kaito as the killer? Would Miu have won the game and watched the rest of them get executed? Those are questions he can’t answer of course. Nor did it justify the events that had actually unfolded. But fear and panic and paranoia made people do awful things. He knew that. But what was real? The sorrowful Kokichi sobbing at Gonta's last moments alive or the malevolent force of evil that emerged the moment life left Gonta’s corpse? 

What would he have done if Monokuma had agreed to punish him alongside Gonta? Or if the vote really had been a tie? Would he have been punished? Was that something Kokichi Ouma would actually be okay with? Maybe he was just sure Monokuma would stick to his rules and only punish the blackened. Still… seemed risky. It was not like Monokuma was against adding rules and Kokichi himself said that his biggest motivation was to make things exciting so asking to be punished himself had to be a risk, right? 

He crossed his arms across his chest, digging his fingernails into his arm through his jacket. He just had to approach this like the trial. _That was the only time he ever shined anyhow_ , the voice in the back of his head teased darkly. Maybe he had to look back at Kokichi Ouma like he did a case, and see if all the little clues would lead him to the answer. Which was real, the menacing figure or the sobbing one? The boy who had laughed gleefully while he treated his wounds or the one who laughed maniacally after Gonta’s death? He wasn’t sure if looking back was going to give him answers or more confusion but he had to at least try. Shuichi inhaled letting the piano wash over him and focused his mind. 

_Kokichi Ouma_. The Ultimate Supreme Leader, a talent that seemed just strange, and nor did the boy ever give an explanation he felt satisfied with not being a total lie. His first impression was him harassing Keebo and being inappropriate. But he was upfront about being a liar all the same. He seemed childish and silly, not threatening or evil. The kind of kid that played pranks that bordered on mean maybe, but not someone who would calmly facilitate a murder. In the Death Road when they had all been worn out and exhausted, Kokichi was the one who argued against Kaede’s endless determination. At the time, even he had been grateful. Kaede was amazing… but trying to escape and failing and getting hurt had worn them all out. So maybe in that case… he was right. He doesn’t really remember seeing Kokichi all that much back then. But to be fair, he was pretty much glued to Kaede’s side back then. Working on his plan to catch the mastermind with her.

_“I’m supposed to be suspicious”_

After that, he took off his hat and started actually paying attention to everyone around him. Kaito took him under his wing and began training and treating him like his sidekick. He watched as Kirumi took care of them all and they began to rely on her (Kokichi even calling her mom despite her distaste at that). There were so many more of them then, and he barely had time to get to know them. Kokichi had clung on to Gonta as he remembered, which of course ended up in the disastrous Insect Meet and Greet. He, unfortunately, remembered that all too well, getting knocked out by Gonta and woken by Kokichi's looming face. And then of course… there were the bugs. He shuddered on the floor just thinking of it. They never watched the motive videos like Kokichi had intended of course. But at the trial, even Kokichi had admitted that perhaps watching the motives at all was a mistake. The motives that also somehow gave them memories they had forgotten, some motives that were strong enough to either make them want to kill or be killed. 

He remembered Kokichi at the trial. His methods seemed crazy and illogical, but he was always quick to pick up on everything going on. Without his hints, he may not have even have been able to convict Kirumi due to her incredibly detailed and thought out murder plan. And after… when many of them were considering Kirumi’s pleas to let her live and die in her stead for the country, Kokichi was the one who objected. He had read into her strong will and desperation to stay alive no matter what. 

_“How rude, I’m always doing stuff for everyone's sake. I’m sure you won’t believe me when I say stuff like that so I’ll just keep lying.”_

Of course, after he had told the group about Maki’s secret, about her real talent. He never seemed to miss a chance to remind them that she was a killer. Just as Kaito never missed a chance to remind everyone how he trusted her despite that. And then he started seeing a whole lot more of Kokichi Ouma. He popped up almost everywhere he was while looking around the school, exploring the new areas. Voicing his opinions on the student council and resurrection motive. It was around then he really started paying actual attention to Kokichi. 

_“Awww maaan what a disappointment. No, I’m not talking about the memory I’m talking about you guys.”_

In the investigation of Angie and Tenko’s death, his injury ended up being an important clue. Despite his antics, he had gone to look at something that he had not even considered. Without that, the case would not have been so easily solved. He had thought he had been playing some cruel prank, but he had actually hurt himself searching for the answer. He closed his eyes as the music continued to drift through his mind. 

_“The world could be tricking you right now, and you wouldn't even know it.”_

Spending time with Kokichi had been interesting at least, trying to see through his lies. So he kept trying and trying. Usually, he left confused. The games they played. The tea party. The cryptic statements. The threats to kill him. He continually toyed with him but he would have been the liar if he claimed to not enjoy those times despite that. He had been hooked on the unexpected and wanting to know more even if he was being messed with. The memory of Kokichi’s laughter as he bandaged up his hand rang distantly in his memories. 

_“I stole your heart, so now I'm satisfied! I don't need to steal your life anymore!”_

And now… he knew that Kokichi had been figuring stuff out and planning more than any of them had known. The bomb and the bugvac. Everything he said in Miu’s lab about the mastermind and the cameras. If Kokichi knew all that and was actually willing to tell him. It didn’t seem like his normal modus operandi at all. That had to be significant. All that to end the game he said he actually hated. 

_“We may be used to it now but that kinda stuff goes against common sense y’know?”_

And his motive video. Not only that, it was left in his room. And he was pretty sure that putting it there was the thing Kokichi had left the lab to do before the trial. That had to mean something, sharing that with him. The blueprints, the key, and now this. Was that … some sort of symbol of trust? But was Kokichi Ouma being trustworthy? Or even the type of person to trust others? 

Lifting his head, Shuichi let it fall back onto the hard ground. The small twinge of pain grounding him as he let the music and his muddled thoughts pull him into some sort of trance. He wasn't sure if any of this had helped. Maybe he is just as confused as before. How did Kokichi manage to do this to him with such ease? To worm his way into his mind and make it feel like putty. Kaito’s encouragement made him feel stronger. The memory of Kaede’s love and faith made him feel capable and confident. Kokichi's testing and games made him feel… confused. He was a challenge, pushing him outside of what was comfortable and normal, causing him to doubt himself and everything around him. It was frustrating and tiring but also… kind of exciting? 

Maybe, the logical thing to do is push him out of his mind for good this time. But can he do that? He deserved it for what happened to Gonta and Miu but… What if he really was the one with the answers to save them all? 

_I can help you save everyone._ Those words echoed in his mind on refrain. 

That had to be part of his trap right? Everything he had reflected on was a reminder that Kokichi Ouma was a manipulator. Of situations, people, and emotions. He couldn’t excuse that, forgive messing with people. But they were already being messed with by being forced into this game. Maybe Kokichi really was the only person who could outdo whoever put them in this situation. That evil aura and wish for them all to suffer, maybe that was the real manipulation, successfully pushing them all away so he could pursue his mysterious plans in peace. 

_Gonta’s last wish… Don’t blame Kokichi. Get along with everyone._

Unlike a case, Shuichi can’t draw a single conclusion on Kokichi Ouma. But the fact he even entertained the thought of trying to understand after what he did had to mean something. He might not understand Kokichi, but he did understand something about himself. He wanted to believe that Kokichi Ouma was someone he needed to solve the mysteries of this Killing School Semester. 

Maybe Kaito was rubbing off on him after all. Trusting someone just because he felt like it. _No that was not quite it_. He clutched his jacket over his chest. He didn’t fully understand Kokichi. But… nor did he understand Miu and her feelings of hopelessness and desire to leave this place. Or Gonta and how he would do the unthinkable if he thought it would save them from suffering. All of the people here he called friends had more to them than he knew, secrets he would never know, just because they did not conceal it under lies and tricks, didn’t make that fact any less true. Fully understanding another person might be expecting way too much. Maybe he didn’t need to fully comprehend Kokichi. Maybe that glimmer of understanding he felt that day when tending to his wounds, and the way he felt now meant that part of him did understand. 

He knew what Kaito would do. But his judgment on Kokichi’s character has also almost gotten them all killed. What would Kaede do? She had been willing to do the unthinkable if it meant everyone getting out of this game. But he was Shuichi Saihara, not Kaito or Kaede. He was so weak in so many ways. But he believed in his ability to look at the clues provided and solve mysteries. And as confusing as this particular case was, too many clues pointed to there being something worthwhile in pursuing this mystery. The deal he made… he was not done with it yet. He stood up. The anger and hurt weren’t gone, he didn’t think that would ever quite fade. But this strange situation had taught him that upset and understanding were not always conflicting emotions. 

He turned off the music player mid-song, wondering how many loops he had made it through. The sea of his mind had calmed slightly, still dark and churning slightly from the turbulence but no longer threatening to crash over and overwhelm him. Not calm enough for him to be ready to finally succumb to peaceful sleep, but clear enough that he knew there were questions he needed answered. 

Once again, he found his feet moving as if without permission, and consumed in his thoughts Shuichi found himself standing in front of another door. It made no sense not to knock or press the bell but he turned the knob first and so determined to see if he made the right choice he didn't even register shock that it turned without resistance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who needs lots of plot or dialogue when you can have excessive amounts of stream of consciousness angtsy reflection? Gymnopédie No. 1 is a perfect melancholic thinking song as well so it ended up being a perfect song to reference back to. Plus I just think there is something powerful in listing to music and letting your mind run when you are upset and need to think things out and that's what needed to happen here.


	8. breakdown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> cw: brief mentions of suicidal thoughts

_A lie was whatever you needed it to be_. So Ouma could be whatever he needed to be. So it was easy enough to lie to himself and pretend he was having fun. It was not a total lie, there was a twisted pleasure he got from playing this game. And it wasn't like he was the only sicko in here. He could hear the charge in Saihara’s voice when he figured out a clue, the way he’d perk up happily when his train of logic was going in the right direction. As messed up as these trials were, Saihara would be a big ole liar if he said he didn’t enjoy putting his little clues together. The way his face would light up when he got to the answer, even if it was followed by a bite of his lip and guilt as he accused a fellow classmate. Maybe even the worst games had an element of enjoyment when you could play them well. 

Ouma hated this game but loved the ease with which he could play. The way people were so predictable even if they were hiding so much. The way he could see through the lies they told the others, the lies they told themselves. At least that's what he told himself. So dragging Saihara through the clues of this case that he knew all too well was a fun little game. Leading the way without looking too suspicious all while drinking in the constant intoxicating looks from his beloved detective. Even the flashes of annoyance every time he goaded Momota were worth it. Watching the others unravel Iruma’s many deceptions was kinda enjoyable as well. The looks of shock as they realized Miu Iruma was not some innocent victim after all. How dumb the way they thought anyone in this room was _innocent_ as if any innocence they may have once had was robbed the moment this game truly started. They were all blackened the moment they began playing this game in earnest, forced or not. Tarnished by the cruel things a killing game made you do, the thoughts it put in your mind, no one was free of that. And that was not a lie. 

But as the trial continued to its inevitable climax, Ouma found himself growing more restless. Foot tapping against the side of his podium as he chewed on his lip in between statements. The suspicion was beginning to fall on him after all. But Saihara knew about the avatar function so all he had to do was convincingly sweat it out in front of the others until he pointed out that oh so crucial little detail that the snake had made sure he couldn’t fight back when she bashed him in with a hammer. He put on his widest eye expression and wailed fat fake tears as he claimed that he never left the salon and was never on the roof. It was not like anyone besides Gonta could say otherwise right? And the faster Gonta broke and confessed to his crimes the better. So all he had to do was deal with these off-topic questions about him on the roof until one of the two of them finally ended this whole mess. He looked over at Gonta who’s forehead was creased in thought, big guy must be really struggling to fake it this much, no way he’d last much longer. Then he looked over at Saihara, who was giving him a strange sort of look, one Kokichi did not like at all. 

He saw the surge of doubt flash like lightning in Saihara’s grey-gold eyes as the lie leaves his tongue and something inside Ouma cracked. Everyone latched on to the lies, shooting him the ugliest of glances. Of course, they’d believe the pure and nice Saihara over a villain like him. He knew that. That was how it was supposed to be after all, but it didn't make it hurt any less. But he had been playing along before, it really almost felt like they were partners as they had promised. But whether people believed it or not, Shuichi Saihara was a liar and he had lied to the biggest liar of them all and acted like he would trust him. He would pay for that. He couldn’t even stand to keep up the illusion long enough to get to the real heartbreak of the case, how weak. Rage welled up within him, it's foolish, he can’t let actual emotion break down his many masks, not when things were hinging on him keeping his cool. But after all the things he’s done, the blood on his hands, feeling Saihara’s knife twist in his back is the breaking point. Of course, he would. He didn’t even last longer than Iruma. At least she had actually helped, actually made those gadgets before she went out and decided to murder him instead. He channeled that rage into malice and he can feel his grin curl even higher as he watches everyone’s faces fall as he laid out the cold and miserable truth they wanted oh so bad. 

It’s not as satisfying as he wants it to be though. Not as fun that Gonta somehow all of a sudden became such a traitor. He was supposed to be the nice one, not a filthy liar like him. And yet? Here he was crying and sobbing about how he “could no do that”. All of them going on about how Gonta was not capable of something like this but there he was lying to them with ease. It was not supposed to be like that. Gonta was supposed to be too good, too nice to actually get away with their little fake plan. No way he could lie through the whole trial. It took everything in him to stop the shaking as he reminded the rest of them that Gonta was the only possible answer. The anger in his voice he could not quite keep at bay. He couldn't even fully enjoy Momota’s little temper tantrum as Saihara agreed with him. This was supposed to be a boring trial where Gonta folded early, and now, Monokuma and all those viewers were getting just what they wanted, the heart-throbbing class trial that was intended to be.

But then… Saihara stopped him as he yelled at Gonta, waiting for him to break, and he actually felt bad for a moment. _User error.._. No wonder Gonta was lying so well, he wasn’t _lying._ And maybe it was better this way, he didn’t have to remember what he did. Maybe for once, fate wasn’t as cold of a bitch as Iruma was (even if she wasn’t that bad until she decided to murder him). But the revelation allowed him to cool off, slip back into his masked self. He was still angry but that did not matter. They voted for Gonta and the tie thing did not even come up. They trust Saihara too much to consider that it’s just as much his fault as it is Gonta. Well, except Kaito, that stubborn asshole was still pouting and voted for him. _Idiot._

It sucked because while the crying was partially intentional, he knew he was not in full control. The tears were falling too quickly, too easily. And that sad and confused look on Gonta’s face hurt in the worst kind of way. Worse than stabbing a knife through his finger, worse than falling through that floorboard and smacking his head, this was ripping through him and tearing whatever heart still remained in his chest. It was easy to cry out, to beg to be punished as well. 

He knew this stupid game too well, Monokuma wouldn’t actually take him up on that offer. And Gonta was way too much of a goddamn gentleman to just let him die. But truth be told, part of him might have wanted them to let it just happen. To be free of constantly thinking and trying to figure out every little last thing. Yeah, death would be cold, swift, and easy. He used to think it was the worst possible ending, that he’d never succumb and would destroy this game and get out alive. But living didn’t seem as important now. Maybe he wouldn’t mind dying as much as he thought after all. Maybe Gonta was the lucky one, getting to be free of this hell. But, he worked way too hard to end this game to just die so it’s fine. If he died, Gonta's death would be for nothing, and that was not okay. He closed his eyes during the execution. He can’t watch, can’t watch Gonta take his last breath. Gonta was a… Friend might not be the right word. He was too mean to the guy to use that word. But seeing him die would just suck too much. Gonta was a gentleman and villains like him didn’t deserve to see his noble end. Plus he needed to compose himself. This was crucial after all. They already hated him. They did before all of this before he really even had a good reason to be so hated. Well, now they would really hate him. And with that, he would be free, free to end this game for good. 

It’s too easy. The anger and guilt and frustration channel all too well into the darkest of faces and the cruelest of tones. It’s not a total lie. He doesn’t love their suffering, he doesn’t love this game. But he doesn’t mind seeing them crumble so easily, their eyes filled with fiery hate. It’s so easy it's almost funny. He looked around, relishing in his victory. The fear in their eyes as they rushed over to Kaito. But his gaze landed on Saihara and he froze, a frown replacing his creepy grin as he felt something inside him collapse. 

_“Kokichi--- no one wants you here.”_

He smiled and muttered as he walked out. How boring Saihara turned out to be after all. Useful to the others maybe but not to him, not anymore. The path he was about to walk would not have any detectives in it after all. Plans upon plans upon plans upon plans. Whatever happened now, he had no one to tie him down, to hold him back. This world was his, and this game had no place in it. This school was his. He was the king now. He would end the killing game once and for all. 

The moment he got back to his room he collapsed onto his bed. Unsure if wanted to cry, scream, shout, or laugh, he dug his face into his pillow deeply. Pushing and pushing into the fabric until breathing was difficult. The lack of oxygen to his brain grounding him, despite the urge to push deeper and let everything just stop, he knows he can’t. It’s too soon for him to die here. He pulled off the bed, his breathing ragged and uneven. _All according to plan right?_ Well not really. He had not really expected Saihara to say yes to that short-lived alliance. And he had not expected Gonta to… not know what had happened. That moment he thought he had miscalculated the kind of person Gonta was… He had expected Gonta to try and lie to protect his friends like they had planned but not to actually succeed. So when he thought he was lying, actually fooling the rest of them, god that was infuriating. Gonta was good, a bit naïve, but that wasn’t a bad thing. Knowing too much was a curse he didn’t wish on anyone here no matter how much they pissed him off. 

He got up and moved to the board in his room. By Gonta’s picture he had written ‘too nice’, he erased it and moved his picture over to where the other murderers and victims were on the right. By Miu’s he had written ‘smarter than she looks’ which had been crossed out and replaced with ‘trying to kill me’ He erased that as well and moved her over, drawing a line and a little doodle of toilet paper. His breath hitched. _Don’t cry..._

He looked over the 6 remaining students. Well and him, but he hadn’t bothered with his picture. Just a little doodle at the bottom. At least the doodle could put on a smile. He chewed on his thumbnail, going over it for the umpteenth time. The more he figured out, the more he was confused. 

_Kaito Momota_. Dumb. But maybe that was an act. That and the whole sickness thing he was trying to hide. That was weird. But maybe it was to make him seem weaker, give him an excuse to run off on his own all the time. Plus he befriended an assassin and detective, that was smart. He was protected. Although, the last trial proved that Saihara had no issue going against even his precious Momota if needed to find the truth. But Momota was a distraction to him. He had slipped so quickly into Akamatsu’s role of the positive go-getter of the group after that first trial. And he did seem quite angry when Saihara took the lead over him. The hero usurped by the sidekick. Hilarious really. But he still didn’t trust him. That kind of optimism and blind trust was dangerous and would get people killed. 

_Maki Harukawa_. An assassin seemed like a dumb move as a mastermind but maybe that was part of it. No one in their right mind would target her after all. And it was an excuse for her to know so much about killing to make sure the game kept going. Totally the type of person that could set up a murder. And again, friends with the one person smart enough to solve the cases. He definitely didn’t trust her. He rubbed his hands on his neck, he knew too well how dangerous that killer girl was. Suspicious. 

_Himiko Yumeno_. The whole mage bit was suspicious. Too silly, too unsuspicious. And that’s what made it so weird. The whole thing with Chabashira seemed sincere enough. He had been right to push her buttons, get her to cry, to actually feel something and stop with the whole bored mage bit. That was annoying. But did he trust her? No. Hardly the top of the threat list but wasn’t that in and of itself a little concerning? 

_Tsumugi Shirogane_. Same sort of deal with Yumeno. She was so plain and boring. A whole lot of nothing. Just nerd references and cosplay. Or whatever, listening to her was the worst. But he still didn’t trust that. Being hidden in plain sight was pretty clever, even if she didn’t strike him as all that smart or dangerous. But everyone here had something they were hiding.

 _K1-B0_. Weird. He knew that from the moment he saw him after waking up in this weird school. A robot? And apparently, the whacked criteria of talents in this hellhole meant just being a robot was enough to be an Ultimate. And why should he trust any robot? How should he know if the same asshole who made those bears also made Keeboy? But what role that was, he didn’t know. But at least he was fun to mess with in the meantime. 

_Shuichi Saihara_. He could not figure him out. He was a tricky one to figure out. Everyone else did what he expected, acted in the most boring and predictable ways. But not Saihara. He zigged instead of zagged. He was shy and stuttering and then confident. Kind and then harsh. Seemed to buy into the kumbaya foolishness but also wasn’t afraid to go against the group. Unlike the others, he was _interesting._ But was he trustworthy? By his logic, a detective would be a weird choice as a mastermind. Way too much attention. After all, everyone was fawning over him before the trial. 

At first, Amami had caught his eye. He was rather mysterious after all... definitely hiding something. Shame, he did not really get a chance to know Amami. The few times he had pestered him had been sort of fun. His reactions really weren’t all that fun. He never got flustered and just chuckled off Ouma’s antics like they were nothing. It was better than the babies who couldn’t handle it at all at least. He was interesting because he was hiding something and Ouma wanted to know just what, but Rantaro Amami was not all that surprising of a presence but it was not like he ever got the time to see if that creepy side of his actually amounted to anything. 

But the first trial had shifted that briefly lived fixation onto Saihara. He had not really paid much attention to him at first. When he had questioned him about his talent and his lies, Ouma had pegged him as an anxious little puppy dog, following around Akamatsu, his whole face shrouded by that crooked hat. Now, he would have yanked off that cap and ran with it, just to see how he'd react but Saihara just had not seemed all that interesting back then. Investigating the weirdness that was the robot was a far higher priority. But that trial opened his eyes, Shuichi was more than just Akamatsu’s little shadow after all. And that morning he showed up without that emo hat… well turned out he was kind of… well… interesting to look at as well.

So, he decided to keep an eye on him, just in case. But Saihara had surprised him even more. He started approaching him on his own. No one did that. He made sure to be as annoying and obnoxious as possible to ensure that. Even Gonta did not approach him first. So he tested him. Asked him to do ridiculous things like kneel on hot iron, walk an electrified iron across two buildings, and commit seppuku. Saihara would get all flustered at these comments, but he didn’t leave. The grey eyes that shone gold in the sun just kept watching him as if searching for something. So Ouma did what he did best, threatened to kill him and played games. But he never stopped questioning just why… why was he still here? He had dropped some hints at the tea party they had, but Saihara still seemed way more concerned about Ouma's tricks than the way this whole world was tricking them. 

But as annoyed as Saihara got, he came back, kept playing his games. Even continued to play rock paper scissors as Ouma continued to force tie after tie after tie. In between watching his hands so he could carefully mimic the sign, Ouma watching Saihara’s expression as they played round after round. The little folds in his forehead from focusing, the way his lips moved as if mouthing his internal thoughts. He found himself smiling a very not fake smile as he watched the detective. 

And of course, he remembered the last time they had been alone together before the virtual world. The finger he had wounded with the knife was still wrapped up after all. That wide-eyed look of concern had thrown him so much all he could do was laugh. And then he claimed to have stolen Saihara’s heart and that he was satisfied. Whether the first was true, he was doubtful. And the second, well that was just a kind lie to himself. He wasn’t really satisfied, he craved more of whatever it was they had but spending any more time with him was dangerous. That's why it was supposed to be the last event. Of course, until his desperate self tossed out some last-minute plea. The weight of what he did made him lose his composition enough to try and grab on to something. The 6th event that was not supposed to be. 

But it didn’t matter. Kokichi Ouma knew himself well enough to know he was infatuated easily. With people, ideas, food, concepts. Maybe some would call it obsessive the way he could cling so easily to something that gave him just a little rush of pleasure. He was so easily bored that when something or someone was genuinely interesting, he couldn’t get enough of it. But it didn’t matter. He was no fool in the end. His little preoccupation with a certain long-lashed detective was like his love of fizzy sodas. Perfect for a short-time fix, a brief moment of enjoyment, but would fizzle out and leave him feeling worse and empty later. Soda had no nutritional benefits in the long run, it would only rot him from the inside out. His fondness for Shuichi Saihara would only end up doing the same thing to him in the end if it wasn't already. 

His plans changed by the day, by the minute sometimes. But they never included Saihara. Trust got you killed. Trust got other people killed. He couldn’t afford that. He bounced slightly on his feet, staring at the faces on the board but not really seeing it anymore. 

His trust, albeit extremely limited in Gonta and Iruma, had not been completely misplaced at least. Well, they weren’t the masterminds or anything. Of course, Iruma returned whatever crumb of trust he threw her way with attempted murder. Her paranoia and desperation got the better of her, at least she was a warning. He can’t let himself get swallowed by this game like she did. And Gonta… his eyes stung again. Gonta was a gentleman until the end. He should have told him that least. A guy that good was never going to make it through an awful game like this. Whether that was the truth or a lie to stop the steady flow of tears that were now flowing down his cheeks, well, he really didn’t know anymore. He collapsed on his still made bed, fully clothed, twirling his room key above his head as he let the bothersome tears run their course. 

Gonta was kind and strong, but he wasn’t smart. Not in the kind of way he needed to be to actually help him out of this hellish situation- too simple and not the kind of conniving smarts you needed in this place. Iruma was smart, but she wasn’t strong. It took a little more than her tiny amount of fortitude to stand up against this stupid game. But Saihara… he was smart, kind, and strong. A dangerous combination that no one else seemed to have. He just lacked… _something_. Like he was holding back. Scared to make another leap like he did when he guessed about the existence of a mastermind. But he was unpredictable, maybe he’d get it eventually. But he couldn’t sit by and let this game continue, Saihara had whatever his path was and Ouma had his. 

The tears had finally run their course replaced with a tingly numbness that spread through his whole body. A body that desperately needed sleep after many days of barely sleeping, too much at stake to waste time on that. But exhaustion was catching up with him. Not yet though, he still had things to do. He looked at the door. He should go and finish his little masterpiece on the rock so the others could see it when they woke up. Plant the seeds of doubt needed as he brought this killing game to a screeching halt. But knob turned and that thought was forgotten. He felt some sickly sweet emotion rush through him. Some gross emotion he should not be feeling now. _What was that?_ He rolled his eyes and refocused on the turning of the key around his spindly fingers and didn’t bother even looking over as soft footsteps entered his room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More reflection time, different POV


	9. turn

Shuichi walked into the room without saying a word. To be fair it was a little overwhelming. It was very… full. Piles upon piles of paper scattered with various other things, he can barely process it all at once. The hovercraft, the inner tube, there was just so much and as much as he wanted to investigate, to pour over the pieces of evidence and slot them into his incredibly limited understanding of Kokichi. Something here might actually help him truly get him right? But that’s not why he was here. He had promises to keep and mysteries to solve. 

He looked down at the bed where Kokichi was laying, one hand behind his head, the other twirling his room key around his fingers. One leg was propped up and the other was crossed over it, he was still clothed and the bed still made so there was no way he was trying to sleep. He did not look over but Shuichi could see his gaze pointed at the ceiling which made the twirling of his key even more impressive. Amethyst eyes shone even brighter than normal, the red lines in the whites of his eyes and dark shadows beneath them seemed to make his already bright eyes even brighter. They even looked… still wet… which was impossible to still be from the trial that had ended some time ago. _Had he been crying just now?_

“Are you here to kill me? Get revenge for Gonta and Miu?" Kokichi broke the silence without moving from his spot, his voice incredibly bored. 

“N-no” He sputtered, biting his lip as he searched for what he could say. There was so much to say and yet nothing seemed to fit. Nothing seemed right.

“Well, that’s a relief. Or boring. I’m not sure yet. So why are you here? Late-night booty calls are soooo not my thing I’ll have you know.” Kokichi’s mischievous tone he had heard so often sounded incredibly forced. Shuichi opened his mouth but nothing came out, he couldn’t stammer in response to his tasteless joke. “If you don't speak up soon my beloved I might just have to be the one killing you. You might have won our last game but I am a cheater after all.” 

He inhaled deeply, pushing his words out slowly and deliberately, “Maybe… but you aren’t a murderer.” 

“Are you so sure? Have you already forgotten what happened to Gonta and Miu? If your memory is so bad I’d ask Monokuma light for a special flashback light.” Violet eyes twitched angrily as he spoke calmly. 

“Of course not!” His voice rose, he still looked over to Kokichi both scared and hoping he would finally meet his eyes in return, “But neither have you.” 

“Oh nice try Shuichi, didn’t you hear me before? Some people love to watch others suffer and I’m just one of them.” That familiar malice from after the trial dripped from his words once more. 

Shuichi grabbed at the sides of his pants as he choked out a soft, “No, that’s wrong.” Kokichi let out a scoff but continued to twirl the key around his fingers. The keychain danced from finger to finger with ease, but Kokichi's eyes were glued on the ceiling. Shuichi could not help but be impressed by the dexterity and skill that took. The silence grew in between them like a wall, and Shuichi felt if he was not the one to break it, it would build and build and any chance he had of salvaging _whatever_ this was would be gone for good. He swallowed hard, “If you enjoyed our suffering…. you would have told Gonta what you did before the execution. You…. let him die thinking he did the right thing.”

He saw Kokichi's brows furrow together, the cadence of his key swinging around his finger staggered for a moment. “I’m a liar Shuichi.” 

“That may be true. But you said it yourself during the trial.” Kokichi finally stopped twirling the key around his fingers, he still wasn’t meeting his eye but he was frozen in place. “Some lies are kind. They can help people.” 

Shuichi saw teeth clamp against Kokichi’s lips before he spat out, “You think I helped Gonta and Miu then?” 

“No, I just-” He clenched his fist, nails digging into his palm, this was not going well at all. 

“So you’ll forgive me so easily? After basically killing two people? Wooow you really are way more messed up than I realized. Maybe you're the real bad guy here” The poisonous words slid out of his mouth with the same lithe ease that Kokichi rose from the bed and made his way to stand in front of him. 

“Sh-shut up. I’m not forgiving you. What you did… was unforgivable.” He looked away, his voice was shaking. Maybe he had been wrong after all, this was a mistake. 

“What I did huh? I mean you aren’t wrong. But you don’t seem to care that Miu and Gonta were trying to kill wayyyy more people than me either. You people and your confusing morality system make no sense if you ask me.” He could see Ouma pushing up on his toes from the corner of his vision. 

“But you manipulated them…” He shifted his gaze again, avoiding the maniacal glint he could barely see in Kokichi's eyes.  
  
“And?” Kokichi’s voice was no more than a whisper but yet it still sounded deadly.

“That’s not okay!” He countered, too loud, but he finally relented and looked at Kokichi, who was still up on his toes trying to close the height gap between them.

“But it’s okay when your precious Kayayday manipulated you into calling her out for her crimes? It’s okay when Kaito manipulates the group into trusting a murderer?” His nose was scrunched and he accentuated his points by waving his finger close to his face without actually touching it. “It’s okay when you manipulate us all with your terrible lies in trials to get us to follow your logic?”

“I---” Something in his chest caught and Shuichi found himself struggling to keep his composure. The tears from earlier made their return. Maybe he had been wrong all along. About himself, about everything, was there really any good to find in this place? “I was just trying to help everyone. To make sure we all survive.” There had to be. He remembered the smiles of those he lost, those precious moments of laughter. Surely Kokichi knew that too… The tears kept flowing. 

Through his tears, he could see Kokichi’s eyes narrow. “Stop it with the performative tears and obnoxious platitudes Shuichi. You aren’t sad about Gonta or Miu. You’re sad because I called you out for being a phoney. You speak of friendship but don’t seem to care when your friends treat me terribly. Or anyone else for that matter. Everyone here bullies and manipulates- it's part of the game, right?” His confusion soured into guilt and frustration. Kokichi continued, sharp words piling into a twisted thorny bramble that tore into him. “The rest of you are total hypocrites as well. Talking about how kind and sweet Gonta is. But who actually spent time with him? _I did_. Not you. Not Kaito. Crying for people you didn’t even really know. Just because I was the only one who actually spent enough time with them to know what they were capable of, you all want to pin everything bad on me. It’s easier that way, isn’t it? Well, that’s just fine. I don’t care what you or your stupid little friends do anymore.”

His words had grown more frantic, like throwing splatters of paint against the wall to see what sticks. Shuichi blinked away the last of his tears and clenched his fists and ground his teeth, unable to spit out whatever words to just make him stop. The lies and ugly truths mixed together and cutting through that seemed impossible. Kokichi’s eyes darted down to his hands and the corners of his lip upturned into that awful grin once more. “Are you gonna hit me Shuichi? Go on then. It’s what your best friend Kaito would do after all. Or are you more of the strangling type like your pal Maki? Well, I don’t care either way, just do it. It’s better than you just standing there with your jaw flapping like a fish, pretending you want to be here!” Ouma was yelling now too, Shuichi recognized that same frustration coursing through his words that he had heard when he yelled at Gonta in the trial. He didn't move or say anything in return. Kokichi scoffed and then dramatically collapsed on his bed and resumed twirling his key around his finger, but at what seemed to be a much higher speed, although Kokichi did not falter once as he let the key ring dance between his fingers. 

He took a deep breath, the door was right there. He could leave. Part of him wanted to, just leave Kokichi to… whatever he was doing. Let him just be alone, allow him to just push him away. But then… he would just be allowing himself to be messed with, manipulated into leaving by Kokichi tossing out words like the sharpest of knives. _Which was the lie?_ The Kokichi calling him useful or the one calling him a hypocrite? The confusion that had been his constant companion today had only grown but yet he does not storm out. Maybe he was tired or delirious or just plain stupid at this point, but he didn’t want to leave. He was too invested in the mysteries Kokichi had handed him, too invested in the mystery of Kokichi Ouma. 

“I don’t want to hit you.” He was pretty sure Kokichi rolled his eyes but it was hard to tell at that angle. He continued in soft but resolute tones, “I thought you said you wanted to be friends. To work together?” 

“You actually still want to work with me. You really are stupid aren’t you?” His words were harsh, but the tenderness in his tone was anything but. Kokichi sat up in his bed and just stared at him. 

Shuichi felt a little uncomfortable under just how intense he was being stared down, and it takes all the little confidence he had gained to not crumble. He had a feeling that any hesitation would only send the walls around Kokichi shooting back up and his chance to get to know him would be gone forever. 

“How many warning flags do you need Shuichi? I am kind of a biiiiig reason Miu and Gonta are dead. And after the trial, you said no one wanted me around there and yet here you are. I pegged you as a hypocrite and I was right. After all, you loved Kaede and she was a murderer. And you sure spend a whole lot of time with an assassin. But I figured despite all that you’d never stoop so low to actually come to see someone truly awful like me. So stop confusing me and just go off and be with your real friends now okay? I’m an evil supreme leader and I don’t need your sympathy.” He spat the words out like venom, the aura of malice darkened his face in shadows once more. But his eyes were no longer meeting his own. Shuichi felt something was shifting, like the moment he had a culprit on his heels. No matter how sly and confident Kokichi was acting. He was slipping. 

“What are you trying to do Kokichi?” The edge in his voice surprised even him. 

Kokichi stood up, moving almost too fast until he was standing in front of him again, pulling at the front of his uniform, “I’m trying to scare you off Mister Detective. This is a killing game after all, and going to a person like me’s room all alone and unarmed is pretty stupid _Shumai_. I could kill you so easily you know.”

Ah, the nickname from the trial. It was not the first time he had threatened to kill him of course, but it was by far the most unconvincing. Even his playful grin when they had hung out had been more menacing than the figure before him now, breathing a little too hard, lips trembling a little too much, the fabric of his uniform in his clenched fist not tight enough to actually be a threat. “I… That’s not going to work, Kokichi. You… don’t want to murder me. Or anyone for that matter. Not if you can help it.” 

Kokichi let out a breathy laugh, “So you believe Monokuma’s little video so easily huh? God, you really are a gullible sap. I was just trying to lure you here so I could kill you myself.”

He stared down at Kokichi. Usually, he felt dwarfed by Kokichi’s larger-than-life presence. The way his chaotic energy seemed to extend past his tiny frame. For once Kokichi actually felt small to him. He felt oddly in control like he was finally right about something about him. “That’s a lie.”

“Oh? Maybe I was just reminding you that this game makes people you think are good do some pretty terrible things. Ever think about that? Did you learn nothing from Gonta? If a nice guy like him can kill, anyone can. You of all people should know that.” There was some unfamiliar emotion laced in Kokichi’s words this time... _Was that fear?  
_

Shuichi looked down at Kokichi, “You must have cared about those people in the video right? I don’t think you are as heartless as you want us to believe.” 

“Bring up that video one more time Shuichi and I will march right up to your lab and find the most painful poison and force it down that pretty little mouth of yours.” His voice was faltering again, tinged with hurt, rawness, something that was all too real to be spilling from the mouth of a known liar. 

Whatever it was, this was not the Ultimate Supreme Leader he was used to, this was no longer the usual dance that Kokichi led him through. But Shuichi was not a cruel person, not ready to open whatever wound he had scratched by mentioning the video he had left in his dorm for whatever reason. To leave it and want him to ignore it, _what was your game Kokichi?_ But Shuichi changed his tactics even though he doubted Kokichi would appreciate his next question either. “What would you have done if…”  
  
“What would I have done if what Shuichi?” Kokichi spat out, dropping his grip on his jacket.

Kokichi stepped back, watching as Shuichi continued with wide eyes. “If it was a tie. You asked Monokuma about that at the beginning of the trial.” 

“Neheehee you’re thinking about that. How _stupid_. I was just messing around with Monokuma. It’s fun you know you should try it.” Kokichi put his hands behind his head and grinned, but Shuichi could see the smile didn't quite reach as high as it normally did. 

“I don’t think so… you must have known there was a chance we’d vote for you.” He’s confident in his logic. After all, Kaito had done just that, the others probably wanted to as well. “And you offered to be punished as well. If Monokuma had done just that… I don’t think claiming it was a lie would get you out of it.” 

“Wooooww are you an expert on Monokuma now? What a bummer I thought I was the number one expert on him.” Shuichi opened his mouth to argue more but was swiftly interrupted with more of Kokichi’s words stuffed with faux childish wonder, “It’s a killing game. Anyone could die, don’t go reading into every little thing I say, what are you like obsessed with me or something?”

“No.” The steeliness in his voice is no longer an act, a determination that he usually only ever felt inside that trial room keeping him going. “But I want to end this game. And I’m pretty sure you do too.” 

Kokichi shrugged, “End it? _Hmph,_ I don’t know that's kinda boring. I hate boring things you know, almost as much as I hate lies. Pluuuuusss ending the killing game means winning and frankly I don’t think you have it in you.” It sounded like Kokichi’s typical behavior but maybe all of his overanalyzing and overthinking was taking its toll, but there's something sad about the way he ended that statement. Like he isn’t really saying that he doesn’t think Shuichi has it in him to win the killing game, but that he doesn’t have it in him to continue this deal, to win their game. Was that the truth? Or was it just the truth he wanted? Maybe he doesn’t care which it is. Maybe he was sleep-deprived, desperate to cling on to some hope that he was not wrong about Kokichi. Desperate to know if there was finally a way they could end this, so he never had to deal with a day like today ever again. Desperate to believe that Kokichi and the rest of them weren't bad people, that it was just the game. He knew he could regret this but what was a little more regret than the mountains already piled inside of him? 

“No. I-- I will--” Kokichi was meeting his eyes again, the wide violet gaze etched with something Shuichi thinks is a challenge. Like everything with Kokichi, this was a game huh? He considered the outcomes. He could walk away now, he’s pretty sure that's something that Kokichi was purposefully keeping on the table at all times. He could say the wrong thing and the teeny tiny window into the fortress of lies that was Kokchi Ouma would slam shut and be closed for good. Or… he could say what he thinks Kokichi wants to hear. A lie. But not just any lie. This was a game. He had to show Kokichi he was willing to play it, willing to do whatever it took to stop this death game in its tracks. 

“Win this game.” He said with more confidence than he felt, pairing it the best grin he could muster, “Together we can do that right?” It was not his most convincing lie but that was not the point. He held out his hand and waited. The corners of Kokichi’s lips twitch slightly up before resting into a blank stare before sweeping up his outstretched hand with both of his own, eyes glinting with both mischief and something else Shuichi could not quite read. _Relief? Gratefulness? Hope?_

“Alright then my dearest detective, now the game truly begins.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This very likely needs more editing since I tend to jump around a lot when writing lots of dialogue. I am sure that I will notice later and frantically change it. Thank you all for the comments and kudos so far!


	10. secret

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cw: suicidal thoughts, brief strangulation

Kokichi dropped Shuichi’s hands and put his own behind his head again, expression wiped clean to his usual neutral one, “So are you ready?”

“Ready?” Shuichi blinked rapidly in response, “It’s the middle of the night, ready for what?”

“Aww, are you wimping out already? Haven’t you heard, sleep if for the weak. No one in my organization is allowed to sleep ever you know. So you’ll have to give it up if you are going to join y’know. I never need to sleep myself, such a waste of time.” The dark circles under Kokichi’s eyes told a very different story, of course, those could not lie as easily as he did, even if this was one of his more obvious ones. He wondered if Kokichi had been sleeping much at all with everything that had been happening... he doubted it. 

“That’s definitely a lie,” Shuichi replied quietly. 

Kokichi’s smile in response seemed rather genuine, was he glad to slip back into more familiar territory? Their usual banter that was not laced with the anger and pain and every other emotion that they had tossed around. Those weren’t gone though. The heavier parts of their talk… argument… whatever it was lingered still, hanging around them like ghosts. The air was still heavy, still full of words left unsaid. The mood whiplash from earlier had the detective feeling almost dizzy, but that could just be the lack of sleep at this point. 

"Fiiiine, you got me, but you didn't answer my question", Kokichi said with a pronounced pout. 

"Uh, sure. I'm ready." Getting some sleep after the ordeal that was today was not seeming all that likely anyhow. 

“Okay then. Do you still have that little present I gave you earlier?” Kokichi looked pointedly at him. 

Shuichi dug out the card key from his pocket and held it out, “This?”

“Let me guess you already told your precious friends about it though.” He scowled and bit his lip. 

“No. I didn’t” Shuichi responded flatly. 

“Hmm…” Purple eyes brightened, “Well, have you figured it out?” 

“Figured out what?” 

“Jeez for a detective, you can be kind of slow sometimes. Where this goes ob-vious-ly.” He overemphasized the end of his statement, watching Shuichi the whole time intently. It was… unnerving to be watched so closely. He isn’t sure if it’s the violet gaze or lack of sleep that's making his brain move so slow. 

“Uhhh I really don’t know. I’ve investigated the whole school and I didn’t see anything that would fit. Unless it’s someplace we don’t have access to.” His hand was in front of his face as he let his mind through everything he had encountered in the Ultimate Academy for Gifted Juveniles, trying to figure out just what he had missed. 

Kokichi cracked his knuckles, “Wrong. It is a place we have access to. Just not _easily_.” 

“Not easily…?” Shuichi mumbled. 

“Think Shuichi, where’s the hardest place in the school to get to? Someplace I had to work super duper hard to get into.” Kokichi said playfully guiding him to whatever answer he wanted “Maybe the last place you would ever expect me to go.” 

Hard to get to… place Kokichi wouldn’t go… A flash of Kokichi talking to Kaede popped up in his brain. That first night they spent trying so desperately to escape while Kaede spurred them on until Kokichi had questioned it, “The exit in the sewers…”

“Oh thank god, I was worried I partnered up with another dummy,” He sounded bored again. 

“Kokichi…” Shuichi started, the pang from the barb at Gonta hurt but he’s watching Kokichi closely enough to see the wrinkle in between his brows as he said it. Maybe it was easier for him to joke. He remembered some of the infidelity cases he had solved and how the women would make jokes despite looking utterly heartbroken. Maybe it was not so much a lie as his expense but one to cope. So he dropped it and moved on to a bigger question. “But it’s dangerous- how did you...?” 

Kokichi had already moved to his closet pulling out something long and lurid pink that reminded him of the bomb that he had thrown at him earlier. It looked like something straight out of a cartoon. 

“A hammer?” 

“Just another thing I asked that dirty whore to make before she went off and decided to murder me instead.” Kokichi's fingers clenched roughly against the handle. 

Shuichi bit his lip. So another invention like the two he had seen. Miu must have made all these incredible inventions based on Kokichi’s designs and yet she still was drawn to escape this school through murder. But that’s why he was here right?They were going to end this before anyone else thought like that again. 

“Let’s go.” Kokichi placed the hammer in his hand, grabbing another from his closet. _Just how many things had Miu made before she had_ …. They left Kokichi’s room and the dorms and walked through the dark courtyard, Kokichi gave a brief explanation of how the hammers worked to which Shuichi gave only nodded and gave hums of acknowledgment in response as he processed the information. Seemed it was similar to the effect of the bomb but instead of just covering a radius it was on contact. Smart. But then again, Miu had been able to make those cameras for him. Making timed sensors out of cheap disposable cameras was quite a feat, he really never gave her enough credit did he? 

After Kokichi finished his explanation, they walked in silence. The dome in darkness was quiet as always, just the strange stars shining on them. What had he expected walking into his room tonight? Not this. Catharsis, closure, understanding, something like that maybe. Not to be led once more into his antics, albeit a willing enough participant. His wariness had not completely evaporated. He looked at Kokichi’s back, he had the hammer across the back of his neck, hands holding on to it on either side, and it was hard to tell but Shuichi is pretty sure he’s humming to himself. No… he didn’t fully trust him. That seed of doubt that all this was leading to one of his manipulations, to his biggest trick… that was not quite gone. But he also felt different from the day that Kokichi had refused to take his hand like he actually might be beginning to understand him. Hopefully, that was enough. 

They climbed into the sewer. Kokichi of course used the opportunity to joke how he could see up Shuichi’s skirt, to which Shuichi only gave a nonchalant ‘No you can’t’ in response. It did lighten the tension a bit, Shuichi could not deny the anxiety building as they got closer. Closer to this place. The place where Kaede once led them. The place that would apparently lead them to a secret so horrible it drove Gonta to… 

“Ya ready Shuichi?" Kokichi swung around his own hammer like a child playing with a toy, but the expression on his face was anything but childlike. It looked grim.

Shuichi swallowed hard and nodded. And they walked into that horrible tunnel full of traps. But as Kokichi quickly demonstrated, the hammer immediately could disable the traps. The trip through the tunnel had him wondering if Kokichi’s talent for leadership was the real deal after all. Taking charge seemed all too natural for him as they made their way through the gauntlet of deadly traps. He instructed Shuichi when to use his hammer and when they should dodge with ease, apparently, the charge was limited so they had to be careful. It was still a scary place and his heart raced the whole time as they disabled the cages and bombs and walked far past the point they had made it on that first night. 

He wasn’t sure what he should have expected to find at the end. Just a simple door where they could walk out of this terrible school and this terrible killing game? Something like that. What greeted him was something straight out of a movie. He shouldn’t be surprised. Sentient robots, walking talking stuffed animals, the exisals, and that trial room… everything here was pretty unbelievable wasn’t it. 

_That kind of stuff goes against common sense, y’know?_

Kokichi had said that back after they had reported their findings the last time new areas of the school had opened up. Had he already seen this then? It was _after_ he had taken the card after all. All the lights and metal and everything was overwhelming enough but his eyes were still drawn to the giant vault looking thing before him. There was some sort of laser-like projection blocking it, a barrier of some sort. That must be some sort of door behind it right? So, was the outside world right out there? What horrifying secret lay beyond this door? Something that would drive even Gonta Gokuhara to commit unspeakable acts. 

Kokichi dropped his hammer, and Shuichi followed suit albeit a little less recklessly. _The outside world._ He chewed on his lip, fingers grasping onto the side of his pant leg. The other boy strode over to him and held out his hand. “Unless you want the honors, my dearest detective.” Shuichi placed the card key in Kokichi's hand. He clearly knew what he was doing, at least way more than Shuichi did. 

“Thanks.” And he skipped off to the little pedestal by the door, a strange look in his eyes as he turned. Shuichi did not pay much attention to whatever the white-clad boy is doing at the console with the card, choosing to stare intently at the door, both intensely curious and fearful. The barrier disappeared and a large click followed. 

Kokichi turned to where he was standing, at first wearing a curled up smirk, but his face softened once their eyes finally met. And for a moment, Kokichi was just watching him. He wondered if he should speak up, tell him he’s ready. But his mouth isn’t working, not really fully connected to his brain. All he could think about was whatever lay outside that giant metal door. “Are you ready, Shuichi?” Kokichi’s voice stripped of pretense put him almost at ease. He nodded, holding his breath.

The metal doors split. Light blinded him for a second. And he saw it. A world. A hopeless world. A destroyed world. 

Knees collided hard on the metal ground, but he could not register any pain. He opened his mouth to scream, but he couldn't. There was no air no nothing. Just heat rushing in, eyes crumbling to dust and throat burning as if he has swallowed fire. The sight burned into his mind, Shuichi stayed facing the awful truth on his knees, arms draped uselessly by his side.

No wonder… Maybe it would have been better if Gonta had let them die… was this all that awaited them? They killed each other all for… this world. An empty and broken wasteland. Was this dome the only place remaining? _Could it really be? Could it really be?_ The surroundings of whatever this room melted away and all he saw was darkness. No light. No air. No hope. Nothing. 

He felt cool fingers wrap slowly around his neck, gradually increasing in pressure, tethering him to the world of physical sensations, to whatever horrible reality he was existing in. 

Shuichi gasped and turned sharply, twisting instead into a sitting position propped up by his arms, the fingers loosening and falling off his neck as he did, “What the hell?” His voice was hoarse as if actually burnt by the acrid air from that door. The door. He looked back over, it was closed now. Was it a dream? _Please be a dream_. He’s been hallucinating. Today never happened. He’d wake up. He went to sleep and dreamed of virtual worlds, and strange deals with Kokichi Ouma, and going down this path and it was just a long nightmare. Right? 

“So was that face you were making a lie?” Kokichi’s stony glare was accompanied by an equally chilly whisper, “Do you really not want to die?”

He heard Maki’s ‘do you wanna die?’ echo in his head. He saw her face. It shattered, falling into a million pieces, consumed by the flames. He saw Kaito covered in blood, coughing and coughing, turning and turning until he was just smoke in the air. Gonta was crying again. He wanted to save him, he never should have seen that. He should be gone. Right, right. The faces of his friends, dying and in pain circle around him. He should join them. Be free. There was no good end here. There was only that despair awaiting them. Only ruin. The room was swirling around him, maybe he was already dying. Kaede… He didn’t keep their promise but he could see her face, shimmering in the haze. _This is fine_ … No more. No more. Her eyes began to shift in his vision, growing wider and darker in hue. Kokichi.. his face flickered. Emotions upon emotions. Playful and evil and rude and everything in between. And then it settled and he saw that earnest look he gave him in Miu’s lab, his voice rang through his head once more as his mind tried to piece his tattered thoughts together. 

_Games that were meant to be watched._

_Watched…. By an empty world…. An ended world… could that be….._

_No…. that didn’t make any sense….._

_Why… would it need to be…. Interesting…._

_Lies… it was a lie…._

_It looked real but… it had to be…._

_A lie… an awful motive…._

_The reincarnation had to have been a lie…_

_So this could be as well…_

_It could be fake…_

_Killing games only made sense if they were being watched._

_It’s a lie…. A lie…. A lie…._

The fog began to fade. The strange bunker around him coming into view. Kokichi standing above him, perfectly still, expressionless, just watching him. His arms collapsed behind him and he felt his head collide with the metal floor but the pain does not register. 

_Did he want to die? Maybe…_ but not without ending this game. He wanted to end this. For everyone. For Kaito. And Maki. For Himiko, Keebo, and Tsumugi. And Kokichi... he was going to help him do that. _Right?_ No more deaths, no more killing, no more of this feeling. This _despair_. 

“No. I don’t want to die.” His chest rose and fell in jagged intervals, the air still seemed thick around him. He propped himself back up on shaky arms, locking his gaze with Kokichi who had still not moved. “I want to... win.” 

Kokichi laughed, wild and uncontrolled, “Wow, Shuichi, you really are not boring. You know that right?” The white-clad boy knelt beside him, leaning over to whisper, warm breath tickling his ear, “This game is ours to end. _Together_ .” He closed his eyes, feeling tears he had been holding in fall as he did, behind his eyelids, the image of the ruined world still lingered. _We will end this game._ Those words repeated in his mind, a mantra to ward away the image he was pretty sure he would never be able to forget.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The brief and minor strangulation bit is meant to be a bit of a callback to the line he says after Shuichi doesn't take his deal. Put a warning just in case but it's pretty mild.
> 
> Fanart done for this chapter by @Zhifeiji0523 
> 
> https://www.instagram.com/p/CIqeJI8ln4u/?igshid=uqzs3auvnb3b
> 
> Please check this out it's incredible!!!


	11. return

_Here we go again._ Ouma braced himself as he hit the button for the second time. Saying he was ready would be a lie. He did not want to see this again. But Saihara needed to understand what was at stake here. The lengths whatever bastards had them here were willing to go all for the sake of sick entertainment. 

He remembered when he first made it here. As dramatic as it sounded, he was a different person then. A person who had not seen this, a person who was not faced with being murdered, a person who did not have figurative blood on his hands. Just a thief who was going to find the motive before everyone else and use it for his own good. Use it to end this game. His childish glee of making it through the treacherous path and the hammer working when he had first approached this console seemed hilarious in retrospect. The moment he opened the door… he clenched his fist. It could not be as bad the second time. He would not have to gasp for air hopelessly while tears streamed down his face, falling to the ground and having to reach up and scramble to press the button to hide that sight away. He wouldn’t have to spend hours here composing himself, reminding himself that it was a lie and a liar like him would not fall for it. Not that he ever got completely composed. The image of that wasted world remained imprinted in his brain, a little bonus anxiety to really amp up the paranoia. No wonder even stupid Momota had told him he had been acting differently after he saw this. Of course, he was, no one could see this and just be the same after. 

He remembered Gonta’s face. His tears. How broken he had looked after using that light. The way Gonta had wrapped his arms around Ouma, desperate for some comfort after witnesses such a grim and disheartening sight. At least Gonta never had to see it like this. The light must have been bad but there was something even worse about experiencing it. The heat, the lack of oxygen, everything about it just tore you apart. He doesn’t look this time, instead focusing on the fidgety detective. 

Saihara was no different. He collapsed at the sight, writhing in pain. Ouma closed the door almost immediately, shivering as he did so. He was right about this game. He had to be. This was not real. This only made sense if they were being watched, he knew that. He wouldn’t let it get to him again. Or let it get to him more than it already was. What an awful, stupid motive. Paired with that stupid flashback light it almost made no sense. Gofer project, meteorites, a destroyed world. How’s that supposed to get people to want to kill, to win this game… either someone had to be so desperate to see for themselves, to get back to the world (like Iruma) or they had to be desperate enough to save everyone else from this despair (like Gonta). Pretty fucked up either way. The last survivors of a world torn apart by meteors, that sounded straight out of a super terrible manga he would never ever read. 

Would Saihara understand? Would he follow the trail of breadcrumbs that he had so carefully laid out for him? _Smart and clever Saihara-chan_ … It would be oh so disappointing if he ended up being boring now, buying into these awful tricks, But he let Saihara sit motionless on his knees, eyes glazed over pointed at the now closed door for a bit. After all, he had been stuck for some time in here as well the first time he saw it. But he doesn’t move at all, and there was this nasty despair clouding his pretty face. His sharp grey eyes glazed over and mouth lax, it was the face of someone who would accept death. And that wouldn’t do at all. So he wrapped his fingers lightly around Saihara’s neck, his soft, delicate skin pressed under his fingertips, and the detective snapped out of it, pulling away from his grip.

And he watched as the detective blinked, a tiny bit of color returned to his pale face. _C’mon Saihara-chan, don’t fall apart now._

The word win fell from the detective's lips and Ouma found himself laughing, He met Saihara on the ground and whispered to him. The word _together_ lingered in the air, in his mouth, in his head. Together. Would this really do it? Would putting his trust in Saihara actually give him what he needed to escape this awful cycle. A cycle he had almost been consumed by, a cycle that already made him do the worst kind of things. Ending this was never supposed to end up with blood on his own hands but here he was. 

He stood back up, dusting himself off despite the fact he doubted this place had any dust or dirt in it. It looked brand new. Which was like everything in this little dome was incredibly suspicious. He smiled at Saihara, “Okie, let’s go back now. You look like you need some sleep. You look pretty terrible y’know?” That was not a total lie. Saihara's usually pretty face was the color of old milk accompanied by dark eye bags and paired an expression that could depress anyone. 

The detective stumbled and wobbled as he tried to get up. Something malicious curdled in the pit of his stomach, and he thought about how Saihara had once just _watched_ as he had stumbled off, covered in blood, head aching. What if he just _watched_ as Saihara struggled? 

“Nishishi Saihara-chan, are you drunk--” Ouma jokes, a grin plastered on his face to cover up those nasty thoughts but he stopped mid-sentence as the detective’s wobbly steps turned into a face-forward fall. He panicked and the joking left his voice as he shouted. 

“Shuichi!” He’s not sure why his first name is what comes tumbling from his mouth as he darted over to him, catching the detective's weight before he could fall forward. His arms are wrapped around Saihara’s torso in what could almost be a hug and he steadied him on his feet before pulling back. Saihara was still swaying slightly so he grabbed one of his hands in hopes it might balance him. Saihara's hand was colder than he remembered it. The detective looked over with those steely eyes, blinking a little too much and mumbled an apology. He was kinda useless like this, but Ouma definitely did not want to spend the night in an awful place like this. Plus Saihara clearly really needed some sleep so getting him back to his room was needed. So he slid himself under the arm of the hand he was holding, allowing Saihara to place some weight on him. Not totally ideal with the height gap but it seemed to steady the detective at least. 

Balancing the detective on one shoulder made carrying the electro hammers back impossible. _Ughhh_. That was not part of the plan. Well, none of this really was. Saihara was not supposed to actually come back after the trial, he was not supposed to actually stay after he berated him. But here he was, body slung over his, needing and depending on someone like him. It was fine, he could improvise. There were more after all. And if he had Saihara on his side, maybe the others wouldn’t need to see this, they could be free from this god-awful sight. There were other ways to delay this game, there had to be. So he left them and began trudging through the deactivated traps. Saihara tried his best but was still shaky, relying on Ouma constantly pulling him over barriers and holding him steady while walking. 

_How the hell did he even get to this point?_ Holding Saihara upright as they crept away from the supposed end of the world. Leaving that video must have really worked on Saihara’s mind huh? He probably had no idea that Ouma was rather sure those were about as bogus as the end of the world. Just flashback lights in different forms, designed to give them _something_ in their brains that would make them willing to kill (or even die). He regretted even watching the thing. But it was not until Tojo said something about not remembering until she saw it that it clicked. They were being fed memories, fed lies of some past. _Secret prime minister of Japan?_ That was almost as big of a joke as his video. 

Kokichi Ouma didn’t have friends. Not in this place and probably not out there either. Especially not ten of them. Even if he can remember names and faces and little moments they shared as if they were real. A little family of people who he held dear and in return cherished his presence, his existence. What a beautiful lie that was. One he didn’t mind indulging himself in, even if he hated himself for it. Imagining a life where his stupid talent was just for playing pranks and having fun. A life he used his skills for thieving from awful people who deserved it with people who felt like family. Not a life where he was locked in a dome and his only chance was to make everyone hate and despise him if he wanted to end this stupid little game. 

He frowned, he couldn’t think about those things now. He had to worry about Saihara on the ladder above him and hope that he could at least make it up without falling and knocking them both to either terrible injury or death. _Ding ding dong_. The thought made him laugh quietly to himself, what a terrible way to go out. Plus it would take all those other dummies ages to find them down there. But by some luck, Saihara made it to the top. Of course, that achievement was followed by the boy promptly collapsing to the ground once again once they were in the greenhouse.

“Sooo clumsy Saihara-chan,” He attempted to sound lighthearted but even he was getting to the point of exhaustion that his acting was slipping, “Upsy daisy.” He pulled him up again, allowing him to use him as a crutch yet again while the detective muttered thanks under his breath. Pinned under Shuichi’s arm and so close to his chest, he could hear the faint beat of his heart as they walked. The sound was oddly comforting as they plod slowly back to the dorms. It took what felt like forever to make it to the outside of the detective's door, which was of course locked. Saihara was still ridiculously out of it, so Kokichi took it upon himself to use his pickpocketing prowess to quickly grab the key out of his pocket and open it himself. Saihara moved off of him finally and while he did not miss the extra weight, he did feel a little empty without that warmth. _What a stupid thing to think..._

He watched closely as Saihara climbed into his bed, still shaky. Standing by his bedside he gave a wave to the other boy, “Alright, nighty night my beloved. Sleep well--” 

“No…” The boy mumbled, looking up at Ouma through thick lashes. “Don’t … wanna… alone… stay.” He reached and grabbed his other hand, squeezing his fingers together. _Saihara-chan really did not understand how to hold hands_. Kokichi bit his lip. He should leave. Saihara was all weak and vulnerable and just staring at him in a way that was making his insides do cartwheels. But at the same time, he can’t refuse. Kokichi could not forget how _lonely_ it had been seeing that and having no one. He had done it on purpose of course but it did not make it suck any less. Saihara deserved someone better taking care of him, the idea of his presence within this dome being wanted or even tolerated was hilarious. 

But he did not resist, wordlessly, he freed his hand from the detectives grasp and sat on the side of the bed. Saihara moved over to the side, gripping a pillow and turning to his side. His face was half down on the pillow and his body curled into an almost fetal position. But it still gave Kokichi enough room to lay on the other side with the other pillow and carefully avoid touching Saihara as he did so. The detective had knocked out almost immediately, his head on the edge of the other pillow close enough that his slow warm breaths danced across his face. The lights were off, but this place never got completely dark, so he could see a sliver of his face where the pillow and hair weren’t covering. 

He stayed up for too long, listening to the slow breathing and heartbeats of the detective laying beside him. It was hardly scandalous, lying on a bed fully clothed, not even under the covers and not touching. But being so close to someone sleeping felt so… intimate nonetheless. He remembered thinking Saihara looked pretty when he slept back when he was all passed out before the insect meet and greet. A thought he had squashed down quickly and easily enough with a whole audience around him. But now they were alone, and Saihara actually wanted him here. He lay like a board, feeling anxiety course through him, he wanted to move, to fidget, to do something but he also really did not want to wake up the boy next to him. The best he could do was chew on his lip. This was not how this day was supposed to end. He should have been alone, forced to deal with what he had done. And now… He had to stop questioning it. Hesitation in a game like this was deadly. He had a valuable asset now, surely, there would no longer have to be a night where they went to sleep with their dead friends' faces fresh in mind. Ouma smiled at the sleeping Saihara, for now, his planning and scheming would have to wait. For now, he would just let himself drown in the comfort of having another human being beside him.

He was not sure how long he was out for but all too soon he was woken up by the doorbell ringing repeatedly. _Hmm_ , no one ever came to see him. Well, except sometimes Saihara… _Oh, oh, oh, oh…. Shit._ He was in Saihara’s room. The events of the last night came flooding back. He looked over as the bell rang again. The detective was still fast asleep, face half down on the pillow, a gross little wet spot of drool under his mouth but beyond that, he had not seemed to move an inch since he had passed out. The loud banging and the sounds of Momota’s voice replaced the ringing, and those seemed to be doing nothing to wake him either. _Should he…_ No, if he was this far gone he needed to sleep right… 

Ouma lightly crawled off the bed and sat with his back to the door, the vibrations of the knocking hitting against his spine. The bell rang again. Saihara was still passed out. The conversation behind the door is muffled but he can make out Momota and the killer girl well enough to figure out what they are saying. 

_“Do ya think he’s okay?”_

_“He said he was a heavy sleeper, didn’t he?”_

_“Ah yeah, apparently he used to be more of the sleeping in type. But the announcement and the ringing…. He could just be ignoring us. Ouma is missing too after all”_

_“Don’t be an idiot. Yesterday was tough for everyone. I’m sure Saihara will be around later. As for the little gremlin, he’s probably off somewhere alone being awful.”_ _  
_  
_“Probably. If you say Shuichi's okay then Harumaki I’ll believe you.”_

_“Don’t call me that. And you are the one who said to believe in him, so that’s what we should do.”_

_“Right….”_

_“He is your sidekick or whatever right?”_ There’s a pause. Ouma wonders if Momota was still all pissy at Saihara going against him in the trial yesterday. Clearly not mad enough to not worry about him missing breakfast. He was absolutely certain this dynamically dumb duo at least would not be knocking on his door to see if _he_ was alright. 

_“Imma check back in on you later Bro! if you don’t answer then I’ll break the door down.”_

After he was pretty sure the two of them walked off, he looked back at Saihara. _Wow, Saihara-chan, a bus could hit you and you'd still be asleep._ He giggled as he watched the boy's chest move slowly while he slept, the only real confirmation he was in fact not actually dead. 

Ouma sat still for a moment, listening outside for any sounds before he stood and cracked open Saihara’s door and checked that the coast was clear. The others had all scattered for the day, so he made his break out of the dorms. He should go back to his own dorm and sleep more but Momota's threat of breaking down doors had him a little more than nervous that he and his killer girl would track him down. He did royally piss everyone off yesterday. So instead he made his way for the basement, constantly checking around him to make sure he was not seen. The only person who ever went to the AV room had been Gonta and well… yeah he’d be alone there. Just like Harukawa had said. That was what he deserved to be, right? 

He remembered the twinkle in Saihara’s eyes as he played along into the lie. He remembered the warmth of his shocked body against his as they crept back to the dorms, the warmth of his breath as he slept. He swallowed hard. He had Saihara for now, but he would not let himself get attached. He could not allow himself to become reliant. Even the best-made plans crumbled. He dug his fingers into his thigh before curling up on one of the uncomfortable couches in the AV room and hoped he could at least doze off for a bit without being interrupted. 

_Nothing good ever lasted in this place anyhow._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More angst? Yes. But I do intend for there to be some more lighthearted moments in between the heavier stuff.


	12. exploration

Shuichi's eyes opened slowly, even moving his eyelids felt like a herculean task. His body felt like it had been run over, but he was pretty sure he had not slept that deeply since he got here. No dreams, no nightmares, just nothingness. He stretched out his limbs, feeling how tight his muscles were and the slight popping in his joints as he did. He was not under his covers and was still dressed in his clothes. Right. Yesterday. He made his way to the bathroom, staring at his own pale face in the mirror before it transformed. Flashes of the day appeared instead of his own reflection. Miu’s face contorted and agonized, Gonta's face swollen and pained, Kaito's face bloody and betrayed, Kokichi’s face malicious and dark, and a world burnt and empty and destroyed. Hands gripped tight on the cool porcelain of the sink as his breath grew ragged and sweat dripped off of icy skin. He felt his stomach tighten and turn and bile crept up into his throat. He squeezed his eyes shut. _Breathe Shuichi. Breathe_. He allowed air to slowly go in and out his nose. He splashed cold water on his face and the panic continued to slow. _It’s fine, it's alright, it’s okay._ He repeated over and over. That world was not real. He was going to stop this game. No one else was going to suffer. No more. 

He showered, letting the warm water against his back calm him. Shuichi tried his best to keep his mind away from those images, especially the one of the outside world. He does not remember much after seeing that, memories past the doors opening were blurry at best. But he remembered Kokichi, looking at him with concern, holding him up, practically carrying him to his room. The same boy who had proclaimed with venom that he loved to see them all suffer only hours before. He had spent so much time trying to figure him out, sorting through the lies and the joking. But still, after everything he showed him, trusted him with… could he really be sure he wasn’t being tricked? Kokichi was the embodiment of a lie after all, full of tricks, constantly manipulating others to suit his whims. Maybe he was a fool. A fool to spend so much time with him on his mind, a fool to go to his room, a fool to follow him to that place. Soapy water pooled around his feet like the guilt in his stomach. Guilt for constantly having to send people to their deaths, guilt for making his best friend in this place angry at him, guilt for trusting someone who did something so terrible. He stepped out and dried off, feeling only a little better than the wreck he had woken up as.

As he put on his uniform, the bell rang multiple times. He called out that he was coming and frantically buttoned up his jacket and opened the door to Kaito whose expression looked a little… annoyed. Right. Yesterday, Kaito had been so upset. Of course, he wouldn’t be over that, but he had come to his door. 

Kaito rubbed his head. “Damn Shuichi, how heavy do you sleep?” 

“Huh?” Shuichi nervously responded. 

“I knocked earlier and I got nothing.” His hands were crossed over his chest and he was not looking at Shuichi. _Awkward._

“Oh, I guess it just took me a while to fall asleep last night.” It was not a total lie. But nor was it the whole truth. A lie of omission. 

“Oh.” Kaito’s voice sounded hoarser than normal. Was he just angry or was his throat still irritated? What was wrong with him anyway? He wanted to ask but he could read Kaito well enough to know that he would not take that line of questioning well. 

Shuichi smiled softly, hoping to mend some of whatever was going on between them, “What time is it?” 

Kaito sighed and gave a gruff response, “Few hours past the morning announcement.” 

“I’m sorry Kaito. I-I didn’t mean to worry everyone.” His voice sounded timid again. 

“Those dark circles look a little lighter but not gonna lie Shuichi ya still kinda look like shit, are you okay?” Kaito was looking at him again thankfully, concern in his eyes. He looked like some protective big brother like that but it was an expression he preferred to the ones he remembered Kaito giving him yesterday. 

“It was a rough night.” Shuichi’s hand moved to his head as if to pull on the brim of the phantom cap that was no longer on his head. He settled for pushing his still-damp hair back slightly. Even if he had his doubts, it felt wrong to say anything about last night. About the time he spent with Kokichi. He had made a deal and as much as that scared him, it would be wrong to not follow through. 

“Yeah… I get ya, sidekick.” Maybe Kaito’s worry for him was outweighing his annoyance for now at least. 

The tension in the air between them however was still palpable, a heaviness “Should I go tell the others I’m alright?” 

“Well, yeah but first you know we kinda need ya for something.” Kaito looked away again. 

Shuichi tilted his head, “Hmm?”

“Damn bear gave us more of those little gadgets to open up new places and they" He paused, “… _we_ decided it was better to wait until you could help us.” 

“Oh. Uh…” Shuichi looked at the ground, “I’m still not feeling super good so would you mind walking around with me?” He half expected him to refuse. After all, Kaito was not one for personal space and when he visited usually he typically came right in and would sling an arm around him. Now he was standing firmly at a distance, as if just being near Shuichi was a pain. 

“I -uh- well... “Kaito’s voice was strained and it was unlike him to hesitate and stumble over words like this. He punched his fist against his hand, “If my sidekick needs me then what kinda hero would I be if I didn’t help him out.” His words lacked their usual enthusiasm but Shuichi was taking it as a victory.

“Thanks, Kaito!” Kaito remained rather stiff as he handed Shuichi the two keys and he looked over them. One looked incredibly old and the other looked super futuristic. There were a couple of doors they had not opened yet, it made sense to check them first. He told Kaito about the black and white door by the gym and the one near his lab were likely candidates and they made their way. They walked silently. Shuichi did not usually mind silence but from Kaito it was just unnerving. Clearly, Shuichi was not the only one of the two that was holding back from saying things. It was an uncomfortable arrangement but at least he hadn’t lost Kaito completely, right? 

They ran into Himiko and Tsumugi on the way and Kaito somehow managed to distance himself even more as they chatted. They chided him for missing breakfast and Shuichi apologized and told them his suspicions for the keys. He was pretty sure he heard some sort of huff from Kaito while he talked, but he would deal with that later. The old looking key fit perfectly in the door, clicking open with ease. Inside they were met with a curricular staircase that seemed to go on forever. Kaito took off first, claiming he would make sure it was safe for the others. Himiko whined about how tall it was but with Tsumugi’s encouragement seemed willing enough to go up. Shuichi followed the others. His legs burned as he climbed on and on but he finally made it to the top. The other three were standing in front of a very obviously space-themed door. This must be another Ultimate Lab… it must be…

“This has gotta be my lab! Finally!” Kaito’s voice was excited but strained as if he was trying to hide just how much the stairs had worn him out. _He really was sick… what’s going on Kaito?_ But with all he was hiding from Kaito, it seemed only fair that the astronaut was hiding things from him as well. 

“So many stairs… I’m gonna need a piggyback ride back, my mana is all out now.” Himiko whined.

“C’mon, this is exciting, the final stage is here after all!” Kaito exclaimed. 

“Nyeh?” Himiko whined but it did nothing to dampen Kaito’s enthusiasm. Kaito opened the door to his lab and the others filed in. It looked like the cockpit of a spaceship. Tsumugi asked Kaito questions which he answered with far more enthusiasm than Shuichi had gotten from him all day, but Shuichi can’t really focus on their talk of simulators and such. 

Himiko had walked over to the area that looked like an alien planet and had picked something up. She called over Shuichi and he joined her. 

“Look, it says it’s about the Gofer Project,” She said. He looked over the papers she was holding on and sure enough, it was some sort of pamphlet on the project they had finally remembered earlier. He quickly read over the first page, it talked about meteorites and saving humanity. And to place people of exceptional talent as seeds of hope for the new world. And then it was all blacked out…

Kaito called over, “Hey, what did you all find? This is my lab after all.”Shuichi handed over the packet and Kaito read it out loud to the group, Himiko and Tsumugi with almost identical expressions of open mouth surprise. “What the hell, why is it all blacked out? Monokuma must have done this shit!” Kaito crushed the paper slightly between his hands. Shuichi almost told him to be careful but bit his lip, unwilling to upset the delicate truce they seemed to be in. 

“Doesn’t that plainly remind you of something?” Tsumugi called out, holding her hand up like she was in class or something.  
  
“Remind me of something?” Shuichi asked. 

“It’s referenced in all sorts of things you know? The story of Noah’s Ark. If I plainly remember that was built of Gofer wood, seems rather fitting if you ask me.” 

“Hmm, that does kinda make sense I think,” Himiko added. 

“Tch it doesn’t really make all that much sense. We need more than this shit” Kaito grumbled. “Was there no flashback light in here?” 

The girls shook their heads. Shuichi’s mouth thinned. So they were still on the look for the flashback lights. The idea of restoring memories sounded nice and there was a part of him that wanted to understand more about the Gofer Project and the meteors and the funeral. But another voice in his head was screaming not to trust it. They could not trust everything Monokuma gave them as the truth right? Even if it felt right and made sense… Maybe Angie was right to smash that light back then. The whole meteor thing was leading them down a dangerous path, a path that led to that horrible door and that horrible sight. And if that was actually real... He felt his heart start pounding in his chest again. _No it wasn't real... they were being lied to..._

“Uh Shuichi, you look like you are gonna pass out or something.” Kaito was looking at him confused, the girls were no longer in the lab. He must have spaced out, he wiped his sleeve across his surprisingly sweaty forehead. Even thinking about that place was still having an effect on him. And while Kaito was keeping his distance, there was still concern in those furrowed brows. For someone who was both sick and angry at him to be so worried about him, he must be looking pretty rough. 

They made their way to the top floor in complete awkward silence once again, Kaito looking over to check on him periodically which was at least reassuring. Upon reaching the top floor they ran into Maki exiting Shuichi’s own lab. Kaito enthusiastically called her over to which she looked to the side and pulled on her hair in response.

“So you're up.” Maki looked at him.

‘Uhh yeah sorry about that. Guess I just was really tired.” He shuffled nervously under her intense glare.  
  
“Yeah… Are you two looking for new areas?” Maki asked cooly. 

“You betcha. The sidekick thinks this wall up here might be something. What about you Maki-roll?” Kaito seemed to be trying a little harder to be up to his usual level of enthusiasm. Must be for Maki. Maybe he didn’t want her to know that there was definitely something wrong between them. 

“I’m worried that little cretin is planning something so I counted all the weapons in my lab and I’m taking inventory on the poisons in yours. I haven’t seen him anywhere so he must be hiding.” She bit at her thumb.

“We’re not gonna worry about that little shit, but still a pretty smart idea there Maki-roll” Kaito beamed at her and Maki looked away, her cheeks looking a litter redder than normal. Shuichi remained silent, fearing any more talk of Kokichi would just make him feel guilty for hiding so much from his friends. 

“Did I miss anything else?” Maki asked. 

“Yeah you totally missed the most important place in this school is now open. The Ultimate Astronaut’s Lab!” Kaito punched the air as he spoke. 

Maki rolled her eyes, “That doesn’t sound very important. I meant something like a flashback light.”  
  
“Wh- Maki-roll of course it is! C’mon now don’t say that! Just because there wasn’t a light does not mean it is not the most important place in this school!” Kaito exclaimed. 

Maki scoffed in response and the two of them argued a bit more. Shuichi used the chance to go over to the strange wall and examine it. He still had both keys. He tried the one he had not used yet even though the futuristic one did not fit this aesthetic at all. It didn’t work. He tried the other one and it slid in and turned without issue. That was of course until it started beeping. 

“Watch out, I think it’s going to explode.” Shuichi ran back and crouched down, covering his neck. To the side, he saw Maki and Kaito do the same, Kaito using his arm to shield Maki. The wall exploded and debris flew everywhere, leaving behind an ominous red door.

“Another Ultimate Lab?” Maki said as she examined the door, “If you all just opened the Ultimate Astronaut Lab then the only ones remaining should be….”

“Rantaro and Kokichi.” Shuichi finished, nodding. 

“Whatever, let's just open it.” Kaito replied clearly annoyed and moved to turn the knob and nothing happened, “What the fuck?” 

The door handle was not budging under Kaito’s violent turns. Shuichi jumped as he heard Monokuma’s voice behind them. He was annoying as always but at the very least informed them that doors of Ultimate Labs of students who are already dead will remain closed before poofing off yet again. At least he answered whose door it was. But as always that left them with more questions than answers yet again. 

“That’s bullshit.” Kaito and Maki responded in unison and Shuichi could not help but agree. Rantaro had known something he was not telling them. The door was not even a good enough clue for them to guess his talent. Maki exclaimed that this was pointless and the two boys agreed and they left together. At least with Maki around, Kaito had her to talk to and they didn’t have to be in complete silence. Shuichi did not contribute to their banter, but rather stewed more on just what could be in Rantaro Amami’s Ultimate Lab. He didn't come to any conclusions. 

Maki walked with them until they reached her lab, where she left to take inventory again. The awkward silence between him and Kaito quickly resumed. Luckily they weren’t along for too long as they ran into Keebo as soon as they made it back to the first floor. Keebo approached them. “Shuichi, about time you showed up!” The robot chided him. 

“Oh sorry Keebo, I didn’t mean to sleep in so late and worry everyone.” Shuichi smiled and rubbed his head.  
  
“That is fine. I have something more important to tell you. I found something quite odd outside my lab and I think you should check it out as the Ultimate Detective!” Keebo’s hands were on his hips and he looked quite proud of whatever discovery he made.

“Yeah, of course. I still have another key, maybe that’s it.” He held up the futuristic key that he still had left after losing the other one in the explosion debris.

“That is very possible!” Keebo exclaimed. 

Shuichi nodded, “Let’s go then, are you coming Kaito?”

Kaito cleared his throat, looking away from Shuichi. “I’m gonna go rest.” He replied, clearly taking his chance to escape from playing nice with Shuichi. It stung a bit but… it was fair enough. He did not want to imagine just how furious his friend would be if he knew the full truth of what he did yesterday.

“Oh, uh okay. We can all meet for lunch right?” Shuichi asked timidly at his friends retreating back. 

Kaito shrugged and gave a mumbled ‘Sure” as he walked off. Well, not much he could do about that now. He exited the school and made his way through the grounds with Keebo which was a much more pleasant experience than the awkwardness with Kaito at least. Keebo seemed to be in good enough spirits but there was a noticeable pause when Miu was brought up. He must miss her. They were close after all, in a strange kind of way. Oddly, he is the only one of his classmates that had not brought up Kokichi in complete contempt. The robot just seemed genuinely curious where he was though he did still warn that they should be wary of his actions. But compared to the others, that was quite different. He too wondered just where Kokichi was. Trailing all over the school he had not seen him once. Was he still in his room? Was he hiding? 

Keebo complained about how sci-fi the building was and Shuichi had to agree. This place was just… weird. Super high tech and shiny. It reminded him of… he tried not to think about that place again. They made it to the end of the hallway and he saw the door, covered with a geometrical forcefield. And despite his best efforts to push it away, his mind flashed back to that room and that sight of a destroyed world. His knees buckled beneath him once more. 

“Shuichi!” Keebo called out, grabbing him by the arm and yanking him up, “What happened? Did you trip? You look very pale.” The concern in the robot's voice made him smile. 

Luckily for him, he does not have to answer to Keebo because Monokuma took his chance to show up and be annoying as ever as he explained the purpose for this new area. He told them some ridiculously long password of numbers to open up the gate as well as handing Shuichi a switch for it. 

“You did not ask me to remember the number sequence?” Keebo asked as Shuichi hit the switch to open the door.  
  
“Uhh no, why would I when we have the switch?” Shuichi asked.  
  
“Good. It would have been very robophobic of you to expect me to do such a thing as remember a large sequence of numbers.” Keebo beamed.  
  
“Uhh right,” Shuichi responded, unsure as usual as to what kind of responses Keebo deemed appropriate but he seemed to get it right this time at least. 

Behind the door was exactly what Monokuma said it would be, a hangar for the now-defunct exisals. They were all sitting motionless to the side. At least they did not have those to worry about now with the obnoxious Monokubs all gone. He definitely did not miss them. The hangar is full of all sorts of robotic things to care for the exisals. And despite Keebo’s insistence on disliking the sci-fi aesthetic seemed way more interested in the place than Shuichi. He asked if he should give himself a paint job to which Shuichi said no, and debated the need to use the wash area after that. But Keebo was now fixated on a panel next to the large ominous press that took up a good portion of the hangar. 

“Shuichi! Read this!” Keebo called out.

“Uhh Okay.” He read out loud the instructions for controlling the press and the details of its safety function. 

“Do you think it would recognize me as a living being?” Keebo questioned, head tilted and hand on his chin. 

Shuichi paused, so that’s what he was all worked up about. “I… don’t know Keebo. But I think of you as a living being. You’re my friend.” 

Keebo looked embarrassed and his face looked redder somehow. “That is very kind of you Shuichi. But I still want to try.”

“Try what?” He asked but his question was quickly answered by Keebo laying down on the press. 

Keebo looked up at him. “Please Shuichi, press the button to make the press go down. I need to know what will happen if it detects me.”

“But-” Shuichi looked at Keebo shocked. 

“I need to know Shuichi, I just will not be able to rest peacefully without trying this.” Keebo interrupted. 

“It’s dangerous Keebo!” Shuichi looked down at the press and just how ominous it looked. It clearly was meant to crush the strongest of materials, and he did not even know what Keebo was made out of. 

“I will move if it doesn’t please do not worry. Trust me” Keebo asserted and he was more than certain that his mind was made up and he would not change it. He would just have to trust that he could move in time. Shuichi hesitantly pressed the down button on the console. The press moved slowly thankfully, going down at a snail's pace. However, it did not slow at all as it approached the robot's body. But before he could call out in a panic, Keebo rolled away from the press before it slammed down on the bottom metal plate. Keebo seemed a bit more panicked when he emerged yelling at him for not forcing the stop and then looking rather down that he had not been perceived as a human. Shuichi attempted to reassure him but it did not work all that well. But at least Keebo agreed to come along with him to meet the others for lunch. 

Everyone gathered in the dining hall for lunch, a meal they did not normally bother eating at the same time. But as Himiko felt the need to remind them all that since Shuichi slept in they did not have a proper morning meeting. He apologized again. No one brought up the elephant in the room. Or rather the person not in the room with them. Kaito boisterously told everyone about the greatness of his lab and the document they found in it. Shuichi listened as the others tried to piece it together with their other memories and said nothing when they all agreed they needed another flashback light and bemoaned the fact they did not find one on their search. Maki relayed to the others about Rantaro’s lab and Keebo told everyone about the exisal hangar (excluding their little experiment with the press- he must have still been upset about that). Shuichi did not talk much. He sat at the table with his head rested on his hand as he listened and ate some lukewarm miso soup with his other hand. Honestly, he was still feeling a little drained and jittery. He must have looked it because he received a number of sympathetic glances from his friends the whole time they ate. Even Kaito glanced at him ever so often, tight-lipped and furrowed brows giving his face a strange combination of concern and frustration. But despite the attention from the others, his mind kept wandering to the one person amongst their numbers that was not in the dining hall. 

They all finished up and began to disperse but before Shuichi left he went over to grab some of the wrapped onigiri from the food area and placed them in a paper bag.

“Whatcha taking food with ya for Shuichi?” Kaito looked over at him from where he was still sitting and chatting with Maki. 

“Oh… I just figured I’d probably be hungry later since I skipped breakfast. Gotta keep my energy up for training after all.” Shuichi smiled over at them but the back of his mind was just questioning if Kaito would even want to train with him. He seemed rather back and forth on whether he was worried about Shuichi or was trying to spend as little time with him as possible. 

“Hell yeah. That’s the spirit.” Kaito’s grinned and gave him his usual thumbs up. It looked very forced. Shuichi isn’t really sure if it’s because of whatever sickness thing is going on with him or if it’s just that lingering awkwardness between them. He feared it was the latter, and that it was yet again an act for Maki. To be fair, he had just lied to them. The food was not for him. 

He thought some more about the weirdness between him and Kaito as he walked around the school again. He felt he could eliminate the areas he had checked earlier at the least. So that left the classroom by the basement and the basement itself. He checked the classroom and nothing, trying his best not to remember the time he had spent in here before Kaede had rolled that shot-put ball. _The shot put that Kokichi claimed would not have worked… what did he even mean by that? Was he ever going to find out?_ He checked the library next, eyes lingered on the secret door. _Would he finally figure out the question he had dropped too easily? Had he really been right- was there a mastermind among the seven of them?_ He went to the game room and it was empty so all that was left was the AV room. And luckily enough, there he found the person that had alluded everyone all day. Kokichi Ouma, his small frame sprawled across one of the couches, curled up with his hand under his head like he was napping. 

Shuichi had hoped that seeing Kokichi again after a full night's sleep would trigger some sort of emotional response. A response that could tell him if he was on the right path or not, either some sort of reassurance that trusting Kokichi was not a mistake or one that alerted him that he was in fact being tricked once more. But when he looked into his violet eyes, he felt neither of those things. He felt... confused... twisted but at the same time relieved to see him. “I found you.” He called out, to which Kokichi responded by opening one eye although he was pretty certain he had been aware of his presence the moment he opened the door.

“Congrats detective, you want a prize or something?” Kokichi said, his words oozing with sarcasm as he looked over at him, bleary-eyed. 

“Uh no. I brought you something. No one saw you in the dining hall so I figured you might be hungry.” He held up his offering of wrapped up onigiri. Kokichi eyed him appraisingly before snatching the bag out of his hands. His suspicion was confirmed, Kokichi must have been hungry judging by the way he was scarfing down the rice balls. 

“Uh, you look pretty tired, did you sleep?” Shuichi broke the silence as Kokichi finished his food. 

“Nope, someone kept me up _ALLLLL_ night with their snoring.” He whined, laying back down on the couch dramatically once he finished. 

“Oh, so that wasn’t a dream.” Shuichi vaguely remembered Kokichi in his own bed, but he had figured that was just his imagination since so many of his thoughts had been on that boy that day.

Kokichi sat up and tilted his head, “Me in your bed? _Nope_. You were quite insistent on me staying.”  
  
Shuichi looked down at the floor, heat flooding to his cheeks at whatever his delirious past self must have said. “Oh uh, sorry.” 

“Neheehee do you think I didn’t enjoy it? Plus the snoring thing was a total lie. You sleep like a dead person actually, it’s pretty scary Shuichi.” Kokichi frowned. Shuichi tried not to think too much about the fact that Kokichi had been in his room, his bed, watching him sleep. 

“Uh, yeah, apparently I missed knocking on my door,” Shuichi admitted.

That was met with a grimace from Kokichi, “Yeah your stupid friend is really annoying ya know.” 

He ignored the slight against Kaito. He felt kind of bad to not only have demanded Kokichi stay with him but then also to have that end up with Kokichi being woken up by someone he really did not seem to care much for. So he changed the subject, “So what are you doing in here?”

His lips curled into an impish smile, as he responded in an innocent tone, “Watching dirty videos.”

“Wait-wha..” Kokichi burst in laughter as Shuichi stammered, face heating up from the memory of stumbling upon _those_ kinds of videos before in here with Kaede once upon a time. “You’re lying again.” 

“Oh calm down Shuichi. Just pick a movie for me. I wanna watch something.” Kokichi yawned. 

“Uh sure.” Shuichi does not quite understand why he was being asked to do such a thing but he goes over the shelf regardless. However, he does avoid that particular shelf. The one he landed on seemed full of documentaries. “Well... you probably don’t want to watch a documentary about the police.”

“Why not?” Kokichi asked.  
  
Shuichi frowned, that was not quite the reaction he was expecting, “Aren’t you a leader of an evil organization?”

“Aww, you remembered. Well, that's true but I do respect cops a little you know. They go after the bad guys even if everyone hates them for it. Isn’t that why you do your boring little detective thing? Even if it makes people mad you still try and do the right thing. That’s pretty amazing isn’t it?” Kokichi sounded surprisingly sincere. 

Shuichi was not quite sure what to do with that response, “Uhh. I guess.”

“Next!” Kokichi cried out. 

“Well, these all look like documentaries, there's uh bugs... “ There was an awkward silence, which Shuichi moved to quickly end, “This one is about criminal organizations?” He asked, a bit more hopefully. 

“Aww don’t make me cry Shumai,” Kokichi’s eyes narrowed. “I don’t wanna watch something about people taking when they could be giving. How heartless of you, that kind of stuff makes my heartache you know.” His eyes were gleaming with tears but he knew how easily Kokichi could make himself cry. But still, he felt awkward. 

He moved to another shelf that seemed to have more fictional fare on it, “Uh there’s some anime here?”

Kokichi pouted, “Boo. That’s full of all sorts of childish crap. All the stuff about heroes of justice and evil leaders is so unrelatable you know? Total BS” 

_Evil leaders were BS huh_ … that did not even begin to make sense. It seemed pointless to question, however, so he moved on, looking at the next shelf. “How about a comedy?”

“Oh, that’s perfect. Comedies are nice because you don't have to think when you watch them. My head's always filled with complicated thoughts.”

“Yeah, that makes sense.” Kokichi did seem to have way more on his mind than he had ever known after all. Shuichi pulled one of the comedies off the shelf, hoping Kokichi would be fine with whatever he had grabbed first. 

“I'm not surprised the Ultimate Detective figured out this secret of mine. No matter how many times I'm reborn, I'll be no match for the likes of you. C’mere stay and watch it with me!” Kokichi pats the couch next to him with a wide grin. 

“Comedy isn't really my thing.” Shuichi hesitated. He had wanted to check in on Kokichi. But he had expected maybe a serious talk. Some more information about their plan. Something… substantial. But Kokichi looked so tired and maybe it would not be so bad to just relax for a moment. Maybe he would feel like he understood him more and feel better about trusting him and sneaking behind his friend's backs. He turned the movie on and took his seat next to Kokichi on the very hard couch. Kokichi immediately scooted right next to him. He opened his mouth to ask why he was sitting so close but something made him decide against it and he accepted it and turned his attention to the movie. 

The movie turned out to be more entertaining than he expected. The humor wasn't stupid and crude like the usual fare he had been exposed to but actually rather witty and clever. He actually found himself laughing out loud at some of the clever one-liners, to which Kokichi looked over at him gleefully. They both laughed as the movie began to have a plot and Shuichi found himself way more engaged in the two main leads than he expected. The misunderstanding between them that neither would acknowledge and he could not guess how they would end up talking for real since they seemed unable to talk genuinely. In the end, the movie had actually done its job and took his mind off everything else for a moment. It finished and Kokichi demanded another one, but at least he did not make him play guessing games and Kokichi jumped up and grabbed an action movie before resuming his place next to Shuichi. _Was he even closer this time?_

The action movie was not nearly as good. The plot was convoluted and the characters just plain unlikable. Before he could turn to ask Kokichi what he thought, he felt a soft weight fall on his shoulder accompanied by slow warm breaths dancing on his neck. Kokichi had fallen asleep. As many expressions he had seen on Kokichi Ouma’s face, nothing really prepared him for how serene he looked while sleeping curled up against his shoulder. 

He stared at the screen but he wasn’t really watching the movie anymore (which was really no loss in his mind). He hears the voices and explosions but his attention is on the weight on his shoulder. The warm breath he could feel through his uniform near his collar made any interest he had in the conflict in the movie evaporate. He tried his best not to move, and to let Kokichi get any rest that he could. Shuichi felt… warm looking over at the mop of purplish-black hair cascading over his shoulder. And for whatever reason, he was a little too aware of his own heart beating in his chest. The rest of the movie played as they sat there until a loud bang from an action scene in the final moments of the film caused Kokichi to stir. 

He looked up at Shuichi, a sleepy grin on his face, “Ooh was I sleeping? Did you drug me Shuichi?”

“No. Don’t joke like that Kokichi.” Shuichi chided, but it came off as more fond than annoyed. 

“Okaaaaay. Sorry if I drooled all over you. Or no. I’m not sorry that’s pretty funny if I did.” Kokichi smirked. They were still so close. Why did some part of him want to reach up and push back the strand of Kokichi’s hair that had gotten ruffled while he slept? 

“You didn’t” Shuichi shook his head, feeling like he was in some sort of trance as the two of them held eye contact. For a moment, neither of them spoke. They just sat there. It was not awkward like all those silences with Kaito earlier. It's comfortable and loaded with something Shuichi cannot quite put to words. But it could not last forever, he bit his lip “It’s kinda late now. I should go get dinner. I don’t want Kaito hunting me down for skipping another meal.”

Kokichi scooted away and he felt whatever was going on between them fade, “Yeah yeah go hang out with your real friends. I don’t really care anyways. I’ll be able to watch the movie way easier without you _boring_ me so much I fall asleep.” 

“Right…” Shuichi stood still, wishing he could stay longer and escape from all his worries. But he didn’t want the others looking for him. That would only put Kokichi in a tough place as well after all. The others would not react well to seeing Kokichi after _all that_ … (without knowing why he did what he did, nor would he after all). Saving everyone would have to involve a little lying whether he liked it or not.  
  
“Oh calm down, it’s a lie. You would never bore me my dearest detective.” Kokichi’s words were silky and that tone of voice sent Shuichi’s stomach into knots. 

“Yeah, of course.” He smiled awkwardly, hoping his cheeks weren’t red again from watching Kokichi looking at him like _that._

Kokichi shooed him off with a wave of his hand, “Go, go go, hang out with your real friends. Take this with you.” He shoved him a scrap of paper into his hand. 

In the game room after shutting the door, he could hear another movie starting up in the A/V room. But it was not the action one from before. If he wasn’t mistaken it was the very same bug documentary he had purposely skipped over, the one that Gonta had come down here to watch quite often. _Hmmm… Did Kokichi feel guilty? Was he missing Gonta like the rest of them after all? Or maybe even more than they did?_ Part of him wanted to turn back, offer some comfort. Do the grieving that he never really gave the time to do. Had they all become so heartless after their friend's deaths? Gonta and Miu were hardly even mentioned today by him or the others. But he did not turn back. Surely Kokichi needed his space, didn't need another person there as a reminder that the events of yesterday were partially his fault. Shuichi gave one last look at the door and promised himself he would say a proper goodbye to the ones they lost yesterday as well some day. 

He stared at the piece of paper that Kokichi had handed him as he walked up to the dining hall…. _5, 9, 13, 17… What did that mean?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will probably regret not editing this more before posting. Movie preferences are referenced from Salmon Mode. The investigation part is relatively similar just shifted since I think Kaito's protective instincts would almost override his anger (not entirely though). But some time for other characters and a nice moment not full of drama for once at least. 
> 
> Thanks so much for the kind words on this story so far, I hope you continue to enjoy it.


	13. questions

Shuichi Saihara missed certainty. Knowing what was right and wrong. The truth from the lies. There was no such thing in a place like this. But then again maybe he should have known far earlier that certainty was an illusion. He remembered being certain when he solved that murder case, only to be slapped with the reality that the truth was not always pretty. Exposing the truth could expose the worst sorts of things. He had put a man in jail who did wrong things, but for all the right reasons. Was that the truth he wanted? His truths had kept them alive to this point, but had sent 4 classmates, 4 friends to their deaths. That certainty had saved them, but it also hurt. It hurt knowing people he had cared for, people he had trusted, were capable of such things. But there was something so comfortable about being certain. He missed being certain that he was fulfilling Kaede’s last wish. He missed being certain in Kaito’s friendship. He missed being certain that the memories in his own brain were true. Now all that remained was uncertainty. 

Dinner was an awkward affair. Kaito was quiet and very purposefully sat on the other end of the table from Shuichi. Maki had joined him, looking between them confused. She would pick up on it soon enough. But she was not the mediator type. Fixing that would take the two of them actually talking. Yet, he was not so sure that sort of thing was even possible at this point. Kaito was hiding whatever was going on with him. And Shuichi was hiding… a lot of things. He thought about Kokichi leaning on his shoulder and imagined Kaito and Maki’s faces if they had walked in and saw that. He shivered. That would not be a pretty sight. The others make small talk with him but Shuichi does not have it in him to give more than one-word responses. He can't bring himself to join in their enthusiasm in looking for the flashback light tomorrow nor can he bring himself to tell them he thinks they should maybe not look for it at all. 

He looked around at the table. Keebo. Himiko. Tsumugi. Maki. Kaito. Were they all hiding something? Was one of them hiding that they were also the mastermind- the real one behind their suffering? It pained him to even think about it. To think that one of these faces could be lying to them all. _No_. He didn’t want to believe it but… he had not wanted to believe that any of them had been capable of murder and yet there was a reason there were only 6 of them at this dinner and only 7 people alive in this entire school. Doubt may be necessary but he would not let it consume him. He had to believe too. Believe that they would make it out. Believe that he could make that happen. Believe that Kokichi and his baffling clues and cryptic hints would lead them all to the answers they needed to end this game once and for all. 

He stood up to put away his dishes and most of the others did the same. It really was so quiet with so few of them now. To his surprise, Kaito walked over to where he was standing. 

“You’ve been kinda quiet.” Kaito finally addressed him, although the way Maki was standing so close, Shuichi had a feeling it was not on his own accord. 

“Oh yeah, just still not feeling too good I guess.” Shuichi rubbed his neck.  
  
Kaito cleared his throat, a strange expression that Shuichi could not quite figure out on his face, “Well, no training tonight then or until ya feel better. Maybe tomorrow.” 

“Slackers,” Maki muttered, which made Kaito and Shuichi both smile. And for a moment all felt normal but that faded quickly as Kaito looked away from Shuichi and Shuichi looked to the floor. Kaito walked out of the dining room with a terse goodbye and Maki followed, eyes narrowed, clearly trying to process the whole awkwardness going on in their group. Too many secrets being kept, surely an assassin could understand that. At least that connection was not totally severed. He didn’t want to give up the friendship he built with Kaito and Maki. Hopefully, he did not have to. A kind lie. A lie that could help them all in the end. _Maybe_. Hopefully. Surely neither of them was actually the mastermind, right?

 _No_ , Shuichi told himself. He would not think like that. Doubting may be necessary but he would not do it without cause or reason. He did not have that yet. He still had so much to figure out about this game. Being a detective to solve the murders was not enough anymore. He would have to solve the mystery of this killing school semester (or whatever Monokuma had deemed it). He sat back down in the now empty dining hall and put his head down. As night time began to creep upon him, so had all of the thoughts and questions weighing on him. He no longer had the distractions of mealtimes, exploring the school, or watching movies with Kokichi. Now it was just him. And the pressure he felt to figure things out. To figure out how to keep his friends without hurting them or lying to them. To figure out if someone among them was actually working against them, stabbing them all in the back. To figure out if working with Kokichi really would be all he wanted it to be. Would be able to at least keep a fraction of his promise? To escape this school with at least some people alive, and after that… could they still be friends? With each trial the pain and anger only grew, they weren’t the same people that Shuichi remembered from the day he stumbled out of that locker. He knew he wasn’t. For better or for worse, probably a little of both. He was stronger, more confident, thanks to Kaede’s love and Kaito’s friendship. But he also had shied away from solving the bigger mysteries at play here, Kokichi had reminded him of that. 

He wondered if Kokichi was still watching movies. He had been alone in the dining hall for some time now, there were only a couple of hours before the nighttime announcement surely. But he did not really want to go back to his room. Something about being alone there seemed even more daunting. Less space for his thoughts to echo around and haunt him maybe. Sitting in here with his head down wrapped in his arms on the dining table was oddly comforting so maybe it was okay if he didn't’ move for a bit. He could just sit here. Sit here and hope everything would be alright, and that he would somehow be strong enough to make it through this hell. 

The sound of the door creaking open ripped him from his thoughts, “Are you like brooding or something? Should I go?” Kokichi was standing by the door that opened into the hallway, hands behind his head looking at Shuichi with a typical impish grin.

“Brooding?” Shuichi repeated.

Kokichi walked over to the table, leaning over Shuichi, “Yeah, isn’t that a thing emo’s like you do?”

Shuichi looked up at Kokichi’s pouty expression which was now inches away, “Emo?” 

Kokichi waved his hands in front of his face, “Whoa earth to Shuichi! Are ya in there? What’s with all the one-word responses? Did someone smack your head in and give you brain damage?” Shuichi swatted away his hands which caused Kokichi to crack up laughing. “Now that’s more like it.” The detective was not sure how to respond but something about the soft smile on Kokichi’s face caused his lips to turn up into one as well. 

Kokichi went back to the food area, grabbing random items before calling back to him, “Hey Shuichi, want some tea?” 

He had heard Kokichi demand food and tea plenty of times, but he had never heard him ever offer to get something for someone else. He figured that was just to be expected with his talent after all. Staring at Kokichi blinking in surprise, he realized he had forgotten to answer, “Y-yes, please. That sounds nice.” Kokichi does not respond but he hears an almost laugh like hum from the kitchen as he heated up some water. 

Setting two steaming mugs down, Kokichi took the seat across from him at the table. He curled his legs underneath and blew on his own mug. “I put lots of salt in your just how you like it.”

Shuichi gave a slight smile. Maybe Kokichi felt the need to lie after doing something so out of character. So, instead of scolding him, he took a sip. “ _Mmm_ , it’s perfect. Thank you.” It actually was. Just the perfect amount of sweetness balanced in the bitter ginger tea. He must have used honey, which was how Shuichi always made it. Kokichi must have done them separately because looking over at the other's mug, he can see that there is milk in his tea. He wondered how Kokichi had guessed how to make his tea just as he liked it. 

“I knew you liked gross stuff. You are actually a secret freak who drinks things like pickle juice for fun aren’t you?” Kokichi was smiling even wider after the compliment. Maybe he was just worn out, but as annoying as it was to not just get a simple thank you, he would take it as one regardless. They drank their tea in silence, Kokichi also snacking on various food items he had grabbed from the kitchen. Shuichi tried not to think of the very strange collection of flavors that he had picked out, the idea of eating all the extremely spicy and sweet foods he had grabbed made his stomach turn. After he finished his bizarrely constructed dinner, Kokichi skipped off to the trash can and then back to his seat, where he proceeded to place his elbows on the table, head in his hands, and stare at Shuichi as he finished off his tea. 

Shuichi wished he had his hat so he could hide from that insistent violet gaze. It was not like the other boy was doing anything particularly obnoxious for once but something about just being watched like that was making him all shaky. And he was more than sure that Kokichi would totally comment if he noticed just how nervous he was making him by doing basically nothing. And that was even more unnerving than just being watched, so he cleared his throat and broke the silence “Can I ask you a question?”

Kokichi tilted his head still resting in his hands, “If it's to join my organization I’m sorry Shuichi but I gave you your chance, and as they say you snooze you lose.” His tone was tight and teasing, but Shuichi noticed the way his lips narrowed nonetheless. _Was Kokichi worried about what I am going to ask him_? Well, that was a fair enough concern. The thing he wanted to ask him was not the lightest of subjects. It was not playful banter and jokes. But he wanted to know. Had to understand. He took a deep breath. 

“Why… did you say those things after the execution?” Shuichi’s voice was barely over a whisper but he knew Kokichi could hear him from the way his expression darkened and he moved his hands to cross them over his chest, “What use does making everyone angry at you have?” He was met with silence at first and part of him feared that Kokichi would lash out with his most toxic words or just simply run. But he didn’t. The white-clad boy had merely narrowed his eyes and chewed on his bottom lip. Shuichi felt his chest tighten, he did not like making other people feel uncomfortable like Kokichi clearly did. Even if Kokichi thrived on doing the exact same thing to others, it still felt wrong to put him on the spot like that. But Shuichi just… had to know. Carrying even the limited amount of knowledge that Kokichi had granted him had made him feel so… alone. He missed the feeling of sharing everything with the others. Of course, logically he realized sharing this new information he had gained could do so much more harm than good. It didn’t make it any less heavy to carry. Was that really what Kokichi wanted? To carry all that alone. The others might think that's what he deserved and Shuichi can’t help but think they might be partially right. But… 

Kokichi inhaled loudly, a bitter smile dancing on his lips as he spoke, “Oh Shuichi, are you second-guessing our little alliance? It’s a little too late now, if you betray me I’ll have to kill you y'know.” He paused, “But if it's that important to you. Let me just say this. Lying is almost boring when it's just telling people exactly what they want to hear. But… sometimes that's what is for the best.” 

“Oh.” It’s not really an answer but at the same time, it is. There was a sadness in Kokichi’s eyes he did not recognize. _Telling people what they want to hear._ They had all easily believed that Kokichi enjoyed their suffering. After all, why wouldn’t they? He had played the part too perfectly. First, the pest, graduating to a menace, and finally a villain that they hardly even questioned. _What's for the best_ … So pushing the others away was the intention after all. That hatred and anger that made the rest of his classmates perfectly content to not have to deal with Kokichi anymore. He had tried to push him away too, even after making their deal. Had he given up on that? He understood and yet didn't. Was being alone the only way he thought he could end this? What role did he play in whatever game Kokichi Ouma was playing? And why… why did he keep wanting to be part of it?

Kokichi sighed, “You ask a lot of questions y’know. I get that being a detective is your whole thing but being friends with people doesn’t mean you just get to interrogate them all the time.”

Shuichi rubbed his hair nervously, “Sorry. I just- feel like I don’t really know you all that well. You lie so much.”

“Seems like if you get that I lie a lot you do actually know something super-duper important about me. I think you know more about me than anyone else here actually. You should feel lucky. But you never tell me about yourself Shuichi. Isn’t there some saying that friendship is a two-way street or something equally lame?” Kokichi’s voice was soft and smooth, so different from his usual loud and dramatic way of talking. It was almost hypnotic, drawing him in so without fully thinking he responded, 

“Okay.”

“Neheehee, okay? What an awkward response.” Kokichi was watching him intently again, but he did not balk at it like before. 

Shuichi gave his best attempt at a confident smile and shrugged, “Okay. Ask me questions. Interrogate me.” 

“Sure.” Kokichi’s eyes sparked with what looked like surprise, “But you better lay out the rules and punishments first.”

Shuichi’s air of confidence faltered, “The wha-”

“Just quizzing you is boring. Make it a game!!!” Kokichi banged on the table with his fists like a toddler throwing a tantrum.

Shuichi tried to play along, “Uh… okay. How do I make it a game?” He felt a small twinge of guilt in the back of his mind. Agreeing to work with Kokichi was supposed to be about ending this game, not watching movies, and playing games. Not after everything that happened. The weight from before began to creep back in. There was so much to do, and he spent so much of his time just hanging out training, and all sorts of other things. Maybe if he had worked harder and spent his time better, he could have prevented so much of this. He had worked so hard at the beginning with Kaede and now what was he doing. He chewed on his lip and forgot that he was supposed to say something. A game, he didn't need any more games. 

He felt a hand move on top of his own, "Hey uh earth to Shuichi? Are you spacing out again?" Kokichi's other hand waved over his face. The other boy looked almost... concerned. "You know you don't have to play games with me anymore. Don't forget I already won the last time when I made your heart all full of worry." Shuichi paused, feeling his mind slow, memories of that day he wrapped up his finger came flooding back. The day Kokichi would not take his hand, and yet now... he could feel the warmth of his hand over his own. Had something actually finally changed between them? "I just think sometimes it's better to keep your mind free. Too many thoughts can eat your brain alive like a zombie you know?" Kokichi's eyes darkened, and Shuichi wondered if Kokichi also felt that crushing weight of responsibility. Or was Kokichi just that good at reading him? "I think it's not so bad to let yourself just be young and have fun for a little bit, no matter what else is going on." 

"Right..." Was this-- honesty from Kokichi? He's not even sure how to react. "I um... don't really know how to make an interrogation a game."

Kokichi’s nose crinkled and he pulled his hands back, the anger in his voice (although likely fake) snapping the mood back from whatever had just happened, “Ugh you’re bad at making the rules so I guess I gotta. You can have one pass to not answer a question if ya need. And if you lie or refuse to answer any after your pass then you’ll owe me. And trust me, I’ll know if you’re lying. I _always_ do.” Something about the way he emphasized that word sent a cold shiver down his spine. 

“Owe you what?” Shuichi asked, hesitantly. Knowing Kokichi that could be a very dangerous thing to promise. Not that he was not already wrapped up in his dangerous schemes. It seemed almost silly to be more worried about whatever Kokichi could scheme up in this little game than the far bigger things that lay pushed to the side for now. But it was also… comforting? There was something different than the games they played before, a familiarity he was not used to. Like he had somehow managed to get closer to understanding him, but it still really did not feel like he understood him at all. 

“T B D.” Kokichi’s eyes sparkled maliciously and Shuichi frowned, “Are you chickening out?”

Shuichi paused for a second before staring directly into Kokichi’s eyes, “No.” Maybe Kokichi was right, it was not so bad to have some time to forget about everything weighing on him. At least for a little bit. 

Kokichi smirked, “I’m soooo excited to hear your tragic backstory and alllllll your super embarrassing secrets.” 

Shuichi just gave a small smile and tilted his head, signaling he was ready for whatever this game was. And pretending that he was not extremely worried about what sorts of wild paths Kokichi could very easily take. At least he had his one pass. 

Kokichi tapped his lip before starting, “Who do you miss the most outside of this place?”

An easy enough one. Although, he was sure that would not last. “Uh… my uncle and his wife. I lived with them. My uncle and I get along really well. He’s the one who introduced me to detective work actually.”

Kokichi paused as if processing this information before continuing, “What about your parents?” 

Shuichi frowned, “Uhh they moved out west to the States. They are uhh… a screenwriter and an actor so it made sense, but I don’t really talk to them all that much actually.”

Kokichi bounced up in his seat, “Ooooh the son of celebrities now that is not boring at all. I totally wouldn’t even believe something as silly as that if it wasn’t my beloved Shuichi telling me. Do you hate them for leaving you alone?” 

“Uhh no not really. We don’t really have all that much in common.” Shuichi said with a shrug trying to leave the bitterness out of his tone. 

Kokichi paused, an unreadable expression on his face like he could not find what words to say. Which seemed strange for Kokichi who seemed to just say whatever came to mind with ease. “Do you like school?”

Kokichi was giving him normal enough questions still at least, “Uh, not really. I don’t mind the work or anything. I just… never really enjoyed going to classes and being around all those people. I wasn’t in any clubs or anything so I didn’t have many friends I guess. I preferred working in the agency with my uncle.” 

“Wow, we have something in common. Well, except you’re a total antisocial nerd still and I was just too busy for things like school with all my Supreme Leader duties.” Kokichi puffed out his chest.

“Right…” He was pretty sure that was a lie. Well, the supreme leader part at least. Kokichi not liking school just seemed to make sense. Kokichi thrived on chaos and disorder, he was too loud and never sat still and that just did not fit into how a high school student was expected to act. 

“You said you didn’t really make friends- what about girlfriends? Did any girls find that whole emo look of yours irresistible?” Kokichi asked innocently enough, but the upturn of his lips told Shuichi he fully expected to get him to use one of his passes. 

He was not totally wrong, he felt his cheeks heat up in embarrassment despite his intentions to stay cool throughout the game, “My what-- uh no. I didn’t date anyone.”

“Kiss anyone?” asked Kokichi, totally deadpan. 

“No.” Of course, he does not have all his memories but even so, he really doubted he ever plucked up enough courage for that. It was pretty hard to be doing things like that while hiding behind the brim of a cap after all. 

Kokichi grinned wickedly, “Oh, so did you skip the kissing and just go straight for the home run? I never knew you were so bold.” 

Shuichi choked on air and he could hear a barely concealed snicker from Kokichi in response, “Of course not.”  
  
“Ever fallen for someone?” he continued, twirling a piece of hair around his finger.

Shuchi paused, “Uh, maybe.”

“Was it Kaede?” Kokichi looked down at the table.

“Yeah… I felt something I think... I don’t know. It’s hard to know if you like someone like that when you don’t have that much time I guess. I never really had the chance to know how I really felt about her.” He swallowed hard. It was not easy to talk about, but it’s oddly comforting to just say out loud. 

Kokichi looked back over at him and for a second Shuichi wondered if he was going to comment on what he just said, but instead, he merely continued on in their little game, “Do you like any of the other girls here?”  
  
He thought about the other girls that he had gotten to know here to various degrees, but while he felt at least some sort of bond with most of them, he was not sure if there was anything else but mere friendship, “Uh, not really I guess.”

Kokichi rested his chin on his hands, “What about the boys?”

Shuichi sputtered, “Wha-I-”

Kokichi looked devilish as he teased, “Ooooh are you homophobic Shuichi?”

“No! I have no problem with that… I just never really….” He trailed off. It would be an outright lie to say he’s never thought about it. He could picture himself with other guys. And there was no denying that there had been some rather… fluttery types of feelings that just might have been a crush when Kaito had started paying attention to him. But the attention and judgment that sort of thing could bring, well, he couldn’t say that didn’t scare him. And he doesn’t feel that way about Kaito anymore anyhow, that had settled into something strong but probably platonic. Maybe that would have been the case with Kaede too, maybe he just fell easy for people when they had faith in them. Sorting out those kinds of feelings in a place like this… just seemed too hard. And feelings were messy, they did not come together like a case did with a clear timeline and definite evidence. They were complicated and fickle and made his head hurt. TV and books always made it seem like something that should be easy, but Shuichi felt like that was a lie, it was far too complex for him to even get a handle on. He realized he had trailed off into silence for quite a bit, but Kokichi did not seem to mind. He was just watching him with a very blank expression. “I mean... I think I could be with anyone if we have a connection. I’m not sure if gender really matters to me.” Shuichi looked at the floor, but out of the corner of his eye, he could see Kokichi’s round eyes blinking at him owlishly. 

There’s a small pause before Kokichi chirps out his next question, “So what kind of books do you like?”

At least he was back to some easier ones. “I guess it’s kinda cliche of me but I really like mystery novels. I like trying to solve them before the main character does.”

Kokichi laughed, “Neheehee that is super lame of you Shumai just as I expected.” And they continue their game for a few more rounds but Kokichi sticks to the basics. Favorite color, food, candy. The basic sort of things that Shuichi answered easily and with no need to ask for a skip. It was a little awkward talking about himself so much, so he stammered a bit but it was hardly embarrassing as promised when they started. Kokichi alternated between enthusiasm and teasing in response to his answers which oddly enough made it easier to just keep talking about himself. Kokichi tapped his fingers on the table, looking lost in thought after he ran out of questions. So he braced himself for whatever Kokichi was cooking up to really catch him off guard. 

Kokichi instead started clapping, “Wow, you win again Shuichi. I better watch out for you always beating me in games. You’re super lucky too I had all sorts of super embarrassing things for you to do for me if you lost,” Shuichi did not even want to begin to try to guess what sort of things Kokichi would either ask him to do or lie that he wanted to ask him to do.

“Oh, so it’s over?” Shuichi was still a bit surprised that Kokichi had stopped so abruptly and without asking anything too strange or offputting to get him to fold either. 

“Yeah, I’m bored with you now. I thought for sure you’d totally chicken out on some of those but you didn’t! Not even one pass. I’m totally impressed.” Kokichi looked down at his nails as if bored. 

“So do I get to ask you questions now?” Shuichi asked.

Kokichi’s brows furrowed and his lips pouted angrily, “Uhhhh, no. The game is over stupid-head. Do you not understand how games work?”

He should have figured as much. It’s not like Kokichi would have told him the truth anyhow. Well, not the whole truth. A game where he didn’t get to lie did not seem like a game Kokichi would enjoy playing at all. It seemed a bit unfair to tell all those things about himself and get nothing in return but maybe with Kokichi he would get it in time. Maybe he’d finally see past more of his lies. Kokichi’s games used to leave him feeling so frustrated and annoyed but for whatever reason, he wasn’t really feeling that way. Maybe it was that moment, however brief it had been. He thought about his hand on top of his own and the rawness of his words and hoped that maybe that had been a glimpse at the real Kokichi. 

He had not realized how much time they had spent in here. “Oh we should-” The nighttime announcement was going to play soon, and the dining hall was off-limits during nighttime. Since Kaito had already called off training, he should probably actually go to bed so he can wake up with the morning announcement tomorrow. He definitely was not planning on being up as late as he was last night. 

Kokichi grinned, “Go on. I’m all done playing with you now. Get out before you bore me and make me hate you.”

He looked up at the screen, "But what about the nighttime rules, the announcement is going to play soon-"

"Are you trying to tell the Ultimate Supreme Leader what to do Shuichi?" Kokichi smirked at him and Shuichi shook his head, "Good, now get the hell out of here before you really piss me off."

Shuichi made his way to the door leading to the courtyard, pausing with his hand on the handle, “Wait- that note you gave me I don’t get it.” 

Kokichi pursed his lips, “Hmm I thought detectives liked clues. Well, for such a pretty face you can be kinda dumb so I guuuuesssss I’ll give you hint. 18 will end soon.”

“What?”

“You’ll figure it out. You are so _clever_ after all. And when you do... come find me and we can play more _together_.” Kokichi crooned with a coy smile. 

Something in his chest caught as Shuichi choked out a “Goodnight Kokichi.” He exited the dining hall trying hard to focus on the meaning of the numbers but kept finding images of his face and even the sound of his voice creeping into his head and distracting him as he made his way back to his room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shuichi is going through it so that justifies making two chapters in a row super fluffy and not just drama and angst right?


	14. ideas

Saihara had done it again. Got his mind all distracted. Full of thoughts he did not have room for. Not here, not now. But when he saw the detective all moody and acting like the weight of the world was on him, he just could not help himself. He tapped his fingers on the table, nails too short from biting at them that only skin collided with the cheap plastic coated tabletop. These feelings were becoming more of an issue. Less of a fun little side-quest and more of something that was slowly consuming him. And it worried him… would he be able to cut that off the moment it became a hazard to his own plans? He had to. Ending this game was more important than some stupid little infatuation of his. 

Flirting with Saihara was supposed to be just a game. A fun distraction. After all, his reactions were just so interesting. Sometimes he was super oblivious and in his own detective world he didn’t even bother to respond. Or better yet sometimes he struck the jackpot and could get Saihara real flustered, stammering and cheeks turning pink. It was even kinda funny when he got mad, even if he didn’t totally like it when it was directed at him, seeing Saihara’s grey eyes get all intense and serious was kinda nice. Soft and meek and easy to mess with Saihara was pretty cute and all, but there was something about those moments when he got all confident and assertive that Kokichi could not help but be fascinated by. He was unpredictable in such an honest and real way. No ulterior motives, just Saihara being his genuine self. Not like Ouma. Being unpredictable was his thing, he had mastered messing with people's expectations for his own good. But it was all deceit, full of purpose, poking and prodding to get what he wanted. He did nothing without some other intention, even the moments he told something close enough to the truth. 

Funny how even the truth could become like a lie when you used it to be exactly what you wanted it to be. Saihara accepted some of his lies when taking his deal, and seemed willing to play along as long as it served a better end. But the detective would not follow him anywhere, Ouma knew that, and not all paths to victory in this game were bright ones. The fact there was still even a possibility of everything not going to hell after what happened yesterday seemed completely absurd. Oh well, his last-ditch attempt to reach out to him had worked out against all the odds so he might as well get to work and make something of it. For now at least. When it came down to it they weren’t really in this partnership for the same thing. Saihara might be a decent enough liar and could say that he wanted to win this game when he needed to but he didn’t really want that. Saihara wanted to escape and survive with the others. He bought into all the sappy lies and promises of friendship even after time and again watching those very friends do terrible things. Saihara still actually trusted those idiots, hell he even seemed to be trusting him. Ouma did not trust them. Ouma was no idiot. They would turn on him just as easy as Iruma had after all. Even Saihara. Plus Ouma didn’t really care as much about things like surviving and escaping, they were secondary desires at best, first and foremost, he wanted to end this game. He wanted to end this game he didn’t want to play on his own terms. Whether or not the others wanted to be his friends when that happened... it didn’t matter all that much. 

The nighttime announcement began to chime and Ouma quickly slid out of the dining hall into the hallway before Monokuma showed up and did whatever happened when you broke the stupid rules. Especially now that there were no exisals. _Where were they?_ Now that was an important question. Without the exisals at play and the remainders of the goodies he had Iruma make for him, this game had the potential to shift in all sorts of interesting directions after all. 

Likely when Saihara was running around with the rest of his little friends they had done the usual explore and open up new areas little schtick and played into Monokumas little game. So predictable. But guess he was just the same because now that it was a little past the announcement he might as well use this time to creep around and see everything for himself after all. Of course, that asinine student council and its nighttime rule were long gone so there was no reason to assume everyone else had gone to bed, But the others were boring and usually just followed the little routine of this place without question. He had gotten so much more done at night thanks to that. He knew more about this stupid little school than any of the other idiots here. Even Saihara who could be so incredibly smart was missing oh so much, all right under his nose. And yet… it was not like he knew enough yet either. He chewed on his thumbnail as he made his way to one of the doors that had resisted his lockpicking prowess. It still wasn’t enough. He still didn’t have enough. Not to find the mastermind and expose this game. His last gambit with Monkuma had proven a success enough but the cost had been high. _Maybe even too high._

The black and white checkered door opened and he was met with a long staircase. Whoever was in charge of this Academy certainly did not hold back with being extra. Pity, it probably wouldn’t be anything cool like his own lab. Whatever that would entail. He both hated and loved his supposed talent. Supreme Leader had a nice ring to it after all. But it was also so extreme, so childish… He wondered if it was supposed to make him a target, a threat to the others. Or was the intention to have him become a joke once they exposed his lies making it sound far more grandiose than what it was. Saihara had said nothing about the fact his supposed “evil organization” was just ten people who he regarded as family. Not yet at least. But he had bought into the whole ‘Kokichi Ouma not being such a bad guy part of it. A prankster, maybe a bit of a dick, a petty criminal at worst. At the very least, whether DICE was real or not, the whole not liking murder thing was real. Not that it made him special, seemed like a pretty normal thing to believe. That violence was not the answer and murder was the worst offense of all. Normal beliefs. And yet, somehow he was hated more than a serial killer and an assassin who thought nothing of human lives. _Hilarious really._ He made it to the top of the stairs and was greeted by a very obvious door. _Oh goody, the idiot’s lab._

Looking around, he could not help but think it was a little cool. Whoever was in charge of this whole thing clearly had gone all out. Even putting in a whole cockpit with all sorts of flashing lights and levers that looked like it could be the real thing. Fingers twitched to go wild and start pushing and pulling and just watch the chaos unfold. But there was no use triggering some unwanted effect that could get him into trouble, so he resisted. His eyes did catch on a crumpled packet of paper lying on the console. _Gofer Project, huh?_ It didn’t have anything that important, just garbage, hardly enough to be considered a motive but he pocketed it regardless. You never knew what could come in handy in a place like this. 

But that was enough of the space idiot's lab, it was about as useful as he was after all. So he made his way to the next area of suspicion, darting around and looking around corners just in case the killer girl had decided to stalk around the school at night. He’s not as worried about the others, but he has zero desire to run into their ugly faces either. The school was thankfully quiet and empty. So he made his way up to the stuffy top floor and its weird Monokuma statues. He hadn’t spent much all that time up here after he read all the cases in Saihara’s lab one night. The door he had been looking for was, however, no longer there. But it was clear from the debris and the new open indent that it had exploded for whatever reason. And in its wake… 

Fingers ran across the strange red pattern of the new door. _Hmmm…_ It had to be his or Amami’s but instinct told him it was the latter. “Now this is interesting,” he mumbled to himself. He reached for the knob and it resisted. And as if on cue,

“Ohhh upupupu, what are we doing trying to get in locked doors at night Ouma-kun?” The robotic bear stood behind him, paw held over his mouth. 

“Oh, you know me Monokuma, just having fun in this awesome killing game!” He beamed, putting on his most childish of airs. “Aren’t we allowed to go everywhere we want?”

“Of couuuursee. But this door is locked since the student who this lab belonged to died before he could ever see it. It’s so tragic.” Monkuma’s sickly sweet fakeness almost made him frown but he did not let his mask slip. 

Ouma held a finger to his lips, trying to make his eyes as wide and innocent as possible, “But there are no rules about lockpicking.” The robotic bear froze, he assumed waiting for some sort of input. Or maybe the AI was just weighing the pros and cons of Kokichi Ouma seeing the contents of this room. He pouted and tilted his head, “It’d be pwetty boring if I can’t even use my talents y’know? How else am I supposed to keep using my villainous power for evil?” He forced his lips to curl, his eyes to narrow contorting his face from something innocently endearing to downright demented. 

The bear grumbled and after some time spat out, “Whatever. I don’t care what you stupid students do as long as the killing continues.”

“Nishishi, I wouldn’t have it any other way!” Kokichi chirped brightly and the robotic bear vanished. _Good riddance._

Picking locks and pockets and being able to tell lies as easy as taking a breath were not awful talents to have at the very least. Even if the whole evil supreme leader thing was questionable there was no denying his talents served him well in this stupid academy. The lock gave in easily to his ministrations with the pick. And the door opened to the strangest looking room he’d ever seen. _The hell_. Amami really must have been a creep like he had thought. Eyes flick around from the creepy walls covered with portraits, the frames hanging from the ceiling, the very ornate and large table. None of it made it any clearer what the hell was going on with Rantaro Amami. And what the hell was his talent supposed to be, Ultimate Creepy Weirdo? He analyzed the room, taking in anything he could. The photos and papers were meaningless to him. _Oh, Amami-chan… what did you know?_ Eyes drew him to the back wall where two strange wheels stood before him. _A safe huh?_ Gaze ran over the wheels each with 12 icons all with the usual Monokuma flair. He ignored that aspect as best he could. The right was all animals. _Rat… rooster… monkey… horse...sheep…_ The Chinese Zodiac huh? He could play guessing games and spin both wheels until he tried every option but he knew he didn’t need to. There’s an ' _a'_ in the center of the wheel. _Horse a, of course_. He turned the wheel to the horse symbol. The other side of the wheel was a bit more puzzling. Hmm… If the right is a zodiac perhaps… Western Zodiac… He doesn’t really know much about it but some of the symbols looked familiar enough. Especially one, the twins, Gemini, that was the sign supposed to be his right? It would make more sense to figure out which one corresponded to Amami’s birthday but he tried the one he knew first for grins. And for whatever it was worth, the vault clicked and opened, empty except a little Monokuma themed (of course) disk drive. 

_Horse… twins… That had to be a joke right? It was almost like it was supposed to be for him and not Amami-chan. This school, this world… really did belong in his hands._

He tore through the room once again and found a laptop and slipped in the USB. A video played. A twinge of something happened in his chest as his beloved Amami-chan pops up on the screen. At first, he frowned listening to that voice he had not heard in what felt like ages. But he felt his lips curl up as he continued. It wasn’t much. He doubted this stupid video would be helpful for anyone else. Laughter echoed across the walls of the creepy red room, he knew it. He _knew_ it. He put everything back where he found it, it was only polite after all. It wasn’t _his_ lab and Monokuma had been so nice in letting him make his way in here after all. Just more cards in his hand now. Even if Monokuma knew he was up to something, surely he's sold it to whoever was watching that anything he was up to was no good. They would think that he was simply toying with Saihara all just to betray him as easily as he had Gonta and Iruma. And if that's the truth they wanted, he would do his part to make it as believable as he could. 

As enlightening as that was, he still had his suspicions about the space outside of Iruma’s lab. It wasn’t like he was that tired, and he'd been up way later with Saihara last night anyhow. Maybe that nap on Saihara’s shoulder really had done him some good. He made sure the lab was locked before darting off. A bit more recklessly this time, emboldened by the fact he had called it so early that he didn’t worry so much if nasty Harukawa found him. She didn’t thankfully and better yet his suspicions were right on the nose. He really did know this school better than anyone else in this place. A large metal base looking thing was now accessible. It made the space idiot’s lab look like child's play. _Hmm..._ He examined the large metal hallways and made his way to find a shutter similar to the one underground. It was already open and had no terrible sight on the other side so it was an improvement in that regard at least. 

_Now, this… this could be useful._ He looked around the hangar. His question about the exisals was answered after all. They sat there, unmoving unused. _For now at least_. There’s a bathroom, a washer, a paint machine, and for whatever reason a hydraulic press. _Hmmm…._ His mind raced. This was even more useful than Amami’s lab. Ideas upon ideas rush into his head. His hand was loaded now, and the possibilities of cards to play, endless. But ideas needed supplies so he left the hangar for now and made his way to the warehouse. 

His eyes lingered on the dining hall door and the plans running through his head were interrupted. Interrupted with Saihara’s long lashes blinking over grey eyes as he answered questions. The way his lips moved. _Ugh_. He should not have played that game with him. It had been… self-indulgent. Listening to the soft way he spoke. The way he both tried so hard to be confident but still so easily flustered. _Cute._

Or at least it would have been if they were normal boys at a normal school. Maybe then Ouma could have asked those questions at a sleepover like regular teenagers did. They could have watched dumb movies and drank tea in a pillow fort instead of a crappy basement couch. If they were normal high schoolers, then it would be okay for him to flirt with Saihara. Would he have liked him back if this was a normal sort of Academy? Or would he have just been too annoyed by his antics and lying? It wasn’t like being in a normal high school would make him any less prone to being a lying asshole. Saihara had said he wasn’t opposed to the idea of liking boys at least. If this was a normal school maybe he could have slipped notes in Saihara’s shoe locker until he noticed him. Lead the other boy on a wild goose around the school with lots of little clues testing his detective skills. Culminating in meeting him on the rooftop where he’d confess like some goddamn cliché in a tv show. Maybe it would even be during the spring so cherry blossoms could float through the air and really make it the cheesiest thing of all time. 

But that wasn’t the case. So it didn’t matter. It didn’t matter that Saihara might like other boys. Because this was a killing game and thinking of anything else or anyone else was a distraction that could get you killed. And these stupid sappy thoughts that kept slipping into his brain were dangerous. So he forced his mind back to his plans and grabbed various things off shelves in the warehouse and stuffed them into a duffel bag he picked up. Some of it would likely be worthless but you never knew what would come in handy in this kind of game. He didn’t have Iruma to make any more gadgets so Ouma would have to rely on what was provided to him now. The last thing he grabbed was a large notebook. He’d gotten one of these before but that one had all the pages drawn on and ripped out so it was time for a fresh start. He searched through the pens until he found one with purple ink. 

Ouma had lots of ideas after his exploration but more importantly, he had an idea on how to shove away all these dumb thoughts out of the way. Sprinting off through the empty halls he made his way to the gym. Of course, he couldn’t go in at night but that was not why he was here. He sat down against the door and began furiously writing in the notebook pouring as many of his dumb thoughts and feelings onto the page as he could. When he finished, Ouma ripped out the top page folded it, and shoved it in a locker slamming it shut with some sort of symbolic finality. Now he could leave _that_ all behind and finally go back to his room with his new goodies and plenty of ideas from his explorations. The new cards in his hand offered all sorts of possibilities after all. Saihara was supposed to be his wild card but he’d be a fool to not load his hand up with plenty of other ways to win just in case. 

He dumped his collection of items onto the growing pile in his room. He should sleep. However, he was also very aware he had not changed his uniform for two whole days which just made him feel gross. But the idea of cleaning up either himself or his pile of goodies just seemed like so much work and he really didn’t want to. But it wasn’t like there were any other better options either. _Ugh_. He poked at the wax statue of Amami-chan. He watched it sway back and forth a few times until he was no longer amused and relented to the need to bathe off everything from the past two days. 

Ouma peeled off the layers of clothes and tossed them unceremoniously to the floor with the other dirty clothes. It was after all just one of the many copies of the same damn uniform Monokuma provided. Hopping in the shower after the water got hot, he let the water run over him. Maybe the scolding water would lift the yucky feelings he just could not shake. He raked his nails across his scalp as he shampooed it. He scrubbed at his skin until the alabaster tone turned pink under the suds. He doesn’t feel any cleaner but he’s tired of the steam. He dried off as the bathroom cooled and steam disappeared. The fog on the mirror disappeared and left him to see his own face staring back. It’s almost unrecognizable. He does not need to look at his student profile on the Monopod to know the face looking back was nothing like the picture in the handbook, not anymore. Dark, damp, purple-tinted hair stuck flat to his head, making him look even smaller than he already was. The boy in the reflection pulled at his pale skin that almost looked greyish in tone now. Maybe it was the fact he skipped so many meals and drank more fizzy drinks than water, the ribs poking out of his chest could attest to that. But he was supposedly young so his diet should not matter all that much. His finger traced the purpley circles lining the underneath of his eyes, it was more likely the lack of sleep and the way his thoughts never seemed to leave him alone that had him looking like this. There was still a yellowish undertone on his right cheek that hurt when he put a little pressure on it. The place Momota had punched him. It almost matched the yellowy-brown marks on his neck that lingered from Harukawa’s fingers closing around his neck. They should be the ones dead. Not that any of them should be dead but... why Gonta who was kind and gentle and not them? Of course, he knew why. He was the reason why Gonta Gokuhara was dead. A twisted grin on the reflection in the mirror looked back at him and his stomach twisted in return. 

Part of him wished he was a total ape like Momota and he could just take out all of his anger with one swift punch to the mirror. He could picture the glass shattering, breaking up his reflection into little tiny fragments so he could truly be broken. But would it be worth the glass wedged in his skin, the red blood trickling down and covering his hand, his body, covering the floor, covering everything? He’d seen so much blood now, what would it matter if it was his own this time. Ouma laughed and smacked the mirror with an open hand instead, leaving a wet smudge that blurred his reflection. It wasn’t as satisfying but at least he didn’t have to look himself in the eye anymore. 

Laying in bed did not help any more than the shower had, all his stupid brain could think about was how just last night he could feel Saihara’s breath dance across his cheek and hear his heartbeat as he drifted off to sleep. It had been so nice to not be alone, to have someone else right beside him. Especially someone he liked way more than he cared to admit. He couldn’t think about that. _No_. It was better to dream of fake friends that felt like family and did fun things together. All clad in white with their silly clown masks doing whatever they please, at least that was a kinder lie to fall asleep to and let soak into his dreams. Saihara was too real and wanting him was too dangerous, he didn’t trust his unconscious mind with thoughts of the detective. 

He hated that he even needed sleep. Especially in this place. Dreams were the worst sort of lies after all. Why was your brain allowed to just make up things on its own like that? Make you happy or sad or scared, all to wake up and realize it was all fake. Maybe it was just proof that lying was actually the natural state of humans. After all, the moment you relinquished control your subconscious just weaved lies all on its own. Even brains didn’t think the truth was all that great, huh? But bodies needed rest and his own was at its limit, so he didn't fight it as his need for sleep caught up with him. 

_Why… why did he have the note… he was not supposed to actually find it. No one actually used these lockers. And why… why is everyone here? You are supposed to be dead. But no all 15 of them are still staring at him as Saihara read the stupid, stupid note. Saihara laughs but it’s not his voice. It’s that bear's voice echoing and echoing. Everyone glares at him and Saihara speaks with his own voice now, “You’re alone Ouma-kun and you always will be.” Harakawa’s fingers are around his neck. He reaches to pull them off and his fingers find toilet paper instead, tightening and tightening, and behind him, Gonta is crying and bugs swirl around them. He’s hanging in the air, suspended over a piano. Momota is punching him and he’s falling, falling and falling past thorny vines scraping him on the way down. Sharp blades hit the back of his neck and he lands in dark water. He’s drowning and the piranhas' circle around. The water is getting hotter, too hot, and he's burning up. Something hard connects with his head and he sees black._

Jerking awake, he quickly realized it was just a stupid dream. But if it was just a stupid dream, why could he not stop crying? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing Ouma is just tricky and I can only hope I do him some justice. Just really wanna convey the many different things that would be going on in his mind while both keeping his bad traits and good in mind while doing so. Lots of stuff going on with him is left vague in canon so choosing to focus on his POV means of course making those calls like having him see Rantaro's lab. 
> 
> Thanks again for the really nice comments and kudos, it really means a lot. I'm not doing Nanowrimo but I am using this month as motivation to write more so I hope to keep getting updates up relatively often.


	15. mysteries

Waking up to the morning announcement was a nice return to normalcy. He hated that being woken by those bears (well now just one, although he wasn’t sure whether the Monokubs or Monokuma’s version of the morning announcement was worse) was considered normal for him now. But it was better than being up all night and waking up late feeling panicked and confused. Well, not as confused. The memory of the outside world still popped up but it didn’t send him into a panic, more just a lurch of dread before he could remind himself that it had to be fake. The whole deal with Kaito was a bit confusing as well, his friend was mad but not enough to actually just be angry at him. They were in some strange awkward limbo and it didn’t help that he was awkward enough without dancing around Kaito’s confusing actions. And there was of course the fact he was lying to them all and the way his stomach turned every time he had to do so didn’t help. And for the icing on the cake was the constant state of confusion that accompanied any time spent with Kokichi Ouma. 

The world was not over like that door wanted him to believe. But his world within this dome had changed. Things that were a given did not seem that way anymore. Kaito was his friend. But Kaito was hiding something and part of him really hated how Kaito was clearly so annoyed by the fact he had done what needed to be done. If it hadn’t been for how rough he had looked yesterday, he was pretty sure he would not even have spoken with him. Is that how Kaito preferred their dynamic, with Kaito the strong one and Shuichi the weak one? He had not minded being called the sidekick, he didn’t really want to be the hero of this awful place. He cared about Kaito but the idea he needed to fit into some predetermined role for their friendship to work… he wasn’t so sure about that. And he didn’t know how to change the fact that both of them were hiding so much from each other. He missed Kaito believing in him, especially now when it was just so hard to figure out what to believe in at all. But he would be lying to himself if he said he wasn’t also a bit frustrated with Kaito as well. 

And then there was Kokichi. He was angry at what he had done, even if he somewhat understood the intention behind it. He was angry at himself for still being pulled in by his lies and manipulations. But the things he had told him and showed him… he believed in. Or he wanted to at least. He wanted to believe he could end this killing game and save everyone left. And… he wanted to believe in Kokichi. That even with the lies he was someone worth knowing, worth understanding. 

Kokichi had been rather… pleasant yesterday. Of course, he skated away from giving him any real important information or talking about anything of substance. Maybe he needed a break, maybe they both did. So much had happened, heavy, hard to process things. Stuff he probably really had not completely sorted through, no matter how much it felt like his brain was on overdrive. That could be the reason he was relatively tame and seemed content just spending time with him. Teasing and obnoxious at times but not as downright difficult as usual. Frustrating as always but also maybe… endearing? The feel of Kokichi's head on his shoulder and his hand over his own still lingered in his brain for whatever reason. Was that sincere? Honest? Or just more games that he had yet to unravel, perhaps he was just in a lower state of awareness yesterday and missed out on some vital clues on his behavior. 

He had left that clue… the numbers… if 18 ended last night. _5, 9, 13, 17._ If 18 ended, he had to have meant the day right… it had been at the end of the day. So if that was the case, the day before would be 17. And that was the day of the trial, of Miu’s murder. Did that mean…. Were these the days of the murders… He can’t completely remember the days of the other murders had occured. They all blended together in here and it wasn’t like they had any sense of time outside of the Monokuma announcements. Dates, months, seasons, none of that seemed to exist here. But it made sense, there never seemed to be that much time in between the incidents. So, they had been here for almost 3 weeks, if this was right. It seemed both longer and way shorter. Had it really been 2 whole weeks since Kaede… And more importantly, after the first one, they occurred every 4 days. That had to be significant. As if Monokuma would make sure the pattern continued, to push forward this game. He had to stop it. Or at least slow it so he could figure out what he needed to. That must be Kokichi's intention, to warn him. Their time was valuable, limited. After all, the rules made it clear that this game would continue on until there were only 2 of them left. And it had succeeded in dwindling their numbers down to 7. So close to the finish line, only 5 more of them to fall. He wouldn’t let that happen. He would not let Monokuma continue this game to that point. 

_Games that are meant to be watched…_ He couldn't forget that either. If he were to believe Kokichi (and the evidence really did point in his favor), then they were constantly being watched by… little bugs. So he had two things to consider. That whoever was running this game was watching his every move so he could not act in a way that would arouse suspicion. And secondly that whoever ran this game would not allow it to go on too long without a murder. That must have been what Kokichi meant by their desire to keep it “interesting”. So he’d need to figure out how to stop this game in its tracks and expose the mastermind… all before the game got too stale and boring for the viewers. All without making himself a target. He could not announce his plan to find the mastermind like Kaede or to end the game like Rantaro. It was a dangerous game, like tiptoeing through a minefield. To beat the game, you had to outsmart it. It made sense, but whether he could actually do something like that… He wasn’t sure. The others may have thought highly of his skills and intelligence but... it wasn’t anything that special. 

He went to the dining hall and the others were already there. Well everyone but Kokichi of course. The conversation was sparse this morning. No one seemed to have much to say outside of wondering why there was no flashback light and commenting on how odd it was that no one had seen Kokichi. Shuichi remained tight-lipped on both of those, focusing on his oatmeal and coffee. Kaito looked paler today and he could see him trying to conceal the way he had to clear his throat far more than normal. Something was wrong with him, something more than just a cut on his throat like he claimed. His enthusiasm was still there though because before they all went their separate ways he addressed the group by hopping on a chair. He informed them he was working on a plan and they could all trust him, the Luminary of the Stars to get them out of here. Keebo and Tsumigi took this well, seeming excited at the prospect of a plan. Himiko also seemed begrudgingly excited and Maki looked as if she had the softest of smiles when he spoke despite calling him a dumbass as he got down from the chair. Shuichi said nothing and only gave a half-smile. It didn’t matter since Kaito was not meeting his eyes today. 

So, Kaito had a plan. That worried him. Kaito was kind and brave and smarter than the others gave him credit for. But he was brash and impulsive and likely had not thought whatever this plan was through entirely. And plans like that could play right into Monokuma and the mastermind's trap and lead to another murder. And that worried him. _What was he planning and how could he stop him from doing something so reckless if they weren’t even talking (at least not really)?_

Kokichi had told him to come and find him last night, surely that was not just a joke. Even if he had said in such a… flirtatious manner for whatever reason. So, Shuichi grabbed some extra food and decided to search for him. Surely he’d be tucked away somewhere the others would not be. Starting in the basement again wasn’t the worst bet either. No one really seemed to spend much time down there anymore. Maybe some would have called it detective’s intuition but Shuichi was pretty sure it was just dumb luck when he found Kokichi sitting in the library, back up against a shelf with a book on his lap. Kokichi looked up when he approached and smiled at him brightly which for some reason made his mouth dry up and unable to speak right away. 

“I brought you some toast with grape jelly.” Shuichi finally managed to get out those words. Kokichi seemed to like grape soda so Shuichi had just assumed that taste carried on to other grape flavored items.

Kokichi tossed the book from his hands and it landed so the pages crumpled beneath it, a sight that made Shuichi wince slightly. “Aww, my beloved detective brought me food again. Are you gonna feed me this time?” Kokichi cooed out as he grabbed the napkin with the toast from him.

Shuichi sat on the floor against the shelf opposite Kokichi, books digging into his back. “No…” He replied as calmly as he could but he’s pretty sure a bit of pink still made it to his cheeks based on the smug grin on Kokichi’s face. 

“Aww bummer. You know you aren’t supposed to bring food into libraries? You’re such a rule breaker Shuichi. You should arrest yourself for library crimes.” Kokichi tore off pieces of the toast and began shoving in his mouth. “I bet breakfast is real boring without me. I bet none of you even mess with Keeboy.”

Shuichi wrapped his arms around his knees and leaned forward, at least that was a little more comfortable. Kokichi was a few feet away from him, legs crossed and finishing off his toast by licking the grape jelly off his lips. He realized they were sitting on the very floor where Rantaro's corpse had once lay, but he doesn't bring it up. Better to just push that thought to the back of his mind (but he did wonder just why Kokichi would choose to sit here out of all the places in this library) “No. Why would we do that? He’s our friend.”

“If you say so. I think he’s weird. A robot without jetpacks or anything useful, what’s even the point?” Kokichi was staring at him almost pointedly as he said this. 

“I guess.” He’s not sure what Kokichi was trying to say. He had assumed his bullying of Keebo was just because it was almost too easy to get a reaction out of him. Keebo was kind but also easily offended (Shuichi had unintentionally offended him more times than he could count at this point). Did Kokichi mean that he found Keebo suspicious… the mastermind even… 

“Robot headmasters. Robot whatever the hell the Monokubs were. And a robot student,” Kokichi listed off, an annoyed tinge to his voice. "Seems weird to me Shuichi. Unless you are actually a time traveler from the future and this is super normal for you?” 

“Uhh… no.” Shuichi stammered in reply. The stuff here was a little high tech after all. But that didn’t mean Keebo was related to those bears in any way…. _Did it_? He really wasn’t sure anymore. Kokichi definitely seemed to think something was up with Keebo however if he was reading his words right. 

“Aww bummer, a time-traveling detective would be straight out of a sci-fi story y’know. But I guess you don’t read interesting books like that, just boring normal murder mysteries right?” Kokichi grabbed a book from beside him and slid it across the few feet of floor between them towards Shuichi, “You read boring stuff like this huh?”

It’s not a title he recognized, but he can tell from the cover and the title it's a murder mystery featuring a detective, “Oh have you read this?” Shuichi asked as he examined the book. 

“Duh doy. I’ve read every book in here. I’m actually an internationally renowned speed reader so it only took me like 2 hours.” Shuichi did not even look up from reading the summary on the back of the book and merely shook his head in response to Kokichi’s wild claim. Although, he was starting to wonder just how smart Kokichi Ouma really was. He may not be some international speed reader or whatever, but he definitely knew his stuff and may have actually read some of the many books here. He’d at least spent enough time here to find this book. “Aww, are you not gonna call me on my lies?” Fat tears welled up in his purple eyes that disappeared almost as quickly as they appeared, “And I thought you really understood me Shuichi. Anyhow, that was a lie. I exclusively read books about world domination and killing games.”

“Are there books about killing games here?” Shuichi asked bemused, although knowing Monokuma’s taste it would hardly surprise him if there were.

“Mmm, there was one at least. But I won’t let you read it. You already have all those awesome murder ideas in your own lab I gotta keep some of the ideas for myself.” 

“Oh.” Shuichi was not even sure how to respond to that one. He had not even looked that much into the cases in his lab. Just being in his own lab made him uncomfortable. Why on earth Monokuma thought he would want to be surrounded by graphic depictions of strange old cases and an assortment of poisons was beyond him. 

Kokichi’s lower lip jutted out, “Aww did Shuichi wanna read all the books about murders so he could commit them himself?”

Shuichi objected, “No- that’s not why I like-”

“Aww too bad. You know if you did that you could solve them yourself and be the greatest detective of all time. Genius right?” His lips curled into one of his more sinister grins and usually, that would send Shuichi into a sputtering mess. But maybe all this time was getting him more accustomed to Kokichi’s antics so all he does is shake his head and Kokichi continued on talking, “But that book isn’t so bad. Although liking murder mysteries with hunky detectives is pretty boring of you. Such a popular genre you know.”  
  
“Is it?” Shuichi asked. 

“Of course it is. People looooove reading about murder. Almost as much as they love reading about romance. Gore and sex really sell.” Kokichi responded smugly. 

He ignored the second part of that statement, “I mean most detective stories also have romance so doesn’t it count for both?”

“I guess. Those are usually super boring romances though.” Kokichi shrugged, looking a bit annoyed. 

“I mean I don’t really read them for it but… why?” He was not sure why he was curious but Shuichi could not help wonder why the other boy seemed so bothered at the little side stories in detective novels.

“They usually just fall for some super basic damsel in distress client who wants them to catch the bad guy right?” His nose wrinkled in disgust. 

“I guess so.” Shuichi really never paid all that much attention to that part of detective novels but it was not off the mark. The love interests were often just women who were clients and ended up with the detective despite having no real agency or involvement in the story. That’s why he usually never paid them much mind, the mystery was always better than the romance. 

“Boooooring. Doncha think it would be soooo much more _interesting_ if the detective falls for a dashing gentleman thief?” Kokichi’s tone was full of excitement, eyes wide and staring at Shuichi as he spoke. 

Shuichi frowned, “Why would they fall in love with a criminal?”

Kokichi rolled his eyes, “Not just any criminal. One with morals. I hate bad guys who just do things for the fun of it don’t you?”

Shuichi hesitated, “What do you mean?” 

Kokichi was twirling his hair once again. “It’s so boring for someone to do things just to be evil y’know. Aren’t the best villains the ones who have a point to what they do? They do bad things but for good reasons. They make you wonder what’s really good and bad, and that maybe morality isn’t just all black and white after all. That’s waaaay more interesting than someone who just wants to watch the world burn or something idiotic like that.” 

Shuichi watched him as he spoke. Animated as always but with an intensity that almost felt like truth. It was too hard to tell. But the words themselves are interesting enough on their own. Was this how he truly thought? That meant that what he had said after the trial was definitely a lie like he had deduced, right? “So just enjoying watching people suffer is a bad reason?” Shuichi asked softly. 

Kokichi paused, a look of genuine surprise lighting up his face “Clever Shuichi,” he muttered in a tone that sounded for lack of better words, fond. 

Their banter quickly fell into silence. One he wished he could fill but knows he can’t. Speaking openly about the mastermind or ending the game was a deathwish. But he had to communicate with him somehow… there wouldn’t always be that strange bomb shrouding their words. So, maybe he had to take a page out of Kokichi Ouma’s book. Lace his words with a combo of lies and truths in hopes that it would conceal his true intentions. If he could even do that…. Is that what he really wanted? Maybe it was the only way. Kokichi had told him that like it or not, this was a game. Maybe that meant that playing along was unavoidable. So… he would play along.

Shuichi looked over to Kokichi who was still idly twirling strands of hair around his finger, “Kaito said he has some plan.'' He tried to keep his voice as casual and light as he could. 

Beneath the mop of dark purple-tinted hair, he could see Kokichi’s eyebrows shoot up, “Oh? That idiot. I’m sure it’s something super duper dumb.” He ignored the insult, after all, the reaction on his face told him what he really needed to know. That he had provided some vital information. 

“I guess… I’m just… worried it could interfere with our plan to-” Shuichi paused, bracing himself for his own lie, “win the game.” 

Kokichi’s face was drawn, and despite his joking tone, he was pretty sure he was considering how whatever Kaito was up to would ruin whatever they were up to. “He does like to get in the way, I did warn you about him so it’s not my fault you have bad taste in men.” 

“Then what should I do?” Shuichi does not mean just about Kaito’s plan, but whether Kokichi was picking that up… he wasn’t sure. Kokichi got up to his knees and crawled over to where he was sitting, pressing his index finger lightly against Shuichi’s forehead. 

“Use that brain of yours.” The way his purple eyes widened and bore into him as if they could stare into his soul made him think he had understood and that this strange doublespeak of theirs was working. Kokichi wanted him to keep thinking, to keep trying to figure out something new about this killing game. _Right_? “And in the meantime, I’ll do my best to keep things _interesting_.” He continued with a coy smile as he pulled away. Kokichi stood up and with a blank expression said, “I’ll be reading in here this afternoon.” And then without another word, he left. Shuichi assumed that was a cryptic invitation to meet later. He stared at the moving bookshelf hiding the black and white door. _Could he really figure out the mystery he had failed at before?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another salmon mode reference and a love hotel reference of course. Shuichi starting to buy more into playing the game. Which is a trait I actually really like about him. He's timid but also when he commits to something he goes all in (even with small stuff like doing a ridiculous amount of pushups/situps or playing 100 games of rock paper scissors).


	16. deductions

Being locked in a prison school for a killing game meant many things that Shuichi slowly had to get used to. One of those things was odd stretches of time Shuichi never quite knew how to fill. Usually, he spent it with his classmates, attempting to get to know them better and giving them various gifts he thought they may like from the school store. But something about hanging out with people when he knew he would have to lie about so many things and having that nagging doubt that someone here would betray them did not really feel right. So he grabbed the book he had been given and left to go spend some time alone. 

So he went up to his lab. He didn’t really spend much time there but for some reason, it felt right. Maybe reading a detective book in the Ultimate Detectives Lab would make it a better experience. Maybe it would get his mind going and start figuring out some of the mysteries of this Academy. Something silly like that. He made his way to the top floor, consumed in his own thoughts which caused him to almost run smack into Tsumugi exiting her own lab.

“Oh sorry about that. Guess I was distracted.” Shuichi rubbed the back of his head. 

Tsumugi beamed, “No worries! Are you okay Shuichi, you seem just plain down lately?” Her eyes widened in concern, and Shuichi looked down at the ground, feeling self-conscious about being observed so closely by his classmates. He must have really looked rough yesterday for Tsumugi to notice, she always seemed off in her own little world after all. 

“Oh… I mean I guess.” Saying something like he was still sad about the trial did not seem right (partially true but he would feel guilty for not thinking of Miu and Gonta as much as they deserved). He looked back up and she was still giving him an almost plaintive look.

“The offer still stands for me to show you some cosplays. Your androgynous features would do so well with so many characters you know! That could really cheer you up you know.” That fervent look Tsumugi got in her eye whenever she talked about her interests almost made Shuichi step back. 

He smiled as politely as he could, as much as he respected her passion, being a dress-up doll was definitely not the way he wanted to spend his time until he met up again with Kokichi. “Uhh sorry not today Tsumugi. I really just want to read for a while in my lab.”

She tilted her head, a bit sad “Aww that's okay Shuichi. Next time?”

“Uhh sure.” He agreed although he felt that was probably one of his many lies. But he didn’t want to be mean when she was looking at him so intently. 

Tsumugi sighed in response, “You know it’s plain weird to see you by yourself so much. You usually are hanging out with someone or another.”

“Oh... “ He responded simply. That was a weird enough observation. Of course, he never considered the fact that he spent the majority of the last day and a half with Kokichi who everyone else considered MIA meant they all likely thought he was off alone. Hopefully, that didn’t look suspicious, maybe like Tsumugi they all thought he was a bit down. 

“Silly me, that’s none of my business. I hope you feel better Shuichi!” She laughed oddly before turning to walk down the stairs. 

“Umm thanks,” Shuichi muttered, not really sure if she heard him but glad enough that the awkward conversation was over and he could get to his intended destination. 

He sat behind the desk in his lab and opened up the book Kokichi had given him. It was relatively standard fare but the mystery was solid. Plenty of clues to keep his mind racing but he still could not guess just where the plot was going to take him and how the case would be solved. However, the story did have one glaring issue that he could not stop thinking about. The detective character was interesting enough but the novel spent so much time on how he was solving the case for this client who he had fallen for. She wasn’t a bad character by any means, just especially bland. Especially compared to the antagonist. Shuichi still wasn’t sure if he was the actual criminal behind the case, but the way he was one step ahead of the detective the entire time and the way their dialogue was written was far more interesting than any of the romance scenes. It’s the kind of thing that didn’t usually bother him. He never read these for the romance, he usually just skimmed over those parts to get to the case and see if he guessed it right. But now he was just reading and thinking… _this is actually boring_. Would it actually be better if the detective and the antagonist got together? He still hasn’t figured out if the antagonist is responsible for the murders or just the burglaries but even so, he liked to read the scenes with the two of them way more. He was getting close to the end when the door of his lab opened and he jumped in his seat, dropping the book and losing his place. 

“You're jumpy.” Maki’s monotone voice responded to his panic. She stood by the door staring him down which did not do much to soothe his nerves. 

“Uh sorry Maki I just didn’t expect anyone to come in here, so you kind of scared me.” Shuichi laughed nervously, picking up his book.

“Do you wanna die?” Maki frowned, and Shuichi froze as he always did when she said that. _Was she mad that he said she scared him?_ She sighed, “I’m just checking the poisons.”

He remembered she was keeping tabs on the poisons in his lab and the weapons in her own. Not that other items in this school could easily be used as weapons (they had seen all too well how the strangest of items could end up part of a murder plan) but it was probably for the best to make sure none of the more dangerous items disappeared. “Oh... has anything gone missing?”

Maki frowned, “No. And I haven’t seen the little gremlin around either. Have you?” She bit her lip in frustration. 

“Uh.. no I haven’t” Red eyes focused in on him and he could feel his heart begin to race. Could she tell he was lying? He didn’t really want to lie to Maki, they were friends. But he also really wanted his deal with Kokichi to work out. And that meant… lots of little lies. If she could catch him so easily though… that did not bode well for his ability to out-play this game. 

After sweating it out under her intense gaze, she finally spoke up again, “What’s going on with you and Kaito?” _Oh_ … so that was what Maki was being so intense about. Of course, she had noticed the awkwardness between him and Kaito, no matter how Kaito tried to downplay it. 

Shuichi exhaled, relieved that she hadn’t caught him in his lie, but still not totally eager to discuss the deal with Kaito either, “What do you mean?”

Her eyes narrowed and a shiver ran down his spine, “Don’t play dumb. You two have been weird since the trial. Kaito keeps acting like nothing's up but I can tell.” 

The detective paused, unsure of how to put it into words without saying too much, “I-- I’m not really sure Maki. I think maybe I made him mad at the trial. I don’t really know.”

“Ugh. You two are stupid." She pulled on her hair, cheeks puffed out. “If we have training tonight would you come?”

Shuichi smiled as brightly as he could, “Of course I would! I’m not mad at him or anything…. I just don’t really know what to say.” Maki was avoiding his eyes, but he didn’t mind. It was… sweet that she cared so much about their friendship. And honestly, he missed those nights. Nights where the three of them just talked. Nights of simpler times where he didn’t have a million thoughts and concerns and everything weighing him down. Maybe a night of training would be good for him, for all three of them. 

“Good. I’ll make sure he comes then. I’ll see you tonight Shuichi.” Her voice was softer than usual.

“Yeah.” She walked out of the room. Talking one on one with Maki always felt a bit strange. He never really knew what to say to her and it felt like she was in the same position. Kaito was the bridge between them so often maybe that was why it was so awkward when it was just the two of them. But she trusted him enough to ask what the deal was, that had to mean something. 

He wasn’t sure how much time he had spent reading, but he decided to just skim the rest of the book. The romance was really starting to take a bigger focus and he really didn’t care. He just wanted to see if his suspicion was right. It was. The “bad guy” who had messed with the main detective the whole time was responsible for some petty thefts but had been pinned with the murders that had actually been committed by the detective's partner in the police force. It was a good twist, and if the partner had not let a small piece of evidence slip Shuichi would have never caught it. Not a bad story overall. But it didn’t really help in getting his brain working to solve any other problems. Maybe he just had to listen carefully to the other students remaining, maybe that one slip up was all he needed to figure this all out. He hated thinking like that… that any of them could be enjoying what they had been through. But like the detective in the novel, even if it felt wrong, he had to find out the answer. But he was done with it so he made his way back to the library.

The person he was looking for was sitting against another shelf in the library, this time thankfully not in the area where Rantaro’s corpse once laid. A book was perched on the white-clad boy's legs and he was intently focused. Kokichi was not reading however, he was writing in some large notebook rather speedily.

“What are you writing?” Shuichi asked as he approached. 

Kokichi slammed the notebook shut loudly, stuffing it quickly into a black bag. “Oh, just all my plots of different ways to kill you Shumai.”

“Sure.” Shuichi frowned, Kokichi seemed rather skittish about the notebook. Despite his joking tone, he had shoved the bag behind him and was now chewing on his thumbnail. Which made Shuichi notice... 

“Oh…. your finger is still bandaged.” The ring finger on Kokichi’s left hand was still wrapped up. A remnant of the knife game they had played

Kokichi looked down at his finger with a weird look. “Uh yeah. Y’know for a detective you aren’t all that observant, especially since you are the one who wrapped it up.”

“Yeah, I remember. Just forgot the cut would still need to be wrapped up I guess.” Shuichi thought about that day more than he cared to admit. He had thought that had been the end of his attempts to get to know Kokichi Ouma, but yet somehow they were here now. 

Kokichi’s eyebrows rose, “Shuichi forgot that knife cuts don’t heal overnight? Well, I could never forget something important like that, I’ve been stabbed over 1000 times on missions after all.”

“I doubt that,” Shuichi replied calmly and Kokichi responded with a childish grin as if pleased he was being called out on his lies yet again.

Kokichi stood up suddenly and exclaimed as if eager to change the subject, “I’m booooored Shuichi. I don’t wanna just sit here anymore. Let’s clean up!”  
  
“Clean? That doesn’t seem like something you would like.” Shuichi tilted his head. 

Kokichi pouted, “How mean. I’m really good at cleaning y’know. I’ve cleaned up lots of things before. Enemy organizations and cops. Even an entire country.” Shuichi didn’t respond, just watched as Kokichi bounced around as recited all the deeds he had claimed to have done. “Well, that’s a lie.” His countenance of childish glee instantly morphed into a weirdly provocative smirk. “Oooor if you want I can show you where all the dirty books are!” 

“Maybe we should just clean,” Shuichi responded with an awkward laugh. 

“Fiiiine. I bet you already know where they are anyhow.” He doesn’t grant that with a response.

They lack real cleaning supplies so it ends up mostly being the two of them straightening out piles of books and putting some back on shelves. Kokichi found an old t-shirt lying around and they used that to wipe down some of the dust. It was more fun than he expected it to be, although he doesn’t think they made much of a dent. There were fewer books scattered, but Kokichi also continued to pull books off the shelf if they had funny titles and ask Shuichi’s opinion on them, which was of course, counterproductive. He offered him a spot in his organization again but before Shuichi could even decline Kokichi just said how he knew he had no intention of joining and how it was a shame since they could take over the world together. Shuichi said nothing but couldn’t help but think that world domination seemed a rather grandiose goal judging that he still couldn’t figure out how to take down this game. And as if Kokichi could hear his thoughts, he tossed the dusty t-shirt to signal he was done cleaning and turned to Shuichi. 

“So did your big brain come up with anything my beloved detective?” He asked with a neutral expression.

“Uh… not really I did read the book you gave me though,” Shuichi responded sheepishly.  
  
Kokichi’s eyebrows rose into his mop of hair, “Really? Are you trying to beat me at speed reading? You never will y’know. And if you try to steal my record I’ll beat you to death with a dictionary!”  
  
Shuichi tapped his chin with his finger, deciding it was best to ignore the whole death threat and lies about the speed reading bit. “Well, I skimmed the last bit. I guessed the twist and the romance was pretty dull. But it was a good mystery. The detective's partner being the culprit was an interesting twist, I was lucky to catch it.” 

“Knew you would like silly things like that.” Kokichi mumbled, “So are you saying I was right then?”

Shuichi put one last book on the shelf before giving up on their cleaning endeavor as well, “About me liking the book?”

Kokichi grinned, “Noooo, how boring the love story was. Wouldn’t it have been better if the detective and the thief got together in the end?” 

“I mean they were more interesting,” Shuichi admitted.

“Ex-act-ly. Told ya I was right. Stuff like that is better when it's unexpected after all. That’s why people just eat up all that garbage fiction about forbidden loves and opposites attract. It’s way more exciting to read or watch that way. People like that just as much as murder y’know. Well, maybe not you- you seem to love murder more than a normal person Shuichi.” Kokichi ended his spiel with a haughty and taunting tone he seemed to reserve for teasing people. 

“I don’t… love murder… I just like mysteries.” Shuichi responded. He knew Kokichi was joking (at least he hoped he was) but he still felt the need to deny that he had some weird fixation with murder. 

Kokichi was thriving as he always seemed to when people indulged him in a petty argument, “That’s what they all say. But you were totally thinking about the romance too. So maybe you are an undercover sap after all!” 

“You’re the one that brought it up!” Shuichi denied, maybe a bit too forcibly. 

“Neeheehee.” Kokichi laughed, “I like interesting things Shuichi. Some people even say love is a game after all. Nothing is boring if you can make it a game worth playing.” That checked out. Kokichi had always said he liked games. Well, not all games, he did not like games he was forced into playing. He had said that. He may manipulate people into his little games, but he always left a choice. There had always been a way out of their little deal after all as if that was the line he wouldn’t cross. It didn’t make it right, and it still bothered him but… it made sense. Somehow, knowing Kokichi only wanted him in on this plan if he wanted to be, made him feel more at ease. 

But there was another question he had. Why had he brought _this_ up so many times? “So this game has to be interesting right?” Shuichi asked, watching Kokichi carefully. Being a detective, even an amateur one, meant he could not just ignore statements that seemed more like clues after all. 

Kokichi looked thrown off by his question, “Hmm… of course. No one wants a boring killing game! Especially not me.” Kokichi threw his hands behind his head casually but was still watching him intently. Shuichi took his words to mean that the audience would need to be entertained and Monokuma and the mastermind would intervene to make sure it wasn’t boring. So why had he made such a point in equating murder and romance as being equally as _interesting_ , equally as entertaining… Would the audience of this killing school semester be equally as entertained by romance as they were by murder?

That had to be what Kokichi had meant right? Dropping all those clues about detectives and phantom thieves. Maybe that’s what all the flirting was about, playing it up for the audience. Well, he could do that right? Play along with Kokichi’s game. He already was after all with the lies and the holding things back knowing they were being watched. What if playing along even more could entertain whoever was watching this awful game and give them a few extra days…? Precious time they needed to uncover the mysteries of this game. To find the mastermind. To end this game. 

So, he stepped forward towards the smaller boy standing by the globe. He had no experience in this. He had told Kokichi as much after all. His hand was shaking as he reached up to gently cup Kokichi’s chin, tilting it upward. Kokichi was frozen, eyes wider than he had ever seen them as he leaned in. Noses brushed as he brought his face closer, but it wasn’t as awkward as he expected. His lips found Kokichi's with ease and lightly they brushed together. Shuichi felt his lips move slightly beneath his own and warmth flooded through him before he pulled back. 

“Is that what you meant?” Shuichi asked as they separated. Kokichi was blinking fast, and there was a pinkish glow in his cheeks (which looked rather nice on him, he couldn't help but think). He had not read that wrong… right… that's what all the hinting was about… it had to be. Why else would he continue to bring up romances and flirting and the like when they were together? It was subtle and gave Shuichi a way out, just like any of his other plans. It only made sense. A romance to distract from the desire for murder. Something unexpected to keep the game interesting without anyone dying. That had to be what he was thinking. Another lie to protect themselves from the wrath of those running this game. 

Kokichi gave the ghost of a smirk, his voice not quite as animated as usual, it was breathy and almost soft, “Yeah, duh. Surprised your slow brain picked it up.” Shuichi exhaled, relieved that he had not made the wrong deductions about their conversations. Otherwise… he wasn’t too sure but he knew it would have been the end of this plan to take down the killing game. But now… maybe they could buy some time. Maybe Shuichi would find the clue he needed and together… they could really save everyone. 

The air in the library felt thicker for some reason, “Right… well I’m going to go to dinner.” The other boy shrugged in response, still looking a bit dazed. “Umm do you want me to grab you some food?” Violet eyes meet his own, scanning him as if trying to figure out some complex puzzle, but all he gets is a simple nod, his wild purple-tinted hair bouncing slightly as he did. Strange, Shuichi always felt like Kokichi could somehow read him all too well. Guess the things he and the others were thinking. Shuichi always felt like he was looking at Kokichi as the puzzle to be solved, the mystery he just could not solve. So having that turned on him felt strange. 

“Okay. I’ll be back.” He hesitated. Waiting for Kokichi to say something. To joke, flirt, play it up. But he’s silent. A blank expression on his face. So he walked out of the library feeling like someone had picked him up and shook him around repeatedly. 

Having his first kiss be a lie… he was not so sure how he was supposed to feel about that. Shuichi reached up and touched his lips, he wondered if that tingly feeling was normal... Even if it was supposed to be fake, it had still felt nice. He wondered if Kokichi would mind if he thought that. It was just part of their game, after all, something to keep the audience distracted, to buy them time. A romance to distract whatever audience this had from the desire to see a murder. And if it could actually buy them some time. It would be worth it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t really have anything to say here.


	17. moves

The library door closed and Ouma fell to the ground. His knees burned from the contact with the hard floor but it didn’t matter. _What the hell Saihara-chan?_ _Why… why… whywhywhywhywhy_. Why had he done that? Why did his entire body feel like mush from .00008 seconds of contact? Why did he want him to do it again? _Ughhh_. He wanted to scream or tear all the books they had put away from the shelves and just throw them against the wall… something. But he also did not want to make noise that would somehow draw attention to his location and have all his other stupid classmates see him as he went down a panic spiral. 

So he settled on stacking books into a precariously tall tower. It was childish and pointless, probably something he shouldn’t be doing at whatever age he was. But it was soothing enough. Piling book upon book as the tower started to reach his own height and it took getting on his tiptoes to add more books. 

He missed Gonta. He was simple and nice and never confused his brain like this. Gonta never tried to out-think him or figure him out, he just genuinely wanted to believe Ouma was not such a bad guy. Even when he gave the big guy no reason to believe such a thing. He really messed up there didn’t he? Maybe this was his punishment. Yonaga’s god was real and punishing him for everything he’d done. He wished DICE was real. That the smiles and faces of people that existed in his dubious memories could give him the advice he needed now. That he somehow had 10 friends somewhere waiting for him, and that they hadn’t been hurt by whoever was running this stupid game. Would they count what he had done to Iruma and Gonta as breaking their rules? Probably. Even his fake friends would turn him away now. Even they couldn’t help him now. Maybe it would have been better doing this alone after all. 

Oh, Saihara. So smart and yet so blind. He must have thought their talks and the flirting had been a game. Who could blame him? After all, Ouma made everything a game. It was better that way, life deserved to be fun. Even life in a prison school, forced into an awful killing game. If he made it fun, he wouldn’t have to think about all the bad things all the time. A kind lie to himself. He tried to put one more book on top of the pile that was now so high he could barely reach. The balance shifted and the tower tilted as he laid one last book. The books tumbled to the ground. It was loud but it shouldn’t matter. Everyone else was probably in the dining hall, eating together, pretending to be the best of friends. While he was here. Standing in front of a pile of books and wondering why on earth Shuichi Saihara had thought he should kiss him. 

He sat back down and opened up his notebook. The ideas and plans and sketches he had laid out swam before his eyes in an incomprehensible sea of scribbles. Nothing worthwhile comes to mind. All these backup plans in case their gambit didn’t work, in case Saihara didn’t have some brilliant stroke of detective genius that could help him solve this whole mess. None of these plans had what just happened. Nothing he had planned or brainstormed or anything prepared him for that. Saihara was unpredictable, that’s what made him so interesting. That’s why he was Ouma’s favorite after all. The person that he fell for. As silly as it was to fall for anyone in a game like this. He found his pen moving of its own accord and in its wake was a doodle of Saihara. It’s just a little chibi like he always drew himself, but with Saihara’s soft timid smile instead of a wide grin or stuck out tongue like he preferred to draw himself with. He ran his hand over it, partially wanting to rip it out and crumple it up. But he can’t. Can’t remove the picture as much as he can’t remove whatever part of him liked Saihara so much. Even when he did incredibly stupid things like… that. 

The game needed to be interesting. That’s what he had said after their whole talk about how romance could be as interesting as murder. About how the best kind of romance stories were the ones that were unexpected. The rivals who clashed but ultimately fell in love. The detective and the phantom thief. Of course… Saihara went all logical on him and figured he was hinting at something. Hinting that a romance would entertain the audience. That the two of them could be the unexpected couple to distract whoever was running this game from demanding another murder in just a couple more days. Of course, Saihara wouldn’t think he was just saying what he actually thought. Why would he expect honesty when all he gave him was lies and games? 

Ouma didn’t want to be kissed because it was interesting. It may be true, the sickos watching this probably did want to see silly things like romances and whatever. That would make their deaths all the more tragic after all. A dating game and killing game all wrapped into one would probably make for peak entertainment or something sick like that. His life was already being messed with. Did his heart need to be as well? 

He wanted to be kissed because Saihara wanted to kiss him. That somehow despite his lies, Saihara still wanted to know him, to be around him, to care about him. That maybe in some other world, some other universe, he really could steal his heart and be satisfied. How cruel for reality to give him something he would have really wanted, in the worst possible way. Nothing good existed in this world within the dome. Whoever made this stupid, stupid game ensured that anything good would either not last or be tainted by the bleak reality of their existence. 

But like it or not. This was the only reality he was getting. No normal school life where he could flirt and fall in love like a normal teenager. No fantastical life where he could be the dashing phantom thief being chased by a handsome detective. All he had was a dumb crush on a boy who thought that he wanted them to fake a romance would buy them time to solve a mystery together. That’s what everyone dreams of right? 

_Fine._ He’d play the game that Saihara thought they were playing. It couldn’t be that bad right? He could play along. Although flirting with Saihara was a lot less appealing when it was part of some weird game for some weird audience. Treating his own feelings like a game just to make them hurt less, to feel less real and overwhelming was one thing. Using them to serve some other purpose was just unfair, but he could do it if it helped this game stop. Yeah, this was fine. He could totally do this. Ouma shoved his notebook back in his bag. Enough thinking for the day. Somehow Saihara ruined thinking since his big ole detective brain wanted to overthink them into whatever this was. 

The door opened and Saihara’s head popped through and he felt himself collapse again, thankfully this time just in his own mind. How could this boy mess with him like this? Do things like pretend to want to kiss him and then look at him all soft and concerned like that. _Ugh. Evil. Pure evil_. Him and his eyes that look golden in the dim lighting of the basement. The way he was smiling softly like he was actually happy to see him. The way that they somehow spent almost all of the past two days together and even if he’s confused it makes him way too happy to have Saihara all to his own so much lately. He wanted to be angry at him, it would be so much easier than just feeling so many different feelings all at once. 

“Um.. I didn’t really know what to get you so I got more onigiri and those spicy chips you seem to like. Oh and some soda. It’s not really a nutritious meal but I wanted to get stuff you actually liked.” Ouma watched as Saihara nervously showed him a bag of the very same chips he had last night and a bottle of his favorite brand of grape soda. He shouldn’t be surprised. Saihara was clearly observant, he always did seem to give him presents he really liked. Like that really cool water gun he still had in his room. He grabbed the bag from Saihara, careful to avoid any physical contact with his hands as he did. No need to send himself into another stupid panic. 

“Stop being so obsessed with me Saihara-chan.” The dark-haired boy laughed nervously in response and Ouma could feel his insides wrapping around themselves. Apparently, a tiny little kiss was enough to send every physical reaction he had to the stupid little things Saihara did into hyperdrive. Saihara looked over at the pile of books next to him, his eyes narrowed as if about to use whatever detective skills he had on it. So he stopped him in his tracks and loudly proclaimed, “I’m tired of the library. If I see another book I will definitely have to murder someone. Let’s go play chess!” It’s not a total lie. He does not want to think about books anymore. Especially stupid books about detectives and phantom thieves and all that stupid stuff he ran his mouth off about earlier. 

Ouma began marching out of the room and he heard Saihara question from behind, “Chess?”

He doesn’t answer but instead grabbed the box with the game off the shelf the moment they arrived in the game room. There’s a table but he put the board on the floor. It was more fun that way anyhow. Saihara sat across from him and Ouma ordered him to put the pieces on the board while he ate. The detective obliged and began setting up the board. In very Saihara fashion, he gave Ouma the white pieces and therefore the right to go first. 

“You know the rules right Saihara-chan?” Ouma questioned the dark-haired boy sitting cross-legged across the cheap chess board from him as he finished off his chips and took a swig of his soda.

“Uh yeah. My uncle taught me. I don’t really play all that much though.” Saihara responded in his shyest of tones. Ouma grinned, determined to just enjoy playing chess, and let his mind be free from thoughts for a bit. 

Saihara wasn’t a total dunce at chess, but he’s still not that great. His moves showed that he could think ahead but would miss something very obvious right in front of him. And when he paid for that mistake would overfocus on the current situation and forget to look ahead. It was very easy to toy with him. And despite the fact Ouma could have claimed victory several times, he continued to make moves to keep the game going. It’s way more fun than just winning after all. It’s quiet. Saihara was intensely focused on the game, eyes darting all over the board and biting his lip. He hesitated over every choice, hand lingering on every piece he decided to move for longer than necessary as he moved it back and forth before finally making his decision. Every one of his turns ended up taking long enough for Ouma to already decide what he would do so that he could move immediately, which always seemed to surprise Saihara. The wide-eyed shock he got every time he moved instantly made Ouma giggle. 

They danced around the board for a while and as the number of pieces on the board started to dwindle it got harder and harder to prolong the game. Saihara’s hand hovered over his queen which was in danger of being taken by Ouma’s knight but moving it would also leave his king way too open. Ouma prepared himself for a long stretch of time with Saihara staring down at the pieces with his cute little thinking expression. But instead, Saihara looked over at him with those intense grey-gold eyes like he was the chess piece he needed to over-analyze. 

“You’re messing with me aren’t you Ouma-kun?” Saihara's hand was over his mouth and he sounded just like he did when accusing people in a trial.

“Hmmm…. What is my beloved Saihara-chan accusing me of now?” Ouma tilted his head as innocently as he could muster. 

“You could have won several times now, couldn’t you? Saihara’s voice was all serious, but Ouma swore there was something almost playful in those eyes accented by the small smile on his lips. 

Ouma felt his own lips curl up into a smile in return, his voice soft as he responded, “Clever Saihara-chan.” 

“So is that a draw then?" Saihara’s gaze had not left his own, just glued to his own eyes as if the board beneath them wasn’t even there anymore, "Wouldn’t be the first time.” 

Visions of playing cards and games of rock-paper-scissors come rushing back into his brain. “Nishishi, you remembered.” 

“Of course.” Saihara’s voice was so soft, so tender. It hurt. Hurt that this almost felt real. And for the cherry on top of the suffering sundae, Saihara reached over and set his hand over his own. He should pull it back, part of him wanted to at least. But he didn’t. The detective's hand felt cool on top of his own and he was suddenly all too aware of every breath he was taking and every beat of his stupid heart. So he smiled. If this was all pretend, why did it not seem like Saihara was lying? He wasn’t that good of a liar right? He could always tell when he was lying before. Kokichi Ouma knew lies. But that stupid smile didn’t look like a lie. His hand over his own didn’t feel like a lie. 

Ouma wasn’t sure how long they just sat there over a standstill game of chess, but the spell was broken as the chime for the nighttime announcement went off and Monokuma’s obnoxious voice echoed through the room. 

“Oh…” Saihara looked conflicted. 

“Go if you need to.” Ouma pulled his hand back slowly. 

“Oh okay. Umm goodnight Ouma-kun… will I… see you tomorrow?” He almost wanted to laugh. Where was this nervousness coming from? Where was the streak of confidence he clearly had when he had strode up to him and kissed him like some sort of smooth operator? Now he was back to stammering? Truly, he was never boring.

So he took it as his turn to be bold, so he leaned over the board and gently pressed his lips against Saihara’s cheek, “If you can find me Saihara-chan.” As he pulled away, he could see red rushing to the detective's cheeks. That couldn’t be faked at least. He smiled and threw up a peace sign and bolted from the room. He wondered if Saihara was a goody-goody enough to clean up before going wherever he seemed to need to go but he wasn’t going to stay around and find out. 

Night-time meant time for him to do things he needed to do. Time for him to grab anything and everything he just might need from the storage room. Time for him to check that hangar again. Freedom to move around without fear of running into the others. Not even killer girl. Because he’s pretty sure that Saihara would be meeting her and space idiot anyhow. Them and their stupid little “workouts” in the courtyard. It was slightly inconvenient since it made moving through the courtyard a pain but he was good at not being noticed when he wanted to after all. And it was hard to hear footsteps over Momota-chan’s stupid and loud voice anyhow. He tried not to think about them. They seemed quieter than normal. Momota must really be sick or maybe he was still pissy at Saihara for the whole trial thing. Pretty stupid. Being mad that Saihara stopped him from getting everyone killed. He was a bad influence. On Saihara… on everyone. He dashed through the grounds like a phantom, it was a productive enough night. Maybe for once, he will actually turn in early enough to actually get some sleep. It’s been almost two hours since the announcement but as he made his way back to the dorms he still saw a figure out in the courtyard. He froze. 

Oh… it was just Saihara sitting there. The other two had clearly gone off to bed. Ouma debated just slinking back into the dorms but found his feet making their way to the patch of grass Saihara was sitting on instead. His jacket was off, sitting beside him and it looked as if his button-up white shirt was still slightly damp with sweat. _Gross_. His sleeves were rolled up. He looked so different like this, he couldn’t help but stare.

“Whatcha doing Saihara-chan?” Ouma approached the seated boy. 

“Huh?” Saihara looked startled before his face settled into a confused smile, “Oh, Ouma-kun, you're still up?” 

He threw his hands behind his head and grinned, “Well, you said you wanted to see me tomorrow so I just went ahead and made sure to make it as early as possible so I don’t waste any time tomorrow. I'm a very important person and have very important things to do!” 

“Is it already past midnight?” Saihara questioned. Ouma took a seat next to Saihara on the grass, close but not too close. Probably a mistake sitting on grass with an all-white uniform but he really did not care all too much about silly things like stains in a place like this. 

“I have no idea,” Ouma answered, honest for once. And for whatever reason, that sent Saihara into a fit of very cute giggling. “That wasn’t a joke Saihara-chan. Is your brain broken?” The laughing didn’t stop and when he looked over at him with those long-lashed eyes all crinkled up, he found himself cracking up as well at just how dumb it was that Saihara kept laughing. Ouma let himself fall back onto the ground, looking up at the strange stars (or so Gonta had said), and soon after he heard Saihara follow suit. 

The laughter faded, “Sorry. Guess I'm just confused.” Saihara said quietly, laying beside him on the grass, face up to the stars painted across the dome that imprisoned them.  
  
“Yeah….” Ouma doesn’t really know what else to say. No jokes or lies come to mind. Maybe he’s just tired. Emotionally worn out. Something like that. Honestly, he’s confused too. Maybe a little scared. He wanted this game to be over, but he also wouldn’t mind just sitting here like this forever. He would never tell Momota this, but there was something weirdly calming about staring up at the stars like this. It’s nice. He had so many plans but this was very unplanned and it wasn’t too bad. If there wasn't a killing game to end, a mastermind to outsmart, maybe it wouldn't be so bad to be stuck in here like this forever. 

He could feel Saihara’s hand close to his own on the ground, pinkies almost touching. If he just moved the tiniest bit… Part of him felt like he’d regret it but he does it anyway, interlocking their pinkies between them. 

Saihara turned his face toward his and looked over at him. Was he going crazy or could he actually see stars reflected in his eyes? He had no right being that pretty. No right to look so cute with strands of hair cascading over his forehead. If it was possible to melt into the grass, he was pretty sure he would. Saihara gave him a hopeful sort of smile and slowly moved their hands together, fingers folded over each other. It was even better than Saihara’s hand on top of his. It made his whole body feel warm, buzzing like a shaken-up bottle of soda. 

After some amount of time he couldn't even begin to guess, Saihara broke the serene silence, “We should get some sleep.” 

“Aww, you aren’t going to hold me hostage out here all night detective?” Ouma whined. Saihara laughed in response and they sat up, hands falling apart as they did so. 

They stood up, Ouma brushed himself off and Saihara grabbed his jacket off the ground. Ouma turned to head back to his room before he heard Saihara’s soft voice once more. “Um… Ouma-kun…”

“Hmm” He turned back to the detective who was nervously playing with his sleeves. 

“Could I… kiss you again?” Ouma paused. _Oh… again with being all nervous and asking, where had ALL that boldness gone…_ Two could play the surprise game, he could be the bold one this time. He didn't answer, instead, he threw his arms over the other boy's shoulders, lifted himself up on his toes, and pressed their lips together for the second time that day. He allowed himself to linger, to move his lips, and feel Saihara’s move in return. He had no point of comparison but it felt pretty near perfect. But he forced his brain to remember it was all fake, all for some theoretical audience, right? Saihara’s hands rested on his waist. He pulled back and appreciated the rosy glow on Saihara’s cheeks for a moment before jumping back with a wide grin. Enough of that for now, he needed to leave before his whole body overheated and convinced himself that this was real. 

“Goodnight Saihara-chan,” he called out behind in a singsong voice as he skipped back off to the dorms without looking back. 

Ouma collapsed on his bed feeling both extremely happy and incredibly sad all at once. He looked up at the wax figure of Amami hanging to the side of his bed. “What am I going to do Amami-chan?” He didn't answer. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be back to Shuichi's POV... also I am terrible at chess and I never play it bc I am too competitive to play games I'm bad at. So I have no idea if the one situation I described is even possible in chess.


	18. falling

Shuichi never considered himself a loud person. He just kept some of his thoughts to himself. Maybe he was just quiet because his mind was still in the library with Kokichi. Making small talk while his mind was still on the fact he had just had his first kiss just wasn’t easy. He didn’t like being the center of attention, especially not with so much to hide but somehow he ended up being just that. At dinner, the others insisted he had been much quieter than he usually was lately. And apparently, his quietness at the past few meals had not been missed either. The others were all worried about him, asking if he was okay multiple times during the dinner. Well, not Kaito. Or really Maki, she just told him he seemed off and left it at that. But Keebo seemed truly worried about him and Himiko kept trying to cheer him up with magic tricks. Well, not tricks, she was very insistent on that matter. Tsumugi suggested multiple things from anime which Shuichi shot down quickly. He told them he just needed a good night's rest and they seemed complacent with that. Kaito was quiet and kept his eyes very pointedly on his soup the whole time. The amount of attention he got was a bit unnerving but somewhat comforting. It was nice that despite everything that happened the people here did seem to at least care about each other to some degree. But of course… someone here was not to be trusted. And that sobering thought was what bothered him, what made it so hard to make idle chatter to appease the others. He tried his best and with a few smiles, he thought he convinced them he was feeling better. 

As Shuichi threw away his trash Kaito finally came up to him, “You really up for training tonight?”

Shuichi noticed how unenthusiastic Kaito’s voice was so he tried to squeak out some of his own, “O-of course! I’m excited.” He cringed at how weird it sounded but it seemed to placate the other boy and got a small smile from Maki as well. 

“Good. Well… see ya then.” Kaito gave him a thumbs up but was still looking off to the side. Maki frowned and pulled at her hair but said nothing. 

“Yeah.” He echoed as Kaito and Maki left and he was alone in the dining hall again. He really hoped training would be okay. He didn’t want to lose that bond, everything those two had given him. Even if he was going behind their back to try and solve this case. It would be fine. He had to tell himself that. The Shuichi Saihara that trained with Kaito and Maki and the Shuichi Saihara who spent time with Kokichi making plans and playing games didn’t have to be two separate people right? Kokichi had said to ditch Kaito in his initial plea but it had never been something he insisted on. Would he see it as a betrayal… Kaito might be frustrating to deal with right now but he didn’t want to let him go. And he’s not so sure he’s even capable of letting Kokichi go at this point.

He promised to grab food so he grabbed things he was pretty sure Kokichi liked. Spicy chips, grape soda, and some onigiri should fill him up, right? Weird that this was the third time they’d be hanging out today and the second time he’d be bringing him food. It seemed meaningful… And despite everything hanging over them, the impending doom of the game continuing, he actually enjoyed their time. And he wondered if they won, and stopped this game, would they be able to keep hanging out? 

When he reached the library, he found Kokichi standing over a pile of books that definitely was not there earlier after their cleaning efforts. But before he could question it, Kokichi ran off to the game room and started them on a game of chess. At first, he genuinely tried to be good at chess. But he realized quickly enough that Kokichi was way too good at this. The smug grins and laughs every time he moved immediately while he agonized over his every move. But Shuichi was starting to get suspicious that despite the ease Kokichi played, he had not put him in checkmate yet. But why… he really couldn’t figure out. So he called him out on it. And Kokichi seemed pleased that he had noticed, the game ended in a draw, and Shuichi felt as if the world around them had stopped in that game room. He reached out and touched his hand. Kokichi didn’t pull back. And as the nighttime announcement rang out and ended that moment. Kokichi leaned over and kissed him on the cheek before leaving, heat rushing to his face in response. He’s stunned for a moment, stuck in place but the rational voice in his head reminded him he had people waiting for them. 

The feeling of his lips on his cheek lingered. But he couldn’t think about that. He left the chessboard on the ground and rushed out to the courtyard. He didn’t want to be late for training and make Kaito even madder at him or provoke Maki’s ire. They were already in the courtyard when he arrived.

Kaito gave him a terse nod, and Maki quietly greeted him by saying, “Shuichi, you made it.”

“Yeah sorry, I was reading.” The lies were rolling off his tongue with greater ease but he still felt the accompanying pang of guilt. It was better that they didn’t know. One day he’d tell them. Maybe they’d be so happy that they made it out of this awful place that they could at least learn to tolerate Kokichi and vice versa. Right? 

Kaito cleared his throat, “Eh, no problem. So 100 situps and 100 pushups sound good?”

Maki narrowed her eyes, the roughness in Kaito’s voice likely noticeable to her as well, “You should probably just pick one.”

“Sit-ups it is then, that way we can see the stars!” Kaito exclaimed with some of his usual gusto. Shuichi took off his jacket and sat next to Maki and began his sit-ups. She was already well into hers, muttering numbers somewhere in the 30’s before he even started. In his peripheral vision, he saw Kaito do one and then lounge back to look at the stars. Kaito coughed. He tried to play it off by claiming he was dehydrated. Maki looked concerned but she said nothing and neither did he. 

Kaito did a few more situps before his breathing got heavy and stopped, “Let’s just look at the stars.” Maki looked over at him, she had finished her sit-ups some time ago and Shuichi had just finished his. Kaito might have done like three. That was not unusual for him to not do his reps, usually, Maki called him out on it, but she knew something was up. She looked over at Shuichi as they both agreed and laid down on their backs. 

“We gotta do this again sometime. Once my plan is done and we are out of this stupid place.” Kaito spoke, quieter than his normal booming tone. 

“Yeah…” Shuichi agreed, wondering what it would be like star gazing outside of this dome. 

Maki however asked the question he was too afraid to ask himself, “Your plan?”

“No worries Maki-Roll, you’ll know when it’s time. A man’s gotta make sure he’s ready y’know. Can’t fail on this one.”

“That’s stupid,” Maki muttered and Kaito said something about how she wouldn’t get it. Shuichi was trying to push down that feeling of dread that he got every time Kaito brought up his plan. He wanted to trust Kaito, but the memory of the trial and how his stubbornness almost got them all killed had not disappeared. 

They sit in silence for a bit more. Kaito does not try to fill the silence like he normally did, but he did seem to be clearing his throat a lot. Shuichi wondered what was going on. But he knew asking would only piss Kaito off. He missed the simple nights where he felt like they could say anything to each other. When they just talked. 

After a bit, Maki announced she was tired and Kaito quickly jumped up to walk her back to her room. Shuichi heard her mumble something angrily but didn’t refuse. The two of them went back to the dorms. He knew he should get up and follow them but something stopped him like he was anchored to that spot. Of course, the fact that he actually made his way through his sit-ups didn’t entirely help the heaviness anchoring him to the ground but that wasn’t all of it. 

He should be worrying about whatever Kaito was planning. He should be worrying that he’s still no closer to any revelations about this game. He felt trapped with the knowledge that he was always being watched and someone amongst them was betraying them. But instead, he couldn’t get his mind off something else. Despite his best efforts, his mind was full of Kokichi Ouma. His quickly changing faces and voices. The way his lips felt on his own. The way they felt on his cheek. How warm his hand felt. It made sense, he had spent so much time with him. Even if it was fake, that had been his first kiss after all. So that meant something. What it meant… he’s not really sure. 

It was as if fate could hear his racing thoughts as Kokichi approached him in the courtyard. He looked up at the boy. His eyes shone in the starlight, his hair extra wild from a whole day of twisting it around his fingers, and lips turned in the beginnings of a smile. Something about him seemed different but he couldn’t put his finger on it, maybe it was the angle, looking up instead of down, but he shouldn’t look that different, right?

And maybe that's what sends him into an unexpected fit of laughter when Kokichi takes a seat beside him. His abs ached from the combo of situps and excessive laughter but he can’t stop for some reason. He fell back to the ground and Kokichi soon followed, laughing as well. It felt so silly, so pointless, and maybe he’s just tired or confused, but it also felt nice. Even with everything going on, they could just lay here under the stars and forget for at least a moment. And when he felt Kokichi’s pinky graze his own, he looked over and their eyes met and the sparkle in those violet eyes was just as brilliant as the stars, maybe even more so. He didn’t even think, he just reached over and grabbed Kokichi's hand. Their hands had touched several times now, but not like this. Not with fingers interlaced, not with Kokichi’s thumb idly moving over the back of his own. It was _different_ in ways he couldn’t explain even to himself. 

They finally stood up to go back and get some needed sleep but when Kokichi looked over at him all he could think about was that kiss from earlier and whether it would happen again. So he asked if could do it again, and he wasn’t really thinking all that much about the cameras. About forbidden romances or detectives or phantom thieves. About audiences that craved blood and lust. All he could think about was how Kokichi looked in the starlight, his dark fluffy hair twisted in every direction and those wide purple eyes he could never quite figure out. Before he got an answer, Kokichi threw his arms over his shoulders and they were kissing again. His hands move to Kokichi's waist. This kiss lasted longer, allowing them to linger and as their lips moved he felt warmth spread all over his body, growing and growing with every tiny moment. 

Kokichi pulled away which was probably good so he didn’t get consumed by the fire now coursing through his veins. He skipped off to the dorms but Shuichi was stuck in place once again, heart racing and out of breath. 

Oh… _oh_. The dome might as well have collapsed on him here and now. A familiar feeling of sudden realization came over him, one that he had come to associate with finally putting the pieces together in the class trials. Was he so bad at playing games he ended up convincing himself that this was real? Because whatever this was, it wasn’t a game anymore. At least not to him. Shuichi had never been the best at feelings but he’s smart enough to know that his curiosity about Kokichi had grown into affection and that had grown into whatever this was. He was too afraid to put a name on it, on the warm feelings that kept creeping up on him when they interacted, on the way he just couldn’t stop himself from being drawn in more and more. Maybe it was better that way, to not name it. If he didn’t acknowledge it, then it wouldn’t be able to distract him. Ending the game was the most important thing after all. 

If they got out. He’d tell him. Tell Kokichi that maybe he had some real feelings for him. And that way if he got mad or laughed in his face… it wouldn’t be that bad. They would not be stuck in a killing game at least. It would hurt, but he could manage it. But hopefully, he’d still be his friend. After all, Kokichi did seem to enjoy their time together. Shuichi believed that the smiles and laughter weren’t all fake, that Kokichi did actually enjoy being around him. That couldn’t be a lie right? It’s so hard to tell anymore. But he wanted to know where the lies ended and truth began. And if they ended this... got out of here, maybe... just maybe he could finally find out. 

He was exhausted and sleep hit him fast once he hit the mattress. He doesn’t remember his dreams but he’s pretty sure they featured someone with changing faces, wild hair, and brilliant purple eyes. 

The morning announcement played and he got out of bed and went to breakfast as had become his routine. What day were they on now? Day 20? 3 days since the last trial and murder. Would the audience be distracted enough or would the next two days be crucial? As he walked he tried to rack his brain and think of anything that could help. Everything his classmates had said, everything he had seen. But he needed something new. New deductions were impossible without new evidence after all. Although where he would get any new evidence to help him solve this conundrum was beyond him. 

Tsumugi greeted him as he walked in, “You look better today Shuichi!”  
  
“Nyeh, you aren’t as sad looking. My good dreams spell must have worked.” Himiko echoed right after and Keebo gave a nod. Maki was distracted watching a very fidgety Kaito.   
  
“Oh really? I guess I did sleep well.” Shuichi smiled lightly as he went to grab his food. He grabbed some extra fruit and a bag of chips as well, stuffing them in his pocket to give to Kokichi later. 

“Why are you being so weird?” Maki asked Kaito after everyone was seated with their various choices for breakfast. He patted her on the back in return which made her grumble and flush a brilliant red all at once. 

Kaito cleared his throat, stood up, and put one foot on his chair for what Shuichi assumed was for dramatic effect, “We are going to fight Monokuma!” 

The rest of the table erupted in _huh’s_ and various degrees of other surprised noises and expressions. Shuichi did his best to keep his face neutral as he processed what Kaito had just announced.

“That does not seem like the logical thing to do...” Keebo replied, hand up by his face in thought.

“With all those damn cubs gone, there aren’t any exisals so we can totally do it!” Kaito explained. The others seemed to agree a little more with this. Shuichi kept his focus on his plate of rice.

“But I dunno how to fight or anything. And I’m not trained in attack magic.” Himiko muttered. 

“Well that's fine, girls shouldn’t know that stuff anyhow. That’s why we are gonna use today to get ready! We can all pick something from Maki-Roll’s lab and practice so we are ready tomorrow!” Kaito exclaimed. 

Keebo at least seemed appropriately befuddled by Kaito’s ‘plan’, “Do you think one day is enough time?”

“Yeah, that seems plain sudden!” Tsumugi added. 

“Hmm, I have saws in my lab…” Himiko was muttering to herself. Maki was frowning, looking as if she was deep in thought. Shuichi still couldn’t figure out what to say or how to react to this. After all, they were being watched so this plan was pointless. This plan would be stopped. Somehow. Either by a motive or something. Plus hadn’t Monokuma told them that he could have an unlimited amount of spares in the first motive when the time limit was in effect? 

“It could work.” Maki finally spoke. “There are enough weapons in my lab. Maybe this is our only chance.” Her intense voice silenced the mutterings of the others and Kaito grinned wide in response. 

“I guess I could use a katana, I’ve used similar props in cosplay before.” Tsumugi was now deep in thought. 

“There are no katanas in my lab.” Maki’s voice was straight ice and Shuichi remembered the story she had told them about how she failed a job at a convention with a katana. Tsumugi seemed unfazed by Maki’s intense glare and was still thinking. 

“Eh, we can figure all that shit out later, but today is all about preparing!” Kaito punched his open hand. 

“I am usually against violence but my inner voice is telling me that maybe I should cooperate with this plan,” Keebo responded, although Shuichi thought he looked a bit confused by his own inner voice. 

“What do you think Shuichi?” Tsumugi turned to him and so did the others, even Kaito was staring at him apprehensively. 

“Umm… yeah.” He could feel how clammy his palms were and his heart was racing, “I-It could work.” It’s the only thing he could think of. Denying the plan while the others seemed into it might seem suspicious and he doesn’t really have any good reason to go against Kaito right now. Especially without divulging any crucial information. All he can do is hold on to the weak smile on his face and hope he can figure something out. Something better than everyone charging into their deaths. Everyone being eliminated by robotic bears may end the game but that was not the way he wanted this to end. He had a promise to keep. Kaede would not want them to go out like that. 

Kaito nodded and then looked immediately away, “Alright then! Training in Maki-Roll’s lab today! So come by for a while and pick a weapon and get prepped for tomorrow. We are gonna get out of here!”

“I guess I could check my lab as well in case there is something useful,” Keebo muttered, shuddering at the idea of his own lab. Right. He hated the sci-fi vibes of it. 

“Yeah... I’m gonna check some stuff around the school first. See if there’s anything around to help that we may have missed just in case.” Shuichi jumped in, hoping to get an escape from whatever was going to happen in the Ultimate Assassins Lab. A moment to figure out what the hell he can do before whatever Kaito was planning tomorrow.  
  
“Oh, okay,” Kaito responded, giving Shuichi an odd sort of look. Looking closer at his friend, Shuichi can’t help but wonder if it was just the lighting or if Kaito was looking paler than normal. Even paler than he looked when he was freaking out about the supernatural. Was he still sick? And how sick was he? And why was he hiding it from them all? His head buzzed with all these questions as he left the dining hall. Without thinking he made his way back to the basement. It seemed to be their little meeting spot after all so he figured, why not start there first. 

The library was empty. Shuichi paused only a moment by the moving bookcase, wondering what was in there that would likely be used against them, and soon. There was also that unexplained pile of books that had appeared some time while he was at dinner last night. The game room was also empty, the chessboard and pieces from last night still on the floor. The AV room however had who he was looking for, laying again on the couch as if he was napping. _Did he actually sleep here instead of his own room that often?_ Still a little ruffled from the breakfast meeting he handed Kokichi the food from his pocket silently which was met with a quiet laugh. 

“Aww my beloved brought me food again!” Kokichi sat up and took a bite that seemed entirely too large out of the apple he had given him, bits of apple flew out of his mouth as he chewed. 

“Uh yeah…” Shuichi responded, still distracted and trying to figure out what he should do and say about what had happened at breakfast. The other boy's eyes looked over him like an x-ray but said nothing and continued to eat. But that did distract that derailed train that was his mind for a moment as he really looked at the other boy. First, there was that twisty feeling in his chest that he knew he needed to ignore. But that was soon followed by a pang of concern as he looked closer at Kokichi's face. “Kokichi… are you alright? You look really tired.” 

“Huh? Are you calling me ugly Shuichi?” His bottom lip quivered and tears began to pour out, but Shuichi only really noticed how even his voice sounded rather exhausted, “Why are you so mean?” Kokichi wailed out and he was pretty sure he saw a chunk of apple fly from his mouth. 

“Don’t do that. I know you're faking.” Kokichi stopped and immediately swapped to a wide grin that seemed incredibly fake and then proceeded to continue taking bites out of his apple. “You just… have bags under your eyes, Kokichi. Have you been sleeping okay?”

Kokichi didn’t respond right away, just looked back at him, mouth pinched together. “Aww, are you worried about me? That’s cute. But I’m an evil supreme leader. So sometimes I get up super early to do top-secret important stuff.” 

Shuichi sat down on the couch next to him. “Yeah…” He didn’t even bother questioning whether that was a lie. “But you still should take care of yourself and get some sleep.” He wondered if Kokichi was eating beyond the stuff he was bringing him, after all, it was hardly enough for a whole day. Up close it’s even more clear that Kaito wasn’t the only one who looked rougher than normal. 

Kokichi looked down and away from him, “You shouldn’t be bossing around a supreme leader.” He didn’t sound very threatening though. He can’t really see his face but the bit that he could see looked a bit of red in his cheeks. They sat in relative silence as Kokichi ate the chips he brought. 

Kokichi wiped his hands on his pants after he finished his food and turned to him, “I think I should be the one worrying about you. You looked all out of sorts when you walked in my beloved detective. Did someone try to poison your cereal this morning?”

“Poison my what? Uh no just… Kaito finally told us his plan.” Shuichi could hear the bitterness in his own voice that he had to hide all morning. 

Kokichi scooted closer to him on the couch so their legs were now basically pressed together and looked up at him, “And? What did that big dummy have to say?”

Shuichi took a deep breath in, “He wants us all to fight Monokuma.”

Kokichi’s brow furrowed immediately, “How troublesome of him.” 

“Yeah. I didn’t know what to even say.” Shuichi admitted. Kokichi was so close that his arm was now pinned to his side and he could feel it tingling, so he moved it and realized quickly he had no place to put it. Well besides awkwardly draping it on the back of the couch which would be uncomfortable or putting it over Kokichi himself. But it was hardly that kind of moment and he really didn’t need to get distracted by those kinds of feelings. So he went the uncomfortable route. He noticed Kokichi was watching him closely as if analyzing his every movement. 

“It’s okay. The two of us are waaaay smarter than dumb ole Kaito so we will definitely figure something out!” Kokichi responded but his tone didn’t sound nearly as confident as his words. With a questioning sort of look, the other boy scooted over just a bit more, pressing into Shuichi’s side and causing his arm to fall off the top of the couch and onto Kokichi. Kokichi's arms were folded over his own chest but his head was now resting against Shuichi’s chest, the mop of purple-tinted dark hair now blocking any vision of the other boy's face. He’s not sure if he’s imagining it or not, but he’s pretty sure he can hear Kokichi’s heart racing. But his wasn’t at all, oddly enough Shuichi felt calm for the first time since Kaito made his announcement. Having someone so close to him felt like it should be overwhelming or nerve-wracking but it just felt right. Like the pressure of another person somehow replaced the pressure of the situation they were in. His chest squeezed a bit but in a pleasant sort of way at the newfound weight of another person leaning against him. 

Kokichi nested his head farther into his chest and Shuichi relaxed into whatever this was. _Warm. Calming. Confusing_. Without thinking he found his hand making its way to Kokichi’s head and he’s not really sure what he planned to do. Tentatively he brushes his fingers through a few strands of his hair, wondering if this was okay or crossing some sort of line. Kokichi made a hum like noise that sounded both surprised and pleased. But he doesn’t object or pull away. So he continued, letting his fingers rake through the wild strands of hair. It’s surprisingly soft, and he wondered if that’s why he seemed to play with it all the time. And for whatever moment of time they sat there, Shuichi found himself for once not as worried and stressed as he should be. His mind distracted as he combed his fingers through the other's hair and wondered why it was so relaxing. 

Fingers brushed against the top of his head and met something unfamiliar, a dent that still felt rough to the touch. 

“There’s an indent on the top of your head,” Shuichi commented, his voice quiet.   
  
He felt Kokichi's body tense as he muttered, “Yeah... a big plank of wood will do that to ya.”   
  
Shuichi’s mind flashed back to a smiling Kokichi covered in blood on the floor during the investigation of Angie and Tenko’s deaths. “Oh…. I didn’t realize you got hit so hard.”   
  
“Was all that blood not a big enough clue? Man, you are stupid for a detective maybe I shouldn’t be working with you.” Kokichi muttered and he can’t tell if there was anger or hurt in his tone. 

Shuichi paused and in a small voice replied, “Sorry.”  
  
Kokichi's hands pushed down on his thigh and he pulled away from him, staring with eyebrows raised and confusion written clearly on his face, “Are you apologizing for being stupid?” 

“No… I’m apologizing for not noticing back then. I guess I just assumed you were playing it up and lying. And then the trial happened…” Shuichi explained, struggling to find the right words. 

“Yeah… Well, I am a liar after all.” Kokichi does not say it with his usual pride. Shuichi doesn’t know what to say. Kokichi is still under his arm right by him on the couch. His face turned towards him meant their faces were only inches away. Neither move. Just two sets of eyes looking right at each other trying to figure each other out. At least that's what Shuichi was trying to do and it felt like those wide violet eyes were trying to work something out as well.

He opened his mouth to say something but Kokichi interrupted, jumping up from the couch and breaking the heaviness in the air. “C’mon let’s get our mouths and bodies moving so we can get our big brains working to come up with a plan to beat that idiot's plans!”

“Oh, right… sure.” He was still stuck at that moment on the couch, wondering if there was something he should have said. But Kokichi was right there were more pressing matters at hand.   
  
He stood up and Kokichi smirked and winked at him, “Nothing dirty though Shuichi, so don’t even think about it! I didn’t mean it like that so get your filthy mind out of the gutter!” Kokichi smiled impishly at him. 

“I wasn’t,” Shuichi responded, too lost in thought to get fully flustered (which he assumed was the other boy's intention). The remainder of the fact they needed a plan was enough to bring back the worry and stress from this morning in full force. 

“Of course not. Shumai only has the purest of thoughts and intentions right?” Kokichi’s voice was oddly serious and his face strangely devoid of his usual teasing grin. _What… was that about?_ But before he could answer or figure that out, he continued, “So what should we do?”

Watching a movie seemed pointless. It would be too hard to talk over and they needed to actually talk for once. They could always play some sort of game, but what kind of game was there to play in a room full of DVD’s?

“We could stack the DVD cases until they fell, or maybe set them up like dominoes?” Shuichi suggested, even if it sounded lame the moment it came out of his mouth. After all, it was pretty stupid to do something like that while their lives were quite literally on the line. 

“Huh!? Dominoes!? With movie boxes!? Now that’s pretty childish doncha think?” Kokichi tilted his head, violet eyes sparkling. 

“We don’t have to.” Shuichi quickly replied, regretting his words already.

“Nah, I like that childish side of you. Can’t lose that.” His voice was all serious again which was somehow more unnerving than the teasing, but Kokichi swapped back his more typical gleeful tone, “Let’s do this, but we have to go for the world record!”

So, they begin setting out DVD cases. They test it out a couple of times, seeing the optimal distance to set the upright cases apart. Kokichi insisted on covering the whole room and Shuichi agreed. As they begin to work, they talk. Kokichi asked about the new areas and Shuichi told him about Kaito’s lab and the Gofer project and then about the bunker and the remote Momokuma gave him. And then he told him how he was disappointed he couldn’t get into Rantaro’s lab. Kokichi stayed focused on the DVD cases as he answered, giving slight nods and hums in response. None of the information seemed to be leading to a solution to halting Kaito's plan. They sat on the floor, scooching back as they added more and more DVD’s to the outgoing spiral, slowly making their way to the back corner of the room. 

After Shuichi answered his questions, Kokichi sighed, “No flashback lights or motives from Monokuma. How _booooring_. Did he go on vacation again?”

The absence of Monokuma was suspicious. Shuichi straightened a DVD case as Kokichi set down the next one. Of course, the cubs being gone explained some of the quiet. But Monokuma being absent minus the morning and nighttime announcements was strange. Were they actually distracting him or were they just so sure that a murder would occur that they didn’t even feel the need to set up a motive? Or were they just being lulled into a false sense of security before something truly awful happened? Kokichi looked up from the DVD case he set up, watching him with wide eyes. _Was he expecting him to come up with an idea?_ Kokichi had seemed to be one step ahead so often saying things that didn’t quite make sense and yet almost did. So entrusting this to him seemed strange but he let his mind run through possibilities. _If Monokuma could give them reasons to kill, couldn’t they turn the table and give their own reason to not continue this game_ … 

Shuichi adjusted a DVD case, “If Monokuma doesn’t give us a motive. Why not do it ourselves?” 

Kokichi's lips curled into a strange grin, “Clever Shuichi. I think I can manage that.”

Part of him was pleased that his idea had been accepted so quickly, but that also worried him, “What do you mean?” _What kind of motive would Kokichi provide to stop this killing game from happening?_ Had he already come up with something so quickly… 

“Don’t you trust me?” Kokichi was looking away to the side now, his expression completely inscrutable. The words dripping with some strange intent Shuichi can’t place a finger on. 

Kokichi fixed the last of the DVD cases before looking back at him waiting for an answer. “Yes. I do.” Shuichi finally said, more hopeful than assertive. 

“You really shouldn’t,” There was something sad about the way Kokichi said those words despite the coy smile dancing on his lips. Shuichi felt something turn inside him leaving a tiny seed of fear in its place. He really wasn’t sure what to say to that. 

Kokichi gestured at the last DVD case set up, the end of the spiral that now took up the entirety of the AV room, even looping around the couches, “The honor is all yours Shuichi.”

“Let’s do it together.” Shuichi gave him a weak smile, still a little shaken. 

Kokichi laughed, an eyes crinkled deep belly kind of laugh and he felt a little better, “Damn, that’s pretty cheesy Shuichi. But if that’s what my beloved detective wants...” Shuichi reached over and grabbed the back of Kokichi’s hand, loosely letting his fingers slip through the others. Eyes met and for a moment they paused, joint hands hovering behind the final DVD case. Shuichi wished he could understand what was going on behind those violet eyes, but every time he thought he was getting closer to understanding, he just felt farther away. But the warmth of Kokichi’s hand under his own was enough to keep him trying. He guided their hand and pressed the DVD case, letting their hands fall apart as they did, and slowly around them they fell domino-style as planned. Kokichi bounced excitedly beside him, seeming to be pleased that their efforts had paid off until it reached the last DVD case. The one before struck it but it only wobbled for a moment and remained upright after. The one case in a miniature sea of fallen cases. Kokichi looked like he had swallowed something bitter and was glaring at that case with Maki level intensity. 

“We can just go knock it down ourselves,” Shuichi said, trying to be helpful.

Kokichi just shook his head, hair bouncing as he did, “Doesn’t work like that now does it Shuichi?” His voice sounded far too wistful to be talking about some DVD case for some movie neither of them had even heard of. 

Part of him wanted to stay on that floor, looking at the mess they created. Just taking a moment to just exist, maybe even just sit on the couch together again. But they didn’t have that luxury. Time was not on their side. These little moments over the past few days could come to an end so soon. This awful school had taught him that. Each little moment could be the last one, which made it even harder to end. He needed to go see what was happening with Kaito’s plan and make sure it had not already caused problems. 

“I should… go find the others and see what’s going on.” Shuichi stood up, his knees stiff from scooting around the floor with Kokichi for however long that DVD domino creation had taken.   
  
He offered a hand to help Kokichi up but he waved him off instead with a wide almost plastic grin, “Yep. Go run off now Shuichi I’m tired of looking at your face.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit of a wait but mental health has been a bit rough so writing has been slower. Also, I was debating how I wanted to do this next part with both perspectives so the next few chapters will have lots of overlap with different scenes being more fleshed out depending on perspective, and hopefully, that works out. I know this was more fluff mostly but that was the best way I could figure out to get the plot back rolling. Thanks for the kind comments, they really make my day. I will get to responding to more soon now that I'm in a better headspace!


	19. games

Ouma knew they were running out of time. He knew the moment he woke up covered in sweat in a full-out panic before dawn this morning and he knew it now. Whoever was running this game would without a doubt intervene before whatever the hell Momota was planning. Or maybe it was entertaining enough to watch them all get slaughtered by robots or something. He really doesn’t know how depraved this theoretical audience is but he knows he hates them. 

Time was running out. If they didn’t figure out something and soon… Well, at least he’d have these memories. These incredibly self-indulgent moments where he took advantage of whatever weird game Saihara had forced him to play-act of them being some sort of couple. The way it felt to have Saihara’s arm around him, the feeling of his fingers in his hair, their fingers intertwined, and the way just those small kisses were able to set his whole body on fire. A lie containing lots of little lies. But a tiny bright spot in this awful school life nonetheless. 

But it’s also oh so dangerous what he’s allowing himself to do… to feel. There was a book in the library about a bunch of dumb stories from Ancient Greece. He didn’t read all of it but he remembered a monster from it. Some dragon-like thing where every time you cut off one head, three more grew back. This crush was kinda like that. Every time he indulged himself with Saihara was like slicing off a head and letting three more grow back. A silly crush growing into something with way too many heads. Something way too turbulent, way too powerful. Something that could distract him for real. Distract him from the most important thing, ending this game. He can’t have two most important things. His feelings for Saihara can’t be his important thing in this world, in this lifetime at least. That could only be true in the worlds inside his head, worlds without killing games. 

He found himself writing out all those messy feelings once more. Folding them up. Placing them in that locker as if it could contain them for him, stop them from growing into something that he could no longer handle. It's strangely therapeutic crumpling the old letter in his hands, ripping it into tiny little pieces. Funny how his feelings seemed to be advancing and changing as quickly as his plans were lately, like an out of control trolley car about to veer off the tracks. They grew and evolved just as his plans were, but as things proceeded the less and less control he seemed to have. He just had to keep a hold on everything a little longer. Just a bit more, he would end this. Somehow. No matter what. 

He should be more worried. Saihara kept going off to his stupid friends. Training last night and now whatever they were doing. He should be worried that Saihara will betray him, end their plan and confide all the little secrets they had shared to them. But for whatever stupid reason… he’s not. He still doesn’t fully understand the detective, he still managed to surprise him again and again, but Saihara was dedicated. Dedicated to their deal, even if Ouma wasn’t telling him everything. Even if they had too many things to figure out in so little time. If anything he’s less worried about Saihara opening his mouth to the others, and more just jealous they get to spend all this time with him. How nice it had been to monopolize Saihara’s time. He doesn’t think he’s ever been drunk but having so much of Saihara’s attention on only him these past couple of days… was intoxicating. And he craved more. To have his eyes on him and only him. And once again he was in the realm of dangerous thoughts. Thoughts he could not afford to have. Only one thing mattered. He would end this game. With or without Saihara, and that was not a lie. 

Because in the end, saying he trusted Saihara was the lie. The black bag pushed under the couch was proof of that. Proof of plans never uttered to the detective. He hadn’t told him about Amami's lab either. Or all of Iruma's inventions. Or what he had been doing this morning that had left him exhausted enough for Saihara to notice. His insides turned. That stupid little concerned look he gave him that made his insides flip around. The way it made him soft enough to indulge himself into curling into Saihara’s side. Having his head resting right above Saihara’s heart he could feel the other boy's hands running through his hair had made Ouma almost let himself forget what he was there for. Almost. But he had not forgotten his main goal. 

Ouma knew he couldn't hide away all day. Might as well take advantage of what Saihara had told him. The others would be distracted. He could move around at will without fear of the others seeing him. He left the AV room, kicking over the stupid last standing DVD case with a little too much force as he did. The plastic case smashed against the wall and the silver DVD fell out onto the floor. He’s not sure why it made him so irrationally angry. It was just a stupid little domino chain, but he really did hate when his plans collapsed. 

He was not sure where to go first but might as well grab some food. Depending on Saihara for all his meals would not always work, might as well get a stash of his own. He pulled the bag with his notebook in it out from under the couch and made his way to the kitchen to stuff his bag with pre-packaged food. He went through the warehouse for good measure as well. Nothing caught his eye. He grabbed another pen just in case. Too much was at stake to not be prepared for every possible outcome in this game. Not if he wanted to succeed. 

Momota’s plan was stupid. But at the same time, surprisingly smart for Momota. He at least realized that there was no way to end this game without removing the source of it. Of course, he was too stupid to realize that just attacking the robot bear headmaster thing wouldn’t be enough. Even if he had Iruma’s goodies like Ouma did… no… whoever was running this whole thing had more power even with those at his disposal. Even without the exisals, Ouma feared the power whoever ran this had over them. If everyone fought Monokuma, then the funeral they had all had pushed into their minds by the flashback lights would become a reality. And as the one person not included in the plan… would that leave him the sole survivor if Monokuma enforced the rules and punished them all for fighting him? Stupid. He told them he would win this game and there they go making some idiotic plan that could do just that. But he had zero intentions of winning like that. The game would end on HIS terms. He would not be another Amami. To survive just to be put right back in another game and get your head bashed in. No. Whatever was to become of him, this would be his last and only game of this kind. He had zero intentions of being some sort of Ultimate Survivor. 

For now… he needed a motive. Or an anti-motive of sorts. Something to get them to NOT kill. He thought of his options as he made his way to his next destination. He could show them the outside world. That was depressing enough. Who would want to keep playing this awful game when there was no hope. It was a sight that made escaping seem like a fool's errand. But that also meant showing some of his hand. Of course, he had asked Iruma to make more than just a couple of electro hammers just in case he needed to do just that. Leaving as many options as he could on the table was key after all. But showing Saihara that door made it tricky. The detective was no actor and if he slipped up and revealed their alliance… the group mentality would shift and leave Momota even more in charge. That couldn’t happen. So he needed options.

But he knew that. He was always prepared. Prepared to wake up early and make another solitary trip back down that trap-filled corridor with a bonus tool courtesy of the warehouse. That sight still made his mind reel and stomach turn even now but he managed it. Plus it didn’t hurt that it meant he could get the hammers they had left-back. Two birds, one stone. Hammers that sat charging in Iruma’s lab just in case right now. Hammers he was looking at as he pondered his next course of action, which path he could take to try and squeeze out a little extra time for Saihara to solve the few things he could not figure out himself. He pocketed the remaining two bombs. Those were too useful to leave around. Of course, none of the others came in here anymore. Even Keeboy seemed to avoid it. With a few exceptions, it had been that way with almost every other dead classmate's lab. Only Yumeno had been around Chabashira’s dojo, and he’s pretty sure if he hadn’t called her out that never would have even happened. The others claimed to love the truth so much but they lied to themselves and ignored their own grief and regrets. It pissed him off but it kept them away from the inventor's lab so there was that at least. Of course, it didn’t hurt that Iruma’s lab was also a hot mess of strange finished and unfinished inventions. He had to dig through all sorts of crude and terrifying contraptions to grab what he wanted. But he found it and put it in his bag. He looked at the Bug Vac again but decided to just leave it. Not being able to see whatever you were catching was a major design flaw in the end and Iruma was obviously no longer around to fix it. A shame. Too short nails dug into his palm as he thought about Iruma. If only she hadn't been so stupid. Maybe then... no it was pointless to think about his brief and failed alliance with Iruma. To wonder if she had not bowed under the pressure if they could actually take down the killing game like he had wanted. Maybe. Maybe not. Old plans meant nothing now. Now he had to hope that Saihara would be enough to solve what he couldn't. And if not... he would take matters into his own hands. Take control of this game. 

Ouma left the lab and turned in the giant fortress of metal that stored the exisal hangar. What a ridiculous thing to have at a supposed “school”. His footsteps echoed as he walked through the giant metal hallways. The door was still open. Of course, and now he knew that Saihara was the one with the remote for this door. He chewed on his lip. He looked over to the giant robots. They were still now without the cubs to operate them. Although he doesn’t entirely trust that there is not some backup plan. After all, they were a pretty big threat. But maybe that was part of the plan as well. Perhaps there hasn’t been a motive because the mastermind knew that the lack of threat from the exisals would cause people like Momota to be reckless. That was a pretty flimsy motive for murder though so he’s not quite sure. Fingers drummed against the side of his leg as he thought. 

He walked over and examined one of the metal beasts closely, looking for a spot that was hard to see and hard to reach. Under the leg seemed to be his best bet. It was also about as high as he could reach without hurting himself in the process. He reached into his pocket and attached one of the receivers that Iruma made to the still metal body. Ouma pulled out the remote and held down the button intended for setting the connection and watched as the flashing green light turned solid. Fingers danced around as he tested all the buttons. Iruma really was something else. But he had to push that thought away before his blood started to boil with the reminder that she could do all this and was still swayed into this stupid killing game. He’s too focused to really notice how much time passes as he fits the other receivers and tests out everything he can. It’s like a game figuring out all he’s capable of with these receivers. Testing the exisal’s capabilities, as expected they are fast and strong but they also have a myriad of other strange features he doesn’t quite understand. Like a voice changer… interesting. But there was only so much to mess around with, he had other places to be and other things to do. He wasn’t even sure if he’d need these hunks of metal. But he might… and what was better than keeping hold of a strong card to pull out at just the right moment. Or even better throwing it in your opponent's face that you could win without even using the ace up your sleeve. He felt like his body was buzzing. Ouma wasn’t sure if it was anxiety or just some sort of adrenaline rush from things working in his favor. But he felt alive, powerful, like he was untouchable. 

The sky was darkening as he walked out. Perfect. He pulled out a folder from his bag. He should have enough time to drop the bag off in his room and make it to the dining hall while all the others are gathered for dinner. And they were all there as expected. Staring at him with various levels of hatred. He gave his most ominous smiles and poked and prodded like he did best. He doesn’t get punched or choked which was a relief. And Saihara played it off well, perhaps he was becoming quite the liar himself. He can tell from the confused looks on everyone's faces as he walks away he’s sowed just the right seeds to get them to doubt Momota's plans, to doubt each other. And that doubt bought at least another day. He bit down on what was left of his thumbnail as he left. Not bad. One more thing was taken care of. 

Days inside this dome seemed both incredibly long and way too short all at once. And today was no exception. Ouma felt like just moments ago he was curled up against Saihara’s chest and yet it also felt like a whole different time where they sat together making a stupid domino chain out of DVD cases. He stared at his whiteboard. Nothing important comes to mind. He ruffled through his papers. Something… something more… something to trigger some sort of realization in Saihara. That buzzing hadn’t left. He felt restless but with nothing to do. The energy gets channeled into rearranging everything in his room into a different sort of mess and then followed that by some writing in his notebook. He looked through everything again, something caught his eyes this time, he wrote a little note on the back before pocketing a photo he thought might be good for Saihara. Then he ate some of the chips and candy he had taken from the kitchen earlier. He flipped through his papers again and even joked with the Rantaro figure (it didn't respond). Nothing seemed to help. Was he really this useless without having Saihara around to monopolize his time? 

And his doorbell rang. Something that rarely happened. And of course, some sort of higher power must have been spying on his thoughts because the moment he let himself think about how much he missed spending time with him, there he was. The detective smiled brightly as he opened the door and he’s relieved for a moment. This meant his little performance from earlier must have worked. Saihara must think that his little motive would work. He tried not to think about how that stupid little smile was making it feel like his heart was about to jump up his own damn throat based on how fast it was beating. 

But soon after greeting him, Saihara got that investigating look in his grey gold eyes and started looking over his shoulder, questioning about his room and Ouma knew it was time for them to get out of here. So he grabbed his wrist and dragged Saihara down the stairs to his own room. 

Saihara looked a bit confused but obliged and unlocked the door and invited him in. Polite even though obviously a bit taken aback. Ouma wondered what he wanted to say, he knew the detective must be holding something back, why else would he be biting down on his lip like that. The frenzied energy had not abided. Like he had jammed his finger in an open socket, he could feel the current running through him. That combined with the way his chest clenched as Saihara looked at him with concern was a terrible combination. He wanted to turn and run but his body decided to listen to the stupid part of his mind that wanted to spend every second with Saihara that he could. But it also amped up the desire to mess with him a little. After all, his own emotions were being messed with so it was only fair to toy with him in return.

“So…“ He tilted his head, lips curled. Stepping forward towards Saihara. 

Saihara looked at him surprised, taking a quick step back, “So what?”

Ouma narrowed his eyes and moved forward yet again, “Nishishi, now you have me all alone just like you wanted Saihara-chan.”

“What do you mean?” Saihara was blinking rapidly now which only spurred him on. He was flustered and confused. Perfect. Saihara took another step back and Ouma closed the space. 

“Oh, so you weren’t trying to find me alone in my bedroom all alone late at night? Did I ruin your plans by bringing you back here? Is your room not okay for the things you want to do to me?” His voice was low and suggestive which resulted in a red blush creeping over the detective's face. 

“What are you saying Ouma-kun… You seem off… Are you okay?” Saihara’s eyes were tight and worried but Ouma found himself unable to stop. 

“Aww, do you not want to play with me Saihara-chan?” He accented every syllable with a little too much emphasis in a low growl as he continued to move into the other boy's personal space, enjoying watching the detective squirm in response to his every little movement. 

Saihara looked surprised and backed away as he stepped forward again and again. The other boy's feet met the edge of the bed and he fell back. Ouma quickly crawled over him, perched on his hands and knees above the detective. Saihara’s pale face was flushed with red, grey eyes wide open in surprise, lips slightly parted. He looked so beautiful, so perfect. Ouma wanted so badly to just lean down, to kiss him fully, to feel Saihara’s body under his own and lose himself in this moment. But that would be wrong. That would be taking advantage over whatever this was. He’s justified being indulgent with the small things, but that would be far too real and would likely just scare Saihara off. And while he wanted it, he knew it would be so much better if Saihara actually wanted it as well. So he jumped up and laughed airily as if nothing happened, doing his best to quell the rush of warmth running through his entire body. 

Ouma beamed standing a few feet away from the bed, staring down at Saihara, “Nishishi, you’re so easy to mess with Saihara-chan. You get embarrassed so easily!” 

Saihara laid there, surprise still over his face. His mouth opened a few times, like a silly little fish. He must have been lost for words. But Ouma had no intention of discussing what just happened, the buzzing had calmed and now all that was left in its place was a weird sort of numbness. An emptiness replacing the frantic energy that had consumed him most of the day. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a deck of cards. 

He bounced childishly waving the cards around, “C’mon sit up I wanna play cards!” Saihara sat up, giving him a long and plaintive look before scooting back and agreeing. Ouma knew he was holding back whatever he really wanted to say. He’s not sure what he’d do if he did, probably just make a run for it. But he could stay and play cards. It would at least be better than pacing around his room and letting his mind go wild while he can’t sleep. 

They played war and Ouma was happy it was a game of luck and didn’t have to scheme up ways to constantly tie up Saihara to keep it interesting. But he hated the silence, and he was scared to let Saihara fill it with his little detective questions. So he decided to take the lead.

“So what made you decide to be a detective Saihara-chan?” Ouma asked, staring at Saihara with wide eyes. 

“Huh?” The dark-haired boy paused before setting down cards, looking over Ouma. He smiled widely in response but he’s pretty sure Saihara was getting a little too good at reading him. Not completely of course, if he did, then he would undoubtedly kick Ouma out in an instant (which was more than deserved). But he can tell that Saihara could tell that something was up with him, even if Ouma didn’t even want to admit it to himself. But Saihara set his card down and answered the question without questioning the strange shift. Another surprise for the books.

“I’m not really a detective Ouma-kun, just in training.” Saihara started, “And well, I told you my uncle was a detective so it just happened. I felt like it was only right to help him out with cases like as thanks for taking care of me.” 

Ouma frowned, typical of Saihara to downplay himself and interesting how he felt some need to thank a family member for doing exactly what family was supposed to do. But he doesn’t want to think about families and that sort of stuff. “So you must have seen all sorts of crazy crimes right, bet they have nothing on what I have done with my organization though!” 

Saihara pursed his lips like he always did when he doubted something Ouma said but chose not to comment. “Not really, most cases were just routine stuff. Infidelity, runaways, background checks. That sort of thing. Lots of paperwork and research.”

“How boring. Being a Supreme Leader of a secret evil organization is way more exciting.” Ouma set his card down but kept his eyes on the detective. 

Saihara tilted his head, “Probably.” There was a pause and Ouma worried that it would lead to dangerous territory. That soft smile on Saihara’s lips more than likely born from the knowledge he had of Ouma’s motive video. He had not brought it up since he had threatened him of course, which Ouma was thankful for. He knew Saihara had to be dying to bring it up with him, that was the kind of person he was after all. For good or bad. But Ouma didn’t want to talk about it. Real or not, it hurt too much. Hurt to think of faces and names of people he cared for, people he couldn't even decide if they were real or not. 

So he shifted the focus back on Saihara. “So do you really track down runaways?”

“Yeah, we had several cases like that,” Saihara replied simply, and Ouma could feel his inquisitive eyes running all over him. He was trying to figure him out yet again. He was doing way better at it than he probably realized unfortunately. 

“Seems cruel.” Ouma shrugged.  
  
“Huh?” Saihara’s eyebrows raised as he lay down his cards after they tied, and then grabbing them all after he played the higher card.

He paused, and answered, his face and tone neutral, “What if they ran away for a reason Saihara-chan? Sometimes leaving is the only option people have y’know. It’s pretty heartless to drag them back into a situation they clearly didn’t want to be in.” 

“Oh. Well, our policy is to always follow up with the client. We make sure both the client and runaway are happy or else we don’t close the case. But you’re right… there always is a reason. That’s how I always started those investigations, trying to understand why they felt they had to run away.” There was passion in Saihara’s voice as he explained his process. It wasn’t surprising. Ouma could tell he was the type of person who threw himself into whatever he was doing. No matter or grim or silly or whatever, Saihara was a dedicated sort of person, maybe that was just another reason he liked him so much. 

“Is that normal for detectives?” Ouma asked, scooping up cards after winning a set of two ties in a row. A relief since his share of the deck had been dwindling to almost nothing and he wasn't quite ready for this game to be over to have to return to his own room and his own thoughts echoing around his head. 

Saihara held up his share of the deck up to his face as he thought, “I’m not sure but I wouldn’t want to do it any other way. It wouldn't be right to put someone back in a bad situation even if it was what we were hired to do.”

“That’s very considerate of you Saihara-chan.” The detective looked up from the cards laid on the bed up at him, “Someone like you is far too nice to be hanging out with an evil supreme leader like me. I might be a bad influence on you. Turn you to the ways of crime until you will finally want to join my organization.” He teased but even he could hear his voice lacking the edge he was trying to put into it. 

He could practically hear the gears turning in Saihara’s brain as he responded, “I like hanging out with you Ouma-kun.” 

“Nishishi of course you do. I am rather interesting. I thought hanging out with you would be fun but it’s always just a big ole waste of time.” He ran out of cards as he lost the last war and Saihara held the whole deck now. He can’t bring himself to be mad about losing. “Just kidding! I have lots of fun when I’m with my beloved detective!” 

“Which one of those statements is a lie Ouma-kun?” Saihara muttered, giving him an inscrutable sort of look.

Ouma smirked, “You’re the detective, figure it out.” 

And once again they were in some strange quiet moment of just staring at each other. Another loaded silence. He wondered what was on Saihara’s brain. All the questions the detective wanted to ask but knew Ouma would only feed him lies in return. A standstill in whatever relationship the two of them now had. A partnership, a friendship, a fake romance… the lines are all blurred. He smiled an empty sort of smile while Saihara’s mouth thinned. So many things that should be said, but neither of them did. 

Ouma broke the silence, “I should go, Saihara-chan.”

“Hmm, why?” Saihara looked down at the full deck of cards still in his hand.

“Don’t be stupid, I have murders to go commit silly. Plus it’s been a while since the nighttime announcement Saihara-chan. Aren’t you the one who was just all worried about me getting enough sleep earlier?” Ouma responded playfully. Had the detective really gotten that into their little fake relationship game yet again? It was endearing how much he threw himself into things, but also so dangerous. Passion and dedication are one thing but obsession was unhealthy. Although his room filled to the brim with any little thing he thought could help him end this game likely meant he was not the best judge of what qualified as healthy behavior. 

So he stood but before he could chime out a goodbye, he felt a hand grab at his wrist. “Stay with me.” Cool fingers wrapped around his wrist and he stopped. How were his hands always so cold? 

“Huh?” He froze, taken aback by the intensity in Saihara’s eyes, golden under the artificial light in the room. Ouma put on a joking half-smile, “Oh so was I right- you are a secret pervert who wants to do weird things to me at nighttime.” 

His joking did nothing to lower the intensity of Saihara’s gaze. He doesn’t fumble or blush for once and that made Ouma falter instead. “No.” Saihara’s voice was so soft he could melt, “I just… don’t want to be alone. Ouma-kun. Please.”

“That sounds like a personal problem Saihara-chan.” He grumbled. He can’t. He’s getting too close again. And he feared seeing Saihara-chan’s sleeping face would send him right over the proverbial edge. 

He pulled slightly away from Saihara, but he didn't let go of his grip on his wrist. Damn him and his stupid persistence. “I’m just… worried about tomorrow. And I think you are too.”

“Don’t be silly Saihara-chan, Supreme Leaders never worry about anything!” Of all his lies, that was one of the largest. 

“Ouma-kun, please.” Saihara finally released his wrist but Ouma found himself rooted in place, unable to move away like he should. He bit down on his lip. This was a mistake. But he just can’t take Saihara’s soft tones or pleading looks. He doesn’t know what to think. Messing with Saihara used to cause so much more of a reaction. Anger and frustration. He still saw flashes of it in the other boy's eyes which was a relief. But this caring and concern seemed to overpower whatever annoyance he was able to trigger in Saihara now. That scared him, something had changed in their dynamic. Yet again Saihara proved harder to figure out than he expected. 

“Fiiiine, Saihara-chan. You are such a big baby you know.” Ouma teased trying his best to sound as lighthearted and uncaring as he could. Saihara only smiled sweetly in return and Ouma could feel his chest flip-flopping yet again. 

They got ready for bed and wished each other simple goodnight. Saihara fell asleep first once again. They still are far enough apart that Ouma doesn’t feel like he’s going to completely explode. But in the dim light, he can still see the detective's peaceful face and hear his slow breaths. And he’s scared. Not just about Momota and his stupid plans, not just about ending this game on his own terms. He’s scared that what he had written off as a silly little crush was turning into something dangerous. A multi-headed monster that he wouldn’t be able to control. 

When he woke, he found Saihara’s arm loosely over him from behind. He hated how nice it felt. It’s early. Far before the announcement, but no matter how late he fell asleep he always managed to wake up before it. Like his body knew better than to sleep too long in a place like this. He couldn't see Saihara’s face but he could tell from the deep breathing he had no such qualms. Luckily he already knew from the last time Saihara had got him to stay that he was a stupidly heavy sleeper so it was easy to worm his way out from under his arm so he could leave before he woke. He immediately missed the warmth from his arm as he did. Saihara didn’t even stir. He watched him sleep for a moment, marveling how much longer his stupid lashes looked with his eyes closed, trying to ignore that stupid clenching in his own chest. He resisted the urge to lean over, to brush his hair off his forehead, to softly press a kiss on his forehead while he was all peaceful. A stupid thought, he really was getting careless. _It's all fake. Just Saihara playing a stupid game that he thought was your idea... remember that._ Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out the photo from his collection with its little note and slid it on to the spot he had just occupied on Saihara’s bed before rushing out of the room before he got sucked back in by Shuichi Saihara. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The scene in the dining hall that's very skimmed over in here will be expanded in the next chapter just an FYI. I just didn't want to split this into two small parts and that bit just works way better from Shuichi's POV hopefully that isn't too confusing/jarring. Also, I'm glad you all seem to enjoy my determination to incorporate and reference as much as I can from FTE's, Salmon mode, and Love Hotel because I really like using it to build this relationship.


	20. hope

Shuichi arrived at the Ultimate Assassins Lab, his stomach pooling with anxiety. Kaito’s plan scared him. He wished he could talk about it with him but after everything that had happened the past few days, he wasn’t even sure how to or if Kaito was even listening. He opened the door and could immediately tell things were not going all that well. 

Kaito was nervously trying to get Himiko to not pick up the saw she must have brought from her lab. Maki looked exhausted next to Tsumugi who was wielding a spear quite dangerously. Keebo was holding an axe but did not seem to be doing any training, more just looking at it with a great amount of disdain. _Did that mean he didn’t have anything in his lab since he had such a weird weapon for a robot to wield?_

“Oh, Shuichi. You’re here.” Maki looked over, keeping one eye on Tsumugi as she did.

“Sorry, I’m late. How’s it going?” Shuichi asked, trying to sound positive, although from the looks of it, whatever was going on was barely above the levels of organized chaos. 

Maki frowned, putting a hand on Tsumigi’s spear to stop her from swinging it erratically. “Not well.”

“Oh don’t be so negative Maki Roll! It’s just a work in progress! We will make the impossible possible just you wait!” Kaito called out, only sparing the smallest of glances at Shuichi. 

The group rotated around Maki’s lab. She did most of the work explaining how the weapons worked and the best way to use them. Kaito did mostly nothing but shout out encouragement and the like. The goal was apparently to figure out which weapons fit each person best and be prepared with multiple in case Monokuma fought back. Shuichi bit his tongue in asking how spears and knives were supposed to be effective against what seemed to be an incredibly complex robot. But he thought he played along well enough. 

Keebo and himself had been tasked with practicing throwing knives against the dummy while Maki worked with the other three on how to hold a spear. “Did you find anything important Shuichi?” the robot asked between throws. 

Shuichi momentarily forgot that he had said that he was going to go search the school and had instead used the time to mess around with Kokichi in the AV room, “Oh… no sorry.” he replied.

“No need to apologize!” Keebo beamed. 

“Did you not find anything in your lab?” Shuichi asked in return. 

“Yes but….” Keebo paused, “My inner voice advised me against using any of it so I decided it was for the best to leave it be.” Shuichi paused. He still wasn’t sure what to make of the whole inner voice thing Keebo kept bringing up. For some reason, he remembered Kokichi talking about how weird Keebo was in the library. _Should he be worried about Keebo?_ He doesn’t want to be but maybe there was something weird there. He hoped not. He considered Keebo a friend but… 

Hanging out in the group continued to bring out those doubts. He cared for them but he also truly believed that one of them being behind all of this did make sense. But he couldn’t let that consume him. So he talked to everyone and tried his best at swinging around various weapons. A couple of weeks of training with Kaito and Maki had not gifted him with some ultimate level of physical prowess however so he was not that talented at any of the weapons. He could hold them up better than the others (even Keebo) at least. They train for hours and he was pretty sure they weren’t really making all that much progress. Maki actually looked like a child caregiver going around and making sure they didn’t hurt themselves while wielding the weapons. Kaito was putting together a crossbow in his lap but got distracted with calling out things to Maki so it never got fully assembled. He never really spoke to Shuichi but from glazing over he was pretty sure Kaito was looking even paler than before. 

Everyone started getting hungry and after Himiko complained about her MP being at dangerously low levels they agreed to break for dinner. Maki put away the weapons. Kaito begrudgingly admitted that they would need a little more time training before attempting to take down Monokuma. That was a relief at least. He really did not want to get drug into charging Monokuma tonight before he had a chance to figure out just what Kokichi had planned. That still bothered him. How quickly he had agreed to his idea of planting their own motive. Of course, talking any more could risk the mastermind interfering but still... It was hard having a partnership where you didn’t tell each other everything. Although…that had been the case with Kaede as well hadn’t it… 

Shuichi was tired. Both physically from attempting his best at swinging around various weapons before Maki told him to just stick with a knife, and mentally from having to pretend he was in on this plan. He cared about them all. But it was hard being there, pretending they could take down Monokuma like this. The group made their way to the dining hall in silence. The fatigue was clearly getting to them all. 

They were all sitting eating their dinner when the door opened. Everyone stared at the sudden entry of the person that no one (minus Shuichi) had seen in days. Days after he had punched Kaito, laughed in their faces and claimed to love their suffering. Kokichi’s face was blank but as Shuichi looked around he could see everyone else’s was filled with shock and anger. A tension so palpable he could feel it hanging heavy on his shoulders… _Is this part of the plan?_

Keebo was the one to break the silence calling out, “Kokichi! Where have you been?” 

Kokichi’s face twisted in a childish smirk, “Hiding from all the gross robots like you duh Keeboy!” 

Before Keebo can protest with complaints of his blatant robophobia or something, Kaito shouted, “What the fuck are you doin’ Kokichi? You wouldn’t show up here for no reason. And where the hell have you been the past few days?”

“Ahh guess you aren’t a total idiot Kaito. Fiiine, I’ve been hiding in my lab but I had something super important to tell the rest of you idiots.” Kokichi's voice was smug as he looked down at his own hand. 

“Your lab isn’t even open yet!” Himiko protested.

Kokichi tapped his chin with a doe-like innocence on his face, ”I’m the Ultimate Supreme Leader of an evil secret organization, wouldn’t it make sense for my lab to have lots of secret passageways so plebeians like you can’t get in?” Shuichi frowned. That didn’t seem like a total lie. It actually… made a lot of sense. But he knew Kokichi had in fact not been in his lab for at least most of the past few days but he said nothing. The idea of secret passages however still intrigued him… after all Kokichi’s lab was the only one they hadn’t found yet. It would fit into his strange talent that Shuichi still did not quite grasp, even with the knowledge from his motive video. But a prank group would probably have a hideout with lots of entrances. But... had Kokichi really known about something like that and not told him... 

“Do you wanna die?” Maki stood up from her seat next to Shuichi and called out cooly, fists curled at her side. 

“Oh chill out killer girl. I know you love killing people but I’m only here out of the kindness of my heart.” Kokichi crooned out as the others continued to send him glares.

“I doubt that. You’re just here to mess with us!” Himiko exclaimed, her voice tired after all the exertion in Maki’s lab. 

Tsumugi agreed, “Yeah that’s just plain obvious! ” 

“You all want to end this killing game right? Well, I had an idea about that too. The rules say two of us can escape together. So does anyone want to survive with me? Just the two of us? I could kill everyone else and then me and whoever else can escape.” Kokichi’s grin curled up at the sides menacingly. Shuichi looked down at the table. 

“No one is gonna agree to a stupid thing like that asshole. We are gonna defeat Monokuma and get out of here together.” Kaito exclaimed. 

Keebo, Himiko, and Tsumugi all agreed. Maki was frozen in place with a hateful glare and fists clenched, ready to lurch over at the boy in white at any moment. 

“Oh okay… how boring. But I guess I do understand” Kokichi pulled out a familiar bright pink object, the bomb he had used in the lab when they first solidified their deal, he tossed it in his hand“ But I think there’s something you all should see first.”

Maki muttered something that had the word ‘kill’ in it and moved, and Shuichi luckily grabbed her wrist before she did. She tugged but didn’t put all of her strength in it, merely glared at Shuichi. 

“You don’t want to kill him.” Shuichi pleaded.

“Trust me. I do.” Maki growled. Shuichi dropped her wrist on impulse after seeing the fire in her red eyes but Kaito stepped in front of her before she could lurch at Kokichi again. 

“Maki Roll don’t be rash. He can’t do anything to us, we have him outnumbered!” Kaito said as Maki mumbled something about him being an idiot. Shuichi agreed with her that he was being a little foolish, after all, for all the rest of them knew Kokichi really was brandishing a normal bomb at them. 

“What do you have in your hand Kokichi?” Keebo asked staring at the pink orb. 

Kokichi smiled innocently, “Oh you mean this?” He held up a folder with his other hand. Everyone's eyes immediately shifted. "Just some super important information about the Gofer Project, thought you miiiight want to know." 

Kaito snatched the folder from Kokichi's grasp and slammed it on the table. They all gathered around and sat at the table. Maki read out loud, everyone hanging on her every word as the strange document connected all the dots of their jumbled memories. It looked similar to the paper they had found in Kaito’s lab but with no blacked-out bars. While he listened to Maki he watched as Kokichi stared off into the distance, his face completely blank. They learned about the meteorites and that to prevent the end of humanity the Gofer Project was created. 16 high schoolers were selected for the project. The Ultimate students chosen to be the Adams and Eves of the new world. The students fled and erased their memories of their Ultimate Talents. A group who celebrated the end of days believed humanity deserved to be destroyed by the meteorites and sabotage the plan. Then the Ultimate Hunt began. And to counteract this, the organization for the Gofer plan announced the deaths of the 16 students. And then the plan commenced but before the Ark launched away from the destroyed Earth with the 16 students as the last survivors' something happened that it was never completed. A giant space colony that they had come to know at the Ultimate Academy for Gifted Juveniles stuck on a destroyed and barren Earth.

The air was heavy as everyone processed the information Maki read out loud. It fit perfectly with every little memory that the flashback lights had handed them. Fit perfectly with the view of the destroyed world. Even Shuichi felt himself wanting to believe this tale, it made sense, his brain wanted to accept this truth. But he remembered the audience. He remembered that he didn’t have to believe that the Earth was gone and they were the only ones left. And then he wondered just how Kokichi was able to create this story… to fill in all the gaps so people would believe it. And how would it help them all stay alive? 

No one spoke for a moment. 

Maki bit her lip and pulled out a photo from behind the stack of papers with the reports on the Gofer project, “Is that what the outside world looks like?” She held it up to the others and he heard gasps as they saw the polaroid of the destroyed Earth from that awful door. Shuichi felt himself getting dizzy at the sight. How had Kokichi gotten that? He looked over at him but Kokichi wasn’t meeting anyone's eyes. Merely staring off with the hint of a smile as he fiddled the bomb in his hand that everyone had forgotten the moment Maki started reading. 

“Impossible!” Kaito said with a shiver, his face pale and sweaty. The others looked no better. Even Keebo was looking pale. Maki was biting furiously at her own lip.

“Is the world really like that?” Himiko whispered. 

“He might have forged it…” Maki mumbled. 

“Nope! those definitely aren’t forged. How would I even do such a thing? It was in the file when I found it while looking around the school. And… why wouldn't it be real? Gonta must have seen something truly _horrible_ to do what he did to Miu right?” Kokichi’s voice was low and intense now. 

“Don’t talk about them!” Kaito argued. 

Tsumugi chimed in, “Yeah! It’s plain disrespectful after what you did.”

“After what I did?” Kokichi looked at his nails as if bored, but Shuichi could see the flash of white biting down on his lip. 

Kaito grunted and loudly replied, “You know what you did you piece of shit” Maki stood up at lightning speed, eyes wild with anger but Kaito stepped in front of her again, “Maki don’t! He’s not worth it. It doesn’t matter what the outside is like, we can't play into Monokuma's game. We still have to fight back! ”

Kokichi sighed, “Oh well. If you really are that determined, I do have one more thing to tell you all.”

“First, you should tell us why you are holding something that looks suspiciously like a bomb Kokichi!” Keebo interjected. 

“Oh, this bomb? Took you long enough.” Kokichi commented as if bored once again, “Since you want to reject my plan, then I guuuuessss I can tell you about this bomb and some other super helpful stuff that Miu made that could tooootaly help out with stupid Kaito’s plan.” 

“Why do you have a bomb?” Himiko asked far too calmly and far too late while Tsumugi gasped. Kaito mumbled something about not being stupid and Maki tensed up even more. 

“Hmm? Like I said Miu made it. I just wanted to prove that I wasn’t lying. I know you all never believe a word out of my mouth but this is real y’know.” Kokichi turned the bomb in his hand. Shuichi noticed Keebo was looking intently at the bomb once again. 

“And why should we believe you?” Maki growled, body still in position ready to strike behind Kaito’s shoulder. 

Keebo stood up suddenly. “Miu was working on a lot of things in her lab that looked like that. It is her style. I do not think Kokichi is lying. She was always making things, it would not be strange that some of them were meant to aid an escape since she apparently wanted so badly to leave herself.” Keebo informed them all. His voice breaking slightly at the end. He really had cared a lot about Miu… 

“See even dumb robots like Keeboy can tell I’m being genuine” Kokichi protested with a pout. Keebo seemed too lost in thought to even protest the insult. 

“She did make those cameras and the drone so it wouldn’t be that out of place,” Shuichi added quietly and there were sounds of agreement from the others besides Maki and Kaito. Kaito had that same tense look on his face from the trial. _Was he mad that he had defended Kokichi again?_

“Yeah but…should we really be listening to Kokichi?” Himiko commented and there were more general sounds of agreement. 

Kokichi shrugged and pocketed the bomb once more, “I’ll let you all think about it. If you still really wanna fight, then I’ll meet you all in the gym tomorrow night after the announcement and show you everything Miu left. That trashy bitches last will before she decided not to trust any of us.” 

Maki replied, “Why are we waiting?”

“Yeah! We need to make our move, don’t insert yourself into our plan!” Kaito loudly agreed.

Kokichi’s face darkened with a malicious grin, “Because you didn’t read out loud the last part of that document _Maki Roll_. And I think you should stop letting Kaito and you speak for everyone. Maybe after seeing just how _pointless_ it is to escape into a world like that some of the others might not think the same as you. Risking your life just to enter a destroyed world might not be for everyone. You can’t just assume what other people are thinking, haven’t you learned that by now?”

 _Silence_. No one met each other's eyes. Shuichi noticed the others glancing back at the polaroid sitting on the table. 

Kokichi grinned and cheerily continued despite the downshift of the mood in the room, “Make sure to read that other line… I’ll see you all tomorrow night. Or not. Your call.” And with that, he walked out of the dining hall. The remaining six of them left in awkward silence. 

“There’s another line?” Tsumugi finally asked.

Maki frowned, her voice short as she read off the last page of the packet, “An unscanned delivery was let onto the Ark before the team could ensure its safety. One of the participants vouched for it.”

Himiko muttered, “What does that even mean?” 

“I think it means there is a traitor.” Shuichi finally spoke up, his mind racing to figure out where Kokichi was trying to lead them with this information. Planting doubt in each other seemed to make sense. After all, Kokichi had always been warning them all how foolish it was to trust so blindly. So if they believed someone was actually working against them... maybe the plan to attack Monokuma would fall apart.   
  
“What the hell does that mean Shuichi?” Kaito snapped finally turning towards him, eyes full of fury.

“The Killing Game wasn’t supposed to be part of the project according to these notes so that mysterious item must have been part of it. Maybe whoever vouched for that delivery was actually trying to make sure the killing game happened.” He’s not sure how convincing he sounded, but the logic was sound at least. 

“Then someone brought Monokuma into the Gofer project, right? How else would he be here?” Maki replied, forehead furrowed in thought. 

“That does make sense.” Keebo agreed. 

Tsumugi added, “Do you think it’s from that organization trying to stop the project? Maybe that student was working with them the whole time.” 

“Okay. Then it’s obviously Kokichi!” Kaito grumbled. 

"It has to be." Himiko agreed, Tsumugi nodding beside her. 

Keebo thought that over and replied, “Hmmm… I’d agree but isn’t it weird he would just tell us information that could incriminate him.”

“He’s probably messin’ with us and he’s gonna lure us into the gym and do something real fucked up,” Kaito argued. 

Himiko chirped up, “He did have a bomb!”

“Yeah, that was plain suspicious.” Tsumugi agreed, head tilted. 

“Even for Kokichi, it does not seem logical to give us incriminating information and then lure us into a place where he would be outnumbered. Plus we do not know if that is a normal bomb, Miu’s inventions tended to not always be what they looked like.” Keebo argued. Shuichi was thankful for him being the voice of reason right now. He was scared that if he tried to defend Kokichi he would let something slip or invoke Kaito’s ire even more. 

“Then what?” Kaito barked out, voice sounding weak. 

“Couldn’t it be someone who already died?” Himiko asked. 

Maki frowned, “Maybe… but not necessarily.” 

No one said anything to that. Everyone was looking around. Looking at each other, the awful photo, the list of all sixteen of their names. The mood was both somber and suspicious. Any plans to return to Maki's lab to train more had clearly been forgotten. 

Keebo stepped in yet again, “We need to decide if we are going to take Kokichi up on his offer. Whatever we do it should be a unanimous vote. At least that is what my inner voice is telling me.” No one said anything. “Should we plan to meet at dinner tomorrow and make our decision?” Everyone agreed to that quietly, the mood still extremely tense. The nighttime announcement rang out and they all dispersed. 

The others headed to the dorms, all separate. Worry and fear etched on their faces as they departed. He wondered if the others were thinking about that picture. The sight of the destroyed world that still made his own head spin. Shuichi was not ready to sleep quite yet so took his chance to go to the basement and check for Kokichi, but no one was there. All he found was a discarded chess set, a mess of DVD cases, and a pile of books he still had no explanation for. Remnants of Kokichi and the time they spent together but not the real thing. He wasn’t sure where else to check but it was worth seeing if he had just returned to his room to sleep before wasting time looking all over the school. 

He ran into Maki in front of the dorms. “Shuichi. I was looking for you.”  
  
“Me? Why?” Shuichi frowned, not able to tell just why Maki seemed so awkward about talking to him despite having seen each other for most of the latter part of the day. 

“Kaito decided he wanted to work more on assembling the crossbow in my lab. I thought maybe…” She trailed off, face red. For a moment he was worried that Kaito had clearly not given up on his plan but he also wondered why Maki would be telling him this information. 

Shuichi realized just why she was there now, “You want us to work things out.”

“Do you wanna die?” She shook her head, dark twin-tails shaking as she did so, “I don’t understand what’s going on but I can tell you two still need to talk.” 

“Maki… I need to think about what happened earlier, but I will talk to Kaito tomorrow. I promise” Shuichi looked at her earnestly, hoping it didn’t have to be a lie. Maybe tomorrow he really could fix whatever was going on with his best friend. 

“You better.” He could see a faint smile on her lips, “Good night Shuichi.”

“Goodnight Maki.” He replied and she walked off towards the Academy building. 

He looked around to make sure no one else was out and about before he walked up the stairs to Kokichi's room. Unlike the only other time he came here, he rang the bell. Kokichi answered standing a few feet inside the door. And as silly as it was, he felt lighter upon seeing his face. He smiled and stepped forward. “Kokichi.”

“ _Huh_ … are you stalking me Shuichi?” Kokichi grinned back impishly. 

Shuichi didn’t respond to that, “Thanks… I think that worked.” Kokichi said nothing to his cryptic remark but Shuichi figured he understood despite the strange look he was receiving in turn. The other boy seemed to be fidgeting quite a bit. He looked into the room behind him, he couldn’t see all of it but he never noticed just how much stuff was in there the last time he had been here. “Is that a horse-” He never finished his question. 

“Let’s go to your room! I wanna see it!” Kokichi interrupted and roughly grabbed his wrist, dragging him down to his own room. He didn’t comment. Just watched the other boy. Something was off about him. A nervous sort of energy that wasn’t there earlier. An energy that brought back a familiar fear that Kokichi was just stringing him along, messing with him for his own enjoyment. He tried to push that away. They had grown closer after all. Even with the lies, he had chosen to trust him. He just opened his door and invited him in. He wasn’t even sure why they had come here. 

That strangeness quickly amplified once they were standing alone in the room. Kokichi turned to him, violet eyes hooded and a coy smile on twitching lips. His voice was low and he kept getting closer and closer. Talking about what he planned to do now that they were alone. Shuichi felt the blood rush to his face, unable to give a coherent response. He knew he was being messed with but he was too flustered to combat it. Kokichi kept approaching until Shuichi felt his heel hit the back of his bed and he fell onto his mattress, the air knocked out of his lungs momentarily. And at that moment, Kokichi had crawled up onto the bed as well. Perched above him. Shuichi’s heart raced. They had been close many times before but there was something far more… intimate about this. Hair hanging around Kokichi's pale face as he stared down at him with those large violet eyes. He can’t find any words. He was not even sure how to react to this. It was so out of nowhere, something was clearly up with Kokichi and he was too afraid to ask. But he’s also a bit afraid of just how… nice Kokichi looked from that angle. He could so easily just reach up, touch his cheek. But that seemed like too much so he just stared, unable to ignore that warmth spreading through him that reminded him of the feelings he had promised to push away for now. 

Luckily Kokichi took that moment to jump quickly away from the bed laughing and playing it off. Shuichi got control of his racing heart and breath. He’s still unable to find the words he wanted to say so he agreed to play cards when Kokichi asked. War was a simple game however and still led to too much thinking. Was Kokichi hiding something from him? Was that why he was acting so different tonight, so full of that strange energy that made him nervous. It wasn’t so bad now, he seemed way more his normal self as he questioned Shuichi about his detective work. 

Shuichi wanted to ask questions in return. He wanted so badly to get some understanding of Kokichi. But he also understood that it didn’t work like that with Kokichi Ouma. He had to work harder for it, to earn his way in by playing his games. So he did. Maybe with time… he could finally learn more. It wasn’t the worst thing. After all, even the silliest of activities seemed way more fun with Kokichi around. Endlessly frustrating and yet... so rewarding at the same time.

He’s not sure what came over him with Kokichi deciding to leave after their game ended. But he didn't want him to leave. He knew that much. Even though he’s pretty sure they shouldn’t talk about what happened in the dining hall, he still felt better not being alone as he worried about what was going through the minds of his classmates. And he knew something was up with Kokichi. Maybe he was nervous as well. He'd rather it be that... just Kokichi being worried. Not Kokichi hiding something, not him messing with him despite everything. So much was on the line, and they still had so much to do to end this game. So much to figure out. Kokichi took some convincing but he stayed. And the warmth of another person in bed sent him off to a night of quick and peaceful sleep. 

The other side of the bed was empty when he woke, devoid of the warmth the other boy had provided. In its place, however, was something else. It’s a photo. One he hadn’t seen for weeks. It was Rantaro, startled in the flash of the camera of the trap Kaede had set up for him. It was the same as he remembered it. _Why is that in my bed?_

He turned it over. On the back in large writing in purple ink was _‘Wasn’t Amami-chan cute before he died?’_ accompanied with a doodle that he assumed was supposed to be Kokichi winking at him. At least it had the same hair and scarf, so it had to be. _Huh…._ He moved his thumb slightly on the edge of the photo and noticed a slight smear of ink in its wake. He moved his hand and noticed a line of much tinier writing on the bottom edge of the back of the photo. _‘Have you ever solved a cold case, my dearest detective?’_ Cold cases… So was this some clue to actually prove that claim he had made back in Miu’s lab? That he had been wrong and Kaede had not actually been the killer. No that couldn’t be… She admitted to rolling the shot, setting up the trap. They never tested the apparatus, but he had no reason to believe that he was wrong. He turned back to the photo, he died right after this right? _Why would he show him this picture?_ He scanned it again. Just Rantaro looking into the flash, reaching out with one hand and with the other holding his Monopad. Wait. The Monopad.. If he had been holding that shouldn’t there have been a bloodied Monopad at the scene… It had been a while but he remembered the Monopad Ranaro carried had been found in his pocket. Would he really have had time to pocket it before getting struck by the shot? The interval wasn’t that long. Kaede must have rolled as soon as the motion sensor sounded. So did that mean… that someone had been there to move the Monopad… was the crime scene tampered with? But no one else had been caught by the cameras. 

His mind was racing. There were still so many more questions. But if the crime scene had been tampered with… then… maybe… But they couldn’t have used that door. The dust proved that. And then there were the camera intervals. Something only Miu and himself knew about. Oh and the mastermind. But could they really have snuck in so easily… Unless… maybe there was another way. He remembered Kokichi’s comment about his Ultimate Lab. Secret entrances. If an evil supreme leaders lab would have those things, by that logic… shouldn't evil masterminds as well? After all, the bookcase was hidden but still could be found. He had found it almost immediately. If multiple existed then they could easily still use whatever lay beyond that door even if that entrance or one of the others was discovered. It made sense. This school had so many different pathways, perhaps that was a distraction. Distracting them from looking for other paths that Monokuma’s little trinkets didn’t lead them on. This Ultimate Academy could have more mysteries. That sweet sense of clarity that accompanied solving mysteries came over him… this had to mean something… 

He needed to find Kokichi. They needed to go look now. If they could find another passage… maybe they could find a way in. Find out who it was. Find out if they lied about what happened to Rantaro. If they lied… then they broke the rules. Did the viewers know? Kokichi had said the rules were important to a game that was watched, so maybe they had lied to them as well. If they knew… would they want to keep watching? Could that be the key? The key to ending this. If no one wanted to watch a rigged game, then it could end. They could be free… right? 

The morning announcement hadn’t sounded yet. He ran up to Kokichi’s room but there was no response. He ran outside, not sure where he was going to head but a figure in white was walking away from the school at just the right time. 

“Wooow Shuichi you’re up early! Did you miss me that much?” Kokichi smiled but his eyes shone with curiosity.

“I have an idea!” Shuichi breathed out, unable to contain his excitement and play the game of making pointless small talk. Not when he finally felt like he had found out something worthwhile. 

Kokichi tilted his head, “Well, let's not get too crazy this early in the morning Shuichi. Let’s go sit first okay?” With a small amount of hesitation, Kokichi grabbed his hand. _How was his hand always so warm?_ They walked over hand in hand to the little gazebo in the courtyard and sat side by side, hands still held between them. His mind buzzed, wondering if today could be it. Before tonight and whatever happened, they could stop this whole thing in its tracks. They could escape. Talk for real outside this dome. He knew Kokichi would still be full of lies but he thought would be fun to try and unravel them without a killing game looming over them. Side by side… they could do this before anything else awful happened.

 _Right_? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing group scenes is a lot.... hopefully the dialogue with that many people is decent. Writing one on one conversations is way more fun. 
> 
> For all the comments waiting for something bad to happen... this chapter was more of a fill in the blanks from Shuichi's perspective. Relationship and plot are in the slow burn zone but they are going somewhere I promise.
> 
> I actually have a lot of the next couple chapters already written and I hope to get it out soon. I actually ended up going in a slightly different direction than when I initially thought of this fic but I really think that what I ended up moving to will be more satisfying for the characters and the overall story. Definitely ended up being longer than intended. The longest google doc I've ever had for sure.


	21. voyage

Admiring his handiwork for a moment, Ouma then grabbed tufts of grass and threw them on the rock outside the dining hall. No need for the others to see this just yet. He needed a better lie for Saihara if anyone saw it at the wrong time. If he was lucky, it could just be joked away later. It was just a backup plan of course. Lies upon lies. Plans upon plans. Both his little additions to this Academy should help out, just in case they ran out of time. A game where you never knew when the other player would make their move meant he constantly had to be making his own. His stomach turned. It was the fourth day. He couldn’t let the pattern continue, couldn’t let this game continue. But he’s worried. Working with Saihara had seemed good in theory but it didn’t eliminate the constant threat of being watched. The threat that the mastermind would target them next. He didn’t mind so much if it was him… at least if he was gone Saihara could end this. He was dispensable if need be, if the mastermind went after him like he had been expecting for a while now. But… Saihara didn’t deserve that. He wanted to believe that the silly little idea that Saihara had would work. That seeing the two of them sneaking around and sharing kisses and stolen moments away from their peers would be entertaining enough to not cry for murder. There was no motive yet after all. It was possible. But Ouma was not so sure… not sure it would be enough to quench the thirst of the type of people who would watch something like this. It was a precarious balancing game. If he acted too much or too little, he would collapse into the pit of snakes and fire and sharks and darkness below. 

It didn’t help that Saihara made his mind so muddled. He was too hard to figure out fully. He’s more than certain now he can trust him, but he also can’t trust him with some things. Not without… risking all the work he had done to tear apart this game. Not without potentially putting Saihara in the crosshairs of the mastermind. He pictured Saihara curled over with his head bashed in like Amami. Bile rose in his throat as he tried to push away that image from his brain. 

The dark thoughts of seeing Saihara beaten, stabbed, or drowned ran through his mind without consent making him feel violently ill. So much that when he saw Saihara in the courtyard he was almost surprised to see the detective alive. _This was early for Saihara-chan…_ He had that intense look in his eyes he recognized from whenever he seemed to put together some sort of mystery. So the photo had worked. He wondered just what Saihara had figured out. Surely he noticed the Monopad. Ouma was mad no one had seen that before. The moment he picked up the photo after the trial he saw it. An anomaly. And while he was no expert at Rube Golberg machines like he claimed, he did go test Akamatsu’s little set up that same night. A shot put ball with a little chalk proved that there was no way Amami was standing under where the ball would have fallen. But that wasn’t enough proof. Maybe a detective would be able to find some real proof that this stupid game was even more messed up than he imagined. 

Saihara was too cute when he was excited. He blinked a little too much and his mouth was just a little open as if too eager to begin talking about what he knew. But Ouma led him to the gazebo, which should be out of the way enough so no one would see them talking as they left the dorms to go to breakfast. Saihara can’t be seen with him after all. Even Momota might start doubting Saihara if he was seen with someone like him. He’d never really seen the appeal of holding hands before. It seemed awkward, kinda sweaty, and forced you to walk at someone else's pace. But having Saihara’s hands wrapped in his own he thinks he understands it now. Saihara’s long and thin fingers wrapped around his own small and short fingers. The detective's hands were always so cool, a nice contrast to the way his own always seemed a little too warm. 

They sat down, hands still clasped between them. And Saihara wasted no time. “I want to look for your lab.” He looked over at Ouma eagerly. Clever as always. Saihara really was playing the game far better than he could have ever imagined. He knew better than to bring up the picture directly, but what the hell did his lab have to do with this? 

“Huh… why would you care about what a Supreme Leader’s lab looks like my dearest detective? Are you looking for evidence so you can arrest me for all my crimes?”

Saihara laughed, which was shocking enough. Ouma knew that his comment would have had Saihara all nervous and confused, asking him a million questions if it was a week ago. But now… “No of course not. I want to see if we can find any secret passageways leading to it.”

Ouma felt a jolt when Saihara stared him down as he emphasized the word ‘secret passageways’. Of course, he had poked around the school looking for any secrets. And of course, it made sense… if there was another way into that room. Then he was right. Someone could have messed with the crime scene just like he thought. 

“Clever, Saihara-chan.” He muttered and squeezed his hand. He added in a louder voice for whoever might be watching's benefit, “I guess it would be good to finally be able to go to my lab.” It was a lie. He really did not care all that much. There were other things he cared about way more. 

“So let’s go!” Saihara smiled, illuminated by sunbeams peaking through the holes on the top of the wooden gazebo. His hair shined blue-black in the light, golden eyes gleaming as bits of sun caught on those too long lashes and washed his pale face with a golden glow. _Mesmerizing_. That all too familiar tugging in his chest reared its ugly head at that observation. He’s not opposed to the idea but he had somewhere to go. Somewhere else to check before Saihara ran into him and distracted him as he always did. 

Ouma tapped at his lips, “I’m going to check the grounds first, so how ‘bout you check the school? I’m way faster than you so I’ll totally be done first so I can come to find you since there’s no way you’ll be able to think like an evil supreme leader like me.” He averted his gaze to avoid direct eye contact as he tried to sound as enthusiastic as possible. 

But he could still see the way Saihara’s lip tightened out of the side of his vision, a familiar frustration that had been lacking in their recent interactions. After all, there was no point in looking at the grounds. Because he knew what Saihara meant. They were going to look for another entrance into the mastermind's lair. No way that was all the way in the grounds, at least that made very little sense as a place to begin. He must be wondering why he insisted on separating but he didn't ask. Ouma let their hands fall apart and stood, Saihara stood as well, watching him carefully. 

“Okay… I’ll see you soon then.” Now he looked all downtrodden. Grey eyes looked down at the ground, forehead crinkled in thought. Ouma liked getting reactions out of people, but he hated making Saihara look this pitiful. And he was not sure what was going through his head when he grabbed the front of Saihara’s uniform and pulled him into another kiss, but he did it anyway. He can feel Saihara’s mouth make a small shocked noise under his own but the detective seemed into it soon after. After all, why else would he have one hand in Ouma’s hair and the other clenched around his shoulder? There’s something deeper and more urgent in the way their lips moved together compared to the last two times. Ouma’s hands moved to grip at his back, pulling himself up into the kiss. He can feel his heartbeat ringing through his skull louder than the voice in his head trying to remind him this was all a lie. Reminding him that Saihara must just be a much better actor than he pegged him for. And if it felt this real… it should look real at least. But as sweet as it is, it can’t last. He pulled away ever so slightly. Saihara pressed his forehead on his own and for a moment they lingered, warm breaths dancing between them. Ouma smiled sadly and Saihara returned it with one of his inquisitive looks. As they finally pulled apart, Ouma let his hands sit loosely on Saihara’s hips for a moment. And he had a thought. Remembered something Saihara had told him yesterday. Something he might need. He shouldn’t. But… 

“Are you trying to distract me from seeing my own lab Shumai?” The detective's eyes furrowed but he’s distracted enough by his words for Ouma to strike. His hand slipped into Saihara’s pocket trying to keep the touch light until he met with exactly what he was expecting. Some rectangular object that he knows must be the hangar remote that Saihara had told him he had kept on him ever since he had been given it. He slid it into his own already quite full pockets, thankful for whoever had designed this uniform for its deep pockets. 

Ouma pecked him on the cheek trying to sound as light and cheery as possible, “See ya real soon Saihara-chan!” 

“See you soon, Ouma-kun.” Saihara touched his cheek where Ouma's lips had just been, looking at him with a strange expression before turning away and walking toward the school. 

_Oh, Saihara_. He really hoped that he was right. That their staged romance and planting a motive would be enough to keep the viewers engaged and the mastermind to hold back for today. But too many days had passed and there was a pattern after all. Whoever was watching this sick game wouldn’t be appeased by sappy romance for long. They’d want blood. He’d already been made a target once by Iruma, and he wouldn’t be surprised if he was being targeted once again this time thanks to the mastermind. There was no way to know how much they knew about his plans. But if they did know, and he did die.. well at least he left enough that he had faith Saihara would pick up and finish this. But his involvement with Saihara meant the target had likely swapped. Getting rid of Ouma was too easy, too obvious. The others already doubted him. Saihara was the only one who’d be hurt by his death, probably, maybe, at least he hoped he cared at least a little. But Saihara... the fourth trial was proof how much the others liked him and trusted him. Losing him would be devastating and would make any new case way too hard to solve. Ouma could solve it of course, but without Saihara to take charge in the trial it seemed like a lost cause, could he really lead the others to the truth with his lies? 

Shuichi Saihara was good. He deserved to live. Maybe they really could expose the mastermind today. But he couldn’t leave things up to chance. He had to make sure that the exisals were still under HIS control. He couldn’t have them interfering. Especially if they got too close to exposing important secrets. As for the hangar remote. Well… he didn’t need anyone else butting in on his business there. He probably wouldn’t even need it. But there was always that chance. And he wasn’t taking any chances, not when it was crucial to achieving what he wanted. 

Ouma however realized now he wanted more than just one thing now. He wanted two things. He wanted to end this game and make sure Saihara got out of here alive. _Idiot_. Wanting too many things is a dangerous game. Tojo had taught them that. Wanting something too bad was a dangerous, dangerous game. Caring for something or someone was nothing more than a weakness to be exploited in the end. But Ouma was pretty sure he was past the point of turning back on that one. He had fallen into the trap of this game. The false sense of security, of calm, in between incidents. Fallen into the ease of the last few days with Saihara and hoped it never would end. Fallen too far and too deep into his own feelings for the stupid detective. Maybe they would find it, after all, some secret passage. One that could help them expose this game for what it is. He quickened his pace, hands thrown behind his head. There was no need to put on an act when he was alone, but somehow lying to himself was a comfort. Lying that he wasn’t worried. The kind lie that there was no chance he and Saihara would fail on their mission today. 

He entered the large metal building and soon realized something was wrong. He was being followed. _Well..._ It’s not like he could turn around now. This metal monstrosity of a building was just a dead end. Turning would just run him smack into whoever’s footsteps were clanging behind his own. He picks up his pace slightly, but he doesn’t run. Better to keep his hands behind his head and act like he heard nothing. He could rule out Saihara, they had just been together after all. _The taste of his lips still lingered on his own…_ his useless brain provided. Damn detective and his stupid lame seduction attempts were all too effective on his foolish brain. Plus he knew what Saihara was doing, even if he doubted Ouma, he wouldn’t follow him like this. 

It probably wasn’t Keeboy, the steps were loud but not metal on metal loud. Yumeno and Shirogane didn’t strike him as the sneaking type. More the yelling “Nyeh what are you doing” or “It’s just plain rude to walk away” types. Of course, there was Harukawa and that thought was enough to send a chill down his spine and tempt him into running off. But as sure as he was she would not hesitate to kill him, he also had a feeling if it was he’d already be dead or incapacitated. Plus she listened to Saihara and that idiot after all. They wouldn’t want her to throw away her life killing him after all. So that meant it had to be the idiot himself right? Probably was playing the hero again. Going after the evil Ouma before he could ruin his stupid plan. To take care of it himself and gallantly save the others as the one and only Luminary of the Stars. _Gross_. 

His suspicions were immediately confirmed. A violent sounding cough echoed through the metal halls. He really was sick huh. As annoying as that guy was, he didn’t deserve whatever that weird space sickness deal was. He wondered if the people watching even cared that Momota was clearly getting worse and worse. He doubted it. They really just fucked around with their lives like they were nothing. He bit down on his lip, the metallic tang of blood flooded through his mouth. He was pretty sure the back of his lip was more scar tissue than lip these days with the frequency he found himself biting down on it. But the bright side was that the pain and the taste of iron swimming in his mouth hardly bothered him. After all, he could just remember the soft feel of Shuichi's lips on his own, the taste of that kiss remained. Even if they ended up just being a lie, there was no harm in taking just a little comfort in it. _Right?_

He stepped past the door of the hangar. Genuinely surprised that Momota had managed to at least be somewhat quiet. That was unlike him to not open up his mouth at any possible moment.

Ouma turned. Momota was facing him. His expression was not exactly what he expected. He was expecting something angrier and spiteful. Not… hurt and confused. The tall boy was pale, almost gaunt looking. Like he really had actually seen a ghost this time around. His face looked papery and eyes watery, way sicker than he remembered from the night Ouma punched him. That was almost as concerning as the fact Momota was trying to corner him. Not that Momota had any idea what he was getting himself into by doing so. 

“Momota-chan, you really shouldn’t stalk people y’know, it’s pretty creepy,” Ouma called out, keeping his voice calm.  
  
Momota was gripping tight on some strange black case in one hand, “Ouma!” 

So that was how it was going to be, at least he wasn’t attacking him. He really didn’t want to take another punch to the face. Although, based on how rough he looked Ouma was more than sure he could beat him at his own game once again. “Spit it out Momota-chan, why are you following me around? Do you like me or something? Because sorry I’m really not into big stupid guys who only care about dumb stuff like space.”

The other boy's nose wrinkled at his jab but he didn't sputter back and object, “I saw you.” Momota spat out. 

Ouma rolled his eyes and looked down at his hand haughtily, “I am aware you can see me Momota-chan.”

“I saw you with Shuichi.” His voice was strangely quiet and taut. 

Ouma blinked, not allowing himself to show any of the panic he was feeling. _What had Momota saw?_ He asked himself but he knew very well what he would have seen this morning. The gazebo had clearly not been far away enough from prying eyes. He acted nonplussed. “What are you talking about? I haven’t seen Saihara-chan in ageeess. A shame... he’s way more interesting than you.” 

Momota's eyes narrowed, “Why were _you_ kissing Shuichi?” His voice was angry and way too accusatory for his taste. 

Ouma scoffed, of course, he would word it like that. As if Saihara had not been kissing back with just as much if not more enthusiasm. “Why are you jealous? I mean he is wayy better than you in every way. So much smarter. A much better hero than you’ll ever be _right_?” The venom seeped into his playful tone. 

The tall boys hands curled into fists, “Answer the fucking question ya little brat.”  
  
Ouma thought for a moment, made his decision and laughed. Laughed and laughed as he reached into his pocket and pulled out the remote he had just gotten. He pushed the button and the shutter closed. He should have known his thing with Saihara would have backfired. That he wouldn’t be quite careful enough. He should have made Saihara swear off the others like he had said back in that virtual world after all. Because no matter what lies he spun now, Kaito Momota knew too much. Knowledge that could harm not only his plans. But knowledge that could hurt Saihara. Momota was already a problem, but now he was a threat. And he would be staying in this hangar until he figured out just how this game would end. It wasn’t the worst possible scenario he had thought up, but he didn’t love it either. But it would work. It kept Momota out of the way. 

Momota glared and swung around confused before shouting, “What the hell? Open that back up!” 

“Hmm. No, I don’t think I will. I think I’ll keep you in here for safekeeping.” Ouma smirked. He would not be joining Saihara in his search for secret pathways after all. He would be dealing with Momota.  
  
“Whaaa- are ya kidnapping me or somethin’? The hell-” Momota’s nose was crinkled, as threatening as he tried to look, Ouma could see how labored his breaths were from all the yelling and freaking out. 

Ouma rolled his eyes, “Yay you aren’t as dense as I thought. So you do have some brain cells. That’s exactly what this is.”

Momota growled, “I was right. You are the traitor, aren’t you? You’re the student that snuck in Monokuma!”

Ouma wanted to laugh again. Of course, Momota would jump to that conclusion. He figured as much. As if an actual traitor would just stroll on up and hand you the information to incriminate themselves, only an idiot would do that. “Wow! Maybe I was wrong, maybe you are smarter than Saihara-chan!” Momota flinched at Saihara’s name, as if just the sound of it in Ouma’s mouth hurt him in some way, “Of course it was me, after all, if I wasn’t could I do this?” He fished out the other remote with ease. And with a few button presses, the exisals came to life, coming up on Momota’s rear, forcing him to move closer and closer to where Ouma stood. 

“The hell-” Ouma just laughed again. Momota seemed at a loss for words. Wildly looking up at the exisals behind him and then all around as if trying to plan an escape. Not that it mattered, the shutter was closed anyhow. They were just for show. Momota deserved to be messed with after doing something as stupid as spying on him and following him around. “So this game is all your fault then? Asshole!”

“This game is over. I’ve had my fun and now I’m done. So no more murders or trials. And definitely no fighting Monokuma.” Ouma responded, his voice low and threatening. He put away the remote, he made his point. 

“Why would you end it? Didn’t you want this?” Momota shouted back. 

Ouma frowned, “All that matters is what I want now.” He wasn’t going to explain himself. Momota should just be grateful it was over and stop with the moronic questions. 

Momota looked off to the side, his voice finally quieter, “What about Shuichi?”  
  
“What about him?” Ouma responded, carefully holding in any emotion. 

“Why were you… doing _that_ with Shuichi.” So he hadn’t dropped the questioning. _It must have really bothered him huh?_ To see his sidekick with the guy he hated so much. Even if it was fake and a failed plan, he still found it somewhat funny they at least managed to piss off Momota in the process.

“Ooooh, you mean making out with Saihara-chan? Aww are you grossed out? Are you here to tell me that it’s wrong to kiss other boys or some dumb old-fashioned beliefs like that? You seem to care oh so much about what real men should do. I bet that isn’t on the list.” Ouma snarled in response. The disgust in Momota’s tone had not been missed after all. And someone like him… someone who clung to his stupid beliefs probably believed all sorts of traditional nonsense as well. Like what men should and shouldn’t do. That thought made his stomach curl unpleasantly. 

Momota scratched his head, “Yeah it’s wrong! I bet you tricked him or something. Why else would he--- I’m looking out for my bro! You better not be hurting him or messing with him.” He doesn’t quite agree with Ouma’s statement, but he didn’t deny it either. Ouma pulled at the fabric of his pants.

“Tricked him?” Ouma’s eyes narrowed dangerously, strongly disliking the intent of Momota’s statement. A trickster he may be, but there were lines even he would not cross. 

Momota was shaking his head, “That’s got to be it. There’s no way Shuichi would be kissing a guy like you!” _Did he care more that it was a guy or just him in particular?_ He wanted to snap back, to tell him that actually, Saihara was the one that started this whole stupid thing. The detective kissed him FIRST and was the one who asked for it to happen again. If anyone was messing with anyone, Saihara was messing with HIM, whether the detective knew it or not. But he can’t bring himself to use that to throw in the astronaut's face. He wanted those times with Saihara to be his and his alone. Private moments. Like a photo tucked away in a locket that only he could open. Even if it was as fake as the other memories in his stupid brain. 

Ouma’s face twisted, “Fine Momota-chan. I’m seducing him so he will defend me and no one will figure out my little secret. Is that what you want to hear? Is that the truth you want? Does that fit into your stupid little beliefs?” 

Momota doesn’t answer, just glared, “So what now? Are ya gonna kill me?” 

Ouma laughed loudly and wildly, “Why would I do something as pointless as that? Plus didn’t I just say this game is over? Are those ears on your stupid head just for show?”

“Why else would you kidnap me?” Momota looked worn down. He almost felt bad. But letting him go would be too dangerous. An unknown variable that could cause everything to tumble. 

“Does it reeeeally count as kidnapping if you strolled in here all on your own? Following someone like me is super dangerous y’know, I am a supreme leader of evil and the traitor behind this killing game after all.” Momota just watched him. “Like I said it’s for safekeeping. Can’t have you going forward with that stupid plan of yours.” Before the taller boy could protest, Ouma swept towards him and yanked the black case out of his hand. Momota was not ready and it was too easy to pry it out of his fingers. He remembered now where he had seen it before, even if he did not spend all that much time in the Ultimate Assassins lab for obvious reasons. “Sorry but I have a strict no weapons rule, so I’ll be confiscating this Momota-chan.” 

He doesn’t object, which makes Ouma pause. Momota was being weird. He was not acting like his normal stupid self, well not totally at least. Whether that was good or not remained to be seen. Maybe he was just sick but there was no point guessing. There were things that needed to be done now that the plan had changed. His trip to the hangar this morning was supposed to be a quick check, so he had things to tie up. And that meant... 

His hand reached into his pocket for the third time, this time grasping on something metal. He dropped the case and rushed at Momota. The astronauts reaction time was still slow thankfully so it was all too easy to clip on one side of the handcuff to his wrist. He deftly slid his foot under Momota’s causing him to stumble, making it possible for Ouma to clip the other loop to the metal bars by the control panel for the hydraulic press. Momota fell on his ass with a grunt but otherwise seemed uninjured. _Good_. He didn’t need another thing to go get and he really did not fancy the idea of having to give first aid to Momota either. It was bad enough that he was already way sicker than he had thought. 

Momota’s eyes looked glazed over as he stared Ouma down, “What the hell is wrong with you?” His voice was gruff but not angry. Strange. 

Ouma just laughed. For an idiot like Momota. That was actually a pretty damn good question. “I gotta run out and get a few things so stay put mmkay?” Momota just scooted back leaning against the railing of the stairs, he looked as comfortable as one could be with one hand chained to a pole at least. “Want anything while I’m out?” Ouma asked casually as if running out to the store on a normal errand. Momota didn’t reply. 

Leaving the hangar was like a mini-parade, Ouma followed by 4 exisals. One remained in the hangar just in case. He doubted Momota could break out of handcuffs but better safe than sorry. After all, this was the only time he could probably risk leaving like this. The others would find out soon enough. Saihara would realize something was up. He was too clever not to. He ignored the pain in his chest at that thought. He went to the open area of the large metal building, whatever the hell this was for it would at least serve some purpose for him now. 

“Oy Monokuma!” And with very little delay, the black and white bear showed up. _Perfect._ He didn't have time to be wasted on dealing any more with Monokuma than necessary. 

The bear held a paw up to its face, “Huh what the hell are you calling me here for Ouma-kun?” 

Ouma bounced excitedly, “Yay you came! Perfect. Now stay here or the exisals will attack you!” The robotic bear mumbled some curses and other insults but Ouma wasn’t listening anymore. He was fiddling with the remote to get the four Exisal’s to circle around the robotic bear, setting them to attack immediately if Monokuma moved. Of course, he knew Monokuma was replaceable and this would not stop him completely. But whoever was in charge of making those spares would have to make a move if they wanted another stupid robot headmaster patrolling around. And maybe Saihara could catch them in the act this time. Otherwise… it was a nuisance out of the way for now. And for the future, if needed… well he’d look in control. And if he was in control. The game wouldn’t continue. It would force a move from the mastermind and maybe then… they would fail. Make a fatal error so they could ensnare them. He still had faith that Saihara could help him, stop this before another pointless death, even if… they would not be doing it together. The strings holding this game and its participants were shifting, and he could only hope that in his hands he could keep them from wrapping around too tight. He could already feel them tightening, the pressure in his head growing and developing into the worst kind of headache. _This was all Momota’s fault…_ If it weren't for him, he would be off looking for secret passages with Saihara right now, finding the answers they needed so desperately. 

The courtyard was thankfully empty. It was still early after all. And he imagined after yesterday's news most of them would be moping around alone trying to figure out what to do. Even a picture of that horrible image can do that to you after all. And plus they had to figure out who let Monokuma on the… space station or whatever. He’s not so sure why they bought that nonsense so easily but also he expected it. They were so eager to believe whatever they wanted to believe. They questioned everything he did, but never thought to question that the world around them was a far bigger liar than he could ever be. He snuck into the dorms. First, he went into his own room. He scribbled a quick note and set it on his bed. _Just in case._ He grabbed everything he thought he could need and shoved it in his bag with his notebook of plans. He made sure to grab food and drinks as well, filling both his bag and pockets to the brim. He had no intention of starving Momota to death. He also picked his way into Momota’s room. Ouma tried not to laugh at all the silly space items he must have accumulated from the Monomono machine. _Or given to him by Saihara…_ A change of clothes, a pillow, a blanket, that all should be good enough for now. The longer he lingered the more chance there was of getting caught. So hands full, he ran as fast as he could manage back to that stupid building. No one saw him. No followers this time. At least there was that. 

Dropping all his acquisitions, he looked over at Momota who was leaning against the stairway, eyes half-closed. He closed the shutter again. “You are going to hurt your neck sleeping like that you big idiot.” Momota just huffed in response. Ouma walked over and unlocked both rings of the cuffs. The taller boy just sat frozen for a moment before rubbing at his wrists. “Were they too tight?” Ouma frowned. He may have been his prisoner but he had no intention of physically torturing Momota. At most just the usual verbal annoyance just so Ouma didn’t get bored. An asshole maybe, but not a monster like the others wanted to see him as. 

Momota scratched the back of his head with a sheepish look, “Uhh no, just always thought that's what you were suppos’d to do when you got taken out of cuffs.”

It was such a typical stupid Momota response that Ouma couldn’t help but let out an annoyed scoff. He turned and grabbed the pillow and blanket he had acquired from his room and threw it as hard as he could at Momota’s face. 

“The fuck was that for?” Momota pulled the blanket and pillow away from his face. 

“Do you really not know what pillows and blankets are for? Just how dumb are you?” Ouma muttered. 

Momota looked at the pillow and blanket as if they were some sort of booby trap (which in any other situation might have been hilarious, if they made it out he should stick some itching powder in Momota’s bed as revenge for this whole thing). “I’m just a little confused Ouma. You lock me up in here. And now you let me go and give me a pillow and blanket. That’s not how kidnappings go.”

Ouma laughed it off, Saihara analyzing his every little action was one thing but he didn’t need his space idiot best friend to start doing the same. “Nishishi. Why do you know so much about kidnapping Momota-chan? Are you secretly a creepy stalker? Do you have lots of weird fetishes and you actually want me to handcuff you again? Sorry to tell you _again_ but dumb astronauts like you really AREN’T my type.”

Momota panicked slightly, which was at least kind of funny. “Ew. What the fuck?” 

He rolled his eyes, “Just sleep dumbass. That exisal is guarding the panel on the inside so don’t get any funny ideas about trying to escape unless you want to be exisal chow.” 

Momota started to respond but it turned into a cough that had him holding both hands up to his face to try and cover. A nasty one that hurt to even listen to. Ouma’s own throat felt ragged from the sound, his lungs ached at the idea of coughing that hard. Red trickled down Momota’s chin, caught up in that stupid goatee. His hands were covered too. Ouma threw a towel at him with less force than he had the pillows and blankets. 

“Thanks.” He muttered as he wiped away the mess of blood and phlegm coating his face and hands. _Gross_. Some had gotten on his white shirt as well, he’d give him the spare later. 

“Whatever.” Ouma replied, “Just take a nap so I don’t have to hear that ugly cough ever again.”

“Stop bossin’ me around asshole.” Momota’s words lacked any real bark with the rawness in his voice after that cough.

Ouma sneered, “Stop being a dumbass and overexerting yourself when it’s pretty obvious whatever you have is getting worse.” 

The tall boy’s face tightened, “It’s not that bad.”

Ouma looked away from Momota, keeping his voice as empty as he could muster, “I thought you hated liars Momota-chan. Or does that only apply when you are talking about me? You are lying to yourself. That cough is definitely getting worse, and you look awful. Keep going with that stupid fighting Monokuma plan and you’ll probably kill yourself from overexertion. Not very _heroic_ of you Momota-chan. Not that I care.” 

Momota gave him a scalding look but laid out the pillow and blanket anyhow. It was likely still not all that comfortable but better than nothing on the cold metal floor. And within moments, he was asleep. Which was easy to tell from the almost snore-like breaths coming from the boy. Annoying as always. But he wondered if it was because his throat and lungs were just that messed up from whatever was going on with him. But that was a problem he didn't have time to solve. Ouma sat up against the press, feeling the cold metal through the back of his uniform. He pulled out his book of plans, crossing out and adding things as needed. The branching paths were not as many but he hadn’t entered the zone of no return. The last-ditch efforts he had ready just in case. For now, he still had Saihara. Maybe he found something. He could be figuring out all the missing pieces right now. Ouma just would keep Momota away so there would be no reckless moves to start a fight. That way everyone would be safe. _It’s fine. It’s fine. It’s fine._

He wasn’t sure when he nodded off or for how long. He definitely had 0 intention of sleeping while sitting up against cold metal but he had. But what was strange was the blanket draped over his legs when he came to. Blinking wearily, he saw Momota sitting cross-legged in front of him eating some of the chips he had brought into the hangar. Rude as always, he never told Momota that he could have some of the food. 

“What’s this?” Ouma peeled away the blanket with disgust.

Momota shrugged and responded with his mouth full, bits of chips flying out as he talked, “You were asleep when I woke up.”

Ouma blinked, unable to process what the hell went through the space idiots brain to put a blanket over his captor and not actually try to escape, “So you tried to smother me to death with a blanket, and when you were too dumb to figure out why it wasn’t working you decided to steal my food.” 

Momota ignored him and kept eating. Ouma really did not like the look Momota was now giving him. “You talk in your sleep you know?” 

Ouma put a grin on to mask his confusion at that little observation, “Nishishi, did you enjoy hearing all the ways I plan to kill you all?” 

“Tch. As if. More like you constantly saying Shuichi's name.” Ouma’s eyes flashed with anger, but Momota kept munching on his damn chips as if it didn’t bother him in the slightest. “Plus I saw that little doodle in your notebook of him.” 

He looked down, He didn’t remember turning to this page. He really should have ripped the whole damn thing out. Might as well had doodled tiny hearts around him to really seal the deal, “Maybe I will kill you actually.” He muttered. 

“You really like him don’t you.” Momota’s voice was quiet. Which was strange in and of itself. Ironically soft-toned Momota was actually pissing him off more than loud and brash Momota. Now that was surprising at least.

“Nishishi don’t act like you know me Momota-chan. I told you I’m just messing with him. Trying to make him suffer. That way I won’t be bored.” He could feel his lip twitching as he tried to sound as uninterested as possible. 

Momota shook his head, “Whatever. I always thought it was weird you kept calling him your beloved and shit. Figured it was just you messing around. And that stupid nickname at the trial too… But I dunno man… maybe it’s not all some big act or whatever. Plus you’re bein’ kinda confusing with the whole kidnapping me and then making me comfortable thing, maybe you aren’t just an evil prick.” 

Ouma tried to look as sinister as possible fist clenched so tight he could feel his bitten down nails digging into his palm, “I just gave you the stupid blanket so you didn’t get all frozen while you slept. It’s way harder to slit your throat if your skins all cold.” He must be slipping. It was bad enough that he could barely lie to himself anymore. Could barely convince himself that his feelings for Saihara hadn’t grown way more than he had bargained for. Past the point where he could pass them off as a minor inconvenience. And now apparently he could barely fool absolute saps like Momota that he didn’t have those stupid feelings. 

“You’re all talk.” Momota challenged before shoving more chips in his mouth. 

“That’s rich coming from you mister ‘hero’ who can’t do anything actually useful for the group.” Ouma snatched a bag of sour candy from the pile of food that he brought in, opening it angrily and causing some of the candy to spill out onto the metal floor, bouncing off in every direction. 

Momota laughed bitterly and shrugged, “Maybe. But I also think I’m right for once.”

“Momota-chan thinking? Nisihshi now that is a funny joke!” Ouma replied clapping his hands together.

The other boy ignored him, “I'm startin' to think this whole insufferable asshole thing is an act. I don’t know why the hell you act like that but I think you aren’t as much of a dick as you want us to think.”

Ouma snorted to cover his annoyance and licked his lips, replying in his best seductive tone, “Aww stop flirting with me Momota-chan, or else I’ll fall for you next.”

Momota grimaced, “Gross. Shut the fuck up. I still think you are the worst.”

“Only if you do and likewise” Ouma gave a breezy smile in return, hoping that was the end of whatever the hell this conversation was. He had not banked on one on one conversations like this with Momota. Dimwitted Momota trying to analyze him was the last thing he needed. At least he was separated from the others now, he couldn’t do any real harm locked away in here. Although there was something dangerous in Momota sitting across him so calmly, attempting to call him out and acting like he didn’t think Kokichi Ouma was a threat to him. He probably came up with a new stupid plan. There was no way he would actually listen to Ouma and chill out before he overexerted himself to death. 

Now he just needed to stop the others from acting once they realized Momota was missing. The plan had to evolve. It was time to do what he did best. Act under pressure. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel… cruel after seeing all the ‘i’m worried’ comments from the last chapter and bam a very long chapter set in the exisal hangar which always screams bad news… The dichotomy of wanting to build suspense and tension bc that's good for a story and not wanting to stress people out after being lured in by the last chapters being so fluffy is part of the reason I want to make sure updates for the next few chapters are not too far spread apart…. But it is still a canon divergence for a reason so take that as you will (: I hope that I do writing Momota and his interactions with Ouma justice since he hasn’t been very prevalent so far. 
> 
> Also, this google doc is almost 200 pages now and the spotify playlist I made to listen to when I write is just… my entire most played list now. As always thanks so much for the kudos and kind comments on this incredibly self-indulgent fic.


	22. without

Shuichi planned to examine every inch of this prison school. He started from the basement, still messy from his various exploits with Kokichi, and worked his way up. He hoped for his eyes to catch on something just like it had for the bookcase, a clue. A hint to some hidden passage. He would not leave any stone unturned this time, no clue left unsearched. He’d look over every centimeter of this place this time. Touching and looking at every detail, any clue that could help end this once and for all. The morning announcement played but he continued looking over every bit of the basement. He wasn’t hungry anyhow. Not when there were mysteries to be solved. Not when there were games to be ended. And he could only imagine how awkward breakfast would be this morning with yesterday's revelations. He knew that he promised Maki he would talk to Kaito today but he couldn't do that, not yet. He had to follow through on this first. And talking to Kaito would be so much easier without having to constantly lie after all. If he could actually deliver some news that he had found a way to get them out of here. He would be happy right? Or would he just be angry that Shuichi had one-upped his own plan to do the same… He’s not so sure. Things between him and Kaito were so uncertain. He’s not sure where he stood anymore. 

The basement provided nothing new of note so he moved on. He didn't clean the messes left from his and Kokichi’s various exploits. He’s not sure why but picking up the DVD cases and chess set almost felt like he would be erasing those times together. Like removing them would mean they never happened. They almost feel like times in another life, one free from the pressure of the killing game. But that never existed within these walls, underneath that strange dome. As he climbed back up the stairs he wondered what that would be like. In another world, another life, would Kokichi actually let him in? Or would he be stuck forever being drawn in wanting to know more and never quite getting there? The whole thing seemed so silly now. Kissing him for the cameras and falling so easily. At least it should seem believable because on his side it was a little too real. Sneaking around together should have entertained the audience, keeping them from wanting blood. But… he couldn’t help but wish that those moments had been truly their own. But no… they were animals in some glass dome, thrown around for someone else’s enjoyment, like animals in a zoo, forced to slaughter one another for some perverse sort of idea of entertainment. And that's why he would analyze every inch of this school. So they could be free. Free to look at the stars with Kaito and Maki without any lies. Free to spend time with Kokichi without this game hanging over them. 

He thoroughly checked the classroom at the top of the stairs. There was nothing out of the ordinary in there, but he examined the lockers and every desk, pressing his hand on every surface, just in case. Once this had once been the operating center for his and Kaede’s plan. Well, it turned out they had very different plans in the end. He remembered her smile, her reassuring hand on his own. _I’m sorry I didn’t do it sooner Kaede, but I promise now we will get out of here._ He remembered the butterflies in his stomach from that day. The way it felt to have Kaede believe in him when he told her about his past. About the case that made him doubt everything. He could still see the anger in that man's eyes and it made him want to pull down on the cap he no longer wore. But it didn’t hurt as much as it used to. Did that mean he really had changed after all? Kaede had pushed him forward, Kaito had built him up, and… Kokichi... Kokichi had challenged him, frustrating as it was at times. As he ran his hand across a desk, he’s certain he wasn’t the same person he was that day anymore. Just like that day where that man had stared him down, the trials of this school had changed him. All the deaths and murders… and the good times too. The silly moments they all had shared together. Working out under the stars with Maki and Kaito changed him. Playing games with Kokichi had changed him. And… those feelings changed him too. He was a different Shuichi Saihara from the boy who sat in this classroom that night the Killing Game really began. 

He moved on and began to give the same treatment to the boy's bathroom next door. What was taking Kokichi so long? He had been so strange this morning. Why hadn’t he just come with him? He assumed that maybe one of Miu’s inventions would have been helpful and he went off to grab that. Maybe that bug vac, he never really looked too closely at that blueprint. Engineering jargon was a little over his head so he doubted it would make much sense to him. But if that was the case… he should be here already. He left the bathroom, wondering if it would be okay for him to check the girl's bathroom. As long as he announced his presence it shouldn’t be an issue. Of the three girls still living in the Academy the chances of them using this particular restroom had to be low right? But right as he justified himself to step inside, a familiar voice interrupted him. 

“Have you seen Kaito?” Maki was standing a few feet from him. He had not heard her coming at all, which to be fair made sense given her life's work. Didn’t make it any less spooky.

Shuichi paused, Kaito wasn't the type to just disappear so if Maki couldn’t find him that did seem strange, “Uh no, is he missing?”

She bit down on her thumb, “He was supposed to bring back the crossbow from my lab this morning but he didn’t show up and he’s not in his room.”

“I haven’t seen anyone yet today.” Shuichi offered. It was at least mostly true. His stomach turned nervously again thinking about how strange Kokichi had been this morning. How strange it was for him to still not be here. He ran his tongue over his lips, remembering that moment from this morning and how that kiss felt like it turned him inside out. He shook his head, he couldn't get lost in thoughts like that now. 

If he looked strange Maki didn’t comment on it, she just asked, “Did you not go to breakfast?” He remembered the announcement playing sometime while he investigated the basement but he had not gone up to the Dining Hall. 

“No.” He hadn’t been hungry, nor did it seem as important as investigating the school and replaying the last few days with Kokichi in his mind instead of having to worry about lying to the others constantly. And with everything that happened last night... he knew it would have been one of their most awkward meals, and in this place that was saying something. 

“Me either.” She admitted, pulling nervously on her hair. Red eyes narrowed as she looked between him and the door in front of him, “Why are you standing outside the girl's bathroom?”

Shuichi’s eyes widened, “Oh um... I was just...” His eyes flickered between the bathroom door and Maki’s face, her mouth narrowed.  
  
“Do you wanna die?” The statement still never failed to send a chill down his spine and he couldn't respond, couldn't figure out a good lie to explain why he had planned to investigate a girl's bathroom. She shook her head, twin-tails shaking as she did. “Whatever. I hope it wasn’t for weird stuff. But I think we need to go look for Kaito.” He can hear the worry in her voice. She wasn’t the type to worry over nothing. And Kaito wasn’t the type to just disappear. And it was the fourth day… was this part of the mastermind's move? Was something new in play to keep the killing game moving on? He could not just ignore that. 

And as much as he wanted to keep checking for secret passageways, he didn't think he can blow her off. He’d have to trust Kokichi to pick up where he left off. Well, if he ever showed up. “Okay, let’s go look.” 

Shuichi thought he could see the hint of a smile on Maki’s face before she looked away from him pointedly, grabbing something from her pocket. “Here.” She shoved a wrapped fruit pastry into his hand. “You didn’t eat yet, right?”

Shuichi looked down at the pastry, “Thanks but… I’m not really hungry.” It was coated in frosting and had some sort of deep purple jam in the middle. Even if he was hungry it looked cloyingly sweet and not to his usual tastes. It seemed far more like something Kokichi would pick out for himself than something Shuichi would ever choose for breakfast. 

Maki shrugged, “Fine. Eat it later.” He placed it into his pocket, but doing so made him realize something that usually was there wasn’t. The remote. He patted both of his pockets down, inhaling sharply. He could distinctly remember placing the remote in his pocket this morning even in his excitement. The photo and blueprints as well, but while those were still there, the remote was not. _Had he dropped it while searching the basement? No… he would have noticed that…_

Maki looked at him perplexed, “Are you okay?” 

Shuichi tried to calm his face, chewing on his lip as he wondered what could have happened to the remote, wondering just when it went missing. “I just… thought I had the remote in my pocket. I must have left it in my room.” But he doesn’t believe that lie. But he also didn’t want to add to Maki’s stress over not being able to find Kaito. He would just add it to the list of things to figure out later. He’d finish investigating the school and figure out what happened to the remote and why thinking about the remote was causing a knot to form in his stomach. 

“The one to the hangar?” She muttered with a frown but didn’t elaborate.

Shuichi just nodded and Maki frowned but then turned away, “Whatever, let’s go check around the school.”

They checked the basement first. Maki commented on the mess in all three rooms but Shuichi kept quiet. Luckily her focus was on finding Kaito so she definitely didn’t see the redness in his cheeks as he tried to act like he had no idea why the basement was in that state. There was also no sign of the remote. They then made their way through the 1st floor. Shuichi tried to investigate as they went but Maki noticed and told him to stop being weird when they needed to find Kaito. 

They ran into Himiko in her lab. Maki did not seem eager to converse, but Shuichi filled her in on what they were doing and asked if she had seen Kaito this morning. She hadn’t. Apparently, she too had skipped breakfast and been hiding in her lab. But despite seeming a little reluctant about it, she asked if she could help look for Kaito as well. Maki shrugged, clearly eager to get on with the search. Himiko gave a small grin and Shuichi returned it. Seeing her give all that effort despite everything that happened… she really had changed too. He could still remember her tears after the third trial. The floodgates that had been opened by none other than Kokichi. All that talk about not lying to yourself, not repressing your own emotions. He had cried alongside Himiko that day, and many times after. But was part of him still lying to himself? He bit down on his lip. Everything with Kokichi was so confusing, the lies and truths blending so much he wasn’t sure if he was lying to himself. Another mystery on the list of things he had to find out. 

They finished searching around the first floor and moved to the second floor. Keebo was in Maki’s lab strangely enough, weakly swinging around an axe for whatever reason. Apparently, his ‘inner voice’ had told him to get more practice in case they did choose to fight Monokuma tonight. Something that Shuichi was determined to make sure did not actually happen. But how he wasn’t sure. Especially now that he had been roped into this wild goose chase looking for Kaito all over this school. But he can’t turn away now. Even Keebo agreed to join their search and they moved their way up to school, searching every room but finding no sign of Kaito Momota. He wondered if it would have made more sense to split up but he doesn’t suggest it. After all, Maki could have searched on her own, that seemed like the way she preferred to do things after all. Shuichi had a feeling that maybe the group didn’t want to be alone right now. That the news of the outside world had hurt, but there was something oddly comforting in having the others around despite that. He had been the same after all, he remembered. The night he had seen the outside world was the same night he asked Kokichi to stay with him. Twice now they had slept in the same bed, both times Kokichi slipping away before he woke up. _Why did he always leave like that?_ Maybe he had been right, and he really never would understand Kokichi fully. 

They ran into Tsumugi last. She was in her own lab. She talked about what she was sewing until Maki curtly interrupted her and told her that they had not seen Kaito in hours. That intrigued her enough to also join the group. Shuichi wasn't quite sure why she felt inclined to join. Although her suggestion of checking Kaito’s lab seemed like a good lead since they had neglected to do so back on the 1st floor. They all climbed the stairs yet again (with some complaining from Himiko) but still no Kaito. 

Maki was furiously biting on her lip and pulling at her hair. But the 5 of them all needed a break from running around the school so Shuichi suggested getting some lunch before resuming their search. Maki shot him a look but didn’t argue. Himiko optimistically stated she bet they’d run into Kaito in the dining hall. They didn’t. They just sat in silence as they picked at their food. No one ate very much. No one spoke about yesterday. No one brought up Kaito’s plan to fight Monokuma. No one brought up the outside world. And no one brought up the idea of a traitor. Shuichi wanted to leave and continue investigating the school, but something was still bugging him. Something kept him stuck in that chair unable to move. His mind was still stuck on the remote. Moving his hand back down to his pocket, a flash went through his head. A strange smile, small hands lightly gripping his waist, something cloudy in violet eyes. _Kokichi…_ The small amount of food he consumed turned sour in the pit of his stomach. Curdling and turning. He remembered this feeling. The way he felt when he saw the books on top of the bookshelf. The moment he knew that Kaede had lied. Of course, Kokichi could pick pockets. But why… He tried to swallow but the lump in his throat was growing. Why would Kokichi take the remote? Maybe he didn’t. Shuichi had not really looked, had not gone back to see if he really had just left it in his room. But he doubted that. 

And why had Kokichi never met up with him like he had promised? There had been plenty of time before Maki had roped him into the search for Kaito. And even after, there had to have been some way to notify him or something. They were supposed to do this together. _Together…_

Shuichi was snapped out of his reverie once more by Maki, who told the group they needed to split up and search. Maki claimed the casino and the pool. Keebo claimed the greenhouse. Himiko said she would check the lower floors of the school again and Tsumugi said she'd check the top floors.

“I’ll go check the bunker by Miu's lab.” Shuichi quickly added. And Maki glared at him and they departed leaving Himiko and Tsumugi to check the inside of the school. Keebo split off once they got outside and went towards the greenhouse. 

“What the hell do you think he’s doing?” Maki muttered, pulling at her hair yet again. 

“I’m sure we will find him.” Shuichi offered, trying to sound cheerful despite his own internal panic. While he thought Kaito being missing was definitely a problem. The truth was he was far more concerned about the other student of this school he had not seen in some time.

Maki frowned, “Yeah... and when we do I’m going to kick his ass for making us worry like this.” She turned off without another word towards the fortress holding the casino and love hotel. 

As soon as he was sure Maki was out of eyesight, he ran. He was out of breath by the time he reached the metal doors but he couldn’t tell if his heart was racing from the physical exertion or from panic. Not that it really mattered. Hands on his knees, he tried to catch his breath for a moment before entering the strange fortress. He never put enough thought into just how strange this place was. This whole school was strange after all. But not the kind of strange where it secretly was a space station either. 

The sound of metal against metal greeted him as he opened the door. That was different. It had been mostly silent before when he had gone here with Keebo, sans the random mechanical beeping and buzzing that blended in with the background. As much as he wanted to rush to the hangar, he slowed. Worried that maybe something strange was going on. _Please let no one be dead…._ The sound grew louder as he walked through the hall. When he reached the opening that led to a strange room that was just an empty area, he saw it. Monokuma. Surrounded by 4 exisals circling him. He choked back a gasp. Why were…. They shouldn’t be moving. The Monokubs were gone, they were supposed to be the only ones who could use the exisals. It didn’t make sense. And why were they circling Monokuma? Were they protecting him? Maybe Monokuma was protecting himself, of course, he knew of Kaito’s plan. They were being watched constantly after all. _Gonta’s bugs…_

But as strange as that was. It didn’t answer his other questions. Where was Kaito? And where was Kokichi? And did he steal that remote from him? He hoped that hunch was wrong. That he didn’t have some sort of detective's intuition leading him to this place. The hangar would just be empty and the remote on his bedside table after all. He snuck past the circling exisals, hoping they wouldn't see him and chase him instead. They didn’t. Just continued circling over an incredibly still Monokuma. 

He picked up his pace, in a half run half walk down the hallway. Until… he ran into a sight he did not want to see. The hangar was closed. The door slid down. He gazed over at the panel. But it didn’t matter he didn’t know the insanely long combination it took to open it. Nor did he have the remote to open it. Part of him wanted to collapse again like he had open seeing the outside world. But he also didn’t quite know what this all meant. Why was this door closed? What did it have to do with Kaito and Kokichi’s strange absence? And did it have something to do with the strange behavior of the exisals and Monokuma? He pulled his hands down his face, trying to spur himself on to do something. Anything to figure this all out. The closed-door only reaffirming his suspicions that Kokichi must have taken the remote from him this morning. His stomach turned at the thought. A thought he had tried to block out. He didn't want it to be true but why else would this door be closed? Something was going on. Something he wasn't told about. Something he did not understand. But he had to find out, at least he had to try. But how could he when the door was shut and the sensors turned on? 

_The window._ There was a window in the hallway that led to the bathroom. He remembered that from looking around this place with Keebo. He stumbled over, not sure why his feet felt so heavy. But for whatever reason, the muddiness in his mind was making it hard to move. He peered into the small square. He saw tall boy with a purple jacket with his back turned, washing his hands in the sink. Guess he found at least one person he was looking for. Even if it was not the one he wanted to find first. Or maybe it was. He wasn't so sure anymore. 

“Kaito!” Shuichi called out, his voice breathy.

Kaito froze and turned around, “Huh oh Shuichi.” They both looked at each other through the window for a moment, equally as surprised. 

“Why are you in there, why is the shutter closed?” Shuichi questioned, talking entirely too fast. 

Kaito paused, looking strange again. Shuichi felt frustrated, now wasn’t the time for whatever strangeness was going on between them, not when there were so many strange things going on. “Kokichi locked me in here,” Kaito responded simply after a bit. 

“Why?” Shuichi tried to wrap his head around it, but he couldn’t. So this was why Kokichi never came. Did he plan this without him? If he did… then why… they were supposed to do this together. Why would he kidnap Kaito? It didn’t make any sense. None of it did.

Kaito’s voice was soft as he watched Shuichi, “So you aren’t in on it?”

“In on what?” Shuichi replied, was Kaito insinuating that Shuichi was in on whatever this was? “What do you mean?”

Kaito shook his head, “Shuichi. I know you’ve been hanging out with Kokichi. I saw you two.”

His heart stopped. He had been careful. How did Kaito know? Was this what all the weirdness was about? “What- when- I” 

“This morning.” _Oh_. So that wasn’t why Kaito had been so strangely distant. He just found out. Honestly, he seemed to be meeting his eyes way more now even if they were separated by a window. 

But memories of that morning came flooding back. If he saw them… he must have seen… “Oh. I can--” He could feel a rush of heat in his cheeks. 

“Don’t.” Kaito shook his head again. Shuichi couldn’t tell what that was about. Kaito never held back when reacting to things. Was he angry or sad or confused? He couldn’t tell. Usually, it was so obvious. Had they really drifted that far apart in just a few days?

But that wasn’t the only concern on Shuichi’s mind. Why had Kokichi done this? Surely it was a mistake or something, “Let me talk to him, he’s got to let you out of there.”

“Don’t bother.” Kaito shook his head, but he didn’t sound angry. Which made no sense if he was being held captive. What was going on?

Shuichi bit down hard on his lip, “Kaito. I-- This is all my fault. I--”

“Stop blaming yourself Shuichi,” Kaito replied forcefully, cutting him off. 

Shuichi’s voice got louder, “But it is! I lied to you all. I thought… I thought I could save everyone, I could figure everything out. And now… I have no idea what's going on. No wonder you’ve been so mad at me.”

Kaito’s eyes widened, “I’m not mad at you.”

Shuichi blinked, a few stray tears running down his face, “But you-- barely will look at me or talk to me since the trial.”

“Yeah. I’ve been a dumbass lately. I know that. I just… got jealous of how easily you were handlin’ things without me. I thought you didn’t need me anymore.” Kaito laughed joylessly, looking at Shuichi with a muted gaze. 

Shuichi gave a slight smile, he’s still confused but he felt at least a little better, “Kaito- of course, I need you. You’re my best friend.” It was no lie. Maybe their friendship needed a little work. Maybe they both just took it for granted. Nothing came easily after all. Just another thing he’d work on when they got out of here. He’d sort out his feelings for Kokichi. Fix his friendship with Kaito. They just...had to get out of this place first. 

“Thanks, bro... Back at you.” Shuichi was glad to see a more typical smile on Kaito’s face, “So what is going on with you and Kokichi?”

He froze. How did he respond? Even if he’s confused, unsure at what on earth Kokichi was doing. He didn’t want to give up on their plan. Didn’t want to give up on the idea that together they could stop this game, so even if things were better with Kaito. He couldn’t tell him, “I… really don’t know anymore. Kaito. I don’t… know how to explain... I don’t know if I can.” 

Kaito’s gaze softened, which surprised him. Shouldn’t he be mad? Mad that Shuichi was keeping stuff from him, mad that he had been working with Kokichi? “You actually like him, don't you?”

“Wha-what?” Shuichi stammered, shocked by Kaito’s question. He hadn’t said or done anything to reveal the feelings that he did not quite understand himself so… how? 

Kaito laughed, “I know my sidekick. I don’t really get it. He’s an annoying little shit but you getting all red and flustered tells me all I need to know. You actually like him don’t ya?”

Shuichi blinked in return, truth be told he was more confused than ever, “I -- I thought I might.” He offered a bit of honesty. Not everything, but Kaito was not being totally honest with him either. Not about what was going on or the fact his voice was so hoarse that Shuichi figured that the cough had not gone away. Not to mention the bit of blood he could see on his white shirt. He should ask, but Kaito asked another question before he could. 

“Do you want some advice from Kaito Momota, Luminary of the Stars?” His friend smiled at him through the bathroom window. 

“Sure…” Shuichi responded with an unsure laugh. This conversation seemed to be going in all sorts of directions he never would have expected.

Kaito fixed his gaze on him, his purple eyes serious, “Don’t give up. And don't forget, the impossible is possible, you just got to make it so!”

“Pretty simple advice. But how's that going to help me get you out of here?” Shuichi replied. 

Kaito’s voice rose, “I’m not talkin’ about that Shuichi! Listen. You need to trust me here. I don’t need saving.”

“You don’t have to be some kind of hero Kaito.” He could feel the volume in his voice rising as well. Now wasn’t the time for Kaito’s stubborn pride after all. 

But Kaito merely looked off to the side, a wistful kind of expression on his face, “That ain’t it this time bro. I promise. Not this time. I’ve done some thinking in here. My whole plan... That was a mistake. I would have gotten everyone killed. I’m sorry I was so dumb. Trust me. I’ll be fine on my own here.”

“Really?” Shuichi questioned. Kaito was being so forthcoming and blunt about everything and he didn’t know what to make of it. What happened to his reckless positivity? And why did he not seem to care about escaping? Just what was going on? What was Kokichi doing with him? 

“I know I’ve been a kinda shit friend lately Shuichi. And I’ll make it up to you one day bro. Before I go to space, I’ll make sure of it. And that’s a promise.” Kaito gave him a thumbs up, “But you gotta keep everyone safe for me. Don’t let this game take anyone else. I’ll do my part here. You should go. Kokichi will wake up soon.”

“But--” Shuichi gripped on the edge of the window. He needed to speak to Kokichi. To understand. Even if Kaito thought he was safe… Even if Shuichi believed that to be true… Why were they locked in there? Why had he taken the remote? And why had he not talked to him? 

“I’ll tell him you were here bro but I don’t know if he wants me talking to you like this. He seems like the kinda guy who will talk to you when the time is right, on his own terms ya know. So just wait him out a bit. ” Kaito rubbed his head. 

“I don’t understand,” Shuichi muttered. Kaito was not wrong about Kokichi, but it didn’t make it sit any better in his mind. 

Kaito gave him a reassuring smile, “Neither do I, bro. Kokichi is something else but… I’m safe. I believe that. So believe me.”

Shuichi did his best to smile in return, but he wasn’t sure if he pulled it off, “I do… I believe you Kaito.” 

“Then go!” Kaito loudly demanded as he waved him away. Shuichi reluctantly left the window and began his walk out of the metal fortress. He almost turned back several times, but he resisted the urge. But still, he lingered in this place all too long, pausing every so often as he walked through the metal halls of this strange structure as if something was still pulling him back. As if he would rather stay here until he found out all he needed to know. His belief had not completely died. The flicker remained. He would believe that Kokichi still trusted him. That their plan still mattered. That they would end this game. _Together?_

So many of his questions remained unanswered. But he felt at least a little lighter. Maybe he could work things out with Kaito after all. He never would have guessed that Kaito was jealous of him. Kaito was always so confident. Sure of himself. He admired that and liked how much Kaito believed in him. He never considered how that could be a bad thing. He remembered how bothered Kokichi had seemed by that. Had Kokichi been the one to make Kaito see how dangerous his plan was? Kokichi… he really wished he could talk to him. For him to explain what was going on. Why had he just left him like that? For now… he’d just have to believe a little while longer. In Kaito. In Kokichi. In himself. 

“Shuichi.” A voice called out as he exited out of the metal doors after a walk that took way longer than it needed to. The other four people remaining at this school stood before him, strange expressions on their faces. _What now?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Struggled some with just how to execute this part of the story (and the next few chapters I skip around a lot while writing). While I know what beats I want to hit and where this is going plot-wise, deciding how to pace it and split it up appropriately has been giving me some trouble. My writing tends to just be more character study/interaction pieces and not plot-heavy so it's a challenge for me to work out the best way to integrate this part of the plot. But I did go through and reread like all the comments to bolster my spirits while I was frustrated with my own writing and I just wanna say how nice they are and how much better it made me feel. The fact there are a few of you who comment all the time and have been reading this story for the past couple of months means a lot. Genuinely shocked at the reception this has gotten. But yeah… I am bad at being sappy. But for real thanks. Seasonal depression has hit me pretty hard this year so this fic has been a good escape for me and the fact people enjoy it is just… incredible. 
> 
> Anyhow, hope you enjoy it. This chapter ended up being a little shorter than I planned initially because of how I decided to split things up. I liked the idea of doing my own take on Shuichi and Kaito's reconciliation scene so hopefully that turned out okay!


	23. purpose

Keeping Kaito Momota hostage was turning out to be quite the ordeal. He tried to make plans. To figure out a way to stop the inevitable. The others would find out. And they would foolishly try to come for Momota. They knew about the outside world so even if they wouldn’t have gone on with his stupid plan, there was still the chance they would be dumb enough to go after Kaito. And he couldn't have that. The killing game needed to be put on pause. But how could he ensure that happened… He tapped his pen against the page of his notebook.

“What are you writing all the time? Momota peered over and Ouma slammed the book shut. It was bad enough he saw that stupid doodle earlier, he wasn’t letting Momota get anywhere near his stuff again. 

Ouma smirked, “Oh just a list of everyone I plan to kill. Nishishi. No worries you are first for being super nosy all the time and bothering me with your dumbness Momota-chan.”

“Ugh, whatever. Still not buying it Ouma.” Momota said with a grimace before suppressing a cough. 

“Buying what Momota-chan?” Ouma kept his tone even as he watched Momota carefully, trying to gauge just how sick he really was. Keeping him in here might be necessary but it also still worried him. Especially if whatever the hell he had was getting worse. 

Momota shrugged and waved his hands as he spoke.“This whole… act of yours. My gut is telling me somethings up.” 

Ouma rolled his eyes. Typical. Unsurprising. Momota and his stupid instincts and gut feelings. “Ugh, not that gut of yours again. Is it the same gut that told you to trust an assassin? The same one that almost got everyone killed in Gonta’s trial? Cause sorry but that gut of yours kinda sucks.” He watched gleefully as Momota squirmed in response. 

Momota’s eyes narrowed, “God why are you like this?” Kokichi just smiled in return, choosing to pick at what was remaining of his fingernails so he could look as bored as possible. Momota was still squirming, his face contorting as if having to push out whatever he was trying to say. “And you know what? I was right about Harumaki. And I still think that thing with Gonta was your fucking fault. But... maybe I am wrong sometimes. Does that make you happy? My whole fighting Monouma plan was a total bust from the start. I just thought I had to do something and that’s all I could come up with. Happy now?” Ouma blinked in response. For once, Momota surprised him, actually admitting he was wrong. 

Ouma shrugged, “Happy that you aren’t as dumb as you look? Sure if that's what you want me to say Momota-chan.” Keeping Momota here was not going to be the only problem. Keeping Kaito Momota alive was also going to be an issue. The moment he finished eating those chips, he started to cough again. Thankfully into the towel he had given him so the gross sound was muffled and he didn’t end up all covered in blood and snot again. But it was still concerning. Would whoever was running this just leave Momota here to die? Would Momota’s death be pinned on him somehow? Maybe that was the deal with this, a way to cause someone's death without a murder. Would Monokuma really be able to break the rules so blatantly without upsetting the audience? They obviously did not show everything, but what was for the mastermind's eyes only and what was for the audiences... Ouma rolled a bottle of water towards Momota while he thought. Trying to dissect what the next move in this game would be and how to counter it. But of course, Momota had no intention of letting him think in peace. 

Kaito chugged the entire bottle quickly before opening his stupid mouth to annoy him yet again, “So are you going to tell me?”

“Tell you what Momota-chan? Bedtime stories?” Ouma glared over at Momota as he teased.  
  
“What the deal is with you and Shuichi.” Ouma froze. Of course, it came back to that. At least that made sense. Momota’s strange insistence that Kokichi Ouma was not such a bad guy must have all come from this one point. Momota’s stupid insistence about always being right about his idiotic gut feelings was the crux of his whole ridiculous schtick after all. He was trying to rationalize what he saw. Unwilling to think that Saihara was untrustworthy, he took some insane leap that by default Ouma was also worthy of trust. Despite all that obnoxious parading Saihara around as the side-kick to his hero, Momota must actually care about the detective. 

Ouma responded in a bored tone, “I already told you that. I am messing with him.”

“You’re lying. I know my bro. He’s smarter than that… if he was… _you know_ … he must actually believe you aren’t just a lying asshole.” Ouma knew Momota must have wanted to believe what he had told him, that it was all just a trick. He can tell from the way his face twisted as he spoke. But Momota couldn’t accept it for whatever reason. Not without challenging his belief in Saihara being smart and capable. _Confusing_. He had thought Momota just liked the idea of Saihara needing him, pulling him into his clutches right after Akamatsu’s death so that he would rely on the astronaut's obnoxious positivity. Ouma had assumed the whole 'I believe in you' deal was just one of Momota's stupid catchphrases. Maybe he had not given him enough credit. 

Ouma shook off his thoughts and sneered back, “Kissing me? Is it really that hard to say? And why won’t you drop it? Does it really make you that mad? The idea of your precious sidekick kissing me? Another guy?” His words were laced with venom and anger. Both real and manufactured. He needed Kaito off his case. But he was also a little annoyed that it seemed to bother him so much that he kept bringing it up. 

“Kind of? I don’t know man. I was pretty pissed and grossed out at first and then following you I just… felt more confused and kinda betrayed. I just wanna understand what's going on. I haven’t really been there for Shuichi lately… Maybe that's why…” Thankfully Momota faded off. He was veering into some very dangerous territory. If he actually said something like Ouma was there for Saihara when he wasn’t, he would absolutely have to punch him again. Which he did not particularly want to do. 

“I didn’t kidnap you for us to have some mushy sleepover heart to heart Momota-chan. We aren’t friends.” Ouma growled at Momota, looking as menacing as he could muster. 

Kaito recoiled a bit before shouting back, “Hell no we aren’t.” 

“Then why do you keep bothering me?” Ouma’s voice rose.

Kaito shot back immediately, “I’m worried! Shuichi’s my best friend!” 

“No need to worry about Saihara-chan.”  
  
“What’s that supposed to mean?”

He paused after the ping pong fast back and forth between the two, both glaring, words biting as they came out. Ouma looked away, voice quieter from the yelling match he had just engaged in. “He’s stronger than you are. Then anyone else here. If anyone is going to make it through this. It’s him.” His lip twitched, “Of course, unless I decide to kill him. Then there’s no way he could outsmart me.” 

A strange expression came over Momota’s face. One he didn’t like one bit. “Damn.” His voice was quiet again, which unnerved Ouma, “You really do like him.” Momota gave a half-hearted sort of chuckle that morphed into a cough that had him pulling up the bloody towel once more. 

But Ouma’s flash of annoyance overrode any pity he might have for the sick wanna-be astronaut. “How on earth did you get that from what I said? What goes on in that oversized melon that you call a brain?” He spat out, before adding ominously “Keep trying to figure me out or whatever the hell you are doing and I will send this exisal after you and have it rip you apart limb by limb.” He pulled out the remote and spun it between his fingers as Momota glared back, blood still trickling down his lip. Good. Finally some silence from all his stupid questions and acting like he understood the way Ouma was feeling or acting. Cause even if his stupid guess was somewhat right, it didn’t even scratch the surface. Momota was too dense to understand why he acted the way he did or why his feelings for Saihara were far more complex than just “liking him.” And he never would. Too many pieces at play, too much to unpack and there was nothing he wanted less than to have Momota try to oversimplify it and get it all horribly wrong as he always did. And as much as his threat to harm Momota was empty- he had no intentions of actually using the exisal for that- at least it had worked in quieting him down. 

He snatched the blanket back from where he tossed it before and laid it down, laying on top of it. He gestured at the pile of stuff he retrieved earlier, “There’s a change of clothes over there so you can take off that nasty shirt so I don’t have to see it anymore.” He called out. Momota thankfully said nothing. He was getting tired of his stupid voice and stupid questions. He was just so tired… Maybe he should have allowed himself to sleep longer in Saihara’s bed. It was so much more comfortable than this floor. And the sound of the detective's heartbeat and slow breaths was so much better than the constant mechanic whirring. His eyes shut.

_Visions of other white-clad people surround him. His friends... His family... They are yelling, closing in. He broke the rules. The promises he made. They don’t want to see him again. He can’t see their faces but he knows they are angry. They are masked but he can feel it. The disappointment, the anger. They close in and everything goes white. Everything is white as he turns and turns before catching on something dark in his field of vision. He blinks, it’s so white, so bright, he can barely make it out at first. Dark blue-black hair, grey gold eyes, a dark uniform. Shuichi Saihara is standing by the door. He doesn’t remember a door. He yells but nothing comes out. He reaches out instead. Saihara pulls back and looks at him with anger and hatred in his eyes and turns the knob, walking out. He tries to follow but the door is gone. And the floor is gone and he is falling, falling and falling._

Ouma jolted awake. Dizzy, feeling like he actually had been falling. His heart was racing and he felt disoriented. For a moment he’s confused. Where was he? This wasn’t his room or even the AV room couch… right… the hangar. _Oh no no no._ He had not meant to fall asleep again. Just rest for a moment. But it seemed like his body was revolting against him, refusing to just deal with the tiny amounts of sleep he had gotten in the past weeks. His notebook looked unmoved so there was that. But there was something missing. 

_Where was Momota?_ He glanced quickly around the hangar but saw no sign of the space idiot. The exisal hadn’t moved so he couldn’t have tried to leave. He’s pretty sure of that. The remote functions should work after all. It would be a really bad time for Iruma’s inventions to fail him now. He was not sure just what sort of trouble Momota would cause by leaving, but he had zero desire to find out.

Making his way back to the bathroom to check if Momota was there, he was relieved to hear his stupid voice confirming he was still in the hangar. Of course, that was until his still half-asleep brain processed that Momota should NOT be talking and that another voice was answering him. Ice ran through his veins. He did not need more complications to address, more plans to make. Saihara was a welcome addition to his plans, Momota continued to be a thorn in his side. He waited outside of the bathroom. A dangerous smile already on his lips as panic began to set in the back of his brain. 

The door opened with a shocked Momota looking right at him, “What. The. Hell. Do. You. Think. You. Are. Doing. Momota-chan?” He spat out, wagging his finger with every word he spoke. 

“Uhh, I was washing my face.” Kaito rubbed his head. He was an awful liar. He also already had blood on what Ouma assumed was the spare shirt he brought him. Which just added to the overwhelming wave of annoyance he was feeling for the taller boy. 

Ouma’s calm voice countered with barely hidden anger under every word, “Don’t you dare try to lie to me. You know I can see through that. I heard you talking. Who was it?’

“... Shuichi.” Momota looked to the side, his voice quiet but defiant. 

“God you are so dumb.” Ouma held his hands out, with a menacing glare, a threat (albeit one with no bite behind it). Momota at least looked appropriately shocked, a moment he took to reach into his pocket and retrieve the handcuffs once more. And it’s too easy, wrapping one on a wrist, delivering a swift jab to Momota’s stomach that caused him to lean over making it all too easy to clip the other loop to one of the pipes running alongside the wall. He laughed gleefully and gave Momota a childish wink as he slowly processed that he was once again cuffed. Ouma turned away, now he had to go fix whatever mess Momota had caused with his little ‘conversation’ with Saihara. 

Momota caught his breath again after Ouma’s blow to the stomach and shouted, “Hey! Where are you going?”

“Mind your own business Momota-chan,” Ouma called out cheerfully and waved as he walked out. He left the exisal. Just in case. He wasn’t trusting just the cuffs to keep Momota from acting like a colossal idiot. At least the exisal would make him think twice, even if it wouldn’t actually harm him. He closed the gate, he would just have to borrow one of the exisals guarding Monokuma. 3 would be enough anyhow, with the amount of ridiculous strength and power built into the damn things three was probably just overkill. So he took one, fiddling with the remote to make it follow him at a distance. 

Ouma went through the halls first, checking every corner to make sure he did not run into anymore. Turned out Saihara was being rather slow about leaving. Stopping and muttering to himself ever so often. A sight that caused a pang of guilt in his chest. But he can’t explain. Saihara would never understand why he had done this. He was too nice and would think Momota should just be reasoned with. Which was a fool's errand in Ouma’s not so humble opinion. Momota was too dumb, too stubborn to listen to reason. It had to be like this. As unfortunate as it was. Ouma had pushed Saihara so far already, surely he was near the breaking point by now. If only Momota had not followed him, maybe things would not have ended up like this. But that’s a lie. Ouma knew the real reason Saihara would finally break was him. The lying, withholding information, and all topped off with stealing. The detective had been dedicated to their plan but he was too clever to not know now that Ouma had never fully trusted him. Not enough at least. Even if Ouma thought Saihara must be a fool for expecting anything else from him. Or maybe he was the fool for not believing in Saihara enough. It was becoming harder and harder to tell just what he thought anymore. As much as it pained him to admit it... he was slipping. The game was taking a toll on him. 

Saihara finally reached the exit and the door closed behind him. Ouma ran to the door, pressing against it to see if he could hear receding footsteps through the metal. What he did hear… was voices, not clear enough to make out words, but enough that he knew it was more than just Saihara out there. The others must be here. Which wasn’t ideal but it could work. His mind spun, figuring out what he could do. Some of it he could improvise but all that mattered was he made an impression. One that would get the others to do what he wanted. To stop. If they were discouraged and confused, then he would have time to think. And Saihara would have time to fill in the missing gaps, he just needed that final push. He could give that to him. Lead Saihara to the truths of this game that had alluded even him. A parting gift since he doubted Saihara would consider him an ally after this. Those few golden days with Saihara were over, they had run out of time, but Ouma couldn’t fail. Now now. 

He chuckled bitterly to himself, bracing for a moment before pressing the button for the door to open. 

Ouma was greeted with arguing between Harukawa and Saihara several yards away from the bunker door. The others watching intensely. Funny, they were so wrapped up they didn’t even notice the door. Except for Keebo, he could see the robot's bright blue eyes flitter towards him. Suspicious as always. But he kept quiet, watching the scene unfold before him. 

“Harukawa-san! Wait! What are you doing?” Saihara shouted. He had his hand wrapped around the upper part of the assassin's arm.

Harukawa glowered at the detective in turn, her voice low and dangerous, the bruises on his neck practically tingled hearing that tone in her voice, “We are breaking in and getting him out of there.”

“But he told me--” Saihara pleaded.  
  
“I don’t care what he said. I’m not leaving him in there with someone like that.” Harukawa pulled her arm away.  
  
“But Harukawa-san. We can’t do anything. Ouma-kun has the remote.” Figures that Saihara had already figured out that Ouma had snatched that from his pocket. He really was clever.  
  
“And whose fault is that Saihara?” Harukawa shot back, her words as lethal as any bullet. 

“Guys-- you should stop arguing, Look--” Keebo finally got his chance to intervene in the back and forth between Harukawa and Saihara. Everyone’s attention shifted from the argument to Ouma’s wide grin. Ouma looked over the group, purposefully avoiding Saihara’s gaze, knowing that it could trip him up. 

“Oh yay! The whole gang’s here.” He called out, putting on his best happy go lucky sort of face to match. 

“Where’s Momota?” Harukawa growled hand clenching at her side as if wanting to grasp at an invisible knife. Soon she would pounce and try and murder him again, but Ouma was not going to take any chance. He pushed a button on the remote. The door opened again and the sound of metal on metal rang through the air. Harukawa hesitated and Ouma grabbed onto the leg of the exisal, allowing his grin to curl into something more sinister. He looked over at the other's reactions, mouths all agape in shock. His eyes caught on Saihara for a moment, and he froze, feeling his mask slip slightly as he stared into the inquisitive golden gaze. He can’t quite read the detective's face but it still caused a painful jab in his chest. He looked away, he had to, before his whole façade crumbled. 

“What is going on?” Shirogane shrieked in a way louder tone than he was accustomed to hearing from her.

“Oh, nothing. And no need to worry about Momota-chan. I have another exisal babysitting him.” Ouma replied as if bored. 

“But the Monokubs are all dead….You can control the exisals?” Keebo questioned.

A wide, malicious grin plastered on his face, Ouma responded as bombastically as he could muster, “Duh doy Keeboy. Didn’t you read the document I gave you? Someone here snuck in Monokuma so we could have a super fun killing game. And who else could that be beside the Ultimate Supreme Leader himself! The traitor who made it so this whole thing could happen. The killing game that I helped start with the last survivors of humanity. Of course, it was me, It could never be one of you idiots. Or someone who was dumb enough to get themselves killed in my little game.”

“I knew it, so you are the mastermind!” Himiko called out, eyeing the exisal warily.

Ouma shrugged, "Call it what you want. As the leader of an evil organization, I was paid off to make sure that delivery made it on before we took off. You all are the ones who made the game happen. Can't blame me for everyone listening to Monokuma. After I got the package on, I didn't even need to do anything. I'm just here to enjoy the show. Like I told you before. The more you suffer. The more I enjoy it." He poured every bit of malice he could muster into his words. They needed to see him as a threat. Needed to back down from any foolish notion that they could valiantly rescue Momota-chan. 

“What about Iruma-san’s interventions?” Keebo questioned, he seemed less perturbed by the exisal than the others. Again. Wierd. 

“Oh, that? Just one of my lies you know. Only a stupid robot would believe a liar like me. Do you really think someone who wanted to kill you all for her own benefit would make something to help you escape this stupid place?” Ouma taunted back. "And before you think about trying that idiotic plan of Momota-chan's I should tell you I have Monokuma protected by 3 exisals right now. So any attempt on him will end up with you dead, I have to protect the precious cargo I smuggled in here after all." 

Maki’s voice shook with anger, “So what now, you are going to kill us all so you can win?” 

“Why would I do something stupid like that? There’s nothing out there for anyone to care about anything as stupid as winning this game and getting out. You all saw it for yourself. I just wanted to have a little fun. And now I’m bored so I think I’ll just end this little killing game.” Ouma shrugged, and he wondered if he was imagining or if he could physically feel Saihara’s stare on him. 

“You little--” Maki leaped forward but Shuichi grabbed onto her arm yet again, pulling as hard as he could. 

“Harukawa-san no-- “ Saihara’s voice cracked.

“Don’t. Touch. Me.” The assassin growled, pulling her arm out of Saihara’s grasp.

Keebo cried out, “You should be careful Maki. The exisal could severely hurt you!”

Ouma took that as his cue to lower the exisal and open the hatch, climbing in, “Yeah listen to the robot Lil Miss Assassin. I just told you. This Killing Game is over. So just go on and enjoy what's left of your miserable little lives in this place.” 

“And what about Momota?” Harukawa spat out. 

“Wooow you seem really hung up on the guy Harumaki? Do you have a little crush or something? How cute. But if anyone tries to come in here, I’ll use this here exisal to end Momota-chan’s sorry little life for good. A pointless death now that the killing games over. So I’d listen for once and stay away. And we can all just live out the rest of our days here in peace.” If looks could kill, he would be dead a million times over from the hatred shining in Harukawa’s crimson eyes. He closed the hatch. Both to make it impossible to see that glare and to be able to finally look at Saihara without dropping his act. After all, this next part was crucial. 

“Well, I’m bored of you all now. So I’ll be going now. If you have any questions, just ask Saihara-chan. He knows aaaalllllll about my evil plans, don’t ya?” He finally allowed himself to look at the detective through the visor of the exisal. And he regretted it immediately. He could feel his insides collapse at the confusion written as clear as day across Saihara’s face as the others turned to him with suspicion and confusion. 

“What that’s supposed to mean?” Harukawa growled. 

Keebo looked conflicted, “Saihara-kun?” 

But Ouma didn’t pay the others any mind, he just gave one last look at Saihara. He could see his lip trembling, but before he could let the detective say anything in response. Ouma directed the exisal back in the hangar. _Sorry, Saihara-chan… but it’s for the best._

He’s glad he had the exisal to take him back to the hangar because he was pretty sure walking was out of the question. His whole body shook violently. A last-minute decision that was, but he did not regret it. Separating Saihara from the others had to be done. The others were a distraction. If they doubted him, they would leave him alone. Not try to make Saihara some sort of rallying point now that they didn’t have Momota. Without someone like that, they should fall apart. No more plans or schemes. No more murders. Just the others moping about while Saihara was determined to figure things out. Preferably before the mastermind could figure out a way to counter the chaos Ouma had left in his wake. Saihara would not buy that little spiel of his, he knew that. Saihara would be mad at him, betrayed, but he wouldn't be stupid enough to buy Ouma's whole speech. Saihara was too clever to think that something so idiotic was the answer to all this. And that should be the motivation he needed to get whatever detective instinct he had going and actually uncover the real truth behind this stupid game. As it should be. If Saihara was alone… he would not get distracted from finding the truth Ouma knew he craved so much. As determined as he was to believe he had done the right thing, it didn’t stop the fact that his eyes were stinging with tears. Nor did it erase the look on Saihara’s face that was now seared into his brain.

The shutter door opened as the exisal approached. Part of him wanted to stay in there and avoid seeing Momota at all but the idea of being stuck in that little pod for any longer made his heart race. He jammed at the remote to get it to open, failing a few times because his damn eyes just wouldn’t focus. He could only hope he didn’t accidentally deactivate the ones guarding Monokuma with his recklessness. Not that he really cared all that much about that stupid bear right now. It finally worked and the exisal opened and on wobbly legs he jumped out. He did not even bother trying to put on any sort of face for his captive. That exhaustion was creeping up on him again. But not the kind that made him want to sleep. One that made him crave being done with all of this. He was tired of pretending that he was enjoying this game. He was just so, so tired of this game. 

“What the hell Ouma?” Momota called out angrily as he jangled his cuffs against the pipe. Ouma did not grant him a response. Merely walked back and unlocked the cuffs before pocketing them again. 

“Whoa- dude. Have you been crying? What the hell happened?” Momota stared up at him as if fighting whether to be pissed off or concerned. 

Ouma just looked over to the bathroom door to avoid his lavender gaze. He mumbled, “Just go sleep or something Momota-chan.” Without sparing him a glance, Ouma opened the door and slammed it close. Immediately he collapsed, back to the door, hands wrapped around his knees. He heard the doorknob rattle and Momota shout his name but he ignored it. Coughs erupted from the other side of the door and then there was sweet silence. Momota had given up. Finally. Ouma let one hand drop, dragging his too-short nails across the tile. Part of him wanted to laugh, part of him wanted to cry, but all he could muster was a sickening emptiness as he stared into the bathroom, not really seeing anything but the blotches of black covering his vision. He wanted to lie to himself. To believe he was in complete control and that everything was not unwinding around him. But he knew somewhere someone was watching him and laughing. The back of his head hit the door with a thud. _No_. He’d still prove them wrong. Saihara had enough of the puzzle to fill in the gaps and once he did… this game would end. He may never forgive Ouma for what he did, but the game at least would be over. Ouma would make sure of it. Whoever was watching would pay for what they had done but having this stupid game snatched away from them right before it hit the climax. And everything he had done and said, it would all be worth it at that moment. _Right_? 

To think this morning he had kissed Saihara as if nothing could go wrong. And somehow he ended up here. Alone. With only his faith in his own plans to comfort him. 

_Please… Saihara-chan… figure this out…_

_...I’m sorry… if only things were different..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The funny thing about writing fics is doing stuff like zooming in on pictures of the exisal hangar to see if there was a place near the bathroom where Kokichi could feasibly handcuff Kaito to. As if that is just the make or break point of a story being believable. Still preferable to when I watched the Ch4 trial like 3 times to write the earlier part of the fic (that was painful but Ouma’s Japanese VA is incredible in that trial so worth it for that). I initially was going to have this scene in the last chapter from Saihara’s perspective but I realized I did the last “Ouma threatens the group” scene that way and wanted to try it from his POV this time. Feeling kinda meh about how this chapter came out, it was frustrating to get how I wanted since I did not initially plan to have this scene but I hope it fleshes things out and captures the panic and paranoia setting in on Ouma’s side of things as well as some more moments with Momota. But I’m posting it and moving on, if I make any significant edits I'll make a note in my next update. I did the math and I’ve somehow managed to average an update like every 4 days so far and I’m gonna try and stay close to that or even less potentially so there shouldn't be too much suspense over the next couple of chapters as things happen~. 
> 
> Thanks as always for the nice comments and kudos, still baffled that number of people have enjoyed my story/writing, you all are too nice to me and I promise to finish replying to everything soon. 
> 
> Also, fun fact dreaming while napping is way more common when you are sleep deprived.


	24. torn

Nothing got better when he left the metal fortress. The others were all there. Surrounding him, staring. Giving him no chance to collect his thoughts. To figure things out like he so desperately needed to. Trying to grasp onto any sort of thought was like grabbing onto wet rocks, pointlessly climbing up a waterfall, sliding and sliding as the onslaught of water kept coming. But a quiet moment of reprieve to catch his thoughts was clearly not in his plans. 

He heard Maki’s cool tone call out to him, “Shuichi.” She did not smile in greeting, merely looked him over. She must still be stressed about Kaito’s disappearance. But what could he even say about it that wouldn’t infuriate her. 

“There you are!!” Keebo called out. 

“We met up after searching our areas but you never came,” Himiko added. 

“You look strange. Did something happen?” Tsumugi asked, head tilted.

“Umm no. I just…” Shuichi rubbed the back of his head, scrambling for some sort of lie. But they did not always come easy. In a trial, it was easier to see the path he wanted to take. To formulate the lie that would take him from Point A to Point B. But where was he even trying to go? What was he even trying to prove? Should he even be lying for Kokichi anymore? The conversation with Kaito only made that more confusing. For some reason, Kokichi had Kaito of all people believing in him. That made no sense. And why… if they were working together… Was that why he wouldn’t go with him this morning? How did he even kidnap Kaito? 

His silence must have been too long. “You’re hiding something.” Maki intervened, eying him closely. Her crimson gaze scanning him with an intensity that made him shudder. 

“No I’m not- I--” Shuichi argued weakly. 

Maki’s lips tightened, “Fine. I’ll go check in there myself.”

“No!” Shuichi cried out. 

“Do you wanna die?” Her voice was colder than he had ever heard it. A line that always sent a chill through his spine. Part of him always wondered how serious she was, but this time he truly felt like she really could do it. End him like she had been trained to. 

He gulped down air, choking a response out, “I… fine. Kokichi has Kaito in the exisal hangar. I talked to Kaito. He’s fine. He told me… to let him handle it.” The others gasped in surprise but Maki didn't flinch, Shuichi wondered how her small frame somehow seemed larger and more imposing as he saw her anger rise. 

He shouldn't be surprised that she was angry. That Maki wanted to storm in there. But he couldn't let her. Something else was at play. Even if he’s confused and upset. He had to believe in Kaito. Believe that Kokichi had done this for a reason. They fought while the others watched but they were soon interrupted by a grinning Kokichi who wouldn't meet his eye as hard as he tried. _How had he not even noticed the metal door opening? And why… was he avoiding his gaze?_

Kokichi’s little speech only gave him more questions. Only made his head spin and stomach turn even more. How deep did the lies go? How convoluted were his games? He doesn’t believe it. No. Whatever Kokichi Ouma was up to, he didn’t bring Monokuma here. But why could he control the exisals… why was he acting like this… what all had he not told him? It reminded him of how he was right after Gonta's execution. That manic sort of energy laced with an animosity that made his skin prickle. It wasn’t the Kokichi he had grown accustomed to the past few days. This was a force of ill will. 

But before he can even try and unpack the reason behind all of this. The exisal now holding Kokichi turned to him. Called him out specifically. And with that, all four pairs of eyes of his remaining classmates turned to him. He was speechless. Dizzy with confusion. His mouth moved but no words came out. He can’t even argue or respond to Kokichi because he and the exisal were long gone. The thick metal door was sliding to a close. He can feel the four pairs of eyes on him even though he can’t dare look. There’s no hat to hide behind but he wished there was. They probably didn’t have the anger and hate of that man back then, but maybe they did. After all, for all they knew they should hate him. If Kokichi was as he claimed the mastermind of this game, and proclaimed he knew all about it… then he was a traitor as well, culpable for every pain they had suffered. 

“What does he mean Shuichi?” Maki spat out, the anger only intensifying in her tone. 

“I- I don’t know. I have no idea why he kidnapped Kaito.” Shuichi sputtered out, it wasn't a lie. He really did not have an idea what was going on anymore. There had never been that tangible of a plan but whatever this was... was never what he intended when he shook hands with Kokichi Ouma in the virtual world and agreed to try and end this game.

“Nyeh what did Kokichi mean then? What plans?” Himiko’s usual tired voice sounded desperate, frightened. And for a moment, they all wait for some sort of response. But Shuichi can’t find one. His mouth felt dry, his brain empty. He can’t provide answers when he has none. All he had were questions. Questions and questions… His mouth opened but nothing came out. How could he explain? Should he even explain? 

But for some reason, Tsumugi intervened and loudly proclaimed, “I bet Kokichi is plain messing with us! He wants us to doubt Shuichi because he’s so useful! He wants to stop the guy who keeps getting in way of his plans, just like in all shonen anime!” It was strange for her to lead the conversation. She usually only agreed with the others or chirped in when it related to some interest of hers, which he guessed she still sort of shoehorned in. But he can’t even be relieved that maybe the others had not totally turned on him. Not when he can practically feel the hatred radiating off of Maki still. 

“Okay… I do wanna trust Shuichi… He has helped us so much so far. But… would that mean Kokichi is not the mastermind?” Himiko pulled her hat down over her face. 

“He was controlling the exisals. It only makes sense that someone who is in charge of this game would have that power.” Keebo countered, looking deep in thought over the whole matter.

“Okay... Shuichi explain what's going on before I cast a hex on you!” Himiko pointed at him. 

Shuichi looked up, panicked “I really don’t know! I… have no idea how he can control the exisals.”

“So are you going to _lie_ to us all too now? Makes sense.” Maki’s nose wrinkled in disgust. 

“Is he really lying?” Keebo questioned. 

Tsumugi interrupted loudly once again, “Like I said. It’s plain obvious he wants us all to go against Shuichi! He must be mad that he keeps ruining his fun by solving all the mysteries. He keeps saving us all with his detective skills so of course, he made the mastermind angry.” She smiled brightly at him which made him feel a rush of guilt. Even if what was currently going on had nothing to do with him, he still had lied considerably to the others these past few days. It almost seemed too easy to be getting the benefit of the doubt from them like this. Was that really okay? 

Himiko gave Shuichi a wary look that did not seem all that angry, “Hmmm that does kinda make sense…. Shuichi always seemed like he was on our side in the trials after all.”

Shuichi muttered, “I am on your alls side.” It was too hard to speak loudly, but it was no lie. He never wanted to hurt anyone during all this. And yet… Was the hint at the secret of the outside world not enough, did it really have to come to this? 

“My inner voice is telling me that Shuichi is trustworthy,” Keebo announced, face furrowed as if deep in thought but his expression as he looked at Shuichi inquisitively. 

Maki however had not shifted from her look of suspicion, “Fine. If you’re still on our side… then you’ll help us break in the hangar.”

“Nyeh I don’t think we should…” Himiko looked over at the metal building. 

Tsumugi shivered, crossing her arms over her body, “It would be plain dangerous since Kokichi has control over the exisals.” 

“Kaito told us not to.” Shuichi offered weakly despite having a strong feeling Maki did not care much to hear anything he had to say on the matter. The others had all too quickly stopped looking at him with hostility at Tsumugi’s defense but the assassin looked… unconvinced. 

Keebo frowned, “He did threaten Kaito’s life if we entered, we should take that threat seriously.”

Maki seemed to consider this, chewing hard on her thumb. “Fine. No one enters. Or else.” Everyone in the group balked under her glare and Shuichi took her threat much more seriously than the one Kokichi made on Kaito's life. Shuichi wished he could understand what was going through her mind. But he knew better than to try and ask. He had seen Maki’s hands around Kokichi’s throat before and did not want to be in that position. Being on the receiving end of her hateful stare was unnerving enough. 

“Now what do we do?” Himiko asked, looking even smaller than usual for some reason as if shrinking down on herself.

Keebo considered the question, “Perhaps we should postpone our night time meeting and meet at breakfast to discuss our next plan of action.”  
  
“What is there to discuss?” Maki curtly responded. “If we really think Kokichi won’t kill Kaito as long as we stay out of there. There’s no need to discuss anything. Maybe we should all just do things on our own from now on. That way no one.” Her gaze turned to Saihara and grew cold, “can cause any more problems.”

“Nyeh… so are we just giving up?” Himiko called out softly sounding much more like her former self, and not the more enthusiastic version that she had strived to be after Tenko’s death. 

Tsumugi echoed in a quiet voice, her sudden boldness from earlier evaporated, “The world is plain destroyed….”

Keebo assertively proclaimed, “I think we should have a good night's sleep before we make such a hasty decision. If we all wish to leave each other alone after tomorrow then I will abide by that. Maybe we will come up with a peaceful way to solve this all. If the game is really over then there is no reason we cannot all come up with a way to make things rights. I will listen hard to my inner voice.” Shuichi wasn’t sure what to make of Keebo’s inner voice or the way he was taking charge. 

“So breakfast tomorrow?” Shuichi asked in a weak voice. Hoping it would at least keep the goodwill that he had somehow managed to keep with his classmates going. The others nod. 

Maki however just gave him another appraising glare, “Fine.” And she stormed off to the dorms not giving any of them a single look back. It was dinner time. But no one went to the dining hall. Shuichi wondered if everyone else's appetite was gone after all that. No one spoke either. Himiko gave him a strange look as if still trying to figure out just how she felt, but she said nothing. Keebo and Tsumugi wandered off, both looking very deep in thought. 

Shuichi just stood there. Unsure of what he was supposed to do. Free time to do… what? The others may not have condemned him outright… but Maki definitely no longer trusted him. He wasn't so sure about Himiko. Or even Tsumugi who had been so eager to defend him. And Keebo was being strange as well. While he had always assertive about his beliefs he never really took charge like that. The whole dynamic that had been created had shifted without Kaito. Without Kokichi. But Shuichi was not sure what that even meant? Should he be able to tell who was working against them now? Nothing seemed to be that out of place to begin pointing fingers. Guessing wrong would only throw things even farther off course, allow this game to be even more dangerous than it already was. 

Earlier he had been so excited about the prospect of finding a secret within this school. One that could end all this. But it must have been a fool's errand. Why else would Kokichi abandon that plan and jump onto… whatever he was doing? Maybe that's why he was still standing there. Without answers, what could he do? He wanted to burst into the metal fortress and refuse to leave until Kokichi gave him answers. But that would be betraying Kaito’s wishes and they had just made up. But what point was there to finding something that may not even exist, may not even matter. The picture of Rantaro was still in his pocket, but his curiosity over the potential anomalies over that case was being thoroughly overwhelmed by the mystery that was Kokichi and Kaito in the exisal hangar. 

He needed to clear his head. Make a plan. Decide what happened now. He found his feet leading him back to his room. Head pounding but the rest of him just felt numb. Shuichi wandered to the bathroom and splashed water on his face, hoping it would spark something in him. But as he looked in the mirror, all he saw were dull eyes staring back. 

He paced around his room. Wondering if he should go track Kokichi down despite his warning, despite Kaito’s insistence that he was fine. He wouldn’t actually kill Kaito… At least he believed that part of the whole Supreme Leader’s deal to be true. A liar. A manipulator. But not a murderer. But that didn’t answer what Kokichi’s plan with him had meant? Were they still working together? Shuichi scoffed, no… not really. Kokichi had always been working on his own, he had just been dragged along for the ride. How foolish of him to think anything else. How foolish of him to allow himself to think that he wasn’t just being messed with yet again. How foolish of him to want to see him right now despite it all. He collapsed onto his bed, trying and failing to not think about how they had shared this same bed just last night. What had changed? Was all of it... really just a lie? An elaborate scheme... 

The evening announcement played. There was no Monokuma. Monokuma was surrounded by exisals of course but… that didn’t make sense either. What would Monokuma need to be protected from? He doesn’t know. Kaito's plan to fight Monokuma was long forgotten at this point so why did it matter to keep the robotic bear protected. Maybe Kokichi was keeping Monokuma out of his way? That made more sense. But it didn't explain everything. He doesn’t know why Kokichi suddenly has control over the exisals. He doesn’t know why Kokichi was suddenly claiming to be the mastermind when that also made no sense. He openly admitted to working with Monokuma of course but that would be a foolish move for a mastermind. So then why… Was this all to stop Kaito’s plan? But then what was the whole spiel last night in the dining hall for? That would have worked. At least, he thought so. The others had completely stopped their talks of wanting to escape right after. Usually, the more he gathered his thoughts, the more clarity he found. But all he found now was more confusion, more hurt, more frustration. _What now?_

It almost felt like that moment he saw it. The destroyed outside world. Like everything was futile. Pointless. No matter what deals he made. No matter what Kokichi told him. It was just a game and it was pointless to think he could stop it. Pointless to think that any of this had meaning. Pointless to think that their little deal meant anything in the end. 

Maybe Keebo was right. He just needed to sleep. He laid down. Drifting in and out of sleep for what he thought was a few hours. He really wasn't sure anymore. Shuichi thought he slept some at least. But nothing substantial. Nothing could quell the racing in his mind. Nothing that made him feel any more rested. Just thoughts of Kokichi and wondering what the hell was going on. And maybe it was those exact thoughts that had him crawling off his bed. Leaving his room and walking through the eerily quiet night under the dome. His feet led him right back to that metal building. And maybe his brain was tired of thinking because he doesn’t question it anymore. He had to go here. He had to know. 

Like a zombie, he made his way to the bathroom window standing on his toes to see through it better. If Kaito was there again he’d just demand to see Kokichi. Or something like that. But he didn't have to. A small figure clad in white was standing at the sink, the window too small to tell but it looked like he was wringing some sort of fabric out. 

“Kokichi!” Shuichi called out and the back of the other boy tensed. He can see his shoulders pull back and tighten under his white uniform. The fabric fell out of his hands and he turned off the sink. 

But Kokichi didn’t turn. “Oh, Shuichi. Fancy seeing you here.” There was no playful lilt to his voice. Only that rare and strange seriousness that always sent Shuichi’s nerves on edge. 

“Kokichi. What are you doing?” He asked. Staring down at the figure as he finally turned around. Violet eyes met his own and he could see Kokichis face flickering between emotions. Something that looked like confusion, then disappointment, then anger before settling into something blank and empty. 

“Aww were you expecting your BFF Kaito? Sorry to disappoint but it's just little ole me.” The boy smiled wryly at him through the window. 

“Kokichi… why are you doing this?” Shuichi asked, voice breaking slightly. 

The other boy blinked back at him, “The same reason I do everything my beloved detective. I told you before. I’m always doing things for everyone's sake. Why would this be any different?” 

Shuichi shook his head, “But we were… supposed to do this together. Why? Why did you hide all this from me? Why did you steal the remote? Why did you kidnap Kaito? I thought…. ” He trailed off, distracted as Kokichi’s breathing grew faster and he began to chew on his bottom lip. It was unlike Kokichi to be so… not composed.

Kokichi laughed, but it lacked any warmth, “You thought, what Shuichi? Some stupid kissing and flirting would be enough to end this game? That a person like me could really be trusted? Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!” That anger from Gonta’s trial was back in Kokichi’s voice. The memory made Shuichi’s head and heart pound even harder. 

Shuichi called back, “But why? Why would you tell me all those things? Are you really just messing with me? This whole traitor thing… I know its not true so what's the point?”

“Not fun being messed with now is it Shuichi.” Kokichi’s face twisted angrily. Shuichi had no idea what that was about. Was he not the one being messed with here? “And of course I am. I told you before. You’re fun to mess with. And the truth is whatever people want it to be. How many times have we gone over this?” 

“But we were going to work together. To end this.” Shuichi’s voice lowered and he stared into Kokichi’s violet eyes searching for something, but all he got was a dull stare that he could not even begin to unravel the mysteries of. “To win this together and you just want to… stop?” 

The other boy's lips turned into a shaky and crooked grin, “You thought I really needed you? I just needed you distracted my dearest detective.” 

Shuichi frowned, gripping tight on the windowsill. “I don’t believe you.” He said calmly despite the turbulence he could feel in his mind. He couldn’t just let Kokichi do… whatever this was. Not after everything. Not when they had something important to accomplish.  
  
“Good. You shouldn’t believe me. About time you made a good decision _Shumai_. Now run along and be a good little boy and keep your nose in your own business. There won’t be any more murder mysteries for you to solve so you should have all sorts of free time to do some thinking.” Kokichi’s words came out forced and breathy, but the tinge of bitterness still twisted as he heard them. 

“No. I have to know…. Why are you talking like this, why are you doing this?” Shuichi persisted. 

Kokichi's eyes narrowed, “Because I can Shuichi. You aren’t the only one who can just decide plans on their own. Like I said. You needed to be distracted so you wouldn’t realize just who I was. Couldn’t have you snooping and figuring everything out.” His voice sounded like he was trying to sound casual and nonchalant but wavered with some sort of emotion he could not quite figure out. 

His voice rose again, “That’s wrong! You are lying Kokichi!”

“Of course I am. That is what I do after all. How many times do I have to tell you Shuichi? I’m a liar.” Kokichi spat the last three words out as if spewing actual venom up at him through the window. 

“So then what was the point of all of … this?” Shuichi said, his voice starting to lack emotion. 

“I don’t know.” There was a strange sadness in Kokichi’s tone and Shuichi did not understand. He was the one who should be upset, not Kokichi. But the white-clad boy continued, voice strained as if he was trying to yell but couldn’t quite muster it, “You’re the detective. Not me. Why don’t you go figure it out yourself! Leave me alone. You’re so clingy Shuichi. First Kaede, then Kaito, and now me. It’s like you really can’t do anything on your own. Stop _using_ other people as some sort of emotional crutch. Stop hiding behind people like you used to hide behind that stupid emo hat!” His face dropped, shrouded in darkness so all he could see was a mirthless grin on Kokichi’s face as he finished speaking. 

Numbness crept over him, as he stared down at Kokichi. He wasn’t meeting his eyes but he didn’t really care anymore. “Congrats.” He offered coldly after a long pause. 

“Huh?” Kokichi flinched, clearly shocked at Shuichi’s reaction, he must have expected him to cry or argue or something. That's what he wanted right? To poke and prod and get whatever reaction he wanted. Kokichi had always been in control, hadn’t he? Well, he wasn’t getting whatever reaction he was expecting from that. Shuichi was done being dragged along. Messed with. Done with Kokichi deciding what was best for him. Whatever he and Kaito were up to… it was no longer his business apparently. 

“You got what you really wanted in the end I guess. I thought you wanted to win this game with me but I should have known this was what you really wanted all along.” Shuichi responded, doing everything he could to keep any drop of emotion out of his voice. It was easier than he expected. The anger, hurt, and frustration were all there but his mind had not allowed himself to process them yet. All he felt now was an awful sort of numbness. A familiar feeling. The same way he felt every time he saw one of his classmates die.   
  
“And what do you think that is Shuichi?” There’s a visible discomfort in the way Kokichi spoke, the way his face seemed to be twitching as if he didn’t know how to react. 

Shuichi stared the other boy down before replying, slow and deliberate, “You push everyone away. So you can do whatever it is you want to do on your own. I guess we are all just tools until you don’t need us anymore. I was just another tool for your little games and as soon as I wasn’t enough you moved on. Right Kokichi? That’s just how you work right? So congrats. You’re alone. Just like you wanted to be.” His voice began to crack at the end but the words still land. 

Violet eyes blink back at him wordlessly. Shuichi wasn’t sure if the shaking he could see was coming from himself or if Kokichi was actually trembling slightly. A wordless moment passes. The air between them hanging heavy with all sorts of emotions. That strange feeling of something unsaid he had felt before, but this one was different. Earlier those unsaid moments felt full of potential, like a bud about to flower. But not this… this was a heavy and toxic gas that threatened to consume them. Their eyes met one last time, holding contact for a brief moment before Shuichi turned and left. There was nothing left to say. Not anymore. 

His feet carried him out of the building, he’s unsure if it was a walk or a run. Shuichi just wanted to be as far away from that place as he could be. The tears came fast, warm, and endlessly pouring as he moved out of the building. They obfuscate his vision but he doesn’t need to see to navigate out. He unfortunately knows this whole school all too well. For a moment he thought he saw some movement in the shadows as he passed Miu's lab, but it was probably just a trick of the lighting from crying. 

There were no more plans. No more thoughts. No more questions running through his brain. All he felt was lost. Confused. Empty. How was he supposed to end the game like this? His best friend locked in some metal room with someone he had been stupid enough to trust, stupid enough to care for. The other person he was closest to clearly no longer trusted him based on the looks she gave him earlier. And the others… he doesn’t know. Could he even trust them? _No…_ Shuichi was not sure who was winning this awful game. Was it Kokichi? The mastermind? All he knew was that despite his best efforts, he was losing. Nothing he could think of made this make any sense. Made anything that happened today seem productive in any way. How would all this make the game end? 

At least he had talked it out with Kaito. But even that seemed pointless. Did it matter that they were no longer in some awkward limbo if Kaito was just locked away for some strange reason? And Kokichi… _why…. why…why_... He should not care anymore. He knew that. But for some reason… he did. He refused to believe that it all was lies. That there were not truths tangled within the messy knot Kokichi had created. And he wasn't going to just let that go. Just another mystery to unravel for his own selfish needs. If he couldn't stop this game... could he at least do that? 

Maybe that was why he was in front of Kokichi's dorm door and not his own. But that doesn’t explain how strange it was that the door was unlocked when he twisted the knob.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (assuming no one is reading a canon divergence without knowing the canon ending here)  
> Kokichi: attempts to manipulate things to relieve Shuichi of being the Protag for a moment so he can mystery solve in peace  
> Tsumugi: No You Will Not (: 
> 
> Angst time but… I love the contrast of Kokichi refusing to depend on people when he Should and Shuichi depending on people a bit more than he should at times. It’s all about that balance. Also, the bitter irony of not actually understanding Shuichi genuinely cares about him and not just ending the game, and that there are actually reciprocated feelings and not just playacting for the cameras. But yeah what I find so interesting about their dynamic is that it genuinely requires both of them to grow to work and in a killing game situation like this that is truly not an easy thing hence the super angsty scene from pent-up emotions. It was tough to write exactly how I wanted but I hope it came out decently. Initially had more going into this chapter but decided to split the action and POV's up a bit instead of just jumping into chapters twice as long as normal (felt like that makes more sense pacing wise- writing this as I go means making lots of last-minute calls like that and hoping they work but I am actually going to try and finish the next 3-4 chapters all together to make sure it all flows well - since most of what I write is just meandering character studies, writing major plot stuff is definitely a different challenge that I hopefully can manage to do a good job with)


	25. mistakes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cw: violence, blood (nothing super graphic), suicidal/dark thoughts  
> 

Momota was too persistent for his own good. Ouma only got some time to get himself together before the brash astronaut was banging on the bathroom door once again. The reverberations knocking into his skull. Annoying. His head already ached from too little sleep and too much crying and just everything. His whole body felt weaker. He had not eaten a real meal since Tojo died, just surviving off snacks and whatever else was quick. All he had today was that stupid sour candy. No wonder his body was furious at him. He honestly had long forgotten what it was like to not be in some sort of minor pain. This game was breaking him down whether he liked it or not. 

He pulled away from the door, standing and twisting it open, “Yes Momota-chan? Did you need something?” He spoke through pursed lips despite putting on his best attempt at a casual tone, thoroughly annoyed that he could only have a moment of peace after his little performance. After throwing Saihara for a loop, he likely severed any chance he had of the two of them ever interacting on friendly terms again. He should at least be able to mourn the loss of yet another person he found solace in under this godforsaken dome. No more Gonta. No more Iruma. And now no more Saihara. 

Momota gave him a strange look, “Are you…okay? Where the hell did you go?”

Ouma sighed, this game of Momota’s where he acted like he cared about what he was up to was getting extremely old, “None of your business Momota-chan.” He wagged his finger at him to emphasize each word. 

“Ugh, I should have known you’d be a dick about it.” Momota crossed his arms over his chest and scowled. 

Ouma rolled his eyes, “Well you are an idiot, after all, asking how your kidnapper is doing.”

“Whatever Ouma.” The wanna-be astronaut scanned him yet again, making him feel uncomfortable under his gaze, “You saw Shuichi didn’t you?”

Ouma bit down on his lip, why was Momota so good at this? He was an idiot. Not someone who was supposed to guess at his true intentions like this. Maybe he really was slipping. “What’s it matter to you? Are you the only one allowed to have a little secret rendezvous with Saihara-chan now?” He teased back with malice covering his face. 

“Damn Ouma I was just asking. Guess that means I’m right though. Now I get why you were all upset.” Momota scratched his head, looking at him with an expression he’s never seen directed at him. Was it pity? Understanding? Whatever it is, it was pissing him off. Momota would ruin everything he worked for. The lies he had meticulously built. The walls protecting him from the wrath of the mastermind. Momota would end up making him become the next Akamatsu or Amami.

Ouma spat out a reply, “Do you now Momota-chan? Do you really get it? Maybe someone else murdered Saihara-chan and I was just upset I didn’t get to kill him myself.”

“Stop,” Momota spoke firmly. But it wasn’t aggressive. _Strange_. Like a parent or big brother. Not an enemy. Not how he should be treating him after all he's done. How was this the same Momota who punched him in the face, and had tried to do so again. 

Ouma clenched his fists at his sides, “Don’t tell me what to do Momota-chan. Do not forget who I am. This is MY game after all.” He tried to sound haughty, but something about the way Momota was acting was throwing him. It was… unexpected. He kind of liked it but it also terrified him. 

Momota rolled his eyes. “Whatever. Do your worst Ouma.” And then he just stood there. Unflinching. Still looking a little too pale and sickly. While he must have been wiping the blood off with the towel, there was still a slight red stain on his chin. 

Ouma was frozen in place. Confused. Why was there some weird shift in their dynamic all of sudden? Momota was frustrating. Annoying. A nuisance in his best laid plans. And yet… there was something weirdly interesting in the way he was acting. Something that made Ouma unable to stop indulging his own curiosity in the other boy's reactions, so he asked a question that had been rattling in his brain. A reckless decision more than likely but he had to know, “Why are you so okay with the idea of me and Saihara-chan? It doesn’t make sense.”

Momota’s eyes widened. Ouma wondered if he recognized just how rare it was for him to offer such a genuine question. Momota rubbed the back of his head.“I guess… I understand falling for someone you really shouldn’t. Especially in a place like this. No one deserves that. I just want Shuichi to be happy. He’s been through so much.” 

“Gross,” Ouma muttered. He watched Momota carefully. There was still some animosity in his expression. That was familiar enough. But there was this new dimension to his steely lavender gaze that still freaked him out. And maybe that was why he found himself continuing tapping a finger on his chin, voice devoid of emotion, “Saihara-chan would be happier without me. I am sure you can agree with me there.”

Momota tilted his head, brow furrowed, “Maybe. But I don’t know, something tells me he actually really likes you for some reason. Something about his face when he talked about you, it just clicked.”

Something inside of him twisted, painful, and pleasant all at once. “Saihara-chan doesn’t like me. He just thought I was smart enough to help him.” Ouma wasn’t sure why the words kept just tumbling out of his mouth. Why was he being surprisingly frank with Momota of all people?  
  
To his benefit, Momota seemed at least appropriately surprised as well, eyebrows raising into his stupid spiked up hair in response, “Nah my sidekick doesn’t look at people like that. If you two were really working together or whatever, then he believed in you. I know that about my bro.” Kaito looked to the side, biting on his lip, “And I wasn’t watching that close… but I don’t think he coulda faked that kiss man.” 

Whatever was twisting inside him snapped. His insides now a writhing mess of conflicting emotions. Ouma blinked back at Momota wordlessly. And for a moment they just stood there. Sizing each other up. Momota loomed over him but still seemed oddly weak, run down. He doesn’t know what to say. But the little heart to heart they were having needed to end. Before he really ruined everything. 

“Have you already ruined another shirt Momota-chan?” Ouma scoffed. 

Momota kicked at the ground, muttering, “Uh… yeah. Had another coughing fit. It was nothin’”

“You are getting worse,” Ouma replied blankly. 

“No, I’m not!” Kaito argued, his hoarse voice ruining his point.

“Stubborn as always.” Ouma scolded, “Where's the other one?” Momota pointed to a pile near one of the still exisals. Ouma picked up the shirt, making a show of barely touching it with two fingers and holding it far from his body looking at it with extreme disgust that was only partially faked. It was no lie that he was oh so tired of seeing blood.

Momota looked at him confused, “What are you doing?”

Ouma replied, trying his best to keep his tone light and playful, the mask could not slip again, “I’m going to try and wash your nasty blood out of it. You should sleep before you get worse. I can’t have my captive die on me.” He ended his statement with the darkest look he could muster, grin curled and eyes widened, lurking in the shadows. 

“Right.” Momota shivered in response. _Good_. “You don’t scare me y’know.” Ouma was pretty sure that was a lie, but it was getting harder and harder to tell with Momota.  
  
Ouma laughed as menacingly as he could muster before walking into the bathroom. He tossed the bloody shirt into the sink and turned back to see Momota gathering the blanket and pillow. Good. No more weird conversations for now. He slammed the door shut. No more interferences. He had to think, to plan, to wait. The others should all be pouting now. Tortured by the thought of an empty world, lost without their beacon of positivity Momota, and confused at the betrayal of their little lapdog Saihara. And Saihara… he should be getting closer. Finding the last pieces to unravel this all. He wrung out Momota’s shirt under cold water, watching as the red-tinted water squeezed out of it, feeling sick as he did. He was oh so tired of seeing blood. That’s why this had to end. That’s why he needed Shuichi Saihara to be on the case. 

But he wasn’t. As if his thoughts could summon the detective, there he was. Shuichi Saihara was not off solving the mysteries of this killing game. He was here. 

Saihara’s voice rang out from the bathroom window. _Oh, how wrong he was._ It hurt seeing him again. He felt himself slipping even more than he had in his little chat with Momota. Trying and trying to keep the act up. But Saihara’s concerned pleading cut into him like knives, sharp and searing. How cruel he was. And he didn’t even know. Didn’t know how painful it was for Ouma’s real feelings to be treated like some game, some convoluted plan. But Saihara didn’t know. And he wouldn’t know. But it didn’t make it suck any less. Maybe that's what made it easier for the cruel words to leave his tongue. It’s an act but some of it was real. Saihara was frustrating. Missing the point. He should not even have come back and yet here he was. Why did he have to be so damn unpredictable? But finally, he left. And Ouma found himself frozen in place, the damp t-shirt in the sink long forgotten. 

Saihara’s face was long gone from the bathroom window. But the image of it remained in Ouma’s head all the same. The bitterness in his golden eyes, the utter disappointment. It’s worse than the look he gave him after Gonta’s execution. Because this time Saihara was not just angry and confused. This time he was broken. And it was his fault. The tears fell fast and easy from his eyes. At least he kept them in until Saihara left. Turned out pressing the reset button on your feelings had diminishing returns. What he had once found easy in the earlier days of this game was becoming progressively harder and harder. 

Once he had told Saihara that he was his favorite and loved him the most. Funny, at the time it had been kind of a joke. A way to play off some silly feelings. But now here he was looking into the mirror at a reflection that had tears streaming down it all because of how much he loved him and how much it hurt to push him away. It wasn’t a lie that Saihara was his favorite. His favorite to watch, to listen to, to spend time with. What was a lie was that he actually wanted to hurt Saihara, to push him away. But it had to be done. For his sake. For everyone's sake. Everyone left at least. It was never supposed to get to this point. So close to dwindling down to only two of them left as intended. But no… he couldn’t let that happen. This game would end before that conclusion. They would find who was doing this to them. And it would all be over. He’d watch Saihara leave with his friends and that would be enough. 

He didn’t actually want to be alone like Saihara had said. Not at all. Why else would he spend so much time pretending that DICE could be real? That he could be surrounded by people he cared for and cared for him in return. The comfort he found in memories that he couldn’t quite trust at least gave him people he could cherish, even if it was just a kind lie. He even entertained the idea of Saihara being that kind of person to him. He wanted it so much that he even indulged in the idea that Saihara holding his hand and kissing him was real, that his stupid childish crush could actually mean something in this place. That he really could find someone to trust in this place, someone who would actually give an effort into understanding him despite everything he did. Part of him really wanted everything between them to be real. Even if it would never ever work out. Because trusting like that in a game like this was a death wish. He didn’t have a death wish. He only wanted to end this game, dying would only play into this awful killing game and he did not want that. Not at all. At least he didn’t think so but he definitely had not minded the idea of everything just ending during Gonta’s trial. Being with Saihara had made it all seem worth it again, surviving this game. But now, he was alone again and part of him couldn’t help but wonder if this was all worth it. The pain only grew worse, could he really bear that much more? 

Surely the mastermind would make their move soon. He had to believe that he had bought some time at the very least. The faked romance, the faked mastermind speech, that had to be enough loops thrown at the mastermind they had to be scrambling. Just enough… It had to be. It had to be worth it. Worth what he had done. He looked in the mirror, but his mind was too full to see the reflection staring back. Not that he needed to see the pallid skin mired with bruises, dark circles, and eyes reddened from crying. Images of Iruma and Gonta flood his mind. Layered on that look on Saihara’s face. All of that can’t be for nothing. Else he was just a monster like whoever made this terrible, awful game. 

The moment he had overheard the two talking in the bathroom earlier, he had known he was in trouble. Momota could not be trusted to deliver important information. So he had been forced to act. Forced to scare the others away from the hangar with the help of some theatrics. He removed Momota from the situation. He planted that seed of doubt against Saihara. Effectively taking away the two people they loved to rally around. They would be frozen without Momota’s dumb ideas and would not be willing to pull Saihara into anything. Just a push to lead them all in the right direction. Lead them to refusing this game and to do that they had to believe it was over. Of course, Saihara didn’t believe that. He had not expected him to come confront him about it, but what was done was done. Saihara was not supposed to come looking for him. He was supposed to be done with him the moment he betrayed him to his friends. He was supposed to go off and solve this on his own. But of course, he had to be unpredictable as always. Tricky to figure out. Classic Saihara. The thing he liked so much about him would of course turn around and bite him in the ass. And so he did what he did best. Lied and pushed him away, pushed Saihara to do what he was meant to do. 

Now, he hoped Saihara would be so angry he’d stop depending on him or Momota or the others. A push for him to figure this out. He could do it. Saihara cared too much what the others thought and that held him back. Now… he should be able to do it. The others would stop playing. Even the mastermind would have to scramble to get them invested in the game after all this right? And with Saihara on the case. It shouldn’t be long. This time it had to work, he would focus on what was really important. Not some deal with him… but ending this game. 

_Please…. Saihara-chan… figure this out… you don’t have to forgive me or talk to me ever again… but please… stop whoever is doing this to us….._

Ouma attempted to hide the fact he had been crying. Clearing his nose and splashing cold water from the sink on his face in an attempt to look a little less wrecked. His eyes were still red but close enough. He did not need to give Momota any more ammunition for his ‘Kokichi Ouma: Not Actually that Bad of a Guy” schtick. He kept asking him pesky questions about his plans and Saihara. But at least he was asleep now. At least he was the last time he checked before Saihara had come around. _Good_. Couldn’t cause trouble that way. Not like when he talked to Saihara through the window and forced him to act. Forced him to play the whole evil mastermind card he thought he would be able to avoid. Even locked away Momota was trouble. Although that had been his own fault partially. Sleeping on the job. He was not sick like Momota was but he still felt worn down. Like his body and mind were slowly deteriorating, crushed under the pressure of this game and trying to end it. It had to end soon. He couldn’t take much more of this. 

But the game never gave him a break. That much was evident when he walked out of the bathroom and saw Momota standing by the panel switch that opened the gate. The gate slowly opened. Ouma was not sure if it was shock or lack of sleep or just being so drained but he did not react at first. Stunned all he could do was stare as the gates opened. He messed up leaving Momota alone, of course he was brazen enough to try and escape even under the fake threat of the exisal attacking him. 

A silhouette was at the gate. He heard a shocked cry from Momota, His hand finally wrapped around the exisal remote but as he pulled it out a twang rang through the air and a sharp pain in his wrist caused the remote to go flying behind him as he cried out in pain. Momota frantically looked around before shouting, “Harumaki! What the hell are you doing here? Where’s Shuichi?”  
  
“I’m here to get you.” Red eyes flickered over to him, but he was still frozen in shock, pain radiating from where the arrow had gone into his wrist, “I should have known Saihara was in on this.”

Momota shouted back, looking rather torn up, “This isn’t Shuichi’s fault! I told him to tell you all that I can handle this!”

Harukawa’s eyes narrowed, “Saihara is a liar. He promised not to come in here and yet he did. So I took matters into my own hands.” She gripped tight on the crossbow in her hand before turning her gaze back to Ouma. “Tell me. Are you really working with Saihara?”

Ouma sneered in return, “What are you going to shoot me again Harumaki?” The exisal remote was somewhere behind him, all he needed was an opening to turn back and grab it. To get his upper hand back. This was not the time to panic. Even if he never planned for something like this to happen. 

“Don’t….” She stared him down with an even more intense hatred than he was used to. Lifting the crossbow again she continued, her voice deadly, “The other two arrows are dipped in poison. So consider your answers carefully Ouma.” 

“Harumaki no!” Momota shouted, walking slowly towards her. But she merely strafed away, sights still on Ouma. 

“I'm warning you Ouma. No more messing around.” Her eyes flicked back over to Momota however, he just had to bide his time until the space idiot distracted her enough to give him the moment he needed to grab the remote. If he had the remote he could use the exisal to stop this, save this situation, stop Harukawa from doing what she did best... kill.   
  
Momota pleaded, holding his hands up as if he was the one being attacked, “What the hell Maki did you really poison the arrows?”

“Of course I did. I want answers. Now.” Her voice was intense, sending a chill down his spine. He was in real danger. He was supposed to be safe for now, to have the exisals and the locked hanger to keep him away, and yet. Here he was. 

Momota’s eyes widened, and instead of approaching her, he started moving over to “You aren’t a killer. Don’t do this!”

"Oh, but she is a killer. And now she's here to kill _me_ ," Ouma grinned nastily, anger all too easy to pour into his voice, “Figured it wouldn’t take you long to go back to your roots. Murderer.” 

Fury took over the assassin as Momota looked over at her and pleaded, “Maki, please. You don’t need to do this.”

She turned to Momota, her expression inscrutable but her voice steely, “Yes I do.”

Ouma thought this was his moment, so he turned, Eyes sweeping the ground for the remote until his eyes caught on the black square. Too late. Sharp and sudden pain from a small point on his lower back. Shit… He turned back to the others, a weak smile on his face to cover the blinding pain. Harukawa was staring him down while Momota looked on in horror. 

“Harukami. Why?” He sounded panicked. Probably didn’t want his little girlfriend to be executed for murder he thought angrily. Surely Momota didn’t actually care that he was hurt. And that poison would soon be coursing through his system.

Harukawa was undeterred by Momota’s pleading still glaring at Ouma, “It’s slow-acting so we have time. Talk Ouma. What are you and Saihara really planning?” 

“Why would I tell you anything?” Ouma snapped back. Trying desperately to hide his panic. What could he do now? It would be such a waste if he just died like this. Waiting for the poison to slowly take him out.

“Fine then. If you want it to end like this… so be it. Surely Saihara will be easier to get answers out of.” Harukawa loaded the last arrow into the crossbow, raising it slowly.

“Wait no! What's the plan here Maki? Why are you doing this?” Momota called out, his breath sounded ragged. Ouma wondered if he was holding in coughing. Probably trying to look tough in front of Harukawa. 

Harukawa looked back and forth between the two of them, “I was keeping watch outside the fortress. Waiting for him to come out. I figured he’d sneak out at some point and with the poison, I could make him talk. Make him let you out.” 

“And then what?” Momota looked baffled, and he moved closer to Ouma, which seemed to cause the assassin to prickle in response. 

Harukawa responded coldly, “He dies. And the game is really over.”

“It doesn’t work like that!” Momota shouted. Ouma had a feeling that this kind of reasoning would have no effect on Harukawa but he stayed silent. He had nothing good to say after all. But he was also in too much pain to allow words to coherently form.

“Of course it does. This is his game after all.” She stared at him, eyes full of hatred. Ouma was sure his own gaze matched it. Of course everything was about to be ruined by her. She would start this game back up right as the pieces to end it had been played. Even Saihara wouldn’t be able to stop it at this point. The game had consumed them once again.

“Wow.” Ouma choked out bitterly, “So Momota-chan’s stupidity didn’t wear off on you. Guess you figured out that Akamatsu-chan had the right idea after all. Destroy the mastermind, destroy the game? Right?” 

Harukawa growled and raised the crossbow once more. “I should have known you wouldn’t cooperate. I thought Saihara was better than cretins like you.” He smiled weakly in return, hating how much that comment stung. Not that she was clever enough to know why. He heard a click, but it was too late to move, to resist. 

“No don’t!” Momota shot in front of him. And by some miracle, his arm intercepted the path of the arrow headed straight to his head. It lodged firmly into Momota’s forearm. He cried out in pain, his scream echoed by Harukawa. Ouma stood in place. Shocked. His mind trying to process what just happened through the pain radiating in his arm and back. 

“Momota. No. Kaito!” Harakawa cried out, She looked panicked. Red eyes wide and frightened. “I- I” Her chest heaved as tears began to pour down her face. Momota stared at his wound and then looked back up at her wordlessly, “There must be an antidote in his lab. Just stay here…. I’ll save you.” And with that, she sprinted out of the hangar. 

The plan hadn’t fully crystallized yet. If he was actually smart he would have beaten the damn mastermind already. No, he was just good at overthinking and over planning. And best of all, thinking on his feet. The toilet paper and lattice had been the product of last-minute ideas after all. To unravel this game, he needed to unravel it and it's supposed rules. If he could use this to do that… maybe it wouldn’t be a waste. He could twist this unfortunate incident into a tool. A weapon to end this game. He grabbed the remote for the door and closed it. 

“Why are you doing that?” Momota turned to stare at him. “Harumaki’s coming back with the antidote!” 

Ouma shook his head, “No. Why the hell did you open the gate?” He glared over at Momota. It was his fault as much as his little assassin girlfriend after all. 

“Open the gate? I- I heard banging outside and I figured it was Shuichi.. I overheard you two talking and it sounded like fighting so I thought if he came in here you could work it out.” Ouma did not even know how to begin to respond to that one. It was so incredibly stupid. And anger-inducing. Momota had listened in on their conversation and then just opened up the gate like he was in charge. And look where that got them. Both poisoned. Clearly kidnapping Momota was not enough to stop him from interfering and ruining his plans after all. And all for what? To get him and Saihara to stop fighting... he raked his fingers down his face. How could one person be so god damn infuriating? 

“Momota-chan. Your stupidity never ceases to amaze me.” Ouma sneered and shook his head. He reached behind himself, wincing slightly from the pain in his back as he pulled out the bloody arrow. Too bad he knew the pain would only get worse once the poison really started to take effect. He went over to the press, grabbing his notebook, pressing his back against the cool metal hoping it might slow the blood trickling out of the hole created by the arrow. He pulled open the notebook and grabbed his pen, it was time to figure this all out.

Momota bristled in response, “Act all you want Ouma but I heard you crying. I can’t imagine Shuichi making anyone cry without a good reason so you musta been a real asshole.”

Ouma bit his lip, trying to stay focused on crafting some last-ditch plan, “I told you I’m the traitor. The mastermind. The ringleader. Whatever the hell you want to call it. Of course I’m an asshole.” Ouma muttered. There wasn’t time for this. Not when he needed every moment he had left to figure out a way to make this work. 

“No, you aren’t.” Momota responded, his voice strangely calm, “And I don’t think you wanted to mess with Shuichi at all.” So he really was smarter than he looked. Too late though. His stupidity earlier overwrote any realizations the astronaut came to. At least he was clever enough to realize the whole mastermind thing was an act. Momota wasn’t totally useless. Which was good. 

Ouma brushed him off, however, still focusing on a plan, “And what proof do you have of that claim Momota-chan? Did you forget I can control the exisals.”  
  
“Yeah, I don’t get that. And I don’t get the whole the world is destroyed thing either but something tells me it’s all part of your stupid lies. Whatever your deal is, it's not running this stupid game.” Momota countered, persistent and annoying as always.

“My deal… if you are such a genius Momota-chan, please enlighten me, what is my _deal_ then?” Momota didn’t answer. Merely pulled the arrow out of his arm with a grimace. The hole was small enough that only some blood was leaking out. But then he coughed, and there was way more blood. Covering his face, trickling down on his shirt. Ouma could hear Momota breathing heavily from where he sat. 

Ouma paused his work in the notebook, staring up at Momota, “Why’d you jump in front of me?” He’s not sure why he was bothering to ask. Maybe it wasn’t worth questioning with things as dire as they were. 

“Dumbass I don’t want Harumaki to be a murderer.” Momota wiped the blood off of his face. 

Ouma sighed in frustration, he had clearly put too much faith in Momota, he was back to being an insufferable idiot, “She’s an assassin. Killing people is her job Momota-chan. Get that through your thick skull. Your little girlfriend is not some normal innocent high school girl.” 

Momota growled back, “What the hell? Shut up. I believe in her. She’s gonna get the antidote you know. She can save us.” 

“Save _you…_ she had no intention of saving me. These are poisoned for a reason after all. Poisoned with the intent to kill me.” Ouma responded, his face blank. He wasn’t surprised. He had seen the murderous intent in her eyes before. Maybe it was a blessing it just took this long. Maybe it was a mistake to make it seem like the game was over, she could kill without repercussions. Or so she thought. 

“She must have just been freaked out by what you said…” Momota mumbled, pressing his jacket sleeve into his wound to soak up the blood, “I wonder how long we have left then.”

“3 hours at the least.” Ouma did not look up from his notebook. 

“How the hell do you know that?” Momota replied, surprised. 

Ouma rolled his eyes. He was clearly the only one who had actually taken the time to fully examine the contents of the Ultimate Detectives Lab after all. Well except the assassin. Which he really should have seen coming. He did actually. She was always a threat in the game and now she was going to try and undo everything he worked for. “It’s the only slow-acting poison in Saihara-chan’s lab. So obviously it’s the one she chose. But I’m guessing we both won’t make it the full three hours.” 

“Why the hell not?” Momota questioned, his voice sounding weaker and weaker. 

“Well, luminary of the idiots. I’m pretty small and underweight and you are pretty sick. So I don’t think either of us counts as an average healthy adult.” Kokichi looked at the wound on his arm. The blood thankfully only pouring slowly out. He really should have grabbed a first aid kit. But too late now. At least he wouldn’t bleed out “It takes about a half an hour to start really being painful though so we have that to look forward to but I’m sure killer girl will make it back by then… she is fast after all.”

Momota bit down on his lip. He looked like he was at a loss. Made sense. This was a pretty dismal situation after all. No place for so-called heroes. 

Ouma went back to writing but found himself blocked in formulating more of his plan. He tapped the notebook with his pen, looking over at Momota who had for some reason taken a seat a few feet away from him, “Did you really think it was Saihara-chan at the gate?” He questioned in a soft tone. 

“Yeah. That’s what I said right? I heard you two yelling from the bathroom so I figured he would try and come in so I tested to see if you lied about the exisal attacking me and it didn’t so I opened the gate. I had no idea Maki would be there.” Momota scratched his head, looking bewildered. He wasn’t lying at least. It was stupid. But not malicious. Momota risked being torn apart to be some sort of weird mediator for him and Saihara. It almost made him laugh. But there was no time, if his guesses were right, Harukawa would be back at any moment. 

Ouma set down his notebook and walked back towards the bathroom, picking up the exisal remote as he did, “I fixed the settings. Go anywhere near that panel and that exisal will rip you apart Momota-chan.” It was a lie. But it didn’t matter, he could hear screaming from the bathroom. Perfect timing. 

He grinned wickedly over at Momota, “Sounds like your girlfriend is here.” Momota struggled to get up. The hurt arm was clearly not the only thing causing him trouble though. He strode back to the bathroom and Ouma swiftly followed behind. 

“Here, take this! Now!” She cried out the moment he walked in. Momota reached for the bottle but Ouma quickly intercepted. Forcing his lips up into a wicked smile, he pretended to twist open the cap of the antidote, making a show as he pretended to chug the entire thing while Harwkawa watched in horror and Momota watched in confusion. 

Ouma wiped his lips off to add to the effect, “Oh no. Guess there wasn’t enough for your precious Momota-chan. Guess I’ll see you at the trial. Murderer!”

“No! Momota!” Panic spread across her face and she vanished. Although where to, he had no idea. There was no weapon in her lab that could grant her access. No spare antidotes either. He had checked before. Only one per poison. Convenient of Monokuma. He expected nothing less at this point. This game was so so cruel. But it would soon be over. He laughed and walked out of the bathroom. 

“What the hell was that Ouma?” Momota called after him angrily. 

Ouma brandished the bottle over his shoulder, liquid sloshing around as he did, “I didn’t drink it dumbass. I just needed her to leave.” 

Momota coughed again and with a wheeze questioned, “So now what?” Ouma turned and grinned over Momota. The coughing really was getting more frequent. But he couldn't let that concern him. There wasn’t much time left after all. It was fine, the bits and pieces were all coming together. It wasn’t going the way he wanted, not at all. But the result would be worth it at least. From the scraps, he was given he would salvage out a victory against this game.

He pulled one of the two remaining electro bombs out of his pocket. Pulled the ring and tossed it behind him, waiting as it took effect. He looked at Momota with a serious expression, “I have a plan Momota-chan.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Terrible cliffhanger? ✓  
> Lots of platonic Ouma+Momota interaction ✓  
> An attempt at writing an action scene which is very out of my comfort zone ✓
> 
> I think lots of you all saw this coming somewhat. Sorry... but I like the slight twist of canon with part of it just feeling like some sort of ominous inevitable fate. But yeah… some canon events still are biting them in the ass but it’s not following how that goes completely if that makes this ending a little better (i have like 12 more chapters outlined after all...). Updating soon but just a heads up next chapter is Saihara POV so -this- doesn’t get resolved right away (sorry but I’ll have the next Ouma chapter up soon after that, I have a lot of it finished since initially ch24-27 were just 2 long chapters). Happy holidays all! Thanks as always for the super nice comments and sorry I’m so slow to reply.  
> Also, it's past midnight now and therefore my birthday!


	26. tricks

Shuichi walked into Kokichi’s room still in a daze. He’s not even sure what time it is. The few restless hours of sleep on top of the emotional exhaustion made his head feel heavy. Like he was swimming through murky waters. But it doesn’t deter him. He’s not sure what he’s looking for. Some sort of sign, some answer to his many questions. But how he was supposed to find them in this chaos was beyond him. Papers and boxes were piled around this room like he remembered. But he never really got the chance to actually look. That night after Gonta’s trial. That night he thought he really broke through. 

But he was mistaken. All those little moments together. Clearly, they meant nothing in the end. Kokichi Ouma did not want anyone to make it past his walls. That much had been clear. He remembered the things he had said to him through that window, his insides turned. 

Tears began to fall again. He wondered why part of him was still refusing to give up. Could he really figure anything out by coming here? Maybe. He can see that strange horse head he had noticed the other night. But it held no significance that he knew of. Not like the other items he can see scattered about. It was almost too much to take in at once. The drone Miu had made for the first trial. The staircase to Himiko’s water trick. The wax effigy of Rantaro. A VR headset. Bits and pieces of crucial evidence for all the trials. When had he even had the time to get these back here? How had he gotten all these? Shuichi ran his fingers along the inner tube Kirumi had used to slide Ryoma’s lifeless body across the pool area. Kokichi seemed way more the detective than he was. All he had was tiny mementos from those who had passed. Tiny things from the people who had been sent to their deaths by his deductions. Musical note hairpins, black gloves, a mask, and a case meant for bugs. He had stashed them under his bed after the trials, unwilling to look at them but also unwilling to fully let them go. But this… was different. He held onto the past out of personal guilt. A collection to remind himself of his regrets, the people he sent to their deaths to protect the rest of them. Kokichi seemed to be holding on to the past in hopes it would lead to something better. As if these could solve some greater mystery. To put an end to this game. Reaffirming what he thought was the truth. But then why… why had he lied? Did Kokichi no longer want to end this game? Or was it just that he never wanted anything to do with Shuichi? 

He walked up to the whiteboard in the back of his room. The images of 15 of them alongside the 5 Monokubs stared back at him. Most of the board seemed to layout the murderers and their victims with small doodles of the weapons associated with each case. That was nothing new. Kaede who had (supposedly) killed Rantaro with a shot put ball. Kirumi who drowned Ryoma. Korekiyo who hit Angie with the floorboard and killed Tenko with the sickle during the seance. And… Gonta who had choked Miu to death in the virtual world with toilet paper. All the trials they had done through so far laid out. All the faces of people that were no longer with them. The bottom was dedicated to the Monokubs who a comment simply deemed as annoying. He couldn’t argue there. He had not missed the antics of those tiny robotic bears in the past few days at all. As awful as Monokuma was, at least his announcements were short and to the point. The cubs only felt like even more of a mockery of the hellish situation they had been put in. 

The remaining students, sans Kokichi, made up the other side of the board. Next to Keebo’s picture he had written weird. And next to Maki suspicious. That checked out. Kokichi had often commented on how weird he thought Keebo was and seemed rather insistent on pointing out that he was a robot at every possible moment. Almost as much as he liked reminding everyone about Maki’s talent. An assassin who had murdered before ever stepping foot in this killing game. As a leader of a group that forbade murder… maybe it made sense how little Kokichi seemed to trust her. He hadn’t gotten to know her like he and Kaito had after all. Whether she was suspicious… Shuichi wasn’t sure but after having the full force of her deathly glare on him earlier, he doesn’t deny how she could be seen as dangerous. But he still didn’t want to see her as an enemy. Not after all that time they had spent together. He didn’t want to lose his faith in Maki. Or Kaito. 

There was no picture of Kokichi. Just a little doodle at the bottom that he assumed was him throwing up a peace sign. There was something so cute and innocent about it. Which seemed so out of place on a board that outlined murderers and victims. It was very… Kokichi. Contradictory and confusing. But his eyes still lingered on the doodle wondering why the silly little thing was making his chest ache. 

Shuichi’s picture was separated from the others for some reason. It felt strange looking at himself in his hat. Like looking at a whole different person. He ran his fingers down the image, stopping at the word written below it. 

_Trustworthy._

There was a black smear by the end of the word for some reason. Was this what Kokichi really thought? If he thought he was trustworthy, then why… Why had it ended up like this? His legs began to shake again and Shuichi traveled to the bed to sit before he collapsed onto the mountains of papers that took up most of Kokichi’s room. 

_Trustworthy._

Knees on his thighs, he buried his face into his hands. Why did that word feel like another punch in the gut? Why… Was Kokichi lying? Had he really meant what he said? Was he really… wrong…

_Trustworthy._

He did care what people thought of him. Maybe even too much. He didn’t want to disappoint Kaede and fail at her wish. He didn’t want to disappoint Momota after all he had done for him. And even now he didn’t want to fail at the plan Kokichi and him had to end this game. All his problems started with that stupid murder case. Eye contact was not the only thing that was difficult after that case. Shuichi also feared that disdain, that disappointment. The pain that came from letting others down. Seeing hatred in another person's eyes. It hurt. That's why he couldn’t let everyone down in the trials. They needed him. That's why it hurt when Kaito had seemed so mad at him. Maybe he wasn’t strong like he thought he had become. Maybe he was still that same weak boy in that classroom with Kaede, desperately needing reassurance. He was weak. This game had continued because of that. Surely Kaede never intended there to only be 7 of them left that could escape and remain friends. And now here they were. Far from friends. Full of doubt and suspicion and nowhere near ending this. Kokichi could claim he was ending this game, but Shuichi knew that power did not lay with him. And whoever had that power would surely remind them with a vengeance that this game was far from over.

His stomach turned dangerously, his hands clammy. He could feel his heart racing faster and faster, pounding in his ears. He shut his eyes, visions swirling through his head. They are unclear and rapid. Moments from his time locked inside this school. The faces of his friends, living and dead. In joy and despair. It was all too much. Had it really only been a few weeks? It felt like the weight of an entire lifetime. Get out of here together… end this together… If that was true, why was he here alone? If he had been expected to be tricked by Kokichi then why had it hurt so bad? Why did he still question if he had really been tricked? Why did he still care? Why could he not get the other boy out of his mind no matter how much it hurt? 

To try and calm himself from the anxiety still coursing through his body, he looked through the piles of paper stacked in boxes across the room. There was a strange mix of childish doodles and plans for all sorts of gadgets. Was Kokichi really planning to have Miu make all of these? Some of them didn’t make any sense. Like what purpose did Kokichi have with a rainbow ray gun… Like that doodle, there was something so childish and innocent about it. Something that just didn’t connect with the menacing boy threatening them with giant killer robots. A giant contradiction. Neither painted the picture of who the real Kokichi Ouma was. Not that he knew the real one. Kokichi Ouma was the epitome of a lie after all. Whatever he needed to be. 

He pulled out another box, this one rattling as he did. There must be something besides papers in this one. Shuichi opened the box and familiar items greeted him. Something in his chest sunk as his eyes raked over the items. Gifts. Gifts he had given Kokichi. A pair of fashion glasses when he was really unsure of what kind of things Kokichi even liked...The medal set after he noticed how enthusiastic Kokichi had been when they all went together that one time…. The rock paper scissors cards he had given him after they had played all those rounds… A water gun he had earned after spending time in the casino. And folded at the bottom was the fabric for the hammock he had given him (although he wondered what happened to the rest of it). Seeing them there all at once felt strange, almost nostalgic. The days where he was trying his best to just get a chance at understanding Kokichi, thinking maybe he could actually figure the boy out. And now… was he really any closer?

There were also some stray papers shoved in the box with the gifts. He pulled out the stack and looked them over. They were full of drawings. Just childish doodles of chibi figures. Swallowing hard, he realized just what they were of. A doodle of what had to be Kokichi surrounded by little bubbles of smaller little doodles next to a chibi figure he thinks must be him. The hair and clothes matched, his little chibi had a shocked expression on his face. Was this the first time they hung out? When he claimed all those things about his organization before threatening to kill him? He turned to the next paper. Two similar figures holding out what he assumes were cards. Shuichi bit his lip and turned to the next sheet of paper. Same thing, now drinking tea. The next page had lots of the same two figures, all playing rock paper scissors, all holding out the same sign. He gripped hard on the sheets of paper as the memories came flooding back. Those frustrating moments with Kokichi Ouma as he tried to get to know him. There was one more sheet of paper. A hand and a knife. A figure bandaging up another. A smiley doodle of Kokichi winking holding up a hand with a bandage on its ring finger, and below that a caption. The day I stole Shuichi’s heart. Numbness crept back through him. He could picture that afternoon clearly. Sitting in the gazebo, panicked as he wrapped up Kokichi’s finger. And the boy had just laughed gleefully the whole time. _I stole your heart and now I’m satisfied_. His stomach felt like there was heavy weight sitting on it. Funny how the boy had ended up doing just that. Not that Kokichi had any idea. Or cared. 

He collapsed onto the bed, something hard hitting the small of his back as he did. He turned over and pulled out the Monopad, a sheet of paper stuck to the bottom of it. He pressed the button of the tablet, it was the motive video. When had he taken this back? Shuichi knew he never brought it back, even though maybe he should. He doesn’t watch it again. The whole thing was ingrained in his memory anyhow. The reaffirmation that most of what Kokichi had told him about his organization was lies. The real thing was far less menacing. Petty crimes with friends as close as family, no murder. That was the Kokichi he wanted to think was real. He pulled the folded piece of paper from the back. 

_This isn’t a will._

His stomach turned. What was this… He unfolded the piece of paper and another one fell out. 

_The second message is on the wall next to the boiler in the rear garden._

What did this mean… A will… You only left a will if you were dying. Was Kokichi expecting to die? That didn’t make sense. He always told them all how he would survive and how he didn’t want to die. And he didn’t think that was a lie. Of course, he wouldn’t. No one would. Not really. Even Ryoma hadn’t really wanted to die. Not completely. Even in those moments, he felt it would be better for it all to be over… there was still something to live for. Surely Kokichi… He noticed his hands were shaking, the paper crinkling in his hands. He had to go check right. What this message meant. His duty as a detective or something like that. Not that he was much of one. 

_This isn’t a will._

Crawling off Kokichi's bed and onto his feet, Shuichi noticed his knees were still unsteady. But he could not let that deter him. Part of his mind warned him he should be careful walking around at night. That something could happen. But whatever was controlling him now wasn’t logic. So he paid his surroundings little mind as he walked down the stairs and out into the courtyard, brain still murky as he made his way to the garden. He saw the hole leading to the secret passageway. With a pang in his chest, that night came back to him again. The night Kokichi had led him to see the secret of the outside world. But that wasn’t what he was here for. Even if that memory brought a new flood of confusion crashing down on him.   
He strode up to the rear wall. Vines covered most of it but he could see the writing. His hand traced the bricks pushing away the remaining foliage. Had this really been here before? Had no one really noticed? Except for Kokichi of course. Not that it was entirely out of place for Kokichi to pick up on things the rest of them missed. He was always a step ahead wasn’t he? 

_Twins B._

What on earth… How was that supposed to mean anything? What did that have to do with Kokichi’s ‘not-will’? Shuichi bit down on his lip. Nothing was clicking into place. No sort of moment of clarity where it all made sense. Maybe he just wasn’t that good of a detective. Maybe everything that had happened was finally catching up with him. Part of him wanted to collapse like he had in the face of that destroyed world. Was it really any different now? What sort of hope did he have to fix any of this? To stop this game. To figure out just what Kokichi was doing. 

_The second message…_

Wait… if this was the second message then what was the first? Another message. He thought through everything. There was no message in that terrible room at the end of the secret passageway. Nor was there one in any of the flashback lights. Or the new areas. Wait… 

Did that mean… He walked out of the garden and back around to the front, almost jogging. The rock. The one Gonta had noticed back when it had only said horse a, but it had continued to change, letters being added every time they looked at it. He reached the rock, brushing away the grass that covered part of it for some reason. The message had changed again, his stomach dropped. 

_The world is mine. Kokichi Ouma._

And once more Shuichi found only more questions. Why did the rock say this? Kokichi must have done it himself right? But why… what did this mean? And how was it connected to ‘Twins B’. Was that some clue to his Ultimate Lab or something? Maybe he had not been lying and it actually was some secret lair. But even so how would these clues even lead him to that. This world was his… that just reminded him of his claims from earlier. Claims that this killing game was of his own design. Claims he didn’t believe. So what was the point of this? Just another lie… another misdirection. No. There had to be some point to that paper. There had to be some reason he left that in his room. Some reason Kokichi thought… he would die. But then what was the point of this rock... he wasn't the mastermind. He couldn't be. That was not a lie, of that he was certain. But this rock... something was off about it. Something that made no sense. 

He ran back to Kokichi's room. He must have missed something. Another clue. Some piece of this puzzle that would make it all make sense. This couldn’t be it. He didn’t want it to be it. Shuichi hated himself for it. But… he wasn’t done with Kokichi. Not until this made sense. Not until all those moments with him made sense. Not until he could know for sure what parts of it were lies and what parts of it were truth. And maybe, just maybe, he could unlock the mysteries presented by both this school and Kokichi. Maybe then he could consider himself a proper detective. Although he wasn't quite sure how much of this drive came from his desire to understand and how much came from those unresolved feelings he still couldn't bring himself to acknowledge (it was too soon, too painful). 

He tore through Kokichi's room but nothing stood out. Just blueprints and drawings of things that happened. More pieces of evidence from the trials, things he had almost forgotten about. And notes about Keebo oddly enough, his functions and statement along with chibi robots that Kokichi had captioned as way better and cooler. Strange but not all that helpful. Doodles of the flashback lights and the memories they provided, those were adorned with lots of unhappy faces. There were also files that he was pretty sure came from his lab. But only 3 of them. 2 were from the ones Shuichi assumed were older as they only contained illustrations. The other one however seemed newer containing photos of the various cases. But nothing in them seemed all that noteworthy. None of the murders were that similar to what had happened in this killing game. So why… why had he chosen these to take back... The more he found, the more questions he had. The more he was confused. All the clues screamed that Kokichi had every intention to end this game, so why... why had he drawn Shuichi in only to suddenly drop him? There had to be a reason.

Keeping his eyes open became more difficult. It wouldn’t be so bad if he just rested them for a moment Shuichi thought. There was a bed here after all and it wasn’t like its occupant was coming back anytime soon. He collapsed once more onto Ouma’s bed but this time noticed something hanging from the headboard. Two flags. Flags he recognized from his time in the casino. Rewards he assumed no one would ever bother with, they seemed so… insulting. The survival flag and death flag just hung casually on his bed. Maybe he could understand the survival flag, maybe he thought the heart flag would carry some sort of luck (although with Monokuma he severely doubted it meant anything good). But the black death flag with the skull, he really didn’t get that. Why would he want something so ominous in his room? He thought back to the piece of paper. The ‘not-will’. Could it be connected? The flags were probably just Kokichi being… Kokichi. Surely it didn’t mean anything. But he still couldn’t help looking up at that black flag with apprehension as he slowly drifted into unconsciousness, into dreams he cannot quite figure out, all he remembered was reaching and reaching but whatever he wanted was just out of his grasp. 

The morning announcement played waking Shuichi from his restless sleep. He was still in Kokichi’s room. Not that he slept much. But he couldn’t stay here, he had somewhere to be. Right. The meeting with everyone. He shouldn’t miss that. He couldn't stand to lose the tiny amount of trust he still held with his classmates after all. And after that… he was going to find some way into that hanger. He was going to get his answers. Even if Kokichi didn't want to see him anymore. He had to know. 

_This world is mine. Kokichi Ouma._

Shuichi laid out the photo of Rantaro, the blueprint for the electro bomb, the blueprint for the bug-vac, the note with the numbers of the days where murders occurred, and the ‘not-will’ he had found on Kokichi’s bed. Even all laid out it added to nothing. Evidence of the deal he had made, but where was it leading? These at least seemed more real than his words in the exisal hangar. But what was he supposed to do with these clues? How would they help him end this game? But that would have to wait. He needed to go to the dining hall. It should have been long enough that the others would have already departed. After all, he doesn’t think being seen leaving Kokichi’s room would help his case with his classmates after all. Shuichi opened the door a crack and peered into the dorm area. Empty. He left, noticing how sluggish his brain and body felt after that terrible night, but he would have to keep pushing forward. It wasn’t like he had a choice.

The others were already there when he opened the door from the courtyard into the dining hall. The four of them huddled around something at the table.

“Ah, Shuichi you made it!” Keebo called out. He didn’t sound distrustful at least. Maki looked back at him however and a chill ran down his spine. But there was also something strange about her red glare. It wasn’t full of animosity like yesterday, but something else equally as terrifying somehow. His gut pooled with unease. The way her eyes darted around and she was tugging on her hair. Something was up with her. But he knew that he was in no place to ask. 

“Look what Maki found sitting in plain sight on the table when she got here!” Tsumugi cried out, beaming. Shuichi wasn’t sure if the smile was at him or the flashback light he could now see sitting on the table but at least she didn’t seem to carry any resentment towards him after what Kokichi had said. Although, she had been the first to defend him so it only made sense. 

“Nyeh… but doesn’t that mean Kokichi left it? Should we really trust anything he does?” Himiko’s gaze was directed at him. Not with anger but some sort of expectation that he understood what was going on. Which couldn’t be farther from the truth. But he wanted to agree with her. One look at that light and his instinct screamed that it was dangerous. That they were being misled. Something about all of this wasn’t right. He had believed the memories up until now, but should he… He had refused the secret of the outside world, so who was to say that whatever this was would not be equally as deceptive. Perhaps Angie had been right in smashing that light back then. Shuichi could not deny that he was curious and hopeful that the device would provide some sort of answer but Kokichi’s face kept popping up in his head. 

_“The world could be tricking you right now, and you wouldn't even know it.”_

“She’s right. We don’t know if we can trust it” Maki agreed quietly while looking at the light. But her expression was more confused as if the appearance of the light still bothered her. 

“But it would be plain wasteful to not learn more about our memories. Maybe it will hold the key to save Kaito.” Tsumugi argued, eyes glowing passionately like they did when she talked about cosplay or anime. 

Keebo tilted his head thoughtfully, “Tsumugi is right. We have the responsibility to learn our lost memories. I am sure this may be the key to stopping Kokichi and retrieving Kaito.” 

“I guess I am curious…” Himiko muttered, tugging down on her hat. 

“But that doesn’t…” Maki trailed off, biting her lip. Shuichi looked over at her. She doesn’t meet his eye but he can see her forehead creased in thought. Maybe she realized there was something odd about this. That it made no sense for the “mastermind” Kokichi to leave them something that would help them unravel his plans. That if Monokuma was being “protected” by the exisals and Kokichi was locked in the hangar with Kaito that it made no sense for this light to even be here. That if this light was here… it was from the true culprit. Someone who wanted this game to continue. But there was no way to know what Maki was thinking. 

“It does seem strange.” Shuichi offered quietly, still trying to figure out why this was all happening.

“But our lost memories!” Tsumugi protested.

“I do want to remember more. I don’t want to be afraid.” Himiko commented.

“She’s right, we can’t turn away now.” Keebo agreed.

Maki was still frowning, but she muttered, “Fine. Do it then.” 

Shuichi bit his lip. There was no point arguing. If he did, it might seem like he wanted to stop them from stopping Kokichi’s plan after all. He didn’t trust what was going on, but he didn’t want his classmates staring at him with hate in their eyes. But that didn’t lessen the trepidation he felt as he looked at the light, wondering just how it would reignite this terrible game. 

Keebo picked up the light and flicked it on. That familiar sensation came over him. Overwhelmed with a bright white light. But there was something off about it this time. It was too bright. Like a spotlight, a strange artificial feeling. Names, faces, and events came pouring in. _Hope's Peak. Ultimates. The Tragedy. Hope. Despair._ But instead of sticking into his memories, sliding into place like a puzzle, these memories slipped through his mind like it was a sieve. Falling through. It felt both incredibly right, incredibly familiar, and also… completely wrong. It made his head ache like it never had before from the light. Sharp pain stabbing through his mind. The others were talking but he couldn’t process it. They seemed happier for some reason. Even Himiko seemed energized. And Maki… had stopped fidgeting. Her gaze looked steely and determined. _Why_? He can see the memories but he can’t quite catch on to any feeling from them. He felt nothing from those images the light had made appear in his brain. Not like the others did. His head still throbbed, he still couldn’t hear or understand the others. Not with his vision swimming and heart racing. This was bad. He doesn’t know how, but he was sure of that. _He needed to talk to Kokichi... even if it was stupid... even after all the things he had said._

He needed answers. Answers the flashback light couldn’t give him. Answers Kokichi might have. Answers that could stop this game from continuing. And so, he ran out of the dining hall. He thought he heard his name being called by the others but it didn’t matter. He needed to know. Before something bad happened. Before he lost anyone else. His feet carried him out to the courtyard and down the stairs. Miu’s lab. He never checked it again. And in some ways, this was the place where this all began. When he actually began to trust Kokichi. When he started to realize that this game was more complicated than he imagined. To end it, he had to outsmart it, to understand it. Something he still was not able to do. The lab was still as messy as he remembered but as he gazes around his eyes catch quickly on something familiar. The lurid pink hammers. The ones they had used to make it past those traps. He didn’t quite remember everything about how they work, but it didn't matter. He had to try. Maybe they could get him into the hangar... He threw one over his shoulder and sprinted out again. Running into the metal building, footsteps clanging as he went, not even bothering to be worried about passing the area where the exisals had been circling Monokuma. He had to make it to the hangar. The only place he could get answers.

But something was strange, there was no electric barrier. The door was just... open. _Something was not right_ … Shuichi stepped into the exisal hanger, greeted with a sight that immediately froze him in place. The hammer in his hand fell to the ground with a loud clang. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kind of a weird chapter since it was initially supposed to be part of the last Shuichi chapter so a lot of the stuff in Kokichi's room was expanded on more than I initially intended. But I still wanted to get in his current mental state and hopefully, his frantic thinking doesn't translate into something that's a pain to read. Sorry for two big cliffhangers in a row and being late on responding to comments. But I do promise to get the next chapter out pretty soon (most of it is already written) to resolve all of this going on. 
> 
> Happy new year all- thanks yet again for the kind words and support you all have given this fic it means a lot!!


	27. passion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> at least I didn't make you wait too long right?
> 
> cw: descriptions of blood, violence, and character death (if you want to be spoiled on who- feel free to skip to the endnotes before you read)

Ouma gripped down hard on his notebook. In it were the outlines of a plan. A plan that could make the most of this hopeless situation. An idea that had crossed his mind back when he realized something was off about Amami’s murder. One he never had the means to go through with until this place had opened up. It was a plan that he never really had the desire to go through with though even knowing that he could. A plan he never really wanted to come to fruition. It meant that he had to play this game in earnest to destroy it. He had already dirtied his hands in this game so… what did it really matter? There was no choice now. No regrets. He would use what he knew to end this game. Use its own rules to crumble it from the foundations. Create a situation that forced the game to end before reaching its bloody conclusion. 

He gestured for Momota to sit on the floor across from him near the press. They had left a trail of blood from the bathroom, but he wasn’t concerned about that. Sure the pain from his wounds ached but the knowledge that it was only going to get worse made it easier to ignore. Momota took a seat and Ouma sat the notebook and ointment bottle between where they sat cross-legged about a metre apart. He quickly explained the electro bomb, interrupting Momota any time he tried to ask a question. Momota seemed to be processing the electrobomb idea at least. He didn’t question the fact they were being watched too much at least. Momota nodding and watching him earnestly was a pleasant surprise at least. Good. He needed him to be agreeable for this next bit. He didn’t have time for silly lies or to sugarcoat things. Time was never on their side but especially not now. There was an expiration date on both the privacy afforded from the electrobomb and on their very lives as the poison would continue to creep through their veins. 

So he explained the press and the safety function and how the bomb would overwrite that. And then he told Momota how without the tiny cameras or Monokuma himself there would be no way to know what happened in here. And with that, they could create an unsolvable murder. One that forces whatever depraved assholes were watching this to admit that the game is rigged, that it didn’t follow its own damn rules. No one wanted a game like that. He could hear himself talking faster and faster as he finished his explanation, voice shaking slightly. 

“Okay… I guess I follow but what the hell does that mean for us?” Momota frowned, staring down at the items in between them.

Ouma replied, his voice growing more frantic, worried that the poison would start to kick in soon “You drink the antidote. They will all think you are dead because Harukawa-chan saw me drink it. But the trick will be I will go under the press so no one will be the wiser. You stay in the exisal, and use the voice changer function and ta-da! And all you need to do is get Monokuma to admit he was wrong in the trial… and this awful game will finally end.” 

Momota blinked at him in response, before pulling his hands up to protest, “Hell no Ouma. No fucking way I’m doing that.”

Ouma smiled tightly back, “If you don’t then your precious Harumaki will be executed, do you really want that Momota-chan? Do you really think you have a choice?”

“Of course I don’t want her to die! She's-- I-- No. I’m not killing you.” Momota shook his head. Stubborn as always, but Ouma would get him to cooperate. He had to.  
  
Ouma shouted back and Momota flinched, “Think for once in your goddamn life!” He was breathing hard now, and he could begin to feel pain radiate through his body, like tiny charlie horses in all of his muscles. 

The other boy paused for a moment, before muttering darkly in return, “You kept saying you liked this game and you were enjoying all this shit but you really do hate it don’t you?”

“Of course I do! Why would I like a game I’m forced to play? A game like this? I don’t want death and suffering… that was just a lie.” Ouma replied the honesty felt heavy on his tongue. 

Momota narrowed his lavender eyes at him, “So why’d you say that shit all the time? About enjoying all this. Watching us suffer. Saying you wanted all this to happen. Why are you such an asshole!?”

Tears came rushing to his eyes, stinging as they did, but he didn't fight them back, there was no time or energy to do that, “I had to lie Momota-chan. In order to survive. I had to pretend. So that I could do this. End it. And I won’t let you stand in my way. Not when I’m so close…” He gritted his teeth.

“Won’t this just continue it? It’s just another murder Ouma.” Momota replied coolly. 

“If you don’t drink this then the killing will go on until there's only 1 or 2 of us left. Is that really what you want Momota-chan?” Ouma narrowed his eyes, the salty tears lingering on his face felt like they were burning his skin. 

Momota picked up the bottle, “Ain’t this enough for both of us?” He just needed to drink, to agree. To commit. No more of this back and forth. 

Ouma shook his head, “I don’t know… It’s too risky. If we don’t take enough then we both die from the poison then little Miss Murderer gets executed.” He doesn’t mention what fresh hell he assumed the mastermind would put them through if both of them crawled out of here alive. As much as he wished that was the case, that this antidote could save them both… he doubted it. This game didn't offer second chances. No absolution. The fact there even was one antidote was a surprise. 

Momota coughed, blood trickling down his chin, “Fine. I’ll find another way… to save all of us.”

“Drink it. That’s the only way. Stop trying to play the god damn hero all the time and just do what I say,” Ouma glared at him, trying to sound imposing, trying to ignore the muscle spasms that were growing more frequent. Surely Momota felt them as well. 

“No!” Momota protested, wiping his chin, smearing blood across his face and hand. 

“So you are just going to die. A meaningless and pointless death. You must be the one who actually loved this game all along Momota-chan.” Ouma spat out his frustration growing along with the blinding pain. Why was this not working? Shouldn’t Momota want to play the hero? To save his precious Harukawa from certain death? Why was be being so stubborn?

Across from him, he could see Momota’s fists clenched at his side. His face contorted as he looked at the bottle. But he didn’t drink, he just pushed it towards Ouma. “No. I want to do this. This stupid and crazy-ass plan of yours. But you are drinking the antidote Ouma. Let me go under the press.”  
  
Ouma froze, “That’s not part of the plan Momota-chan.” He expected Momota to be reluctant, but this was a surprise. 

“It is now.” Momota looked imposing, even with the smeared blood on his face, determination in every word. How annoying. 

Ouma grimaced, “No… if you don’t drink this. Harukawa-chan becomes the blackened for killing us both and gets punished by Monokuma and dies. Or you do as I say and you and your little killer girlfriend live. There is no other plan.” 

Momota scoffed, clearly unmoved by the intensity Ouma had been trying to channel in his every word, “Do ya actually want to die Ouma?”

“Of course not.” He gripped down on his pants, blood from his wound spreading across the white fabric. “But don’t you think I deserve it after what I did to Iruma-chan and Gonta?” He added in a strained voice. 

Momota scowled, “Hmph maybe. Or maybe you should have to live and deal with your shit. Make up for all those times you were an insufferable asshole.” His words felt like another shot from the crossbow. Did he really think that was what he was doing? Escaping? There was no escape. Death was no escape. It was just… inevitable at this point. A necessity. 

“Perhaps you are the one who actually wants to die Momota-chan?” Ouma mumbled in return, he never thought he would have to deal with Momota begging to be the one under the press. 

“Hell no!” His shout turned into another sputtering cough, one that coated his white shirt in even more blood, “But I don’t think I’m getting a choice in the matter. You said it yourself, _this_ isn’t getting any better….” Ouma was pretty sure that was the first time Momota ever even so much as acknowledged that he was ill, ”Do you really think _this plan_ will work?”

“No one wants to watch a game where they don’t follow their own rules. But it doesn’t work if we do it your way idiot.” Ouma muttered, casting around for ways to push Momota back into doing what he needs him to do. To get him off this damn suicide mission he suddenly decided to embark on and switch up his plan. 

"Stop being so damn cryptic! I thought that electro-whatever meant whoever is watching this shit can’t hear us.” Momota frowned, clearly not totally understanding how this could stop the game, but it didn’t matter, he didn’t need to get it he just needed to shut up and listen. 

“It does. But you are annoying me because you think you can change the plan.” Ouma said through gritted teeth.

Momota pulled off his jacket with a wince, the poison must be kicking in for him as well, “Because my plan is better. And you know it. I thought you hated me, why are you so opposed to letting me be the one who dies?” Momota pulled off his shirt and began ripping at the sleeves. The other boy's now bare chest was smeared with blood from all the coughing. Ouma was beyond trying to figure at what the hell he was up to suddenly peeling off his clothes. He just needed to convince him to actually listen for once in his life. 

Ouma laughed, “Hate? You might annoy me Momota-chan but don’t flatter yourself. I don’t have that strong of feelings for you. I only hate whoever put us all here. Whoever watches this and enjoys this awful game. Not you.”

Momota wrapped one of the ripped sleeves of his shirt around the wound on his forearm, stopping the slow trickle of blood, “So then let me die. I told you I’m okay with it. Don’t think I have much of a choice in the matter anymore.” Momota gave a wry smile as he looked down at his handiwork. Ouma wondered if first aid training was part of his supposed astronaut training. Probably. 

Ouma’s face pinched, shaking his head as he choked out a response, “No! I… won’t… not again.” Momota watched him with a strange expression, before scooting forward. He grabbed his wrist with rough hands and began to wrap the other sleeve around Ouma’s wound.

“Huh?” Ouma looked down surprised. “What are you... “ He trailed off, still staring down at the makeshift first aid in the form of Momota’s t-shirt sleeve. 

Momota looked him dead in the eye, “You actually feel bad about it, don’t you? About what happened to Iruma and Gonta.” There’s a weird sort of softness in his tone that he doesn’t recognize. Nurturing. 

Part of him wanted to protest, to lie. He hated feeling this… vulnerable in front of Momota. Hated that nothing he seemed to say would get him to just follow along with the plan, “Fine. Maybe I do. All the more reason for me to be the one who dies.” He admitted lips in a thin line. 

“Hell no. That’s a stupid reason to die.” Momota punched his fist against his hand, but Ouma could see him straining to do so. His muscles must be aching as well. This poison was truly awful. 

“Are you of all people really calling me stupid now Momota-chan? We are going to run out of time. The bomb only lasts for a few hours. And this poison may be slow, but the pain will only get worse. Take the antidote.” Ouma pushed the bottle across towards him.

Momota pushed it back, “No.” 

Ouma shouted back, “Why are you being so god damn stubborn? You realize you don’t have a choice here. Are you really going to let us both die and let Miss Assassin get punished?”

“Because I know you’ll do this my way. You wouldn’t be arguing so much if you actually did not care if Harumaki got executed. So I know you’ll agree eventually.” Momota shrugged, smug and determined. 

Ouma rolled his eyes, spitting out bitterly, “I as good as killed two people and you think I am the one who should live. Do you have some sort of weird soft spot for killers just because your girlfriend is one?” God, why was Momota suddenly clever enough to call him on his bluffs? Where had this been in the class trials? Perhaps this stupid illness was granting him some sort of strange wisdom. Annoying. 

Momota bristled, at least he could still get some reaction out of the guy, “She’s not my--- and shut up. You don’t get to just die and escape everything. A mans gotta take responsibility. Own up to your shit. If you did all this crazy shit to end this game… you gotta actually see it through. And you gotta apologize to Shuichi.” 

Ouma glared before forcing a calm expression and tone back on his face “Fine. I’m done arguing with you.” A lie. He would just have to find another way. For now, he’d let Momota have his way. He had last-minute preparations and no more time to waste arguing with idiotic astronauts with stupid death wishes. The plan would go his way, he’d just pick another time to push Momota into doing things his way. 

The wannabe astronaut's eyes widened, “So we are doing it my way?” Ouma just glared in return and picked up the antidote sitting between them. They didn’t have time for all this talking. He would just have to convince him later. Once more he picked up the bottle and pretended to drink, setting it behind him so Momota would not notice the still full bottle. He pulled his notebook over to his lap and began writing. 

Momota however could not help but continue to interrupt, “Ouma. Can I see your notebook?”

Ouma looked up, “Why are you so obsessed with looking at my stuff? It’s not a diary full of my secrets for you to find out.”  
  
“Shut up. I wanna write something.” Momota grumbled. 

“Fine.” Ouma ripped out a handful of pages out of the back and pulled a spare pen from his pocket., shoving both over to Momota. The muscle spasms were getting more frequent. He needed to hurry. The scratches of both of their pens on paper the only sound besides the occasional grunts of pain that neither of them bothered to cover up. The spasming in his muscles got more and more frequent. He was almost done. Now he just needed to get Momota back on the real plan. His time here was almost up. His mind drifted to Saihara again. He wondered if he would miss him at all. Probably not. Ouma thought about their time together. Those stolen moments in the basement of the school before everything fell apart. That last kiss in the courtyard. Saihara’s soft lips and that pleasant fluttery feeling he could still feel the phantom sensation of everytime time he remembered it. At least if he was going to die, he could allow his mind to dwell on something happy. It didn’t matter that it was fake. Not anymore. But first, he had to deal with Momota. 

With a sly grin, he looked back over to Momota who was looking over whatever he had written on his spare paper, “You really want to go through with this Momota-chan? I thought you wanted me to die. You are the one who voted for me to die instead of Gonta.”

“I mean yeah that was fucked up and still kinda your fault… but…” Momota spouted angrily back before trailing off. “I was being stubborn. I was just pissed that Shuichi believed you over me. That Gonta would do something like that. But… I could have killed everyone.” Ouma was speechless. The poison must have done something to Momota’s brain if he was suddenly spouting out things like this. Momota laughed bitterly, “Some hero I was. Never really helped much when it counted. Getting scared shitless by ghosts and then being too stubborn to do the right thing. Like damn without Shuichi I would have killed us all. ” 

Ouma knew they were getting off track, but something about Momota’s earnestness threw him off. Was this some sort of deathbed confession? Must be. Not that Momota would be the one dying. “That’s Saihara-chan for you. He’s annoying like that.” Ouma said, rolling his eyes. 

Momota gave a half-smile staring at Ouma intensely, “You don’t mean that. Plus I think you and I might actually be kinda the same.” 

“Huh huh, are you calling me an idiot too Momota-chan?” He joked. But as much as he hated it, he might be right. Momota let his foolish trust lead the way. Trusting in his own ability to be the hero, trusting that he could take down Monokuma, trusting that all the others would support him, trusting he could stay alive to see it through. But not Ouma. Ouma doubted the others could ever see him as more than the villain, doubted his own plans so much he made backups upon backups, doubted the others ever being able to contribute or understand, doubting that working with Saihara would actually work. Saihara… if only he could have fully trusted him. Would he have been able to solve everything- to free them from this game before it came down to this? 

Momota and Ouma had both careened down their separate paths until it was too late. And here they were now. Bloodied and beaten. The consequences of their own stubborn pride. 

“Godamnit stop calling me that. I’m just saying… if I hadn’t gotten all jealous of Shuichi. If I didn’t want to be a hero so goddamn bad. Maybe…. I don’t know. Damn, I was so hung up on thinking I needed to protect him from you I followed you down here instead of just talking to him like a real friend should’ve.” 

“He doesn’t need you anyway,” Ouma muttered, but he wasn’t talking about Momota. Not really. The person Saihara didn’t need was Ouma after all. He could do this without him. He would do this without him.

He can’t tell if Momota was just wiser than he thought or totally oblivious. “Of course he does! Everyone needs support. Maybe you should stop trying to fly solo all the time Ouma. Shuichi is a good sidekick, a good friend. You should count yourself lucky if he wants to be on your team.” Momota’s cheery tone made his skin crawl. 

Ouma blinked rapidly. Was Momota actually right? Would it really have been better if he let Saihara in? Had it been a mistake to assume Saihara was better off alone? Not because of jealousy in his case but because he believed relying on others was a weakness. He had assumed the detective would have been spurned by his words to go and solve the case on his own, not that he’d come back. Not that he’d actually be upset that Ouma had lied and deceived him. But Saihara had surprised him. He had come back. He looked like he actually cared. But he couldn’t think about that. He had an unsolvable murder to set up. Getting distracted by thoughts of Saihara was not an option. 

He stood and Momota followed suit, folding the papers in his hand and handing them over to him, “Uhhh… this is a letter for Harumaki. Give it to her for me, yeah?”

Ouma put on a fake smile and agreed, shoving the letter in his pocket. Harukawa would never receive this letter. But Momota didn’t need to know that. Not yet. Trembling from the effects of the poison, he set up everything with the help of Momota. Momota frowned at him when he explained how the exisal worked and the voice changing function but didn’t complain. The jacket Momota discarded lay on the press. The camera was set up and angled perfectly to capture the crime. Everything was ready. Momota lay down on the press, coughing before giving him a thumbs up. Ouma pressed the start button on the press and camera, watching as it slowly went down before stopping both. 

It was time. Time for the real plan to begin, “Wait. Momota-chan.” Ouma climbed down the stairs and stood outside the press. “Switch with me.” 

Momota crawled out from the space remaining between the metal plates, “What the hell- we went over this. You drank the antidote. This is the plan now.”

Ouma grinned wickedly, “No I didn’t, I toooootally faked it! Plus you know it’ll totally make it more confusing just like I said before! And everyone would rather have you alive.” Saihara would much rather Momota be the one making it out of this awful situation. That was the undeniable truth. 

Momota shook his head, “Yeah but they’ll totally figure it out at the trial dude. I believe you can imitate me but I don’t think I can be your level of crazy even with that voice changer thing.” 

“Rude. I have the script right here. I know just how Saihara-chan thinks so I can totally guess enough to get you through. You kept interrupting me so it's not finished and you might have to improvise but I’m sure even your idiotic brain could pull it off.” Ouma pouted, pulling the notebook out and pressing it towards Momota. 

Momota grabbed the notebook and flipped through it. “I hate that I actually believe you did something so insane but Kokichi.” He winced at the sudden familiarity. Only an idiot like Momota-chan would start acting like friends before while making some sort of twisted murder-suicide pact with the guy who locked you in a bunker. “I’m gonna die no matter what. Even if I take that antidote. I was barely making it before the poison. You know that. It’ll be a fucking miracle if I even make it to the trial, making it all the way through one sounds like a stretch even for a hero like me.” Ouma’s jaw clenched, “This way I can go my own way and you can help me send a giant middle finger to whoever put me in here while I’m sick yeah?” Momota threw down the notebook as some sort of exclamation point to his stupid declaration. 

“God, you’re annoying.” He can hear his voice cracking. Why wasn’t this working? Had he really underestimated Momota’s stubbornness this much? He bit down on his lip, holding back tears of frustration. This was not how this was supposed to go. But he has no other cards to play. No other lies or manipulations to get Momota to do things his way. And the poison was likely only making whatever the hell he had worse. If Momota didn’t make it through the trial it would all be pointless. Somehow he was the one backed into a corner. He hated it. 

“Back atcha ya little asshole. Don’t forget my letter to Harumaki okay. And give Shuichi a big hug for me… tell him... I’m sorry and that I believe in him. And get out of this place as fast as you all can. Promise me that? You owe me that at least. You might actually be smart enough to pull it off.” Momota sounded cheery but Ouma heard him choke back another cough. 

“Yeah, yeah whatever I’ll stick my tongue down Saihara-chan’s throat and say it’s from you.” Ouma joked as he bit down on what little remained of his thumbnail, trying his best to not seem like he was touched by Momota’s words. Momota laughed but it quickly turned into a cough, “But… I promise I’ll end this....” Ouma agreed reluctantly, feeling as if he was finally admitting defeat. “You really aren’t boring Momota-chan.” 

“Can’t say I really understand you at all Kokichi. Even now. But you sure as hell aren’t boring, I'll give ya that.” There was something strangely fond about his gruff words that threw Ouma, the way his reassurance seemed to make the pain in his muscles momentarily fade. Momota then did something stupid and unexpected and pulled him into a tight hug. It was nicer than he expected, having someone so close in a time like this. It made him feel warm. Despite the fact he could feel just how cold Momota’s chest felt under his cheek. Colder than the press should have made it. The coldness of a body that was barely holding on to life. A body that was slowly becoming more a corpse than a living being. He shivered inside his arms at the thought. Dead bodies were bad enough but there was something even more unnerving about one that was clearly in the limbo between life and death. Even Momota’s eyes were glossy as if they were slowly ceasing to see the world. He deserved a real friend in his final moments. Deserved Harukawa and Shuichi holding his hands, letting him pass gently into the night. They could send his ashes into space or something dumb and cheesy like that. But no. Momota was getting unceremoniously crushed by a guy who teased him mercilessly and kidnapped him in a panic. Ouma returned the hug, wrapping his arms around Momota’s back. He really, really hated this game. He should have refused to let Momota get his way so that he could be the one under the press. That was how it should have been. As he pulled back from the embrace another cough sprung from Momota’s lips and blood flew between them. Kokichi couldn’t even process being disgusted at this point. There was so much blood already from the arrows. His and Momota’s. It didn’t matter. Momota laid back down between the metal plates with a large smile and Ouma felt a wave of sadness and begrudging respect. 

The least he could do was make sure this ended it for good. The unsolvable murder. One even the clever Saihara-chan cannot solve. But as he pressed the button on the press and camera, all he could think was _that should be me._ It all happened all too fast and painfully slow. His ears rang as he found himself choking back sobs as he pressed the button for both the press and camera once more. There was another hacking cough, the creaking of the press, the heavy sound of the plates colliding, and the awful liquidy sound he knows to be blood. He stopped the camera, avoiding looking at the scene in front of him the best he can. 

The tears obfuscate his vision as gripped hard on the antidote bottle still in his hand. Part of him wanted to just let the pain overtake him and slip away into the darkness. Join Kaito Momota in whatever afterlife existed. But that would have been a slight on Momota’s memory. He had a promise to keep. So he finally drank the antidote. It was thick and tasted like blood and he almost gagged. He was not sure if that was the actual flavor of the liquid or if his mind was screwing with him. All he could see was red. Blood oozing and pouring everywhere, making his head spin. It wasn’t the first time he smelled blood in this awful game but it was the first time it overwhelmed every one of his senses. 

But he couldn’t afford to stop. He had to finish the job. Ouma steeled himself, trying to ignore the aching in his muscles, his brain, his heart. He threw the blankets and pillow and food and all the other extras he had stolen away into the red exisal. Of course, there had to be clues left. They had to leave enough for Saihara to clear Harukawa’s name and force Monokuma to admit he had no idea what happened. An unsolvable murder. Honestly, even Ouma wasn’t sure. Did the poison or illness actually strike before the press? There was no way to tell. He thought he heard a cough before the end. He hoped that was it. That the virus or poison got to him before the metal plate. So he didn’t have to suffer. A kind lie to himself that he at least had not been the final blow in Momota’s life. That Kaito Momota had not been in pain as his life blinked from existence like a dying star. 

He picked up Momota’s bloodied shirt. He needed to get rid of it. He trailed to the bathroom, following the trail of blood. He grabbed bloodied arrows as he went, tossing them on the ground when he reached the bathroom along with the antidote bottle. That was fine. He looked in the mirror, grimacing at the face looking back at him. His white uniform was soaked in blood. Most likely some gross combination of both his and Momota’s. Momota’s other bloody shirt still sat in the sink. So much blood. His mind turned back to the press. His stomach turned and he choked down the bile in his throat. He can’t accidentally vomit up the antidote after all. Pulling off his uniform top he mashed it in a ball along with Momota’s shirts, casting around for someplace to shove the bloodied garments. The toilet. He shoved it down into the cold water and flushed, watching as the red-tinted water swirled as it struggled to wash down the clothes. He pulled the lever again and again until the clothes were out of sight and the water ran clear. 

Momota’s stupid space jacket lay on the floor, the spare he had brought him. He grabbed it, pulling it around his shoulders. It’s way too big on him. But it was comforting at least. Funny that he never considered Momota a comforting presence and yet being surrounded by his scent, warm inside his jacket somehow calmed him. Enough to at least finish what he started. Enough to keep his promises to Momota. 

He crawled into the blue exisal, his notebook, and camera in hand. First things first, he had to cut the cord for the press. Not that you would be able to identify a body. His stomach turned thinking about it. _Not like that_. He doesn’t think so anyhow. But there would be no chances. With the last of his energy, he used the exisal to sever the power cord to the press. And finally… he opened the gate with the remote. All that was left was to wait. Wait until someone found the scene. Wait until the class trial that would end this all began.

Ouma wrapped his arms around his knees, shaking inside the small cockpit, pulling himself in as if taking up less space would make it all hurt less. He’s not sure if it was from the poison or his body still trying to cry after having no tears left to cry. He faded in and out of consciousness. The pain slowly receded. The antidote must have worked. His muscles were no longer aching and twitching violently. The two wounds from the crossbow shots still sent periodic sharp pains through his entire body. The hurt was less physical now at least. But he still felt as if every bit of him ached. Emotional pain could manifest into physical pain, after all, he read that in some book once. Surely that was why it felt as if even his hair and nails were aching while curled up inside of that exisal cockpit. 

A sound finally drove him out of his stupor, metal on metal. He opened his eyes slowly. The view through the cockpit wasn’t the best. The glass was thick and made everything seem as if it was underwater or maybe he was still just delirious. Maybe he was just losing it. Ouma could see Saihara through the glass, staring at the press in horror, falling to the ground. Even blurry, the sight made his chest ache. He was reminded of when this all began. The secret of the outside world. He wondered what Saihara found worse. Surely it was this. After all… Momota looked dead. His best friend. But Saihara was smart. And while this was never how it was supposed to be. It wasn’t supposed to be him in the exisal… but now… the one thing that could have unraveled everything could now be a boon to his plan. The one thing that he worried would foil his plan could now be what made him succeed. Saihara was clever. He would realize that this was a trick. He understood Ouma far better than he realized, he would catch on to what the plan should have been. The plan that never happened. The final trick. And with that… he would finally make Momokuma admit defeat, he would outsmart the mastermind behind this, he would piss off whoever was watching this, he would end this game. 

After all, Ouma was doing this for him. For Saihara. For Momota. For the others that they could rescue from the clutches of this awful game. It had to be worth it. All of this pain. He closed his eyes and waited. Waited for the announcement for the trial. He had to be ready. It would take every ounce of cunning and deceit he had left in his body to manage this. But he could do it. He had to. 

_It would work. It had to._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry Kaito...
> 
> I mentioned going a different direction a few chapters back so now I figured I’d share what I meant by that. When I first came up with this whole idea, I intended them to be able to stop the game and prevent any of Ch 5 from happening. Which definitely is a best-case scenario and what I’d love to happen ideally but it just lacked meaningful conflict to drive some of the character/relationship development I wanted. I felt that it ignored Kokichi still being unwilling to fully trust and still being paranoid about retribution from the mastermind. That despite it being more than he was willing to do in canon, in some ways it was still just too little and too late to stop what both the game and he himself put in motion sadly. It also made it harder to incorporate Shuichi’s own tendency to please people and ignore other things by solving it without any real cost, especially in a canon-compliant situation. That's why I had both of them make a crucial decision that stopped them from potentially solving it before the hangar (Kokichi not going with Shuichi, Shuichi not turning down Maki right outside the girl's bathroom). This scenario also allowed me to include Maki and Kaito’s flaws and how they are dealt with. Ending the game early also made it hard to incorporate Kaito meaningfully and I think his character and what he stands for in the story is super important to both Kokichi and Shuichi. Killing characters for development is a cheap tactic I know but hey it's DR so it’s typical of the series. I honestly also had no idea how to deal with his illness without just waving it off so yeah… At least I felt like this gave him a chance to acknowledge his own faults more and end things with Kokichi on a more understanding note then it was in canon. Plus we never really got much of Kaito dealing with just how… messed up it would be to have been involved in that press deal so I wanted to explore just how traumatizing that would be from Kokichi’s POV (as terrible as that makes me sound). Too many characters die before they can really process and grow from what happens to them in these games after all. 
> 
> Oh and I’ve been using my writing tumblr again and remade an old side twitter so i can spam DR art there and not on personal. @alterofnaught for both. Thanks again for the support-- I really will get to answering comments now!


	28. confusion

Emptiness. That's all he could process. The moment he saw that press. All that blood. Every thought, every emotion, every feeling came rushing out of him and replaced itself with a raw sort of emptiness. His legs gave out, knees crashed onto the ground. But he felt nothing. What was there to feel? The supernova of thoughts and emotions that had been running through his mind had collapsed into a black hole sucking in everything until all that left was some sort of meaningless void. 

_Chaos and madness._

_Confusion and turmoil._

A voice sounds behind him. “No.” Maki must have followed him here. That made sense at least. Or maybe it didn’t. He wasn’t quite sure what made sense and what didn’t anymore. 

The clattering of running footsteps echoes behind him. That must be the others. That awful and familiar chime sounded. He could hear Monokuma’s voice. He doesn’t need to listen. He knew those words by heart. _A body has been discovered._ He looked behind him. Himiko, Tsumugi, and Keebo all stared at the closed press in horror. Maki was off to the side, her mouth in a thin line as she stared at the monitor. Everyone was here. Except…

Someone was dead. That much was clear from the blood oozing from the press. So much blood. Bile rose in his throat, burning as his stomach spun. Who was under the press? He forced his eyes to linger on the bloody scene. A flash of pinkish-purple hanging above the awful red splattered around. Kaito’s jacket sleeve. So was it… Kaito under the press… Did Kokichi murder him… Was that really the end of this? No… it didn’t make any sense. 

“Is that blood?” Himiko's voice was trembling. 

Tsumugi answered, sounding equally as shaken, “The body discovery announcement played… so does that mean someone is in the press?” 

“But who?” Himiko sounded even quieter. 

Keebo answered, “Kokichi and Kaito were the only two in the hanger so it must be one of them. And look at the press.” 

“Kaito’s jacket.” Maki's pointed out cooly.

“Then the one in the press is…” Himiko trailed off, looking as if she was about to throw up. 

Shuichi said nothing but he could feel the weight of Maki’s stare. But before they could process any more or ask any questions, Momokuma reappeared, apparently free from his sojourn surrounded by exisals. Shuichi paid him no mind. He doesn’t need to hear about how great the killing game is or be misled by Monokuma. He already knew why the robotic bear was here. It was time again. Time for a class trial. Time for the only time he was useful. Time to use his skills once more as the Ultimate Detective. Thoughts that slammed into his mind like a hammer, repeatedly banging on his skull. Punishment for ever having the hope that the game wouldn't continue. Punishment for thinking Kokichi Ouma would help lead them out of this hell. When in reality they had not even experienced true hell. Not like this.

“I thought the game was over. Do we really have to investigate? Will this game really continue?” Tsumugi cried out. 

“The killing game is continuing and Momokuma is still moving then that must mean…” Himiko muttered. 

Maki spoke up in harsh tones, “The mastermind, Kokichi is still alive.”

“Are we… sure?” Shuichi questioned, eyes still stuck on the horrific scene in front of him. 

“You would say that.” The assassin's gaze bore into him just like her words.  
  
He turned and stared back, “What does that mean?” The others were all now looking at the pair of them. But Shuichi couldn't bring himself to shirk away from the gazes. He doesn’t even feel that usual rush of fear from Maki’s intense and deadly stare. 

“Despair is contagious, isn’t it? Or maybe Kokichi wasn’t the only remnant here.” Maki appeared to be looking him over as if his appearance would solve her question. 

“What? I’m not-” Shuichi trailed off. What was she even talking about? Bits of the fragmented visions from the flashback light come to mind, words and images that feel out of place in his mind. Lose bits that don’t fit anywhere. 

“Save it Shuichi. Why would we believe you?” Maki replied swiftly, he’s never heard her sound that cold before. 

“We should still investigate and be prepared for the trial.” Keebo interrupted.  
  
Maki shook her head and stalked away, “Whatever.

Himiko gave him a wary sort of look, distrustful, “Maybe we should stay separate, to be safe.”

“Yeah…” Tsumugi echoed and her look seemed to match Himiko’s. So they finally were turning. He thought they would continue to believe him since they had after Kokichi’s little declaration yesterday, but that was clearly not the case. Keebo was the only one who seemed unaffected. He was merely looking over the area, frowning in confusion. At least there was one person not looking at him like he let them all down (even though he had). 

Shuichi looked at the Monokuma File. It didn’t tell him anything. Not even the victim. That was… strange. He bit down hard on his lip. He didn’t want to think about it. But he had to. He had to think about Kaito. Kokichi. What had happened here. The tablet shook in his hands. He can’t get distracted. Can’t let that voice in the back of his mind get the better of him. If they didn’t solve this correctly they would all die. That's how this game worked. The game he should have ended. Promises and deals weren’t enough though. He wasn’t enough. 

That sense of determination and clarity he could remember from the other investigations was gone. Maybe it was because he was alone this time. No Kaede. No Kaito. No Maki. No Kokichi. All gone or done with him. He couldn’t depend on their strength, wit, or kindness. He had only himself. And this terrible scene in front of him. A scene of despair. But he couldn’t let that win. Even if it might be easier, even if it seemed like the only option at this point. Letting the game destroy them now would only be a worse defeat. He can’t allow that. 

The numbness doesn’t go away but he steeled himself to look around the hanger. First, he noticed the cord for the press. Severed. Must be so no one could lift the press back up. He saw Keebo pressing buttons on the control panel. Shuichi called out and pointed to the severed power cord. Keebo seemed appreciative. For whatever reason he did not seem to share the hostility and mistrust towards him the three girls did. Keebo just seemed determined. Like he was the only other one who didn’t think this case was some sort of foregone conclusion. 

Shuichi approached the press as close as he could without stepping in too much blood. The acrid smell of blood on metal made his nose burn. Like he thought, that was the sleeve of Kaito’s jacket. But there was a small blood-stained hole on the cuff. Interesting. So there was more to this. Maybe there was something to this whole detective’s intuition thing Shuichi thought bitterly. He followed the trail of blood. It led to the bathroom in the back of the hangar. More blood was splattered around here as well. Shuichi should have been grossed out but the numbness seemed to be taking control. On the ground, he saw three bloodied arrows. Short ones that would fit a crossbow as opposed to a typical bow and arrow. His eyes caught on the black case pushed to the back of the room. It’s familiar. He’s seen it before. Shuichi unzipped the case and opened it to an unassembled crossbow. Hmmm… It seemed to match the size of the arrows but why would someone take the time to take it apart after using it? 

The door opened and Keebo walked in and started looking around as well. Although for whatever reason the robot seemed rather fixated on the toilet in the room. Shuichi didn’t see how that would have anything to do with the case. “Shuichi. Did you notice that the toilet was running?” Keebo addressed him. Still no sign of distrust and hostility in his tone. Keebo clearly did not seem to be bothered by him like the others.

“Uh, no,” Shuichi replied not really in the mood for looking at anything that wasn’t related to the case but now that it was mentioned he could hear the high-pitched humming of water running in the background.

“Hmm” Keebo evaluated the toilet before plunging his hand into the bowl. “Ah, it was clogged.” 

Shuichi looked at the wad of bloody white garments in Keebo’s hand, “Are those… clothes?” 

“I believe so.” Keebo laid out the clothes. Two of Kaito’s shirts with various bloodstains focused on the collar area (one of which was ripped at the sleeves oddly enough). And Kokichi’s uniform top and scarf. Kokichi’s uniform had a bloody hole in the sleeve and on the back. His eyes darted back to the crossbow shots. The size seemed to match up. He’d need to look at the sleeve stuck in the press again but he’s pretty sure it's the same. 3 holes. 3 arrows. That checked out. But it didn’t really explain what happened here. Not really. 

He cast his eyes around the room again desperate for something else to paint a picture of what had happened here. Eyes caught on a bottle that had fallen beneath the sink. Grabbing it, he noticed it was also covered in blood. The word ‘Poison’ was visible through the smears of red. He ran it under the sink, washing the blood off of his hands and the bottle. 

_Strike-9 Poison Antidote_

That must be from his lab. But why… just an antidote. There was no point to an antidote if there was no poison. So… The bottle was empty too so it either was used or discarded. There was nothing else inside the bathroom of interest so he left Keebo and went back into the hangar scouring the area for more clues. His foot caught on something that rolled away with a clang before running into the stairs for the hydraulic press controls. He picked it up. The familiar sight sent a chill through the numbness. An electro-bomb. The pin was pulled so that must mean… Kokichi had set this off. Just like before. To stop whoever was running this all from watching. But what did he not want them to see. He swallowed hard. Something was strange about all of this. 

There was nothing else in the hangar that seemed important. So he left, thoughts swimming through his head. Or rather more like turning viciously like the piranhas in the tank around Ryoma’s corpse. Viciously circling and tearing apart any hope he had remaining in this place. He needed to go to his lab. All he could do was focus on the next thing. Gather clues. Prepare for the trial. So he and the other can live, or something like that. His ankle twisted slightly as he left the hangar, looking down he noticed he was standing on a knife. Why was that there.... Two more were scattered across the floor. Another clue that made no sense. 

In a daze, as he made his way through the school, finally arriving at his own Ultimate Lab. He had not been here since he read that book...That detective novel that Kokichi had given him. He can feel that emptiness inside him curdle at the thought. The novel he read that made him think about detectives and phantom thieves and making things interesting and… playing along and kissing Kokichi. Something he should regret. Look back with anger. But all it did was make his chest ache. _Was he dead? Or had he killed Kaito?_ That's all he could focus on now. He can’t let his emotions distract him from finding the truth. 

He walked back to the cabinet. There were missing spots. But his eyes also caught on a bottle. Strike-9 Poison. The match to the antidote bottle he found in the bathroom. Picking it up, he looked at the liquid inside. It was no longer full. So it was used. So the antidote was likely used as well and not just empty. But… who? Why? He turned back and noticed that there were bottles on his desk. Other antidotes for other poisons. As if someone just grabbed a bunch before picking the one they needed. Weird. The poison was carefully suggested but getting the antidote must have been a rushed job. So were they not picked at the same time? And why was poison even involved? What use did poison have in a murder by a press? He thought back to the scene. The poison wasn’t carried directly to the scene if the bottle was here. So… the arrows… That would be an efficient way to get the poison into the bloodstream. Poison that was meant to debilitate before it killed you. Poison that killed you painfully. Slowly. Who would do that to someone? And why? 

The chime for the trial rang out. His stomach tied itself into knots. He really did not figure out much at all. All that he figured out was that this case was far more complicated than it looked. But if he made his way to the trial grounds, maybe one thing would be solved. Either Kaito or Kokichi would show up at the trial, right? 

No one spoke to him when he made it to the fountain. No one even looked at him. He didn’t really mind. All that bothered him was the lack of Kokichi or Kaito. The last person that should be there but… wasn’t. Something about all of this was strange. Something more than just a simple murder, of that he was sure. But no one else showed. And without a word, the five of them walked into the elevator, silent as it shook and descended down to the trial ground that was becoming all too familiar. The fifth class trial. It was all becoming familiar and yet each one continued to offer the worst kind of surprises. Surely this one would be no different. 

Monokuma explained the rules as always. Discover the blackened and they get punished or if they don’t the blackened graduates and the rest of them get punished. Those were the only options. There were no more Monokubs for silly asides any more. Only the cold hard truth. 

Keebo cried out stating that graduation meant nothing and they would find their own reasons to live. Shuichi was not so sure what that meant. He seemed way more self-assured as of late. Whether that was good or bad… he really didn’t know.

Maki glared at the bear, “So where is Kokichi? Shouldn’t he be here?”

Monokuma dodged the question, claiming this case had unique circumstances. Weird. But also unsurprising. The victim's identity was unknown. Just like it said in the Monokuma file. Was this just one of Monokuma’s little tricks to make the game ‘interesting’? The bear seemed excited enough at the prospect. The portraits of Kaito and Kokichi were both up, just like the other ones of their deceased classmates. Question marks painted over their faces. A mystery. Shuichi gripped down on his podium as he learned the final trick of this strange trial, apparently, either Kaito or Kokichi was waiting to jump in on cue. Hmmm….

The others began to talk. Immediately jumping to Kokichi being the culprit and Kaito the victim. The obvious answer of course. But… he wasn’t so sure. There was a trick to this whole thing. Of that he was certain. And if he knew anything about Kokichi’s tricks… they would not be so obvious to figure out. He had to find the truth. 

“We aren’t sure that Kaito is the victim. ” Shuichi added to the debate.

“You would say that.” Maki glared at him coldly. “But there is no denying Kaito is the victim. End of discussion.” 

“Yeah… why should we trust what you have to say? You probably want to trick us!” Himiko called out. 

“Why… would I want to trick you? I just want to be absolutely sure when we identify the victim. Our lives are on the line.” Shuichi responded, the numbness allowing him to stay calm. Maki shot him another dark look. Something was off about her. _She was hiding something._

“Shuichi is right. We need to determine the victim with the evidence we gathered so that we can make sure we pick the right culprit.” Keebo agreed. 

“But it’s obvious that it’s Kaito. Talking about it would just be a pain. We shouldn’t listen to Shuichi.” Himiko grumbled.

Maki’s lips were pursed but she said nothing. Something was up there. But continuing this discussion was the only way he could think to bring it out of her. They needed to figure out what went on in that hangar. Figure out who was under that press. Figure out why Maki was acting so strange about this whole thing. The conversation heated up. Tsumugi, Himiko, and Maki all arguing that there was no way that Kaito wasn’t the victim because there was no evidence. Shuichi countered it with the fact that Keebo had found Kokichi clothes with evidence that he had been struck by crossbow arrows. That seemed to cause some doubt to stir within Himiko and Tsumugi, but Maki was unswayed. Shuichi found it harder than normal to argue and present evidence. His tongue and mind felt heavy. 

Why was she so determined to believe that Kaito was the one under the press? Shouldn’t she of all people want Kaito to be alive? But she kept fighting back against the idea. No hope from the idea that Kaito might be alive, just determination that she already knew the truth of this case. A truth that Shuichi felt was far from his grasp. But the weirder she acted, the more she glared, the more he knew she was hiding something. He could see the whites on his knuckles as he gripped even harder on the podium, as if that was the only way he could keep himself upright. Kaito or Kokichi? Who was alive? Who did he even want to still be alive? Why… did either of them have to die… what happened… he was supposed to stop all this from happening… they were supposed to stop all this from happening. 

“Stop getting in my way. I have to defeat Kokichi.” Maki countered his reasoning about Kaito’s jacket sleeve. But that wasn’t the point of a class trial. Shuichi bit down on his lip as her face darkened, shadowed in a quiet rage. 

Tsumugi finally chimed in, “And there’s no way Kokichi is dead… this is his killing game isn’t it? If he died we plain wouldn’t have to be here.”

Right… The others still believed that lie. But there was no way that's true. Shuichi knew that. That was just another one of Kokichi’s lies. But before he could think too much on it, Monokuma called out for the last person to join the trial.

The elevator opened, but neither Kokichi nor Kaito walked out. Instead, an exisal leaped loudly out of the doors with a clammer. The blue exisal landed behind the empty portrait of Kaito. Calling out in his voice, “Oh man sorry for making you guys wait!”

 _What…._ The others all echoed his shock. Even Maki’s expression shifted as the voice from the exisal told them he had just been napping in the exisal. Casual as Kaito always was. So Kaito was the one alive… and Kokichi was…. A sharp pain shot through his chest alongside the relief of hearing Kaito’s voice again. But immediately another shot goes straight through his heart as a different voice comes out of the exisal. 

“Idiots! That was just a lie!” His insides turned as the floor shook, the exisal leaped over to where Kokichi’s podium was. “Did you really think someone like me would die? No way!” 

Maki’s scowl returned, “So that was just another trick. Were you in on this as well Shuichi? Tring to make us believe Kaito is alive just to make the despair of his murder even worse?”

“Why would I… I have no idea what's going on.” Shuichi’s voice cracked. Again with the talk of despair. 

“It doesn’t sound like Shuichi is lying,” Keebo commented.

“Fine. Then we deal with this lowly asshole first.” Maki’s gaze lingered on Shuichi for a moment before returning to the exisal. 

“Neeheehee, awww you are getting so angry over me. How cute.” Kokichi’s voice replied. 

Shuichi felt his hands shake even more as the voice continued. Kokichi… What… Was it even real? How had both Kaito and Kokichi’s voice come out of the exisal so clearly…

“Is that really you… Kokichi?” Shuichi muttered, trying his best to ignore the strange relief he felt in hearing his voice once more. 

“Sure is.” The voice from the exisal lightly replied. 

A flash of anger and frustration rushed over Shuichi. “Then show yourself. Stop hiding.” Shuichi snapped back, voice raised more than he expected. 

“Nooo way. This is for self-defense y’know. Killer girl would totally wring my neck if she could right now.” The voice replied. Maki’s glare seemed to confirm that fact. Shuichi bit down hard on his lip. The taste of blood almost distracted him as the voice in the exisal continued explaining that he brought evidence to prove his claims. A video camera. One he had seen in the warehouse all that time ago when he first crafted a plan to catch the mastermind. And now he was here. Watching the video of a hydraulic press slowly lowering on top of Kaito Momota. His friend. His own breath catching in his throat as he watched the blood splatter. Even with the low-quality video, he still felt like he was back at the scene. 

The air in the trial room grew heavier, the others gasping in shock. Tears formed in Maki’s eyes, but they didn’t quite fall. Himiko looked as if she was about to vomit. But Kokichi’s voice from the exisal continued on explaining the camera’s functions and how the awful video they saw was completely undoctored. Monokuma confirmed that fact after some prompting. It wasn’t the first time the exisal had addressed Monokuma. There was something strange about those interactions. The pauses before the bear replied. As much as the bear claimed to be in on all of this… Shuichi wondered if that was really the case. 

_But the video… if Kaito was the one dead… why… why would Kokichi kill him? Why would he continue this awful game after trying to stop it? It didn’t make sense. There was more to this. There had to be._

Keebo took charge of the conversation claiming that it was now apparent that Kokichi was the culprit. But Shuichi couldn’t allow the case to end so soon. Not when there was a chance they all could die if they got this wrong. His grip loosened on the podium, he had to solve this. He had to find the awful truth behind whatever twisted thing was going on here. Kokichi might have tried to leave him in the dark, but he would find the truth. No matter how horrible it was. 

“But why would the culprit just show us a video that would indicate them so easily? Doesn’t make sense to film it and just hand it over.” Shuichi countered.

“Welp. You got me. Guess I really screwed up. I’m the culprit.” The exisal with Kokichi’s voice quickly jumped in. _What…._ “I just thought it would make the trial waaaay more fun if I participated in the trial but I took the footage to show you all later if you got it correct. But aww man I slipped and gave it too early. How silly of me!”

“So it was you all along,” Tsumugi muttered, her eyes glazed over.

“We already knew that. And I won’t let you get away Kokichi. You wouldn’t break the rules of your precious game. The game your beloved Junko Enoshima created.” Maki stared down the machine.

The exisal stopped moving, “Who?” Shuichi struggled to find meaning in the name as well… The name sounded familiar. It was from the light, he thought. He can almost remember it. But every time he tried to focus too hard on it, it slipped out of his grasp like a wet bar of soap. 

“So then let’s vote!” Himiko called out.

“No! We can’t! Something isn’t right here.” Shuichi’s voice echoed across the trial room. “Doesn’t this seem weird? The culprit just shows up, doesn’t show their face, confesses and the trial ends?” Shuichi took a deep breath. The game was meant to be interesting, this didn’t fit. This was odd. “If this is a game… isn’t it supposed to be entertaining to the person who made it?” He was addressing the others, but he was talking to himself as well. Would Kokichi really just kill Kaito and confess all to have a short and boring trial. Maybe that would piss off whoever was running this, watching this… but would it really stop the game? 

“Kokichi did always talk about how this game was supposed to be fun…” Himiko muttered.

“Maybe he got tired of it. Junko Enoshima was always getting bored so maybe as a Remnant of Despair, Kokichi did the same…” Tsumugi added. 

_Despair… Junko Enoshima…_ Why did the others seem so convinced of that strange light? It hadn’t felt like the other ones and yet… was he really the only one who it hadn’t worked right on. Was all this stuff about despair and Enoshima as fake as the outside world? What even was real…

“That doesn’t make sense either. Why have a trial if he was bored of this game? Why even make a video?” Shuichi countered. He had to fight back. He had to know. “Something is weird here…”

Maki glared, “Stop trying to defend him Shuichi. I don’t know what Kokichi did to you but you are better than this.”

“Did to me…?” Shuichi echoed. 

“Clearly he wrapped you up in his own Despair. Just like Junko did to the remnants. Why else would you be defending him when it’s so clear he’s the culprit?” Maki coldly declared.

“I’m not defending anyone! I’m just trying to find the truth.” Shuichi responded. 

Keebo gave him an appraising look, seemingly unswayed by Maki’s declaration, “Are you saying you think the culprit is someone else Shuichi? Like one of us?” 

“One of us?” Himiko echoed.

“That’s not possible!” Tsumugi cried out.

“No! I just mean… You all seem to be trusting what Kokichi is saying way too quickly. It could be a lie.” Shuichi countered. 

“Yeah. Trusting in assholes like Kokichi is your job isn’t it Shuichi?” Maki replied darkly. 

“Neheehee seems like Shuichi is the distrustful one actually.” The exisal jumped in casually. “But he’s totally right, I’m not the culprit at all.”

Shuichi stared down the exisal, mind racing as it continued. Claiming that he was covering for the real culprit, that the video was just some ploy to make the game more interesting. But it still didn’t make sense. There had to be some end game. Some goal. Tsumugi and Himiko panicked. Keebo looked thoughtful. And Maki… stayed resolute in her claim. Which only reaffirmed his belief that she knew something. She had always looked over the evidence before jumping to conclusions in every other case. So why was this different? 

He needed to figure that out. Figure out why she was acting like that. So he brought up the safety function on the press. They didn’t know about the electrobombs. A lie of omission. But one that could hopefully bring out the truth of the scene that Shuichi still didn’t understand. The arrows and the poison. The others agreed. Bringing up the blood leading from the bathroom to the press furthered his point that the press might not have been the cause of death. 

“So then what killed him?” Himiko asked.

“There was a small hole in Kaito’s sleeve,” Shuichi said.

“How could a small hole kill him? Are you brainwashed that bad Shuichi? Even I don’t have a spell that can fix that.” Himiko argued. 

“No. Shuichi is right. There was a hole in his sleeve. As well as arrows and a crossbow in the bathroom.” Keebo countered. “We could conclude that Kaito was shot with that crossbow.”

“Oooh a crossbow! I wonder who shot him!” The exisal piped up, in Kokichi’s familiar excitable voice, “Just kidding, I already know of course.”

“He’s just playing with us.” Tsumugi pouted. 

Keebo straightened, “Then we will show him that playtime is over. We students of Hope’s Peak will never succumb to despair!” He exclaimed proudly. 

_Hope… Despair…_ Shuichi's thoughts scrambled yet again as he tried to plush pieces of that strange light into his mind. The exisal mirrored his thoughts. That made sense. Neither Kaito or Kokichi saw that light. 

“So Kokichi shot Kaito with a crossbow and then crushed him in the press. Nothing has changed. Shuichi has only managed to distract us. Do you enjoy this Shuichi?” Maki turned to him.

Himiko chipped in pulling her hat down, “Oh so is that why Shuichi is so useful in trials, does he just like despair that much? 

“Oh! That makes plain sense. A remnant would enjoy these trials.” Tsumugi added. 

Shuichi scanned the three girls staring him down. Keebo was still lost in thought. And the exisal… well whoever was in there he couldn’t see their face. Rage swelled inside him. How could they… his friends… think that he enjoyed this… enjoyed their suffering. 

His voice cracked as he loudly proclaimed, “Of course I don’t enjoy this! I hate these trials. I never wanted one to happen again. That's why I... “ he trailed off. No point bringing up the now-defunct plans he had with Kokichi. They were no longer relevant after all. “I don’t enjoy this but our lives are on the line. We have to find the truth.”

“Or maybe you just enjoy doubting your friends. _Detective.”_ The venom in Maki’s words shot right through him.

“Stop! We cannot fight like this! As the survivors of humanity, we must work together to make it through this! Let us all find the truth together.” Keebo exclaimed. He was getting even more and more… forceful. Shuichi chewed on his lip again, was Kokichi right, was Keebo’s strangeness an issue… He couldn’t think about that now. 

“Fine if Shuichi wants to suspect all of his friends then let him.” Maki looked down.

“You seem kind of on edge Maki… Is something wrong?” Tsumugi asked shyly, hands clasped together. 

“Of course I am. I’m trying to defeat the despair that caused all of this… and Shuichi keeps getting in my way. I will end this. I will defeat Kokichi.” Maki stared down at the ground as she spoke.

The exisal cut in, “Aww all this fighting is boring! You haven’t even figured out who shot Kaito.” 

“You did asshole!” Maki snarled.

“I’ve never used a crossbow. Wouldn’t know how.” The exisal replied in Kokichis’s laid back tone, the metallic arms moving in a motion akin to a shrug. 

“Was there even a crossbow in the hangar?” Himiko asked.

“Yes. A black bag with a crossbow from Maki’s lab was in the bathroom.” Keebo answered.

Himiko frowned, “Eww why do you keep bringing up the bathroom? Do robots even need to use the bathroom?” 

Keebo responded, “That is not important! We do not have time for your casual robophobia.”

Shuichi held his face in his hand, they were getting distracted again, “There was a crossbow case in the hangar. But it was not assembled. So I don’t think it was used.”

“First you say that the crossbow is important and now you are saying it’s not. Make your mind up Shuichi.” Maki angrily interjected. 

“I am not saying it isn’t important… But it would make no sense to take the crossbow apart after using it. They didn’t hide the arrows so it was no secret that a crossbow was used. What would be the point of taking it apart?” Shuichi offered.

“It’s Kokichi. Why should I know why he does the shit he does?” She spat in return.

The exisal chimed in, “Aww you know me so well! I do love doing things for absolutely no reason!” 

Shuichi decided it was best to just ignore the words coming out of the machine, it only confused him, “If it was Kokichi… it makes even less sense. Maki, you are the only one who knew how to put together the crossbow. Kaito asked you to teach him. No one else would have been able to put it away so neatly. Especially not Kokichi.”

_Silence._

“But if the crossbow wasn’t used, then what about the arrows?” Tsumugi asked. 

“There are other crossbows in Maki’s lab,” Shuichi replied. 

“No one else was there though…” Himiko muttered.

Keebo jumped in, “That is not true. I was in my lab all night and I witnessed both Shuichi and Maki enter the hangar.”

“What?” Both of them replied in unison. 

“Wow, that is suspicious!” Kokichi’s voice joined in. 

“So then are Shuichi and Maki suspects now?” Tsumugi questioned. 

“If it was a crossbow it had to be Maki! Right? So she’s the culprit” Himiko called out and Maki met her with a cold glare. “D-don’t make that scary face at me… I’m n-not gonna get scared.” Her pale clammy complexion told a different story. 

“With that logic, it easily could be Shuichi. He entered the hangar as well. And he’s the one working with Kokichi.” Maki replied coolly. 

Before he could interject that he had nothing to do with what happened in the hangar nor did he have any knowledge on how to use a crossbow, the exisal spoke up with Kokichi’s voice, “How stupid! Did you really think I’d work with a dumb-dumb like Shuichi? Can’t believe you actually bought that. You really are dumber than you all look.”

“So I was right… He just wanted us to doubt Shuichi… “ Tsumugi muttered. Maki’s lips tightened to a thin line. 

“Shuichi entered once and Maki entered twice after. So it would be strange if the culprit was Shuichi.” Keebo added. “Perhaps Maki brought Kaito a crossbow and then returned it... “ 

“There is no proof of that. Nor does it change the fact that Kokichi killed Kaito.” Maki countered. 

“So I’m still in the running for the culprit after all! How exciting!” Kokichi's voice chimed in gleefully. Shuichi still couldn’t parse just what the goal was here. But… he had to keep pressing. He had to find out why Maki was acting like this. The others seemed confused as well. But that was just as dangerous as Maki. If they were so easily swayed, they could all easily come to the wrong conclusion. And if they did… it would be over. 

“Keebo might be right. After all, someone must have shot Kokichi as well.” Shuichi offered.

“And what makes you say that?” Maki replied tersely. 

“Kokichi’s clothes.” Shuichi continued. “There were bloody arrow holes just like the one in Kaito’s jacket. On the arm and in his back.” 

Tsumugi tilted her head, “So Kaito and Kokichi both shot each other?” 

Himiko tugged at her hat again, “Nyeh, Kokichi might have stolen the crossbow from Kokichi… remember how he punched him? He was pretty speedy.”

Shuichi swallowed, that didn’t seem right. Even if Kokichi could steal the crossbow… shooting it was another matter. And there was another issue… 

Keebo seemed to read his mind, “It’s strange… None of those wounds are in deadly locations.” 

“So then why does it matter?” Maki was getting more and more defensive. 

“She’s right… Kokichi obviously killed Kaito so we should just vote. All of this arguing is getting really tiring.” Himiko agreed.

Keebo countered, “I don’t think we should be so reckless with our lives on the line.” Why was Maki trying to push forward the vote when there was so much they hadn’t discussed? She was hiding something. _Lying_. Something Kokichi was always quick to point out in trials. So why wasn’t he? Was that even really Kokichi inside that exisal? 

Shuichi took a deep breath. Steeling himself. He explained how he found the antidote at the scene. Explained how Strike-9 was a slow-acting poison found in his lab and there was liquid missing from it and that someone had gone through looking for an antidote. So it was likely that the arrows were actually poisoned and therefore didn’t need to be deadly wounds. The poison was deadly. 

“If the poison is from your lab doesn’t that just make you a suspect?” Himiko asked face pinched in confusion. 

“But the crossbow was from Maki’s lab…” Tsumugi added.

“The labs are accessible to everyone. I don’t think that is important.” Keebo countered. 

“Oh boy! Shuichi is a suspect too! It’s so much more fun when there's a whole bunch of suspects don’t you think Monokuma?” The bear didn’t reply to the Exisals query. 

Maki frowned, “Let’s just vote. I’ve had enough of Shuichi making up mysteries just to make himself seem important. We know what happened, let's just vote.”

“Hmm.. are you saying that mysteries aren’t important?” The bear finally chimed in, “Now that really bothers me, I am pretty invested in the whole entertainment value of this class trial so I reeeallly need you to think about things.”

“Is _he_ joining in? Himiko questioned. A fair point. Usually, Monokuma only interjected if addressed or to go on some useless side tangent. This seemed a bit more… pointed. 

“Can you all really say for certain that it’s Kokichi in the exisal?” The bear asked.

“We already finished that discussion,” Maki said with a frown.

The bear continued, “Didn’t we hear Kaito’s voice coming from the exisal?” He held his paw up to his mouth and tilted his head as if trying to be cute. 

The exisal jumped across the courtroom and began talking in Kaito’s voice. Claiming he was pretending to be Kokichi all along by using the voice changing function in the exisal. Saying he couldn’t get out because he was too injured. Shuichi took a deep breath. Maki snarled as the exisal with Kaito’s voice affectionately called her Maki-Roll, refusing that it was him. She was far more insistent than the others. They seemed content to believe that Kaito was alive. That was the truth they wanted. Shuichi didn’t know what truth he wanted. There was no reason to believe Kaito was alive. The video showed as much. He should believe that. Did he only want to believe that Kokichi was alive because he still wanted answers, wanted closure? No… he wanted them both alive. But that was not the case. 

The exisal hopped back over and began to continue to goad Maki in Kokichi’s voice. The truth… it was somewhere hidden in whatever Maki was hiding. No more distractions. Shuichi shook his head and continued the argument from earlier. Ignoring Monokuma and exisals interruption he cycled back to the issue of the poisoned arrows. He pointed out that Maki was familiar with the poisons in his lab from her inventory. And not only that the antidotes being laid messily on the desk meant that it must have been in a rush to grab one… and Maki was the one who had entered the hangar twice. Her frown deepened, as the others' mouths dropped open. He doesn’t really pay attention to what they say or even the exisals interjections, his eyes on Maki. 

“Shuichi stop whatever this is…” He could see her fists clenched by her sides. 

“Then explain why you went to the hangar twice,” Shuichi replied.

“That is really suspicious....” Tsumugi commented.

Maki growled, “And why don’t you explain why you went there Shuichi?” 

“I was trying to stop… whatever was going on.” Shuichi grasped at his uniform. The others stared as the two continued their battle. 

“And you sure seemed eager to run there this morning, so are you the one hiding something?” Maki countered. “After all you probably lied about losing the remote. You probably gave it to Kokichi willingly.”

“Why would I do that?” Shuichi asked.

“Ohh this remote?” The exisal delicately held the tiny remote in its hand-like claw, “the one I stole from Shuichi?” Maki bit down at her lip. 

Shuichi clenched his fists, “Maki… I don’t understand why you are acting like this. I’m on your side. I only want to find the truth so we can all live. I don’t want to fight… Kaito wouldn’t want that!”

“Bold words from someone who doesn’t even care he died,” Maki muttered darkly.

“Of course I do!” Tears flowed down his cheeks, “I didn’t want to lose anyone else. Especially not Kaito. He was...is… my best friend. You and him… mean so much to me. And I promised him I wouldn’t give up. That I would protect everyone. He believed in me… he believed in you too Maki.” Maki stared back. Less hate in her expression, but still completely unreadable. The room fell silent for a loaded moment. 

Keebo spoke up, “We still need to find the truth of this case. Maki being the culprit seems to explain the oddities with the crossbow. She knows how to use it, knew about the poison, and her going twice would make sense if she also brought an antidote…” The others questioned that new development but he didn’t pay them any mind, he was still watching Maki. She seemed to be deep in thought, her red eyes looked wet with tears. 

“You made up with Kaito?” Maki addressed Shuichi ignoring everyone else, her voice soft as she tugged on her hair. 

“Yeah…” Shuichi looked down, remembering the conversation that could have been their last. 

Maki closed her eyes and announced to the group, “I killed Kaito.” 

“ _Oooh,_ what's this? Is the assassin admitting she is the culprit after all?” Kokicki’s voice called out excitedly out of the exisal. 

Maki glowered at the exisal but her face quickly fell, “This… isn’t what Kaito would want. So..."

“Please Maki… just tell me the truth.” Shuichi pleaded. 

With a sad sort of sigh she began to talk, her voice raspy. She explained how she was planning to wait outside of the fortress to catch Kokichi if he left. That she prepared the arrows so she could get answers out of him, to find out why he did this. But she saw Shuichi leave the hangar as she approached with the tools from the Ultimate Labs and she was angry. Angry that he had betrayed her and Kaito to work with Kokichi. So she entered herself. She saw Kokichi through the bathroom window but quickly left. She was too short to properly aim a weapon through the window and if she missed… he could kill Kaito. And in her frustration, she ran out to the door, but she didn’t have the code so she chucked knives at the door, and to her surprise, it opened. She explained the scene. Explained how she shot Kokichi to get him to talk and when he wouldn't shot again and Kaito jumped in front of Kokichi to take the poisoned arrow. And so she had run to his lab desperate to save him, and then… Kokichi drank the antidote reminding her that she would pay the price for the murder in the class trial. Shuichi processed her words as she spoke, the others in rapt silence as well, even whoever it was inside the exisal. Although… after hearing that Shuichi thought it really must be Kokichi after all. 

“I… killed him. I was so mad… that he was gone. That you…” She looked at Shuichi, “Betrayed me… us….But if Kaito believed in you. Then I have to. No, I want to believe you. Even if it means I have to die.”  
  
“But why did you hide this?” Shuichi asked.

Maki shook her head, “I planned to just kill Kokichi the moment I got a chance before this trial ever happened. But then… we got the flashback light. And I remembered everything. About Hope’s Peak. And then when the announcement played, I knew what I had to do. I had to destroy Kokichi. Destroy despair. Even if it meant sacrificing everyone else. For hope. Kaito’s hope.” 

“Despair… Hope….” The exisal muttered, but Shuichi wasn’t sure anyone was really paying attention. They were all watching Maki, who was shaking with emotion. 

“What made you change your mind?” Shuichi questioned. 

Maki bit down on her thumb, “Kaito would want me to believe in you. He wouldn't want me to do this. You reminded me of that Shuichi. You should be the one to give everyone hope. So let's just vote… ”

“No!” Shuichi countered.

Maki looked down, “Why…. you know the truth now.”

Shuichi shook his head, “I don’t… think we do… All this about hope and despair… There’s still something missing. I know it. We can’t vote yet.”

“Soooo mister detective really wants to keep this going? Can’t say I mind, it does make the game so much more interesting.” The exisal chimed in, after being silent for so long.

“Shut the hell up you fucking asshole,” Maki yelled. “This is your fault!”

The exisal called callously back, “Really? Because I wasn’t the one who put poison on arrows or shot two people last time I checked.” 

Maki bristled angrily back at the machine. Himiko, Tsumugi, and Keebo began questioning whether they should just vote or not. As chaotic as this whole thing had been, it wasn’t over. Shuichi knew that much, He still had questions. Questions he refused to let go unanswered. 

“Even if Maki shot Kaito with the arrow. We can’t forget about the hydraulic press.” Shuichi said before he explained the bomb he found and how it could have overridden the press safety function. Explained that it was something Miu had made, the same bomb Kokichi had on hand the night he had given them the details on the Gofer project. The others mumbled in response, questioning if they could even really know what killed Kaito. But the more they all talked the muddier it all became. There seemed to be no way to know for sure after all. No one else had been there to know it was the poison or the press. Shuichi couldn’t think of anything. They could talk all day but it wouldn’t solve anything. 

“There’s no way for us to tell what actually killed him. There is no evidence pointing to what killed him.” Shuichi concluded, the others looking as frustrated as he felt. 

“If you say so… I think mister detective is still missing out on things. Guess you aren’t that good at mystery solving after all.” The exisal called out. 

Was… Kokichi trying to help him? That was a dangerous game. He knew that. But something about this was weird. 

Shuichi’s hand flitted to the front of his face while he spoke. “Is there... Or did you just try and create an unsolvable murder?” 

“So he’s just plain messing with us?” Tsumugi asked. 

Himiko agreed, “Sounds like Kokichi.” 

“How dare you--” Maki muttered darkly. She still seemed shaken from her own confession, skin paler than normal, her threat carrying less malice than before. Even if she had tried to kill them all, Shuichi felt bad for her. This game was a curse on them all, turning them into the worst aspects of themselves. Even if he should be angry and resentful… he’s not. He’s tired. Tired of the people he cared about being twisted by this awful game. It was the same sentiment that caused him to trust Kokichi in the first place. Perhaps he was a naïve fool. Thinking it was all the game's fault. But there was no point in questioning that anymore. All he could do now was find the truth. _Right_?

“You all know me so well. But do you really think we should just vote now? Not that I care either way. Seems a bit boring and anticlimactic if you ask me." The exisal teased, but Shuichi felt as if there was some truth to those words. As ironic as it was for there to be truth in a voice that sounded like Kokichi Ouma’s. 

“I think… there is something we are missing. There’s something weird about that video.” Shuichi said. And so Monokuma played it again. Without the shock of seeing that awful press crush a body into nothing, it’s easier to see. Easier to tell that there was a brief pause as the press lowered. Strange. So he brought it up. Arguments circled but Shuichi knew it meant something. So he pressed on. The others seemed confused but he continued on regardless. The strangeness of it all seemed to make sense. The press stopped because the deception was more than just how the victim died but who it was. There was no reason for it to stop if there wasn’t a switch. No reason for the film. That had to be it. It was all an elaborate set-up. To fool them all. _But why… he still didn’t know… why was that part of the truth still such a mystery…_ If he could see through the tricks in this case, why did he still not understand that? If Kaito worked with Kokichi, there had to be a reason. Instead of everything becoming more and more clear, it still felt like he was stumbling through this case, dragged through the murky insanity of it all. Staggering along as fast as he could to reach the truth. The truth of the case. The truth that the real deception here was that Kokichi had switched with Kaito in that press to fool them all. And that Kaito was the one still alive. A plan only Kokichi Ouma could have come up with. But one where the both of them had to have worked together, had to have cooperated. 

“As much as I want to believe you Shuichi…” Maki tugged at her hair, “It doesn’t change the fact that Kokichi drank the antidote.”

“He could have faked it. It would be hard to tell through that window.” Shuichi countered. “He could have used the antidote as motivation to go through with this plan.” 

A flash of hope came over her crimson eyes… "So could Kaito… no… could this really just be some elaborate setup?” Maki questioned. 

The exisal called out gleefully in Kokichi’s voice, “Neeheehee you got me. I just wanted to make this game as fun as I could! Isn’t that right Monokuma?” Shuichi bit down on his lip, could that really be Kaito? It was hard to tell. Sometimes it really didn’t sound like Kokichi. Something was off when the exisal spoke in either voice. Neither felt like the Kaito or Kokichi he thought he knew. The exisal jumped back and spoke in Kaito’s voice, “It is pretty damn hard to tell right? But you should know.” 

“Huh?” The bear looked down at the exisal. He looked… unnerved, nervous. What was that about? Even Himiko pointed the strangeness out. 

“I mean you do know who the culprit is? Riiiiight?” The exisal jumped back over and teased in Kokichi’s voice. 

The robotic bear headmaster stumbled. And something clicked. This wasn’t a trick just for them. This was a trick for Monokuma. But why? 

"Why are you treating this like some sort of game to win?" Keebo asked. 

“A game? Of course, it's a game. Of course, I want to win. But winning against all you losers means nothing. I want to win against Monokuma! That is the true victory!” Kokichi’s voice rang out across the trial room. Chatter erupted as the robotic headmaster grumbled menacingly. 

Maki frowned unaffected by the declaration, “So who… are you? Kokichi... or Kaito?”

“It only makes sense… if it’s Kaito.” Shuichi reasoned, but despite thinking that… he didn’t feel confident in that answer at all. It didn’t feel like the truth. But all the evidence led him there. Faith in his own deductive abilities had never led him astray before. He had to believe in that. 

The exisal jumped back to Kaito’s seat, “Guess the game is up. Sorry, Maki-Roll. I didn’t mean to mess around so long but I had to try and trick you all if I was gonna get that damn bear. But my sidekick was just too smart after all. Should have known.” His friends' familiar voice echoed out of the exisal. 

“Kaito…” Maki called out. “Is it really you?”

“Yep. Kokichi told me we could fool Monokuma like this but I should have known with Shuichi on the case that never would have worked. My bad.” Kaito’s voice admitted sheepishly. 

The truth. He found it. But it was accompanied by yet another nasty realization. He was never supposed to reach the truth. Kokichi must have set this up. Set up his own death to trick Monokuma. To win this game. That was all he ever wanted after all. It all made sense. Kokichi must have always had another plan. _One without him._

Kaito was the one in the exisal. It had to be. But… Shuichi messed up. If Kaito worked with Kokichi to create this strange scene. One that even Monokuma could not even figure out. That’s what this was about. Kokichi… died to stop the game… to fool Monokuma. He doesn’t quite get how he would get Kaito to agree to all this. How Kaito could act so easily like Kokichi but… At the same time, it’s exactly the kind of thing Kokichi would plan out. Overcomplicated. Convoluted. Something to end this game. Something Shuichi was not good enough to do. Kokichi said he would stop it. And this must have been his plan. One he never would have told him. And now he messed it up. He would get Kaito caught after executing this elaborate lie. He had to stop it. He had to trust Kokichi’s plan. Trust that Kaito believed in it. He wondered when Kaito agreed to this… was that why he said he didn’t need help? He couldn’t question that now he had to stop the vote. To lie and get everyone to vote for Kokichi instead. That’s what Kaito would want… time was rushing past as fast as his mind. _What should he do?_

Shuichi cried out, “Wait I didn’t tell you all something! I saw---” But before he could attempt to lie to salvage this. To help Kaito with this bizarre plan, the exisal interrupted.

“Shuichi stop. That’s not how this _game_ works.” It’s Kaito’s voice, but the emphasis on " _game’_ made him pause. _Was it not Kaito inside the exisal after all?_

_Kokichi…?_

The bear gave him a look but Shuichi just looked down at the screen, pressing the button with Kaito’s face. Shuichi was angry, confused, but also kind of hopeful… maybe… this could end it. He hoped that through all the layers of deception he at least made sure this worked. He had to believe there was a reason behind this. That if Kaito really was dead… that it wasn't for nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully this turned out okay. It was a struggle and that's why it took so long. Trying to work in the changes of this canon divergence into this wild ride of a trial was a challenge. And just agonizing over keeping Maki and Shuichi in character. Hopefully they are. Her being driven by emotion and Shuichi being very oblivious still happened in canon of course but translating that to this story was hard. But by far the most challenging bit of this story for me to write and I can only hope it came out decently enough. Next update probably won’t take as long since I am much more excited to write out what happens after this and I hope you all are as well. Thanks for the kind words/comments/kudos. I know I didn’t get to all of them but life has been a bit chaotic lately. 
> 
> But hey this is done and hopefully my editing is alright and there aren’t too many issues (I hate proofreading). One day I’ll go back through everything in this fic and fix up any typos or weird phrasing but that's for another time!


	29. chance

Ouma thought that pretending to be Momota would be the tricky part of this whole deal. Imitating the wanna-be astronauts' hot-headed and dumb way of speaking should have been a problem. And it definitely wasn’t easy. Just not for the reasons he thought it would. The crazy part was it made him miss Momota. His stupid reckless positivity could really do him some good in the trial. It was a precarious game making sure Saihara figured out enough but not too much. The audience needed to see that the rules were being broken. If they just concluded that he killed Kaito because it was the obvious answer, they would just execute everyone and claim Harukawa as the true killer. If they concluded it was Harukawa, then she’d likely just be executed as normal to keep the illusion of Monokuma having control over this game. No... Saihara needed to lay out enough of this case. To figure out his plan. The one that never happened because of stubborn Momota. As long as that happened, he’d beat them at their own game. 

Even if mimicking Momota came easier than expected, it didn’t help him all that much. Turned out being himself was the real challenge. Playing up the persona he had oh so carefully crafted was exhausting. Before it was easy, just another lie to lead the others into not trusting him. But now it was an effort. Being carefree and playful when all he wanted to do was collapse inside the exisal and sleep off the pain. But he had to do this. Had to play his role and nudge them in the right direction, to keep Monokuma in check. He had a game to finally win. To finally end this.

He closed his eyes when the video played. He couldn’t bear to see it again. Couldn’t bear to face the reality of what he agreed to. Couldn't bear to be reminded that Momota was gone and for good. But he couldn’t dwell on it. Not when everything was so strange. The atmosphere in the trial room worried him. 

Clearly, something had changed after he had met with the group yesterday. That much was obvious from the get-go. The girls were being strangely wary of Saihara. Of course, he had planted that seed of doubt himself, but it seemed odd. Off, like there was something he didn’t know. He expected Harukawa to be acting strange. She came in ready to lie. Ready to save her own skin from what she did. All he can muster towards her is a hollow sort of anger. He never expected anything better after all. How could he trust someone who did not respect the preciousness of human life? Although, his hands were far too bloody for his own liking. Was that really the cost he had to pay to end this game? The lives of people he actually, despite everything, enjoyed being around.

And what was left… Saihara. He may have been his favorite but… that bridge was gone. He had torched it himself. And would he ever really forgive him for being involved in this. For essentially killing his dear Momota. No. Kindness had its limits after all. And no matter how kind Saihara was, this certainly crossed a line. It’s painful watching him. Watching as the others attack him, question him, all while there's pain written on his face. But he can’t slip and let his affection for Saihara cloud his judgment. Saihara was unpredictable, hard to figure out, and as much as he liked that about him- it made him dangerous. Even more dangerous than Harukawa in some ways. 

The script was sort of useful at least. Of course, it didn't match up to the conversation entirely but it allowed his brain to rest some. To try and parse the words being tossed around. To analyze the situation. That was the only way he’d be able to keep the façade up. _Hope… Despair… Junko Enoshima._ The words are familiar but he can’t quite place them. Not as familiar as they seem to the others though. It bugged him. It’s something he knows but they shouldn’t. He knows that. But he doesn’t have time to remember, time to think on it long enough to connect just why those words rang familiar in his brain. 

He has a part to play in this trial. Swapping places in the room. Playing both the role of Momota and Ouma. Goading Monokuma, Spurring on Saihara. And it was working he thought. Slowly they were putting the pieces together. Even ones he wasn’t sure that they would. A precarious balance of making sure that this trial revealed enough to this awful audience so that the trick would work. 

And it did. They slowly make their way through the case. Realizing there was a trick. Saihara knew him well enough clearly. He knew there was something more. Which was both a relief and somewhat disheartening all at once. He wanted Saihara to understand him, not just the façade he put up. Not that it mattered anymore. All that mattered was them getting the right answer. And by the way, Saihara was now looking at the exisal… Ouma was pretty sure he had figured out the plan. Well, the original plan. The one where Momota was alive and well inside this exisal. Which was fine. A relief even. Ouma wondered if Saihara would have figured it out with Momota here, reading this script. No way to know. But at least he was able to lead them down this twisted path. 

Monokuma seemed to buy in as well and announced it was voting time. Ouma sighed in relief. He pulled it off. Actually acted like Momota enough to make them all buy this. Acted like himself but not quite to make it believable that it was not actually Ouma in here. Maybe feeling off was actually perfect for the plan. Maybe not being quite himself after everything was actually exactly what he had needed to pull this off. A relief, because all Ouma wanted to do was leave this exisal and collapse. Thoughts that were interrupted by another potential fly in the ointment. 

Saihara called out and he panicked. Saihara must have picked up on the plan. Like Ouma thought he would. He must have realized that the point was to trick Monokuma. Of course, he did. But he had figured out Ouma's initial plan, not what it had ended up becoming. He still thought it was Momota in here. And that wasn’t good. But luckily the bear was on his side. Hilarious. He stopped Saihara before he could attempt to overturn the vote with what Ouma was sure was some sort of awful lie. A look of understanding flashed across the detective's face. His pointed statement about games must have gotten through to him. Made sense, even as flustered as Saihara was, he was still rather intelligent. 

The results played on the screen. They all voted for Momota. He’d done it. Hopefully. Now just to push the bear a little farther. “Well, Monokuma are you gonna tell them they were right?” The voice coming out of the exisal was still Momota’s. “What sort of punishment do you have for Kaito Momota, Luminary of the Stars?”

He’s met with quiet. The robotic bear unmoving. His other classmates just watched him in the exisal. Harukawa’s face was full of emotion. So she suddenly cared about the loss of human life when it was her precious Momota huh? Keebo looked confused. As did Yumeno. Shirogane was staring off in the distance in that weird way of hers, zoning out thinking about how this was like some anime she’d seen most likely. And Saihara… was the only one staring at Monokuma and not the exisal. 

“Did we get it right?” Saihara questioned, his voice tight. 

“Just get on with it, Monokuma. I ain’t got all day.” Momota’s voice chimed in. Ouma’s jaw clenched, waiting for the answer. Hoping that his deduction about following the rules would pay off.

The bear grumbled and showed his knife-like claws, “Don’t make me tear you out of there Momota-kun.”

Ouma was a bit concerned about that threat. After all, he may have the remote but he would not be surprised if that could be overridden. “I’ll come out! Just tell ‘em they got it right first. They gotta know they voted right first. I won’t back out of my punishment. I’ll take it like a man.” 

Saihara continued to stare down the bear as the others began to mumble worriedly, “Just tell us… did we make the right choice?”

“Of course ya did Ultimate Detective.” Monokuma answered after way too long of a pause, Ouma was pretty sure he forgot to breathe, “The blackened is Kaito Momota. The Ultimate Astronaut.” There’s a twitch in that sadistic smile on the bear. _Got him._

“So Momota-kun will be punished for Ouma-kuns murder, right?” Saihara answered. The others gave him strange looks in turn. But they couldn’t let Monokuma, or the mastermind, take control of this confusion. As precarious as the trial had been, this was even more of a tightrope act. Hopefully, the audience craved structure as much as he hoped they did. Although, he couldn't help but wonder just how Kaito would have handled this. He never got to this part of the script, after all, this was supposed to be on Saihara… but Momota had the tendency to steamroll things, unfortunately. A wave of nausea came over him as he thought about Momota. Thought about his last moments. Not now. He could mourn later. 

“Of couuuurse. That’s how this game works after all. You did read the rules right Saihara-kun? This is the 5th trial you shouldn’t have to ask such stupid questions and piss me off!” The bear responded. 

“Just making sure,” Saihara responded, his face blank. Ouma could not help but feel a bit pleased with how well Saihara was playing this game. How well he had adjusted. Even after being tossed about like a rag doll by everyone, he still managed to hold his head up and try and save the situation. Even if their deal had meant nothing in the end, Ouma had been right. Saihara was useful. The perfect person to help ensure this awful game ended. 

“Whatever. This is getting way too drawn out. This exisal schtick was exciting but now I’m bored with it Momota-kun. Get out already before I explode the damn thing!” Monokuma exclaimed.

The hatch released with a slight high pitched whine, the cockpit now open. Ouma grinned devilishly, kneeling on the seat and leaning over the edge of the open cockpit. “But Momota-chan isn’t in here.” Everyone but Saihara exclaimed in shock. The detective just watched the situation unfurl, his fists clenched at his side. Harukawa’s look of sadness changed to something far more menacing. 

Ouma exclaimed in a voice as playful as he could muster, “Guess you were the one wrong, Monokuma. Does that mean you get punished? Cause I totally wanna see that!”  
  
“Me? Punished? But I am the whole reason everyone is here! Punishing Monokuma wouldn’t make anyone happy!” The bear glared at him menacingly, “And I didn’t commit a murder. You did Ouma-kun.” 

Ouma's voice darkened, “Did I? Do you have proof? Last time I checked you said Momota-chan killed me.” 

“I thought Ouma was controlling Monokuma… I’m confused.” Yumeno whined looking back and forth between the two. 

“Yeah! Ouma-kun is a remnant of despair. Right? He has to be the mastermind controlling Monokuma.” Shirogane echoed. 

“Are you all still on that? No one controls the one and only Monokuma. I have nothing to do with Ouma-kun, you all decided that on your own.” Monokuma brushed that off quickly and Ouma watched as everyone besides Saihara processed that information. “More importantly… there needs to be a punishment since a murder occurred. That is how a killing game works.”

Keebo spoke up, sounding suddenly hesitant, “But the rules stated that we vote on the blackened for the murder and you confirmed that we were right. So… it would not make sense if you didn’t even know what crime occurred.” 

“You were wrong about the murder and that was not part of the rules. A killing game also has to follow the rules right Monokuma?” Saihara asked, almost taking the words right out of Ouma’s mouth. 

“Yes yes the rules are important Saihara-kun, why do you keep bringing them up?” Monkuma grumbled. “Doesn’t change that Ouma-kun still needs to be punished for what he did to poor Momota-kun.”

“No.” Ouma’s shock almost sends him collapsing back into the exisal as Harukawa stepped in between the exisal and Monokuma. “You won’t tarnish Momota’s memory by continuing this.”

“Huh? You just wanna kill him yourself don’t ya missy?” Harukawa glowered at the bear in return but she doesn’t deny the sentiment. But still, Ouma was surprised. Shouldn’t she want him dead for what he did for Momota? Did he not deserve it? 

“She’s right. You can’t. You would be breaking the rules of your own game. Again.” Saihara stepped up next to Harukawa. 

“Ohhh are you accusing me of foul play Saihara-kun? I would never. I am a most honorable bear I’ll have you know. I’ll sue for libel! Or maybe I’ll just rip ya to shreds to save on legal fees.” the bear retorted. “Maybe instead of punishing Ouma-kun, we can punish Saihara-kun for insulting his headmaster!”

“That would not be right!” Keebo interjected and joined Saihara and Harukawa in front of him, holding his arm in front of the detective. Yumeno and Shirogane mumbled agreements and joined the line next to Harukawa. Someone in that line was a traitor. The real mastermind that he had pretended to be. Ouma gritted his teeth, once he ensured something of a victory here, he would make sure he took them out for good. He would expose their lies and end their fun for good. For everyone who had died in this awful place while they sat back and spurred on this torture. Pain and exhaustion made it too hard to catch any slip-ups, to pay close enough attention to figure it out. If only he had. If only Saihara had figured it out before... all of this. 

Saihara was unaffected by the bear’s menacing glare and threats, “I am. This is not the first time you broke your own rules.” The others mumbled in confusion again. “There was something weird about Amami-kun’s case.”

“Can you prove it?” The bear responded back menacingly. Instinctively, Ouma moved the exisal forward, fearful the bear might actually act on his threats of violence if Saihara continued to oppose him. A clink of something metallic hits the arm as he barely avoided knocking over Keebo in the process. 

They were veering into dangerous territory. Although Saihara bringing up Amami’s case was not such a bad idea. He can work with it. “Oh-oh! We should have a retrial! Now that would be interesting wouldn’t it Monokuma? Aren’t you soooo bored of the same ole murder trials by now? It would be super thrilling to see if mister detective could actually prove you wrong wouldn’t it?” It wasn’t the best-case scenario. The game should have just ended. But he should have known a bloodthirsty audience would have still craved some depraved execution. But if they could actually prove this whole damn game started with a lie… then they’d have to be done with this. 

“A retrial? Now that takes me back. Maybe that's a bit too retro… Or the perfect throwback to end this whole shebang.” The bear laughed maniacally. Something nudged in the back of Ouma’s mind again, something familiar about that statement but his mind couldn’t wander, he had to make sure this worked. “Fine fine. I won’t punish Ouma-kun just yet. We can have a double punishment time for the next trial if Saihara-kun can’t back up his claims about me cheating.” 

“And if I do… it’s over right. You broke the rules and the game is no longer valid. No more.” Saihara responded, looking thoroughly unshaken by the threats. Whether it was actual confidence or pure defiance Ouma wasn’t sure. A relief though. If Saihara hadn’t taken charge he was pretty sure Monokuma would have executed him. Even if he deserved it, that would have only kept the game going. And they had to end this. 

“That’s not high enough of stakes at all. No real risk. Plus that’s not how it went before. If the Ultimate Detective wants another trial, he needs to solve all the mysteries of this Killing School Semester! Now that really brings me back!” Monokuma exclaimed joyfully, that prickling feeling in the back of Ouma’s brain intensified. 

“All the mysteries?” Harukawa questioned. “What mysteries?” 

“Upupupu don’t worry about too much. Save it for the heart-throbbing final trial! Where hope and despair will clash once more! You have one day left in your peaceful school lives before it all comes to a _crushing_ end.” Monokuma sang out before setting his strange gaze on him in the exisal, “But I cannot allow any more tampering with school property so unless Ouma-kun hands over that pesky little remote of his… I will destroy you all right now.” 

“Fine, fine.” Ouma lowered the exisal, attempting to climb out on shaky legs. He collapsed as soon as he did. But despite his dizziness, he managed to right himself, stepping over and handing Iruma’s remote over to the bear. Fear flashed through him as he did, wondering if all of sudden he would be torn to bits. But the bear didn’t move. The remote was immediately crushed in the robotic bear's hand (or paw he guessed). 

“Now for the final showdown, it wouldn’t be right if we didn’t bring back the whole cast am I right?” Monokuma called out. 

“The whole cast?” Yumeno questioned, voice lilting up in surprise. 

“Like reincarnation? Tsumugi gasped.

Ouma watched as Saihara and Harukawa exchanged a dark look. At least they weren’t being pulled in by whatever stunt Monokuma was about to pull. Keebo however, was just staring into the distance, completely still. Strange… even for Keebo. 

And suddenly the annoying Monokubs reappeared, just as they were before. Of course, that talk of them being one of a kind was fake. Just like so much of all of this was fake. The memories. The outside world. And who knew what else. His mind was too cloudy to pay them any mind, however, not like he ever did before. They were obnoxious. A distraction. 

“Aww did you idiots think it would be your old friends? How foolish! You just kept killing and killing as if human lives were replaceable. Just because my precious cubs are, all your dead classmates aren’t. How cruel! And you all really think your stupid trial will help that? I doubt it. Soon the despair will overtake you all, see you all tomorrow upupupu.” And they were gone. Monokuma. The kubs. The exisal. Just the 6 of them standing in a loaded silence, so quiet that he could hear the sounds of breathing from the classmates behind him. He doesn’t dare look back. It was taking every ounce of strength he had remaining to stay standing. His back and arm still radiating pain, his muscles still tense from being curled up in that exisal, the back of his head still throbbing from a lack of sleep, food, water. He was alive but felt closer to death even without a punishment. It was the quietest it had been after a trial. No fighting or mourning or talking things over. Just processing. 

“We should get going,” Saihara spoke finally, quiet but resolved.

Harukawa responded, “Right.” She sounded different as if choked up. Ouma wondered if she was crying. He didn’t dare look. He didn’t need her fingers wrapped around his neck once more. Not now. Not even when he might actually deserve it. 

Yumeno and Shirogane echoed, “Yeah”

The others turned to go. Keebo still strangely silent. Saihara stopped midway through the trial ground while the others continued on to the elevator. 

Tsumugi turned back, “Are you coming Sa---” Harukawa shot her a look and she trailed off. The doors closed and left the two of them alone for the first time since that awful conversation through the hangar window. The silence of the trial room hanging heavy around them. Ouma looked over at him. Saihara’s eyes finally on him once more, cold and appraising. Somehow the once warm grey-gold gaze felt more like an empty void sucking him in and pushing him away at the same time. Remembering the warmth of his touch only made the coldness more stark, more awful. 

“So this was your plan all along?” Bitterness clung like poison to every word out of Saihara’s mouth, driving into him like arrows from the crossbow all over again. 

“Is that what you think the truth is Saihara-chan?” Ouma’s face was blank and passive. 

Saihara shook his head, voice quiet, “How am I supposed to know?” The pain in Saihara's tone was all too clear. Of course, it was. He had been betrayed by the person who killed his best friend and forced to go along with it to stop anyone else from dying. 

“Is it really always better to know?” Ouma exhaled in something like a half-hearted laugh, “Aren’t you tired of finding the awful truth again and again and again?” Saihara didn’t respond. His lips thinned and his forehead furrowed in thought. Maybe he had nothing left to say to him. Not that he blamed him. 

Ouma dug in his pocket and pulled out the folded papers, slightly wrinkled from being in the exisal, “Here. Give this to Harukawa-chan. It’s from Momota-chan.”

“Huh?” Saihara took it. Pain in his eyes as he remembered that Momota was gone. Ouma wondered if Saihara was upset Momota had not willed him anything. 

“Sorry. He didn’t leave you one. He told me to hug you for him but I… am pretty sure you don’t want that.” Ouma's lips twisted in on themselves, eyes darting to the ground. 

Saihara’s mouth opened then closed. He shook his head slowly and turned and turned around. “Did I ever mean anything to you Ouma-kun? Were we even… friends? I guess not...” The strain in the detective's voice sent a visceral shock through his entire body.

“Is that what you think Saihara-chan?” Ouma deflected, repeating his question. It was easier than spinning lies. Better than hearing the actual truth. The truth was painful. The truth was dangerous. 

The detective started to walk towards the elevator, “For once Ouma-kun… I just wanted the truth.”

Ouma's hand reached out, grasping at air, even if Saihara couldn't see, like a reflex, he really didn’t want him to go but there was nothing he could do to make him stay, there was no reason for him to after all. “If you really want the truth Saihara-chan… you should check the shoe lockers outside the gym.” For a brief moment, the detective hesitated but then continued walking away. 

Before the elevator doors closed, Saihara looked back at Ouma one more time. But he couldn’t read the expression in those grey-gold eyes at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing Monokuma dialogue is sure something. Hopefully, not too cop-out feeling of a conclusion, but I do think the audience would enjoy a throwback to the original so I feel like it works. The real copout is giving them time because the fact that they go from trial 5 into investigating until dawn in the game is actually insane how would they even be functioning in the last trial?
> 
> In other random news, I got the first part of the vaccine today! Hopefully, it doesn't make my arm too sore so writing and playing games isn't a pain. Thank you all for staying with this story and reading. I should be somewhat caught up on replying but if I missed it or anything know I read it and I appreciate it even if I'm not always great at articulate responses. I'm just happy people are enjoying this story and hope you enjoy it as it heads closer and closer to the conclusion!


	30. letters

The familiar shaking of the elevator as he exited the trial only furthered to shake up the thoughts and emotions swirling under the surface. Things he had to shove down to make it through… whatever that was. Seeing Kokichi pop out of that exisal wrapped in Kaito’s coat had been confusing, surprising, relieving, infuriating. So many things. How was he even supposed to react? He thought he understood… maybe… the intent was to fool Monokuma, to make the audience realize this game was not infallible. But at what cost… Kokichi… Maki… Kaito… what all had happened in that hangar…Did it really have to be like that? Was this really the plan all along? 

_Kaito…_ Kaito was dead. And the letter clenched in his hand was at least proof that he had been right, Kokichi and Kaito must have worked together if he had left this. As much as he would have loved some reassurance from Kaito, a taste of his last words, it wasn’t meant for him. He needed to find Maki. And then… sleep maybe. It had been a long day on so little sleep and his body was as tired as his heart. Exhaustion crept into his bones but this was something he had to do before collapsing in his bed and hoping his worries for tomorrow's trial would not keep him up all night. 

A lone figure sat under the stars in the usual training spot. Of course, this is where she would go. The place they had spent so much time with Kaito. Talking. Training. Looking at the stars. But that was all over now. Muffled sobs came from the girl who was sitting with her arms wrapped around her legs. He walked up to her, avoiding eye contact as he handed over the letter. “Maki… I have something for you.”

She looked up, tears still streaming down her face. He handed her the letter from Kaito. Eyes widened and she bit down on her lip, chest heaving. Unable to find any words of comfort or reassurance or anything that would be enough, Shuichi turned to leave and let her read the letter in peace but Maki spoke commandingly, “Sit.” 

So he did, and she unfolded the letter and read. Shuichi sat cross-legged on the grass, and in the silence just looked up at the stars. Kaito never would make it up there, would he… This awful game had robbed him of that. Robbed him of his dream… his reason to live. All for some crazy gambit to put an end to all of this. One he still didn’t entirely understand. The intent and actions maybe but so many more questions remained. 

Maki let out a long sigh, her cheeks still shiny with tears but she was no longer crying, “This sucks.”

“Yeah.” Shuichi echoed.

Maki looked over at him, “I’m sticking with you till the end Shuichi.”  
  
“Huh? But I--” Shuichi stammered. 

“Do you want to die?” Shuichi slumped, hating that part of him kinda did after everything. It should have been him, not Kaito. He was so tired of losing people, of being confused and hurt, but he still had a promise to keep. So he had to live… for all those who couldn’t anymore. 

Maki shook her head sadly, pulling her knees tighter into her chest, “I’m not used to people believing in me Shuichi, not like you and Kaito do… did... Believing that I’m a good person when I’m… not. All I do is cause death…. clearly... Even the people I care about… but I’m not going to let you down anymore. I wouldn’t deny Kaito’s last wish after all.”

“Oh. Well, I don’t want to let you down either. I really am sorry for all the lying I did. I failed us all...I failed Kaito. I’m sorry...” Tears began to pour down his cheeks. He should have stopped this game before now. Before they lost so much. 

“Don’t be.” Her voice was harsh but there was an undercurrent of kindness in her words. 

Shuichi rubbed his tears on his uniform sleeve, “Huh?”

Maki shook her head again, “Stop with all the apologizing Shuichi. Everyone keeps secrets. Everyone lies. I lied. Kaito lied. So stop blaming yourself. It’s not the end of the world for people to be disappointed in you. Trust me.”

Shuichi’s mouth opened and closed wordlessly before finally choking out, “I--- Sor---” He cut off. _No apologies. Right._

“And I’m not.” Maki ran her hand through her hair, looking at the ground, “Disappointed in you that is.”

“But I got tricked by Kokichi into working with him. And I couldn’t save Kaito.” Shuichi muttered. 

Maki’s mouth thinned, “Kaito worked with him too didn’t he? Plus… he may be awful… but do you really think you were tricked?” 

Shuichi looked down at his hands, “I had to be… he did all that after telling me we were going to work together and solve this thing. End this killing game. And then he did… this.” 

“Well… that does seem to be his goal,” Maki replied hesitantly. 

Shuichi's voice came out in barely more than a whisper, “But did it really have to be like this?” 

“I’m not sure I get it either. And it kinda pisses me off. But if Kaito believed in Kokichi... He believed that he was actually a decent person for some reason. And... ” Maki trailed off, looking deep in thought. He had a feeling there was more on her mind. Maybe she was just as confused as he was. 

“He did?” Shuichi questioned.

“Yeah.” Maki looked over at him, “Apparently… you are the reason why he believed in Kokichi.”

“What?” Shuichi’s eyes widened. Maki looked at the letter again, before picking the spot to read from and reading out loud from Kaito’s last offering: 

✉✉✉

_\---The little brat seems to really care about Shuichi. Like a lot. And I know you’ll call me an idiot for it, but it makes me want to trust him. My gut is telling me he actually means well despite all that shit he pulled. He’s still an asshole but he's also just a scared kid underneath that. I get that. I think he really does want to end this game and I think he thought that Shuichi would help him do it, but guess that didn’t quite work out. This new plan does make sense. Even if it’s a bit extreme, I think we will really mess with Monokuma and end this for real. So I think I gotta do it. But I’m gonna do it my way. Not Kokichi’s. It may be his plan but I, Kaito Momota, will make sure to end this._

_If you are reading this I expect this whole killing game is done and you all are free. So make sure you go look at the stars for me and tell them I’m sorry I never made it up there. I should have been honest and told you all earlier but whatever sickness I got… it’s pretty bad. And I’m getting worse so when Kokichi told me his plan, I had a feeling all this was meant to be. Destiny called even if it wasn’t what it was supposed to be. I wasn’t gonna make it anyway so guess fate had other plans for me. A hero’s death for the Luminary of the Stars. Don’t blame Kokichi. This was my idea, not his. Well kinda. He wanted to be the one under the press but a man knows when it's his time. This better end this stupid game. I’m leaving it up to my favorite sidekicks. Make sure to take care of Shuichi for me, Maki Roll. And take care of yourself too. I hope you find a way to love yourself---_

✉✉✉

She trailed off, face pinched in pain. “Apparently, the plan was for Kokichi to be in the press but Kaito refused. Which is so like him… playing the hero. I should have never… I should have listened to you. Talked to you. Trusted you like my friend like you and Kaito always have for me. If I hadn’t busted in there then… Maybe… He’d still be here.” Maki’s arms were crossed over her chest, fingers gripping tight on the skin of her arm. 

“Maki….” He wished he were Kaito. Maybe he’d know what to do or say. Or maybe Kaito was just as lost as he was all along. 

So Kokichi was supposed to be under the press and Kaito was supposed to be in the exisal. Ironic that despite how incomprehensible Kokichi was. He still had figured out the initial plan. What Kokichi had wanted to do before Kaito stepped. Kokichi was going to be under that press just like he thought. If that had happened… would he have ruined it all? Just like he almost did. Would Kaito really have been able to pull off that crazy scheme as the one in the exisal… Shuichi didn’t know but there was also probably no point asking those kinds of questions. Not when there were more important questions he needed to be asking to make it through this ‘last trial’. 

“I was stupid. I was so angry that you went in there. That you would betray Kaito. That… Kaito was refusing our help. I hated… that he didn’t even want to see me. And that we were just going to let Kokichi get away with everything he did. I didn’t want to lose… something so important to me. Something precious.” He assumed she meant their friendship and his heart sank as he was reminded once more how the three of them would never get to be together again. 

Shuichi looked up at the stars, “I… understand… being angry and confused. And, I’m tired of losing the people who are important to me.” 

“I was furious. I was so pissed off at you especially. I… don’t trust easily. Or let people in. Without Kaito… I would never have allowed myself to even try. And… the idea that someone who I trusted was stabbing me in the back. It hurt. I was so angry at you, Shuichi… you are important to me… You trusted me despite who I am, what I’ve done. I still don’t understand why...I’m not a good person.”

“Maki… I’m sorry it seemed like that. I didn’t want to hurt anyone. I just… wanted to do anything I could to stop this game... so no one else had to die.“ Shuichi laughed half-heartedly. Good person huh? Were any of them really good people anymore? After all of this? Had he not solved the cases that had sent their friend to untimely deaths over and over? Even if they had done terrible things, was that really something he could justify? 

“When we remembered our time at Hope's Peak I thought all of this made sense. That maybe I was justified going after him. If Kokichi was just a remnant of despair, I was doing the right thing, Kaito died but I protected him from despair at least... So I decided I would sacrifice everything for the chance to get rid of him. And if everyone had to die to get rid of Kokichi then… it would be worth it. But then you… you reminded me that Kaito would never want that. I was the idiot. I think. So much of this doesn’t make any sense.” Maki tugged on her hair. 

Shuichi frowned, “Remnant of Despair…”  
  
Maki pursed her lips, “Yeah it’s weird. Kokichi lies a lot but… Something doesn’t check out. Whatever he is… maybe...I do think all this was to stop the game not just… despair… Kaito was an idiot sometimes but… I don’t think he’d fall for that. He wouldn’t work with him unless he really trusted Kokichi. He’d never get tricked into despair like that.” 

“We were all pretty emotional… maybe we just assumed. Figured it was part of our memories.” Shuichi replied softly. Something was strange about that last memory. Why had it seemed so… fake compared to the others? 

“You didn’t seem to.” Maki tensed, “Maybe… something about all of this… seems weird. I don’t know what to believe anymore. So… I’m going to listen to Kaito’s advice and believe in you. Believe in---” She trailed off, but he knew what she meant. If Maki was going to try and believe in herself, it was only fair he tried to do the same. To believe that he could help end this. To make all of the pain and suffering worth it. 

Shuichi smiled weakly over at Maki, “You shouldn’t blame yourself either Maki. All of this… it’s this game. It’s the game's fault. That’s why we have to end it.” 

Maki gave a faint smile in response, “Do you really think you can prove that the first case was wrong?” 

“Yeah… I do. I am going to do my best to make sure we find everything we can to win the last trial and end this for good.” Shuichi's eyebrows knitted together, he still wasn't sure how he would do it, but he had to believe it was possible. 

“I’ll help you then. I’m no detective but I won’t rest until we end this. For Kaito.”

“For Kaito.” They both looked up at the stars. Shuichi wasn’t sure if believed in any sort of afterlife. He never really put much thought into spiritual matters beyond visiting shrines on significant days. But suddenly he found himself hoping that there was some life after death. And if there was, he wondered if Kaito finally got his wish, to be among the stars? 

And his thoughts of Kaito inevitably led to thoughts of Kokichi. No matter how painful or confusing it was, his mind couldn’t help but wonder what was going through his head. Thinking about his face in the courtroom. The pain he could see etched in those violet eyes no matter how much he tried to hide it. That awful plan… the deception with the press… when had he decided that was the only way to end this? When had he decided not to trust Shuichi? Had he ever really...

“Can I ask you something Maki?” Shuichi asked. She had been reading the letter over and over while he had been lost in thought.

She didn’t look up, “Sure.” 

He paused, debating how to word his question, “Were you… Did you have feelings for Kaito?” 

Shuichi shirked slightly under the intense look she gave in return before her crimson eyes softened slightly. “I… think so… I’ve never really felt like that about someone before. I never had the chance. So I don’t know for sure. But I think I might have been… falling for him. I… yeah... I was.” 

Her voice choked up at the end of her words. “It’s okay. Everything happens so fast here… It’s hard to really know how you feel. About anyone. Or anything here.”  
  
“Yeah… It’s hard to say what I feel about anything anymore… I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel anymore...I wish…” She shook her head. He doesn’t pry. He gets it. So much was left unsaid in a place like this. There were things he wished he could say to Kaito. To the others that died. Even the ones he hadn’t been as close to. They deserved so much more time than what they were given. 16 had dwindled to 6 in less than 20 days after all. 

Maki looked over at him, “Can I ask you a question as well Shuichi?”

“Yeah of course.” He answered. 

“It’s about the letter… and Kokichi.” Shuichi’s eyes widened, “Do you have feelings for him Shuichi? Kaito mentioned you ‘seemed to care a lot about him’ in the letter so… You told me you had feelings for Kaede once but do you also have them for Kokichi?” 

“I... “ He lifted his hand to his chest as if that could still the pain and confusing emotions _. Yes. No. Maybe_ … All of those answers were true in some way. Maki watched him with sad eyes. He opened his mouth but no words came out. The anger. The disappointment. The confusion. All of those swirled darkly in his mind and yet he still felt this strange pull of concern, care, affection. Opposing sides pulling endlessly, unable to settle on any one feeling towards the boy. Maybe Maki understood somehow, or at least her sympathetic hum in response seemed to be supportive at the least. Strange for someone whose hatred for Kokichi had morphed into something he didn’t quite understand. Strange for a girl who was hell-bent on ending Shuichi’s and the other's lives not that long ago. Strange how people can change so much in such a short time. Or maybe it was just that people were complicated, capable of multitudes of all sorts of contradictions and complexities. Even the ones like Maki he felt the closest to in this awful place. 

She sighed, “Whatever it is. Figure it out okay? Don’t wait until it’s too late.” Maki clutched the letter to her chest and looked up at the night sky. Shuichi took that as his cue to leave, standing and leaving Maki to stare up at the stars in peace. 

Standing outside of the dorms, Shuichi froze in place. Voices echoed through his head. As exhausted as he was, he knew that sleep would never come if he let this mystery remain unsolved. 

_Don’t give up..._

_Check the shoe lockers…._

_Don’t wait….._

And so he made his way back into the dark school. Eerie and silent at night. Maybe he should have been scared, checked corners, or behind him. Would they really try and take him out despite saying they were close to the end? He really didn’t know or care. His feet just led him back to the gym, footsteps echoing through the empty halls. When he reached the outside of the gym, he looked over the locker that had to his knowledge never been used. He found the one labeled SAIHARA and opened it. Folded paper sat within the locker. His hand shook as he pulled it out, and sat on the ground leaning against the metal as he unfolded the paper and read. 

✉✉✉

_I am not really sure what dumb letters like this are supposed to be like. That whole check yes or no thing, meet me on the school roof after class, that sort of thing right? But I think that’s all pretty stupid. Confessing in a letter seems pretty cowardly after all. Not that you will read this. Even knowing that you’ll never ever see this I still want to lie. Tell you how much I hate you and your stupid face. The way you move your whole body when you laugh. The way you blink too much when you try and figure things out. The way every time I try and figure you out, you ended up surprising me and I just can’t get you out of my mind even when I try. Lie and say none of that is true. That’d be so much easier. But that’s not what you are supposed to do in letters like this. Not that I’ve ever written one. A supreme leader such as myself only receives these kinds of letters before throwing them away and letting them all pine endlessly for me. I’m lying again of course. Just in case you couldn’t tell. But about which part- I'll never tell._

_It’s stupid having feelings like this in a place like this. Colossally, monumentally, vastly, immensely, cosmically dumb to fall for someone in a killing game. But somehow I did. Maybe somewhere in between the 52nd and 53rd game of rock paper scissors. Maybe over tea. Maybe when you bandaged my finger with that hilarious panicked look on your face as if I was going to bleed out and die from that tiny cut. It doesn’t matter though. At least not here. Not in this world. Not in this lifetime._

_It’s funny Shuichi… Sometimes I really think I was born into this world just to meet you. Which seems like a nice thing right? Fate… destiny… all that. Maybe… It sounds nice, but it’s also awful and I hate it. After all, don’t you think it’s also so cruel if I was right? Cruel that I feel so drawn to someone who could be so dangerous. Cruel that I found myself falling in love in a killing game. Cruel that as much as I want our plan to work I fear it’ll all fall apart. Cruel that you would kiss me thinking that it would mess with some audience even if that wasn’t what I meant at all. Cruel that I enjoyed it even if it meant nothing to you._

_Lies are funny things. Sometimes they are based on the truth after all. Lots of my lies are. They can be kind and cruel and have so much potential. Far more than the truth. You know how awful the truth can be but even if I’m a liar… I know the truth is that I care way more about you than I should. I won’t lie to myself and say that it matters at all. Because it doesn’t. It doesn’t change the situation that we are in. Doesn’t change that trusting you is dangerous. Doesn’t change that you don’t feel the same. And that’s the real reason I’m writing this. Because if I at least get the truth out in this stupid letter and then I can hide it away and find comfort in the lies that will keep me going. The lies that will help me end this game. For you. For the others. So I said this was a love letter but that was a lie. It’s more for me than you Shuichi. Pretty selfish huh? I should just tear this up or burn it but that’s no fun. Putting it in your locker makes it more of a game, right? There's some risk… stakes… all games need some of that to be worth playing after all. And that’s what we do right, play games together? Plus the chance you might find this makes it exciting at least. Maybe even a little scary. Who knows? Or maybe there is a tiny part of me that really does want you to find this and I’m lying to myself that I don’t want you to. Maybe it doesn’t even matter, just like these feelings. So if you do read this Shuichi Saihara… now you know. Sorry I feel this way. Sorry, it has to be this way. Sorry that we couldn’t meet in better circumstances where something like this could actually mean something. Maybe that wouldn’t change anything but that’s a kind lie I don’t mind telling myself._

✉✉✉

Hands continued to shake and the paper crinkled slightly. Shuichi couldn’t quite catch his breath, it was like his lungs just wouldn’t get enough oxygen, his breaths fast and ragged. This must be… the truth. At least part of it. Trembling still, he reread every word, etching them into his brain. 

Shuichi knew the moment that his own feelings had shifted into some new territory. That night under the stars, he remembered everything turning. But those feelings had to be pushed away. At least they had been on the same page on one thing. Pushing back emotions that would only complicate the game. But that had clearly not been enough. Not for Shuichi at least. Pushing them away had done nothing to stop them from making everything more confusing. 

He could feel his insides squirm with guilt as he thought about how much he misread the whole thing. How he had started this whole thing under some pretense that it was Kokichi’s idea when it apparently had been. So when he kissed him in the library… And Kokichi had thought that everything Shuichi had done had been fake, not born from any real emotion. He must think he was cruel. Maybe he was. 

Knowing all this… what did it change? It didn’t change that Kaito was dead. That Kokichi had lied yet again and gone on with some crazy plan. Desperate. But maybe that was all there was left at this point. Shuichi had not figured something out fast enough, had not found a way to end the game, had not figured out a mastermind. Maybe Kaito and Kokichi were just stronger and smarter and realized that sacrifice was necessary. The game was no closer to ending before this but now… maybe they could do it. He doesn’t feel any better about it. No relief from the horror of the blood seeping out from the press that still replayed in his brain. 

What now… He leaned back, the back of his head colliding with the metal but he doesn’t even register any pain. Too tired, too distracted. What would Kaede do? What would Kaito do? He could almost hear that melody in the back of his mind, the meandering melancholy song that he played the night after the trial for Miu’s murder. The night he decided to give Kokichi a chance, the night he felt like he might be beginning to understand. He wasn’t back to square one. He was just in more uncharted territory. Lost and confused. But that wasn’t all. Even if part of him just wanted to collapse and give up, another part swelled with determination. Bolstered from everything he had lost so far and everything left he refused to lose. 

On shaky legs, he stood up. He had to keep pushing. To fulfill that promise to Kaede. To end this game and fulfill Kaito’s last wish To finish the deal he made with Kokichi. Tomorrow… it would be over. Finally. No more death, no more pain. He would end this. No matter what. Even if he wasn’t the best detective, he’d find whatever he could to prove his hunch. They made it this far. And they’d make it out. Then maybe… he could talk to Kokichi for real. About the letter. About his own feelings. But there was a trial in the way of that. A trial that they had to win. But for now, he needed to sleep. The lack of sleep made his limbs and thoughts too heavy, too hard to deal with. Maybe sleep would bring him the clarity he needed to finally end this all for good. And whatever he had to say to Kokichi, good and bad... would have to wait until he could find the right words.

Maki was gone from the courtyard when he returned and made his way back to his room. Collapsing onto his bed fully dressed, he fell asleep with the letter clutched to his chest. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to wait til tomorrow and look over this again after getting some much-needed sleep like Shuichi but I am also in an impulsive mood and decided to go ahead and post it and hope that I am actually satisfied with it. Hopefully my morning self and current self are on the same page. Ellipses everywhere I know. Hopefully, Maki doesn't seem too out of character or out of nowhere. Even if it's not in her POV I have lots of thoughts about her introspection and feelings through this which are hard to completely convey via dialogue. She is also confused and overwhelmed so she and Shuichi have that in common. Anyhow hope the letters turned out well and this chapter is enjoyable. Can't thank you all enough for the really nice comments and everything especially with just how rough things are lately, it means a lot!


	31. alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> cw: blood, suicidal thoughts, vomiting

Kokichi Ouma remained on the floor of the trial room for some time. He wasn't sure how long or if it even mattered. Exhaustion claimed him. His mind swam with the look on Saihara’s face as the elevator doors closed on him. How stupid he was to say that. The letter that was never meant to be read never meant to be found. Did he actually want Saihara to understand? Or did he just want to punish him for thinking the worst of him? Maybe a little of both. He loved him and hated him all at once and both of those were far too powerful, too turbulent to process. All it did was make his heartache. 

Momota’s last moments still echoed through his head on an endless loop. _Sorry, you thought I would be a good messenger for your last words to Shuichi. You really were an idiot huh Momota?_ He thought as he hugged his knees into his chest, letting his fingers dig into the white fabric covering his calves. He remembered Momota’s cold chest and his heart beating. He was gone now. And he was here. A mistake. But as fun as pissing Momota off was when they were both living, he had no intentions of disrespecting the dead. So as hard as it was, he had to lift himself up and struggle to the elevator on jelly legs. He gripped on the side as it shuttered and shook on its way up. He imagined the cables breaking and him crashing to the bottom. After all, he was alone, if they wanted to get rid of him, what was stopping them now? He had already ruined this little game right?

Ouma staggered out of the shrine and promptly collapsed outside the door. His legs couldn’t take any more. Too many hours curled inside that exisal. The spasming from the poison may have ceased when he took that antidote but his muscles still ached from it. He ran his fingers over his wounds. The one on his arm still covered with Momota’s shirt, blood-stained through the white. He reached to the one on his back. Tender to the touch, he could feel the crusted over dried blood surrounding the wound. At least it wasn’t bleeding even if it did still send shocks across his nerves when he touched it. It was just to the left of his spine. Any farther over and… well… he wouldn’t be here. Harukawa would have been punished for his murder. Or maybe Momota would have tried to take the blame to save his dear Harumaki or some nonsense. After all, he didn’t understand that they were being watched like Ouma did. Momota probably would have thought he could trick Monokuma and die in her stead. But the audience would have known. An assassin, the winner of the game. Surely that was too boring and predictable for whatever vile people watched this sort of thing. 

The numbers were low enough now he wondered if it would be possible that whatever depraved audience was watching this would be okay with the game ending even without dropping down to the intended 2 survivors. Although he wondered if perhaps Momota dying soured that idea. He had to be a fan favorite, someone they were rooting for to win as much as they were rooting for Ouma to lose. They probably would have loved it if things had happened the way Ouma planned and Momota having to make his way through the trial attempting to fool both Monokuma and the audience. The trial messing up and Momota somehow being the last survivor of all this. With all the stupid space theming part of him wondered if maybe that was the intention. Momota- the winner of this Killing School Semester. Momota with his corny speeches and reckless and rash behavior must be peak entertainment, after all, bet they couldn’t wait to wipe his memories clean and shove him in another game just like Amami.

Or maybe not. It’s hard to determine the intentions of this game when there were still mysteries to be solved. Mysteries that were supposed to be left to Saihara and the rest. Not him. He wasn’t supposed to be here. He was supposed to be gone, under that press, his blood splattered all over. His death was supposed to be the end. The finale to all of the things this game had pushed him into doing in his own desperation to end it. 

Death was no escape. No solution. Death was merely an inevitability. The one thing that connected everyone. Everyone died after all. But that's what made life precious. That's what made this game so awful, it robbed them of that. Forced people to take the one thing that can never be given back, never can be healed. It was unforgivable to take a life. Unforgivable to do the things he had done. The things his other classmates had done. 

Was he really better than Akamatsu who attempted to kill to end this game by dirtying her own hands? Was he better than Tojo who manipulated the others to pursue her own goal for the greater good? He had chided Momota for his hero complex and yet had been all too willing to die himself to end this game. He wanted to think of himself as better, as someone above this game. That his knowledge and willingness to doubt this world somehow made him superior. What a joke. Definitely one of his worst lies. In the end was he really any more than just a puppet on the strings of whoever was running this. No matter how much he fought and struggled, he wasn’t free. Not yet. None of them were. 

He pulled Momota’s jacket tighter around him, it was too big to wear comfortably so he had just draped it around his shoulders. Not that he’s cold or anything. He’s not sure it’s possible to be cold inside this dome. The temperature never wavered. Just that perfect manufactured environment where you never really thought about things like that. Probably designed to make them think about killing more or something like that. No worries about freezing, or burning up, starving, not having a bed, or not being able to put clothes on your back. The only fears supposed to be here were of each other, of death and dying. That was the whole point of an awful game like this. 

A game where he was no longer supposed to be here. Of that he was certain. He was never intended to remain to the end. Even if at first that had been one of his strongest driving forces. He didn’t want to die. He was too young. Dying with strange memories in a strange place for no reason but the entertainment of some faceless crowd… the idea pissed him off. But now he wondered if the real cruelty was in surviving. Maybe the ones who had already gone were lucky. They were at peace. The real despair wasn’t death after all, but in living in this awful world waiting for what awful truths would only plummet them even farther into that darkness. 

If Momota was here, he’d be encouraging the others, pushing them forward. He wouldn’t be collapsed against a door, bitter that he wasn’t the one under the press. He’d be off doing something stupid, being the idiot that others seemed to love. He would be excited for some future beyond these walls probably. Even if it was some fool's dream like going to space. But Ouma never cared about escaping this place. That was the key distinction in his motivations in the end. This place wasn’t the problem. Wanting to escape it so damn bad was the source of so many deaths, so much blood spilled. This was just a place. Without a killing game did it really matter if they were here? Was there really something better out there? 

That barren wasteland was a lie. He was pretty sure of that. But it didn’t mean that whatever was actually out there was any better. The friends and family that lived in their memories… were they even real? He doubted it. DICE was too fantastical, too much of a pipe dream of some sad kid who watched too many cartoons. Just something to make him _interesting._ What’s more interesting than some evil supreme leader actually just being a member of some childish gang? Was he supposed to be the villain or the butt of the joke in this game? He really didn't know. Either way, it sucked. As easy as it was to play along, to fit into the expectations that he was some sort of an antagonist, it was tiring. Acting as the hostile force the others had wanted him to be from the start had finally taken its toll. And now what? What role did he play in this final showdown? He didn’t want to be the hero like Momota anymore than he wanted to be the villain. That role suited Saihara more anyhow. He wasn't supposed to still be here so there wasn't any role to play. So what was he even supposed to do, to say? Just ride through on his own anger and contempt for everything that had happened, everything he had seen and done. He had that at least. Ending whoever thought all this was okay was just as motivating as keeping his promise to Momota. Spite could carry him through until tomorrow. 

He was so lost in his own thoughts that he didn't hear small footsteps approach him, as he sat draped on the stairs leading to the shrine, “Nyeh… what are you doing Ouma?” Yumeno looked over at him warily. It was a better question to ask her what she was doing up at night. She seemed like someone who valued sleep a little too much after all. But judging by the direction she faced, he figured maybe she had been at the dojo since the trial. Seeking clarity from the dead or something like that. It’s both incredibly surprising of her and also ridiculously depressingly stupid. 

He winced as he attempted to throw his arms behind his head casually, the wound on his arm wrapped in Momota’s t-shirt sleeve ached, “Having a party clearly. You weren’t invited, sorry Yumeno-chan. Now scram.”

Her face crinkled up in response, “Are you okay? You look pretty messed up. I don’t have any curing spells for you though. The trial has me completely wiped of MP.” 

“I’m just peachy, no need to use your little mage powers on me.” Ouma sneered. Yumeno was so dedicated to that stupid magic bit, it infuriated him. Less than the time she almost killed them all with it but still the dedication to this little lie of hers was irksome. At least he had some variety in his lies, didn’t wrap himself up in one single shtick. Well… maybe that was a lie. Although his villain persona had a point if there was some point to this whole mage bit he hasn’t discerned it. It bored him far too much to think of it. Although he probably should. With so few players left, even Yumeno should be treated as a threat. 

After a long pause where she stared blankly at him, she finally spoke, “Are you really a remnant of despair?”

“What?” Ouma frowned, that again. He hated that it still sounded vaguely familiar. But not enough to trigger his brain into anything useful. Just a vague you’ve definitely seen that before sort of feeling that he got back in the trial as well. Why all the others seemed to know it and he didn’t was a mystery at least. One he doubted Yumeno would be any help for. “Whatever you want to think, Yumeno-chan.” 

“Oh yeah… you weren’t there for the light.” She pulled down on her hat, frowning.

“Another one of those things? And you all just bought it. Predictable.” Of course. That must have been the masterminds attempt to sway things back in their control. Tear the tiny amount of power from Ouma’s hands and force the game to continue as they planned. But it seemed a bit half-cocked. Saihara must have seen it and he seemed confused as well. Strange. 

Yumeno didn’t seem deterred by Ouma’s constant attempts to blow her off and continued, “I don’t think you are though. A remnant of despair that is.”

“Wow. Such faith in an evil supreme leader like myself.” Ouma rolled his eyes. Whether or not she could see that in the lighting of the night was irrelevant.

The magician clenched her fists, and glared at the ground, “You lied about being the mastermind after all.”

“No kidding. Still surprised you were all stupid enough to buy it. Or not really. I’m not surprised you all are so dumb. Momota-chan rubbed his idiocy all over you all before he died clearly.” Ouma taunted in return. Whatever this conversation was. It did nothing for him. Witnessing Yumeno slowly trying to figure things out was not high on his to-do list while sore and covered in dried blood. 

“Why are you always such a jerk?” Yumeno cried out. 

Ouma shrugged and teased back forcing his voice to be as light as he could muster, “Just born that way I guess. Or maybe I was carefully crafted up in a secret lab with snips, snails, and puppy dog tails. Maybe you just haven’t unlocked my super-duper tragic backstory yet. Who knows? Why are you always so lazy?”

Yumeno huffed in response and Ouma snorted out a laugh. Typical. She barely had bark or bite. If she was the mastermind of all this, she surely was a boring one. An insult more than a threat. But for whatever reason. She didn’t leave. Yumeno just stood there watching him with blank eyes and her lips turned slightly down. “I dunno… I’m trying to do better. You just seem to get worse and worse.”

Ouma’s lips curled, what an observation that was, “Some people are just like that Yumeno-chan. Call me what you want remnant, mastermind, ringleader, spy. Or even if I am not. Whatever. Do you really need a fancy name for the kind of person I am?”

Her voice was shaky but still full of anger, “Well I don’t think you are as evil as you want us to think. You just lie about being bad. Its like a reflect charm. Why else would you have tried to trick Monokuma like that?”

Eyes narrowed at her typical nonsense magical reference. Of course, keeping up the whole evil mastermind persona was pointless now but it didn’t mean he needed Yumeno to join the train formerly led by Momota of ‘let’s try and figure Ouma out’. He missed when everyone seemed content to call him a liar and push him away. But she was still just standing here. “Have you already forgotten what happened to Iruma-chan… Gonta… Momota-chan?” He responded keeping his voice low and menacing, “Stop trying to act like that’s all okay just because we might get out of here or whatever it is you all want so bad.” 

Yumeno’s lip quivered and her eyes sank to the ground in silence. Finally. But she still just stood there for whatever reason. Unable to just let him sit in his own pain in peace apparently. “I never thanked you.” She finally said.  
  
Ouma’s mouth opened in surprise, so she was capable of being interesting at least, “What the hell would someone like you need to thank someone like me for? Do you have a crush on me or something Yumeno-chan?”

“No” She pulled a face at his joke, pouting and maybe even blushing. He can’t really tell in the dark, messing with her really wasn't as satisfying as it used to be. “For making me cry.”

Ouma laughed, feeling the tightness lingering in his muscles as he did, replying in honeyed tones “Aww Yumeno-chan likes being bullied. Nishishi. Are you some kind of masochist? Now that would make you a little less boring I guess.” 

“Nyeh. You were right back then. I was afraid of feeling anything. So I just didn’t. I lied to myself and it was a mistake. I… I never got to appreciate Tenko when she was here. I shouldn’t have waited.” She muttered back, clenching the bottom of her skirt with her hands. Still afraid of being honest clearly. Not that he blamed her. 

“And you are telling me all this why?” He asked blankly. 

She looked stumped. “I dunno.” 

“You are such a conversationalist Yumeno-chan. I am so glad you stopped to talk to me. Peak moment of my evening. Just the cherry on the top of a wonderful night.” He teased back darkly. Was Yumeno really still trying to have a heart to heart with him of all people? He knew she made some promise to try harder and all that to honor Angie and Chabashira’s memory but surely that didn’t extend to him. 

“Stop being such a jerk!” Yumeno’s voice rose to a yell, “You said you hate when people lie to themselves didn’t you?”

“Woooow, you remembered! Are you like totally obsessed with me or something Yumeno-chan?” His voice lowered as he spoke, a warning alongside his dark expression shot in her direction. 

Yumeno stepped back automatically but still spoke in shaky tones, “Maybe you need to follow your own advice. You should stop lying to yourself Ouma. About whatever is going on with you. Don’t hold back.”

Ouma’s face fell, “Huh?” 

“It feels nice you know. To let go and just feel everything at once. To let yourself cry for a while. Even if you pass out afterward. You have to be lonely right?” Her dull eyes looked sincere. 

“Good to know.” Ouma sank down and muttered in return. Too tired to try and scare her off anymore. He didn’t bother answering her question either. _Lonely huh?_  
  
“Okay then. I’m sleepy now. Goodnight Ouma.” She still looked at him warily before turning and heading towards the stairs up to the dorms. 

“Goodnight Yumeno-chan. Thanks for nothing.” Ouma called out half-heartedly, not even sure if his voice was loud enough to reach her. He did not have many expectations left in this whole thing, but that was definitely not one of them. Yumeno actually being assertive enough to do something like that. Not like she understood. He had done plenty of crying in the last 24 hours after all. He’s not sure if his body was even capable of it anymore. Crying over Saihara. Crying over Momota. He’s done that. It didn’t change anything. 

Yumeno attempting to comfort him. Harukawa jumping in front of that exisal and not trying to kill him on sight. _Strange_. This game must be changing them all. Possibly for the better somehow… Even Saihara had blossomed under the pressure of this terrible game. But then what was he? Definitely worse, warped into something he doesn’t quite even recognize anymore. On shaky legs he finally stood, every muscle protesting as he did, craving the water, nutrients, and sleep he had denied them. His progress was slow and labored and climbing the stairs was an exercise in agony, grasping tightly on the handrail as he painstakingly dragged himself up the stairs. But somehow he managed to drag himself back to his dorm room, the door opening with no resistance (he had left it unlocked after all).

Immediately he tore off his clothes, throwing Momota’s jacket on the bed and the rest on top of a pile of the other dirty white uniforms that had accumulated since Tojo died, and stopped doing everyone's laundry. In the shower, the too hot water scalded his skin but he didn’t bother adjusting it, just hoped that it would wash away the combination of blood lingering on his skin. Even if he might miss Momota more than he expected, blood was not the souvenir he wanted to keep. His skin was raw and red and he pulled on new boxers and a t-shirt. Both sticking to his skin that he had not bothered drying off all the way. He went into his closet and pulled out a water bottle and bag of chips from his hoarded stash stolen from the dining hall. The chips crumbled like ash in his mouth and he tried not to gag by chugging down the water. But that only made it worse. The memory of choking down the thick antidote came back and all his mouth filled with the metallic tang of blood. He ran to the toilet and saw red again, reminded of the blood swirling in the bowl as he flushed away their bloodied clothes. The bile in his throat rose and he coughed up everything into the porcelain bowl. His throat now aching alongside his scorched skin, and throbbing muscles. Wiping his mouth with his hand he collapsed laying flat on the tile floor. He wondered if the cold tile felt anything like the cold metal of the press. He imagined the ceiling falling on him, growing closer and closer. Imagined that it was a giant silver plate drawing nearer and nearer before pressing him into nothing. Was this what Momota must have seen in his last moments? 

His chest shook and his breath caught in his throat and the tears finally came again. Choking out sobs, he lay there as they came and came. Unable to stop, unwilling to stop. Screams mixed with sobs as he stared up at the bathroom ceiling light until his vision distorted into a kaleidoscope of lights and colors. He saw a curled-up Amami on the floor of the library, surrounded by blood. He saw a hanging Akamatsu smashed in by spikes. He saw piranhas swirl around Hoshi’s corpse, picking away at every last bit of flesh. He saw Tojo’s torn up body crash to the ground. He saw Angie’s bloody corpse surrounded by eerie wax likenesses of their dead friends. He remembered the loud thump as Chabashira’s life was taken away right before him. He saw the pain and shock in Iruma’s face as Gonta wrapped the toilet paper around her neck and began to pull. He saw Gonta’s tear-soaked face as he went to his death, still not blaming him for something that was completely his fault. He saw the hatred in Harukawa’s eyes as she took aim, shooting to kill. He saw Momota jump in front of him before the arrow pierced his heart. He saw Momota looking at him with affection, wrapping his arms around him before he crawled into that press. He saw Saihara’s gold-grey eyes looking at him. With hope, disdain, affection, anger, confusion, and everything in between. And the tears kept coming. The salty tears burned his skin, chapped and sore. But as loathe as he was to admit it (even if it was his own advice thrown back at him), there was a sweet catharsis in crying himself dry on the bathroom floor. Not that he felt better. No. He still felt awful. Angry at this game. Angry at the things he had watched happen. Angry at the things he had done. But there was a strange sort of peace accompanying that anger. And a reminder of what he had left to do. He had a promise to Momota to keep. A deal with Saihara to fulfill. And a grudge to settle with whoever was entertained by this awful game. 

Feeling raw, like someone had scrubbed over both his outsides and insides with a metal brush. Ouma rose up. He gripped the sink and stared at his reflection. Pale and haunted, bruises on his cheek and neck a dark sickly brown. Purple eyes rimmed in bright red. Cheeks looked even hollower somehow. His hair half wet and dry all stuck in weird directions. Resisting the urge to pinch and pull at his skin, to somehow prove he was still alive, Ouma grabbed some of the mouthwash provided (emblazoned with Monokuma’s face of course) and gargled it around his mouth. The rotten taste of vomit was replaced with an alcohol and mint taste that burnt slightly. He attempted to eat and drink once more, the minty taste overpowering and slightly gross but better than ash and blood so he managed to choke them down. Now all he needed was sleep. The final ingredient for his body to stop rebelling and allow him to make it through at least one more day. 

But before he could peel back the blankets and succumb to sleep, he stopped. On his bed are all the things he had given Saihara. Glancing around the rest of his room, he can tell it’s been moved, messed with. _Ah_ … so he had already found it. Earlier than he expected. He grabbed the ‘not-will’, the photo, the note, the blueprints, and looked at them. So Saihara must have come in here, determined to find some answers. Maybe leaving this all behind was a sign he had just given up. Ouma wondered what else he had found in the mess of things he collected. Had he even understood the hint he had left him about Amami? He tossed them to the side of his bed, and they fluttered down on top of the mess. It didn’t matter. These notes. _That note._ The feelings still lingered despite everything that had happened. Despite how much he was pretty sure that he would never quite be the same after pushing that button that lowered the hydraulic press onto Momota's body. His words leading to death were bad enough, now he stared at the very hands that had done the deed. Willing or no, death was death. Life was precious and taking something like that, unforgivable. And that's why it had to serve a purpose. He would not allow those losses to be meaningless sacrifices. Thoughts about Saihara had no place in his mind anymore. Those emotions, those sickly sweet feelings that made his chest ache.

None of that would change what they had to do tomorrow. Tomorrow he’d take the school for real this time, strip it of all its pretense and take down this game. Yumeno’s voice came back to him. _You have to be lonely right?_ And he thought about Gonta. About all the time they spent planning the Insect Meet and Greet. The way the big guy still seemed to care about him and trust him despite the way he used him. The way he actually enjoyed his company. Simple and kind. Nothing like him. He thought about Iruma. Crass and obnoxious. Easy and fun to mess with, he remembered sitting in her lab as she worked on his various projects, impressed at just how intelligent she was behind her foul mouth and sexually charged simpering. He thought about Momota. The way he infuriatingly kept trying to push his stupid ideals on him even if it meant a fist to the face and despite that somehow managing to actually almost maybe understand just a little bit. He thought about Saihara. The games they played, the way he kept trying and trying to figure him out no matter how much Ouma kept just out of reach. The way he got entirely too close in those stolen moments in the school basement, kissing him under the stars. The way his eyes had looked when that elevator closed. He thought about 10 people clad in white with clown masks. Followers that were supposed to be like family. Names and faces that came easily but still felt so fake. A phony memory. It had to be. As real as they felt, those thoughts of DICE lacked any real warmth, any sense of authenticity. 

_Lonely…_ He was alone. Something Saihara claimed he had wanted back in that bathroom. And even if they finished this tomorrow. That’s still what he would be. Alone. Stuck with the weight of the things he did to finish this. But that was fine. He had been willing to pay his life to end this. Surely his loneliness would be just as fine a price to pay. He would live haunted both by the worst moments of this place and the comforting ones in an endless cycle for whatever remained of the life he had somehow managed to still hang on to. _Alone..._ hadn’t he always been alone here? From the moment he woke up in this place. The moment he realized that everyone around him was a threat, not to be trusted. The moment he realized the futility of working together as Akamatsu was dragged away from them all. His time with Gonta, Iruma, and Saihara just small reprieves from the real and unfortunate truth. 

He laid down. And he wasn’t sure if he was losing it completely but he thought his pillow smelled like Saihara. Which made no sense. He had stayed in Saihara’s bed they had never slept in his. No point questioning why some phantom scent of the detective lingered where it shouldn’t. It was a way better smell than blood at least. But it didn’t bring him comfort either. It only reminded him of the nights where Saihara’s body lay next to his, warm and comforting. Saihara’s arm wrapped over him, more comfort than he deserved. He could almost remember the sound of his breath and the beating of his heart. The memory of those nights was both sweet and sour in his mind as he drifted off into darkness trying his best to keep his thoughts far away from Shuichi Saihara. His brain thankfully was too tired to waste any energy on dreams. Some gracious gift from the universe or some god, he wasn’t sure but he was grateful all the same to be blessed with nothing but comforting emptiness as he slept. But before he felt fully rested and ready to wake the whole world shook and a strange loud metallic banging caused his eyes to shoot open. _What was that?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise Yumeno conversation that I ended up adding. Just felt like it fit and worked as a callback to the post CH3 Trial as well. Hopefully, I wrote her dialogue alright- she's not a character I connect to really which makes it trickier. And then some self-reflective angst of course before some plot happens and of course more conversations that need to happen.


	32. discovery

Shuichi’s dreams were full of eyes. Eyes watching him. Judging him. Observing every movement. Analyzing his next step. Eyes that seemed familiar and ones he had never seen. The eyes of the dead. The eyes of the living. The eyes of the people who were supposedly watching this game. So many eyes, his skin crawled as he tried to hide away. To get the piercing stares away from him. But there was no escape, everywhere he turned they were waiting. Watching him. Finally, he turned and saw Kokichi’s face, staring. The smile on it twisted darkly, spiraling into nothing. He chased after it, darkness meeting him. A pinprick of light, the only thing drawing him onward, an escape from being watched. He chased after it. But when he finally thought he escaped he saw his own face staring back. It was him and yet not him, something was off about the wild look in his eyes and off-putting grin. He ran, and felt like he was being chased as the eyes returned to stare him down as he ran and ran and ran… 

He woke up drenched in sweat. Of course, falling asleep in his clothes had not helped that. Even though the morning announcement hadn’t played he figured he might as well get ready. Today would be his last day in this room, this Academy. At least it should be. He didn’t entirely trust what Monokuma had promised but whatever happened, he wouldn’t allow this to continue. 

As he showered, he forced himself to remember that solving this meant having to determine which person among them was in on this. The person that was helping run this game. It was the same dilemma he faced every time he was forced to remember that terrible truth. He didn’t want to doubt any of them. His friends. But he would have to right? Could any of them actually be capable of this? _Yes…_ He watched the water pool around his feet. As awful as it was, he couldn’t ignore the truth. As much as he wanted to, as much as he tried. 

Getting out and drying off he looked at himself in the mirror. Instead of his own face or even the twisted version from the dream, he saw Kokichi’s face leering at him through that bathroom window. _Stop hiding behind other people…_ Was that it? Had his reliance on everyone else led him to this point? 

_Everyone lies…_ Maki’s face appeared, and he could hear her voice. And it was true. Kaede lied. She set up an entire murder right under his nose. Pulled him into the trial and pushed him to reveal it to the group. Ryoma, Kirumi, Angie, Tenko, Korekiyo. All lied at some point. Miu lied about the virtual world and her intentions in it, planning to kill them all and escape. Gonta intended to lie to do the same. Kaito lied about being sick. And Maki lied and almost killed them all once more. Everyone lied. And maybe Kokichi was right, they were fools to act as if they hated it without question. 

No one here was perfect. He certainly wasn’t. He lied in trials to make sure they got the right answer. He turned away from the deductions he made about the existence of a mastermind all because it was easier. He lied to himself that he had grown, gotten stronger on his own when he still depended on others so much. Needed reassurance that he was doing the right thing, wanting so badly to believe that the people he trusted could do no wrong. His own face stared back at him. Shuichi Saihara. The Ultimate Detective. Who even was that? Did he really deserve to walk out of here alive while so many died because he hadn’t been enough to stop this? Or maybe the person hiding among them knew he was too weak, that he would never be strong enough to doubt someone who has made it this far with him. _Who…_

 _No_. He couldn’t think like that. Not yet. Making guesses would get him nowhere. Doubting everyone would only make him anxious and panicked and unable to find the truth. He would do what detectives do best and investigate. No wildly pointing fingers, just finish investigating the school and find some way to prove that something strange was up. He could do that. He had to do that. For Kaede. For Kaito. For the others who had died. For everyone still living. 

Dwelling on his own mistakes was a fool's game in the end. Even if the memory of those mistakes crawled and pulled at every surface of his being, trying to pull him down into the murky depths of despair. 

He pulled on one of the remaining clean uniforms in his closet. There was something strange about recognizing that this could be his last morning here. As hellish as this whole experience was, he had grown accustomed to life under this dome, in this strange academy. And without his memories, there was no real way to know what kind of life awaited him when they left. Of course, it could all fall apart and he could face some strange specific punishment. His life was at risk. But that was fine. If he didn’t save them from this, he’d welcome punishment. Welcome death. A grim sort of determination. He wondered if it was strength or bravery… No... maybe he was just numb. The game robbing him slowly of something he can’t quite put into words. The letter from Kokichi still sat on his bed. He pocketed it. A reminder… of what he wasn’t sure… to keep going maybe? Because even if the revelations in that letter still made his head swirl, he had to keep going. There was no time to really stop and think and feel. 

Because part of him felt like if he stopped, he’d collapse under the weight. The weight of his sadness and grief. The weight of his regrets. Pressed down just like that awful press that had claimed Kaito Momota in the end. _Kaito…_

Loud banging echoed from outside and he felt the ground shake. Shuichi ran outside. The others had done the same, however, the noise had clearly woken the rest up. They were all equally as rattled and confused as he was, but he had of course been up for some time. In nightmares, it usually was everyone else dressed and yourself naked, but there was a strange uncomfortableness in being the only one fully dressed. The odd one out. The others were in the tank tops and shirts paired with shorts and boxers that were intended for use as pajamas while locked within the academy. As silly as it was he worried about them staring, wondering if he knew something that they didn’t, that he was in on this. Or maybe they thought he was eager for today, a detective excited for more grotesque mysteries to solve. 

But he didn’t have time to linger on his own insecurities because the sight before them was distracting enough to no longer care. Keebo was fighting with the exisals. Shooting some sort of laser cannon that he was pretty sure Keebo never had before. Shuichi could not even begin to parse what was going on, but he was pretty sure it was bad. Parts of the school seemed to have been attacked, and debris was strewn about where Keebo and the exisals were now locked in combat. Keebo apparently now equipped with laser cannons and jetpacks despite that fact he had seemed quite averse to the idea of them before. 

“Keebo!” He cried out but the clashing and shooting were too loud. Himiko and Tsumugi called out his name as well. He screamed out again and the robot turned towards him. “Come down here!”

Keebo flew down, “Shuichi. Did you call for me?” 

“What are you doing?” Shuichi asked, staring around at the destruction that had just begun to be unleashed and the strange new attachments to Keebos’s body.

Keebo stared back at him, “I am ending this killing game by destroying this Academy once and for all.”

“Well… that’s what all of us are trying to do! But if you destroy the school, we will never be able to investigate for the trial.” Shuichi argued, he heard some muffled agreement from the others. 

“If we allow another trial to happen we will be continuing this game. I cannot let that happen.” Keebo responded. 

“He’s got a point,” Kokichi mumbled off to the side. Shuichi was pretty sure only Maki and himself heard. 

Tsumugi chimed in, “But how are you able to do all this? Did you level up or something Keebo?”

“I got all this equipment from my lab,” Keebo answered, looking down at himself. 

“This was in your lab the whole time…?” Maki muttered. 

“I thought you said you didn’t want to use anything from your lab, back when Kaito was planning to attack Monokuma?” Shuichi asked, wondering why Keebo had changed his mind so drastically in just one night. 

“And if you destroy the school, you’ll kill us all! You remember the picture of the outside world, what if there’s no oxygen or anything for us to live. We plain only survived because we are inside of this spaceship!” Tsumugi cried out, looking pale. 

“Y-yeah are you trying to kill us? I thought we were friends.” Himiko added, tugging nervously on her hat. 

Keebo scanned the group before continuing, undeterred, “Monokuma wants to use this trial to plunge us into despair. He intends there to be a battle of hope and despair, but if there is no hope in this place… then why should we not destroy this game before Monokuma makes it worse?”

Shuichi sighed, “But there is hope Keebo, we are all still here. Alive. We’re friends right?”

“Yeah, we just all have to work together!” Tsumugi added on brightly, he heard Kokichi scoff behind him in response. 

Keebo pondered this, “Will that really be enough? What is only despair awaits us? If we win this trial… then what? Where do we go? The world is destroyed like you said.”

Maki frowned, “So you are just going to kill us all?” 

“A killer robot, huh? How original for once!” Kokichi finally chimed out loud enough for the others to hear, his voice dripping with irony despite it’s cheeriness. 

Keebo looked over at Kokichi, unusually nonplussed by his comments about robots, “This is a better alternative than allowing Monokuma to continue to mess with us. Is this not what you wanted Kokichi? You and Kaito worked together to end this game did you not?”

Kokichi froze, growling slightly, “You think I wanted to kill everyone?”

“Would you not sacrifice your life to end this game?” Keebo countered. 

Kokichi didn’t respond and when Shuichi looked over, he didn’t meet his eyes. He wasn’t sure if any of the others beyond him and Maki knew that was exactly what he had planned to do before Kaito interceded. 

“Is this your inner voice talking again?” Maki questioned Keebo. 

“No. I can no longer hear that voice. This is my own will. My own choice. I will defeat despair. As one of the last remaining of mankind. As a former student of Hope’s Peak Academy.” Keebo stated proudly. 

“What….” Both Kokichi and Shuichi responded quietly. _Hope’s Peak._ The memories that never sat right with him, had they worked on Keebo? Why did he not remember what they did? Did he have some sort of different past? But he couldn’t dwell, he had to stop Keebo. Whatever he was doing, this wasn’t the answer. Not until they found the truth. 

“No… that’s wrong. We can’t just give up. There might be more out there. Things we haven’t figured out. Mysteries we haven’t solved yet!” Shuichi countered. 

Keebo looked at him carefully, he thought he could see trust in his robotic eyes. “Are you certain Shuichi?”

“Yes.” Shuichi nodded. 

Keebo paused, “But what evidence do you have?” 

“I’m not sure yet. Call it a feeling, a hunch. No. It’s more than that. Whatever this is… there can be no killing game without an audience right?”

“Huh? You mean this is just like Junko Enoshima’s killing game? Are we really being watched?” Tsumugi called out.

Shuichi continued, ignoring yet again the strange memories the others seemed so sure of, “If there’s an audience. There is more to the outside world than what we saw. I’m sure of it. That could have been a lie- just like Rantaro’s trial!” 

“You really think so?” Himiko questioned.

Kokichi looked off to the side, “Would that really be the strangest thing that’s happened?” Himiko and Maki looked deep in thought. 

Shuichi continued to plead his case to Keebo, “So there is a possibility we have been lied to… should we not try and find out for ourselves? We can’t just give up before we know the truth!” 

“....Spoken like a true Ultimate Detective.” Keebo acknowledged, “Very well. I will cooperate with you and end this your way Shuichi.”

“Keebo!” Shuichi beamed, thankful his attempt of persuasion had worked. 

“But if we cannot find any clues before the trial…” Keebo warned.

Shuichi nodded, understanding the implication in his words, “Then you can do whatever you think is best. I believe we will solve the mysteries of this place. We will end this killing game. I really believe that.”

“You really are starting to sound like Kaito when you talk like that.” Maki said, looking over at him.

But before they could continue, Monokuma dropped in, flanked by the exisals piloted by the newly reincarnated Monokubs. 

“End the killing game? But the killing game is eternal!” Monokuma cried out, the Monokubs echoing his sentiment.

“No. One way or another. This game ends today.” Keebo replied, his voice as steely as his form. 

“What is this mutiny? Someone seems to be breaking the school regulations. Is the robot malfunctioning? You must be. Perhaps I should let my precious cubs punish you for damaging my beautiful Academy.” The exisals echoed with various threats against Keebo. 

“This could get dangerous. Shuichi, I trust you will find what you are looking for.” Keebo looked over, raising his arms against the exisals. 

Monokuma grumbled, “I hate rulebreakers, break any more rules and you will pay! Watch over my Academy kids!” The exisals took off in various directions. That could be a problem, Keebo looked like he was planning to follow them. 

“Keebo! Are you going to be okay?” Shuichi asked. 

“Shuichi. You and the others find the truth. I will make sure they do not interfere.” Keebo flew off after the exisals. 

Monokuma was still there. “You better not break any rules during this little investigation or I will punish you for daring to go against your headmaster. And it really would be a shame if everyone wasn’t there for our special little trial later, wouldn’t it?” 

“You do really love your rules, don’t you Monokuma?” Kokichi replied tersely, but the bear said nothing before disappearing once more. And for a moment they all just stood there, wondering what was about to go on. At least they were no longer in what seemed to be a war zone, but could they really trust Monokuma and the Monokubs to not interfere for this last trial… _The audience wouldn’t want interference, they just want excitement. They must just be trying to stop Keebo from destroying it all like we were… right…._

“Nyeh… I’m gonna go get dressed.” Himiko’s arms were crossed over her chest and face bright red, now that the scene had calmed the realization that most of them were underdressed must have suddenly bothered her. As silly as it was to be concerned about such things at a time like this. 

“Yeah… me too,” Tsumugi added, following Himiko back into the dorms. 

Maki had already left without him even noticing. So all that remained was him and Kokichi. There was something strange about seeing him out of his uniform again. Wrapped in Kaito’s jacket last night as he climbed out of the exisal, he seemed larger than life. An even bigger presence than he managed to project in his white uniform and checkered scarf. Despite being so short he still managed to seem to take up more of a room than a person his size should. 

But now he just looked small. Fragile. Meek almost. Things he never really considered Kokichi Ouma. Instead of an aura of mystery or playfulness or malice, there was just a weariness hanging over him. 

Shuichi looked over at him, and the other boy looked back, not quite meeting his gaze. There was something hollow about his expression, like the pool of energy and mystery in those wide eyes had been drained, “So are you going to help us get out of here? Together?” He asked, tentative. The past two days were so tumultuous he wasn’t even sure how he was supposed to talk to him anymore. 

“Together.” The syllables come out of his mouth deliberately, questioning and wistful and spiteful all at once. Layered. But the expression on Kokichi’s face was sour as he sighed, “Get out of here? Are you all really still on that?”

 _The secret of the outside world had to be a lie… there was an audience so…_ “But I thought that wasn’t--” Shuichi responded trailing off. 

Kokichi looked down at his nails, sounding both bored and bitter, “Do you really think Monokuma would be okay with this whole ‘discover the truth’ thing if there isn’t something awful waiting for us?”

“I---” Shuichi started but couldn’t find the words he wanted to say. All he could wonder was if Kokichi’s warning was true… was something even more awful in store for them? 

Kokichi sighed, before continuing, his expression blank, “Finding the truth here has never led to anything good, has it Shuichi? You should know that. So why would this be any different? The truth--without any lies. Is it really going to be what you want?”

“Are you saying this is pointless?” Shuichi asked. _What did he even want?_ To fulfill Kaede’s wish… to save the others… but maybe Kokichi had a point, did he really know what that meant anymore?

Kokichi’s voice lowered, dark but not really menacing, “Don’t put words in my mouth. I’m not saying it’s pointless. I’m saying be careful. Don’t set wild expectations and just let them be annihilated for other's enjoyment. Worrying about things like getting out of here… just don’t get your hopes up.” 

Shuichi wasn’t sure how to take that. What to even say? Was he really getting his hopes up? All he wanted was this to be over. “Kokichi…” 

“So do I care about getting out of here? _No.._. But I will end this game. That has always been what I wanted. Even without motives or murders… whatever this last trial is… Keebo is right… don’t forget this is still Monokuma’s game.” Kokichi said through gritted teeth. 

“Right…” Shuichi watched as his eyes furrowed, wondering just what he was thinking, but unsure that Kokichi would even tell him even if he asked. But he had a feeling that he wasn’t lying to him. Cryptic and weirdly honest Kokichi was significantly more disconcerting than the one that told outlandish lies. 

Kokichi started walking back to the dorms with a cheeky wave in his direction, “Welp, so long! I’m sure I’ll see you around Shuichi, don’t get killed by any robots okay? We have a super-duper fun trial to go to later.” There was an attempt at an all too familiar childish joking sort of tone, but it just sounded flat. Empty like the expression on his face. 

“Kokichi, wait- I--” But he was gone, the door to the dorms closing before he got a chance to tell him what he read, what he knew, or that he was sorry. Or something. Anything. The letter felt like a weight in his pocket. Yet another conversation with Kokichi Ouma where his mind forgot how to work and he had no control over what was said, he just ended up lost in the others words. How did that always seem to happen? Getting so caught up every time they spoke… good or bad… But he couldn’t dwell on that, after today, he could find the time he needed to solve that mystery. He had a final trial to attend to first. 

Before he could decide what to do next, Maki walked out of the dorms, now fully dressed and carrying… an electro-hammer? 

“I found this at the hanger yesterday during the investigation.” She answered before he could ever ask. “It’s something Miu made isn’t it?”

“Umm yeah. An electro-hammer…” Shuichi quickly explained how it worked and she nodded. He wondered when she had grabbed that or even why. She was an assassin so maybe she just recognized its potential as a weapon, and it wasn’t like he saw her while investigating that case, he had no idea what she had done during that time. But there was no point questioning it. 

Maki examined the hammer in her hands, “So I can take out an exisal with one of these?” Shuichi nodded. “Good.” 

“I don’t think the charge lasts all that long though, it might only work once.” He warned, thinking of that perilous trip he had taken with Kokichi where they had to sparingly use the hammers to make sure they didn’t run out of power. 

Maki frowned and then shrugged, “That’s fine. 4 is less than 5 of those assholes getting in our way right?”

“Right.” Shuichi agreed. 

Maki looked at him, biting her lip, “What are you going to do?”

“I want to… get into Rantaro’s lab,” Shuichi replied, even if he hadn’t completely thought it through. Something about that seemed right. There were plenty of things to check but… Rantaro still bothered him. A mystery that might help him solve the other mysteries. 

“Isn’t it locked?” She asked. 

Shuichi held his hand up to his face, thinking, “I think I could get Keebo to blow it open or maybe… bait an exisal into doing it.”

“Don’t get yourself killed.” Her voice was devoid of emotion but there was a slight smile on her face. Her way of showing affection and concern. 

“I won’t.” He smiled back. She gripped tight on the hammer and walked off, determined. Shuichi braced himself. He needed to do the same. Alone again. Just like the last investigation. No more depending on others, he had to do this. 

There’s debris strewn around as he made his way up, a few times hiding behind corners and dodging the exisals. He doesn’t think they will attack him but he doesn’t really want to deal with them either. There’s a hole in the wall where he can see Keebo still flying about, monitoring the exisals. He shouted for him. Keebo quickly understood what Shuichi wanted upon seeing the door and obliged him by shooting at it with his cannon. Hopefully on a low enough setting the room would not be as disturbed as the top floor seemed to be. But before he could even thank Keebo another exisal came after the robot and he flew off, the exisal chasing after. At least they seemed focused on Keebo and not the rest of them. For now at least. Hopefully, Keebo would be alright. 

Shuichi pushed open the slightly destroyed red door, it creaked slightly as he did, probably from the hinges being slightly off from the blast. What greeted him was quite possibly one of the strangest sights he had found inside this academy. While the other Ultimate Labs had been quite clear on their purpose once walking in, this one was decidedly different. It had a very eerie air about it. The red walls and dim lighting were unsettling and the whole room smelled strongly of roses and blood. Empty frames and papers hung from the ceiling and the walls were lined with strange photos of people he didn’t recognize, faces crossed out. An ornate large table with what looked like 16 strange chairs surrounding it. Other strange things littered the room as well, none of which Shuichi could find any meaning from. A bloody and broken mannequin, a sword, strewn out playing cards… would any of this really help understand this strange game? Opening a drawer he found a laptop that seemed to have nothing on it, not even a connection to the internet or some sort of network, just empty the moment he turned it on. Useless. He walked around the room, searching for anything else that caught his eye til he reached the back of the room where what looked to be a large vault greeted him.

 _Huh…_ A puzzle maybe. His eyes scanned over the symbols on each wheel, trying to hold back the annoyance of them all being Monokuma themes (like everything in this strange Academy). His brain spun, searching for patterns, wondering if there was something that would tell him a way to open this or if the knowledge was beyond his grasp. He’s pretty sure that each wheel was themed around zodiacs, one Western and the other Chinese. The center of each wheel had a letter, and as he looked on the second wheel his eyes stopped. _Gemini._ The twins. _Twins B._ That had to be it. He carefully turned the wheel, clicking it into place, and focused his attention on the wheel with the Chinese zodiacs. So Kokichi’s note had been a clue to this… how had he known? Had he been in here? Shuichi mentally filed it as yet another mystery to add to the steadily growing pile. But if he showed him Twins B… and mentioned the first message in that note… then… He remembered the first day Gonta noticed the rock. _Horse A._ Before it had slowly morphed into ‘ _The world is mine, Kokichi Ouma.’_ Could it be the original message had been the real one all along? He moved the wheel, and his suspicions were confirmed as the vault clicked open. A single Monokuma (of course) shaped USB lay inside it. 

Had Kokichi left him those hints just so he could get in here? If so… what could be on this… He put the zip drive into the strange laptop he found and watched as a face popped up that he had not seen in weeks. There was something disconcerting about hearing that voice and seeing that face again. 

_Rantaro Amami._

The video message was cryptic and strange. _A perk… The important part of the rule that only 2 could remain…_

_The Ultimate Survivor_

So he finally knew Rantaro’s talent. But more importantly… this wasn’t the first killing game. There had been others. Hands shook as he stepped back from the screen. So if this really was for others entertainment… if someone really had won… would they just have gone into another game? Or was that just something Rantaro had wanted? Shuichi swallowed hard, trying to process all of this.

How long had Kokichi known about this? Surely he had seen it or else why would he have left him that. The will that was not a will. Well, that turned out to be true since Kokichi had not actually died. It was not a will. So he could ask. Could find out. 

A voice snapped him away from his thoughts, “Oh Shuichi… you’re here.” 

“Himiko!” Shuichi looked over at her. She asked him if he found anything and he told her to watch the video on the laptop, she gave him a strange look. “Just trust me. I need to go check somewhere else though, okay?”

“Nyeh… don’t worry. I trust you Shuichi…” She responded mumbling slightly. He wondered what she was thinking, wondered how she had gone from seeing him as untrustworthy to a friend once more. “I’m gonna do my best okay?” She looked up at him from under the brim of her hat, eyes full of a determination he was not accustomed to seeing from her. 

“I believe in you Himiko.” Shuichi smiled as bright as he could before taking off, leaving her to deal with the revelations of that strange video. She could handle it. Himiko had found her own strength in this place. He had to do what he could to make sure that meant something. And that meant trudging through the debris once more to go back downstairs to where his search for the truth in this school started. That door in the library. 

In the entryway, he quickly noticed that something had changed. The floor was torn apart. A hole in the ground where he could see a path that definitely wasn’t there before. A ramp down to some area they never had opened. Something he definitely needed to check out. Even if time was limited, he could not just leave something like this unchecked. Something that could be significant. A mystery that needed to be solved if they were to win this trial. He hesitated for a moment before climbing down the ramp. The library would have to wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I went through this entire fic and edited every chapter so far and fixed typos/tense issues/awkward wording. No big significant changes, a few lines added for clarity but nothing major. Possibly still missed things (probably in this chapter knowing my luck) but feels good to have those changes done especially since way more people than I ever imagined actually read this?! Which is wild and unbelievably to me. So thank you again. And I hope this fic continues to be enjoyable for you all since we are getting closer and closer to finally reaching the end!


	33. understanding

Ouma got dressed thinking about too many things all at once. Of course, that wasn’t a new thing for him or anything. He looked at the remaining uniforms hanging, hoping they would remain unworn. He couldn’t put a finger on when everything inside this gilded cage of theirs shifted. Harukawa and Yumeno’s strangeness. And whatever was going on with Keebo. Everything here happened way too fast and way too slow all at once. Ouma was simultaneously too far ahead and desperate to catch up at all times. And it had worn on him as if whoever he was when he entered this school was slowly fading away, like bright colors under the sun. 

And as thrilled as he was at the prospect of the killing game ending, he also feared this new turn of events. Monokuma would not allow this if there weren’t some nasty trick. That’s just how the bear… the game operated. Whatever this last trial was, there was surely some last thing to throw at them that would cause pain and suffering. Moreso than finally figuring which person among them had been working with Monokuma the whole time. That was expected. But the reminder of Monokuma telling them to figure out the secrets of this Academy, now that rang massive warning bells in his mind. Some awful truth remained to bring the suffering that this game seemed to thrive on, that whoever was watching this must crave. The murders may supposedly be over but there was little relief if that only paved the way for a new brand of suffering. The victory his plan should have achieved was short-lived, now there was a new game to overthrow, one with less clear rules and objectives. But until he figured out who did this, and ended Monokuma, ended this game that robbed so many of their lives for good, he couldn’t and wouldn’t stop. 

The inside of the school was littered with debris from the ongoing fight between Keebo and the exisals. Not as bad as it could have been at least. At least Keebo had been stopped before the school became untraversable. He heard footsteps and ducked behind some rubble, peering around. Harukawa dashed by and he could see a flash of familiar lurid pink. Soon after, Shirogane followed, not as fast but still focused enough to not look over and see Ouma. _Interesting._ He started to walk to follow them and noticed his footsteps ringing hollow on the floor below him. Right. This weird patch that had bothered him for a while. Something had to be here, but despite messing with everything in the vicinity- nothing seemed to work. He jumped around some more, pushing at the statue. Nothing. Maybe an exisal or Keebo could help but neither were in sight. And as curious as he was, he also wondered just why Harukawa had what looked like an electro hammer and where her and Shirogane had gone off too. The Academy’s mysteries weren’t the only thing that they had to unravel after all, he still had to find the person responsible for their suffering. 

His curiosity over what the two girls won out over the strange patch of floor… for now at least. He walked around toward the back of the school where the entrance to Momota’s lab lay. 

The pink exisal sat unmoving outside the open checkered door. He examined it, the Monokub was gone and all the lights off. So he had been right, he had seen Harukawa with a hammer. He looked over this exisal, it seemed completely dead. The sensor from the remote was still on it, but of course that was useless now. But how had Harukawa gotten a hammer and known how to use it? Curious. He began climbing the spiral staircase, trying to ignore the soreness from the day before that still lingered in his muscles and joints. 

“Ouma-kun.” He stopped. Shirogane stood in his path. Light reflecting off her glasses made it too hard to read her expression. 

“Shirogane-chan. How nice to see you!” He grinned widely, hoping this stupid lie would unnerve her enough to get out of his way. But it was hard to tell just where he stood with the rest anymore, so much work put into being the bad guy, and now… 

Shirogane looked him over, “What are you doing?” She didn’t have that normal dumb shocked tone or spacy sound she normally got. There was something strange about that question, something loaded. Something that made his skin crawl. 

“Investigating of course. Isn’t that what we are supposed to be doing?” Ouma tilted his head, widening his eyes, putting on his most innocent of airs. One that he knew would make her think he was lying no doubt. Even if he wasn’t.

“Supposed to do…” She echoed, looking off to the side. _Strange_. This was a new kinda weird from Shirogane. At least he thought so. He never paid her much attention, she was so incredibly dull after all. But the fact she wasn’t asking about dumb things like masterminds or spies or remnants like the others… suspicious. 

Ouma rolled his eyes, “Do you need something from me, or… you’re kinda in my way.”

“Oh. I guess so.” Shirogane sounded more like her space cadet, boring old self again as she slid to the side and let Ouma pass. He continued to climb without looking back but never heard another pair of footsteps and had the strong feeling he was being watched. 

A giant hole had been blasted into the wall of Momota’s lab, so he went immediately there, not bothering with the rest. It was as unimportant as the first time he had seen it after all. As he stepped into the strange room, a cold voice greeted him, “Ouma.”

“Harukawa-chan.” Ouma spat back as her crimson eyes bore into him, “What are you going to try and kill me again Harukawa-chan? I’m sure Monokuma could work in an extra bonus trial if you do.” 

Harukawa froze, biting down on her thumb as if conflicted. No hands around his neck, no crossbow shot. Just narrowed eyes and a face scrunched up as if in pain. “No. I’m not.”

Ouma’s eyebrows rose in return, it was practically a friendly greeting from her after all, “Nice hammer. It won’t work again y’know.”

“That's what Saihara said.” Harukawa returned, still eying him with a look he didn’t like but also didn’t look as deadly as before either. 

So had Saihara given it to her… maybe it wasn’t too suspicious… He guessed it wasn’t the worst thing. The hammers being used for their intended purpose, getting the stupid Monokubs and those awful exisals out of the way, he didn’t mind that at least. “There’s more in Iruma-chan’s lab. Since you like weapons so much.” He teased darkly, even if it was almost a peace offering between the two. 

“Right.” Harukawa considered with a frown, “What do you make of all this?” She jerked her head to the strange pods and pointed at the binder on the strange table. Ouma flipped through the pages. Nothing new, just the names of everyone here, birthdays, all that. A bit more detailed than the forgery he had made for the other document to get everyone to buy this story but nothing caught his eye. As for the sixteen pods… most likely just more nonsense. Maybe. It’s all so detailed. As half-assed as this whole space thing seemed, they clearly didn’t hesitate to go all out on the unbelievable nonsense in this place. It bothered him. It felt like a lie, something he was all too familiar with. 

“Aww does killer girl actually care what I think?” He chimed back with a sneer before walking around the pods, bouncing around on the balls of his feet calling back in a sing-song tone. “Doncha think it’s really cool? All this sci-fi stuff.” 

Harukawa’s face tightened and then fell, “Something’s weird about all this. This place… It says we were taken here to enter cryosleep for the Gofer Project in here but… why did we wake up in lockers then… It seems strange… These memories...”

“Oh, are you just now noticing?” He ran his hand across one of the pods but no memories came to him. 

She ignored him, “You aren’t controlling this game… so why… why do we have that memory?”

“Beats me.” Ouma shrugged and then laughed, “Do you really believe that? Maybe it was just another trick... I thought you _hated_ me. Wanted me _dead_.”

Harukawa glowered at him before turning and looking away, grasping at her own hair like some sort of lifeline, tugging in frustration, at least she was taking it out on her hair instead of him Ouma could not help but think. “I saw your room. At first, I thought it proved that you were behind all this. All that weird shit. But… after Momota’s letter. I… realized it didn’t add up.” 

“So you tried to kill me and then invaded my privacy, you really do have no morals huh?” Her lips twitched as he spoke and was glad he chose to keep his distance even if there was a strange look on her face he didn’t quite get. _His room huh…_ he wondered just what she had seen, what she had gone through. But he guessed it didn’t matter. Not anymore. 

Crimson eyes looked directly at him, “Do you want to end this or not Ouma?”

He considered his options, Harukawa seemed impervious to him trying to piss her off. Clearly whatever Momota had said had worked some sort of stupid magic on her. Which stupidly enough made her oddly trustworthy. He didn't quite understand what was going through her mind, but for once, it didn't scare him. An ally in the absolute loosest sense of the word, so he shrugged, “Would you really believe a liar like me? I’ll just keep doing what I’ve been doing this entire time. Take that how you will Harukawa-chan..” 

Harukawa looked annoyed but then shook her head, looking at the binder of documents, “Shirogane looked at this too. She mentioned that the records show Akamatsu had a twin.”

“Another Akamatsu-chan, huh?” Ouma tapped his chin with his finger. This was the longest he has ever spent with Harukawa alone without fearing for his life and here they were having an almost civil discussion. Civil as any discussion could be between two people standing at a distance, both looking ready to bolt or attack at any moment. 

Harukawa muttered, “Enoshima had a twin who helped run her killing game.”

“Did she now?” That strange name that seemed almost familiar again, something from another one of those lights no doubt, but why was it triggering a flicker of recognition in his own brain, “I dunno that sounds pretty stupid to me. Do you really think it would be that stupid?”

Harukawa frowned at him and at the binders, “I’m going to go get rid of more exisals.” 

“Have fun!” Ouma cheered after her half-heartedly, already lost in thought. He tried to slot Harukawa into his current understanding of the strange new game they were playing but he couldn’t. He was still pissed at her. Pissed that she forced his hand like that, what could easily be counted as the worst few hours of what he could remember of his own existence. But as for her being the actual enemy, he was starting to doubt it. 

He gave one more look at the pods. This weird room. Was this another lie or an unfortunate truth? _Had he really ever been in one of these_ … Ouma left. There were no answers for him there. Just more weirdness to question, to doubt. He wanted to go back to that weird place in the entrance. Maybe Saihara had been right after all and a secret passage to the secret room in the library lay beneath it. 

It was almost laughably easy. Calling out claiming he saw Keebo breaking the rules and getting an exisal to shoot through the floor. Those annoying robots coming back were at least good for that. For a moment he panicked that the strange green one in his exisal would still go after him, but he disappeared, muttering something about 'getting along’. And he descended into the new area, but what greeted him was not a path to some mastermind's lair. Still a lair, but it looked menacing and ornate and he knew exactly who it was meant for. 

The doors opened and he was greeted with an overwhelming sight. A cavern outfitted to look like a lair. Complete with a car, and a throne. DICE logos and clown masks. The whole deal. There was a sour taste in his mouth as he took in the sight. Childish and menacing and utterly unrealistic. He hated that part of him couldn’t help but think it was kinda cool while the other part knew it was some sort of insult. A reminder of that weird Ultimate title that just never felt right. A lie. Too over the top to actually be real. Straight out of a cartoon, not reality. 

He didn’t get much time to really look at the lab because soon after he heard footsteps followed by a loud clatter, and a yelp of pain. Ouma looked back to see Shuichi Saihara on the ground, holding up a bloodied hand. A quick glance at the scene and Ouma assumed he tripped over some book and landed on the blade of an RC helicopter sitting on the ground he had not even noticed yet. Saihara was just laying there looking stunned up around at the room, not even concerned about his hand. Ouma walked over and knelt next to him. 

There was a slice across Saihara’s palm, not deep but still had cut through the skin so blood was slowly oozing out of it. He shuddered trying not to think about the press and the blood trickling out of it. Casting his eyes around the room, he saw nothing that could be used as some sort of makeshift band-aid so he pulled off his scarf and clumsily wrapped it around his hand, tightly as he could to stop the bleeding at least. It was almost comically large to be used for such a purpose but it seemed to do the trick at least. 

Ouma teased, “Geez so clumsy Saihara-chan. Do you trip into all of your crime scenes?” 

“Ouma-kun…” Saihara looked back between the scarf wrapped around his hand back over to him. 

Ouma stood up with a sigh, as hard as it was to read Saihara, he had a feeling what was coming next, “Let me guess. You wanna talk doncha? _Boring_. But… I guess I’ll allow it.” 

He pulled out the last electrobomb from his pocket. Possibly a mistake. But then again, he didn’t feel like gaining control over this game with these inventions was even an option anymore. And if it meant that he could at least keep whatever this was private. Another moment to be his own… he was going to take it. He pulled out the ring and dropped the bomb, watching as it bounced away towards the throne in the back of the room, smoking slightly. 

Ouma turned, Saihara had stood as well and for a moment, they stood there just looking at each other. Just like once upon a time they had once done in the virtual world before shaking hands and getting into all of this. 

“Is this what you planned, Ouma-kun?” Saihara's voice cracked slightly. 

“You falling on your face and getting my scarf all bloody? Yeah, all in the evil master plan my beloved Saihara-chan.” Ouma grinned forcibly, cheeks burning from the effort. 

“You know what I mean.” Saihara frowned, looking intense. 

“What do you think Saihara-chan? Do you think that I planned all this? That I can truly control every little thing? You really do think highly of my Ultimate Supreme Leader skills huh?” Ouma could hear his voice fluctuating, see his hands moving erratically as he spoke and wondered if he was a little too close to losing control. 

“I---” Saihara paused, face pinched together, clearly lost in thought. 

“Whatever. If you need someone to blame, go ahead.” He chirped back, forcing cheeriness into his voice harder than it used to be. 

“That’s not what I want!” Ouma froze as Saihara practically screamed back at him, words echoing across the cavern. 

“Then what do you want Saihara-chan? Why are you here instead of off trying to solve mysteries like detectives are _supposed_ to do?” Ouma pointed his finger at Saihara, his own voice raising as well. 

Saihara gripped at his chest, “I want… I want to understand.”

Ouma looked off to the side, “That’s on you. Not me.” 

“Fine then. I’ll tell you what I think.” Saihara’s voice intensified, “I don’t think this is what you wanted at all. You didn’t want Momota-kun to die. You didn’t want to actually die either. You had no idea Harukawa-san would do what she did… so… this is all my fault… if I had figured it out… If I could have stopped Harukawa-san...” Saihara’s voice faltered, sounding near tears. 

Ouma commanded, “Stop.” 

Saihara’s eyes widened, “Huh?”

“Okay here is what we are not going to do. We are _not_ going to sit here and play the blame game Saihara-chan. That’s a terrible no-good game and I refuse to play it with you!” 

“But--”

“But nothing. It doesn’t matter! Not now. Ending this game is more important than pointing fingers at who did what wrong and when. As long as there is a chance of getting people out of here alive… we have to take it. Isn’t that right?” Ouma said, face devoid of emotion. 

“We…?” He saw what almost looked like a hopeful glint in Saihara’s eyes.

Ouma shrugged, “Figure of speech. Are you really that insistent on working with me Saihara-chan? After everything? You really are strange. But there are more important things to worry about now, like who’s behind all this.” 

Saihara paused and thought for a moment, holding his hand up to his chin, “So you really don’t know? Who’s behind all of this? The mastermind?”

“I didn’t. That was not a lie. But… now… maybe…” Ouma frowned. Not quite a lie. He was not quite sure yet but there was a nagging suspicion tickling the back of his brain that he just was waiting to confirm. Something not quite solid but still closer than he had ever felt. On the cusp of solving at least one thing at least, even if he wasn't quite sure if that would be enough anymore. 

Saihara questioned, “Who?” 

Ouma put a finger over his lips, “I’m not telling.” Not until he knew for sure at least. Otherwise, it would be too dangerous. He couldn’t even think it until he knew for sure- couldn’t let himself be tricked again.

Saihara looked downtrodden, “Do you really not trust me?”

“Au contraire, my beloved Saihara-chan. I trust you lots and lots. So much I trust that you can do this. You can figure this out. You can get over that little fear of yours about doubting the people you call friends.” Ouma replied, the eagerness in his voice only partially feigned. It was the truth, whether or not Saihara could see that or not remained to be seen. While he still was not certain how this would all end, he was still certain that somehow, Saihara was the key factor. 

“Is that why you left that will?” Saihara looked deep in thought, Ouma could see what looked like an almost pained expression behind his hand. 

“ _Not_ a will. It said that very clearly.” Ouma corrected under his breath. 

“You believed I’d figure it out if you weren’t able to. If you died...” Saihara trailed off, his voice shaky, “well, I’m really glad you didn’t... die.”

“Reeeally? Wouldn’t you rather have Momota-chan here instead of me?” The words cut through the smile he forced on his face. 

“I-- it’s not like that. Neither of you deserved to die.” Saihara responded, surprisingly unshaken. “No one here did.”

“If you say so,” Ouma replied blankly, trying his best to keep his thoughts away from Momota’s last moments and failing.

Saihara looked over him again, analyzing as always, before finally saying in a breathy sort of voice, “I read the letter.”

Ouma’s throat felt tight, he knew it was only a matter of time before he brought this up after all, but he still wasn’t quite prepared, “That’s nice. But that also means you realize it wasn’t really for you anyhow. Or is Saihara-chan too dumb to read properly?”

“No… Yeah… but… you should know something.” Saihara sounded confused at first, but then looked at Ouma with that bold sort of confidence in his gaze, “It wasn’t all fake. I really do care about you Ouma-kun. You’re... important to me.”

“If you say so” He repeated as he processed those words. Wrapped his mind around the idea that Saihara still somehow managed to care about him. Even through all the deceit that was wrapped around him, around everything inside this place. He wasn’t even sure what he was supposed to say in return. He wasn’t even sure if he was ready to believe it. 

Saihara’s voice was soft, comforting like a well-worn blanket, “We deserve something better don’t you think?”

“Huh?” Ouma tilted his head, finding it almost hard to breathe as if Saihara's words had sucked the oxygen out of the room. 

Saihara sighed, “We deserve time. We deserve the chance to really get to know each other. We deserve not to rush ourselves into things before we even really understood each other. We deserve better than what this game gave us.”

Ouma ran his tongue over his scared lower lip as he thought over Saihara’s words, “Do you think that would really change anything?” The worlds he had imagined in his head were just fake, worlds where he and Saihara could exist happily in his mind- a fantasy. Did Saihara really think that could actually exist in reality? 

“I don’t know… but I think we deserve a chance to find out. These feelings… can’t all just be fake right? There has to be a reason we both feel something.”

 _Both._ Ouma’s insides froze. _Both._ He smiled lazily, trying to keep the nervousness from his voice, “Like maybe, we were lovers in a former life or something like that? That’s pretty sappy Saihara-chan.”

“Uh… I don’t know about that… I just… I think there’s a chance that if we had time that maybe we could actually be something. Actually understand each other?” Saihara stepped toward him, and part of him still wanted to back up. It’s overwhelming. Saihara’s earnest honesty. He wasn’t prepared for it. He was never prepared for Saihara. 

_Understand, understand, understand._ The word echoed through his mind, through his soul. Part of him rejected the idea, feeling that it would be a mistake. Why would Saihara want that? Why did he keep coming back? Sure Ouma had fallen for him despite how foolish he knew it was, but the idea that Saihara actually might have done so in turn still seemed like a lie- too good to actually be true. That’s why he did what he did, pulling and pushing, never letting him close enough, a dangerous game, somewhere along the line he must have messed up, allowed him to get too close, and maybe there wasn’t any turning back now. “So does that mean you really want to stick with me? Through whatever this is. Even if we get out of here? Even if it’s just as awful as what was outside that door?” He could hear his voice soften, melting under the pressure of being all too tired and all too alone. 

“I think I do,” Saihara responded without pause, grey-gold eyes watching him intently. 

Ouma scoffed, “You don’t even really know me. I could just be lying after all.”

“Maybe… But I want to find out. I want to keep trying to get to know you.” Saihara held out his uninjured hand, and he remembered the day in the courtyard. The day he had turned away. How persistent Saihara turned out to be after all. 

Ouma paused, staring at Saihara’s outstretched hand, clenching his own to his sides. This was what he had wanted right? But yet, he was hesitant, hand moving slowly but finally, he closed the distance and let Saihara’s fingers wrap around his hand, “Then... you should stay by my side. To the end of whatever this is.” Ouma grinned with wide eyes wondering if Saihara could see into them and figure out that it was the truth. 

And for the third time during this killing game, Ouma was swept into a hug. The first time it had been by Gonta. Strong armed into a too warm embrace while Gonta cried after seeing that awful sight. All Ouma could do was freeze at the time, knowing that despite everything, at least the two of them both wanted the same thing more than anything in the world. To end the game, end the suffering. But feeling guilty all the same for what he knew Gonta would decide to do. The second time, it had been Momota wrapping him in his cold embrace, moments before death. Annoying as he had been in life, it had been strangely comforting. And now he was wrapped up in Saihara’s arms. And it was terrifying. Overwhelming. And comforting. He wanted to both push him away and escape and stay in the comfort of it forever all at once. After all, the last two people who had hugged him had been sent off to their deaths so maybe it was a bad omen. But it felt too nice to be something ominous. So he settled for accepting it, arms dangled at his side, just allowing Saihara’s arms to pull him in. He never pegged Saihara for being physically affectionate like this. Gonta and Momota made sense. But Saihara… surprising yet again. So he let himself melt into the moment, and allowed the sensation of someone else being there, that warmth seep into him. Something he craved without ever really realizing it until he had it. And the weariness and pain didn’t melt away but it bothered him a little less. It wasn’t some magic cure or fairy tale moment but Ouma thought it might be exactly what he needed. What they needed.

“Wow. Saihara-chan is so bad at hugs.” He muttered into the fabric of Saihara’s jacket.

“Ah. Sorry.” Saihara stepped back, “Oh... you were lying weren’t you?”

Ouma smiled wide, eyes creased, despite everything for the first time in what felt like forever he felt a bit of happiness, “Does that bother you?”

Saihara paused for a moment, considering, “No. Not really. A liar to the end huh?” There’s a sort of playful kindness in his tone that Ouma knew wasn’t malicious, wasn’t spiteful. As if, despite everything he really didn’t hate the lies. Saihara didn't blindly accept or forgive them but tried to understand them all the same. 

Ouma looked down for a moment, “Guess so. But at least it won’t be boring right? Being by my side? Even if things really do get even more awful?” 

Saihara gave him a look that was both inquisitive and fond all at once in return. A wordless understanding. An understanding that he never had expected, had rejected as much as he could in order to protect himself. Unexpected. Incomplete. But that was fine. This place, this game made it impossible to really understand each other so maybe that made ending this all the more worth it. A possible future… 

“So what do we do now?” Saihara asked, fiddling with the scarf wrapped around his hand.

“You’re the detective.” Whatever they did next, they probably needed to find an actual first-aid kit so Saihara wasn’t walking around looking like he had a club for a hand with that scarf, but as he looked at his hand, his eyes caught on something else. 

“Why--” Saihara must have noticed Ouma was now distracted from their banter. He had finally taken a better look at the book that had tripped up the detective and it was way too familiar, he immediately remembered the last time he saw it. “What are you looking at Ouma-kun?”

“ _This_.” He picked up the book from the ground, and began to flip through it, “So this is where it went.”

“What are you talking about?” Saihara looked at him confused. 

“Remember I told you I liked reading books about killing games? Well, I only ever found one, and before I even got to finish it, it _totally_ disappeared.” Ouma continued to flip through, names and phrases popping up that sounded all too familiar. So that’s why all that strange talk sounded real. But why did the last light make everyone remember the contents of this book? “Hmm, this is super useless actually.” 

Ouma passed the book to Saihara, and his eyes lit up and he started muttering names and phrases to himself, “I could ask Harukawa-san what she remembers... “ Saihara trailed off, still flipping through the book. “It all seems familiar but yet…”

So whatever light they saw, Saihara didn’t quite remember it. Harukawa didn’t quite trust it. And for some reason, those same memories were in this weird book he had found so long ago when first looking around the school, a book placed in one of few places he had not found his way into, the one place meant for him, “Interesting.” 

“Huh?” Saihara looked up. 

Ouma laughed, “Doncha think this is all sooo interesting Saihara-chan?”

“Ouma-kun---” Saihara looked as if he was about to question him, but it wasn’t time for that. Not yet. They probably wasted too much time in his weird lab already. If there was going to be a trial, they needed to be prepared. 

“We need to keep searching. Take the book but don’t forget the real reason for this trial.” Ouma interrupted, shaking his head. 

“Amami-kun’s death…” Saihara muttered. 

Ouma nodded, “So how _did_ that search for secret passages go?”

Saihara answered, “Oh well, I searched the basement again, the classroom with the vent and the boy's bathroom, and then stopped before going into the girls…”

“Nishishi were you scared of going into the girl's bathroom Saihara-chan?” Ouma teased. 

Saihara’s face looked slightly red, “No! I-- got distracted. Harukawa-san noticed Momota-kun was gone so I went to go look for him....”

Ouma hummed, remembering that day, if only things had gone better, maybe… but he couldn’t think like that now, “Okay let’s pick up where you left off then!”

“Shouldn’t we just go to the library door?” Saihara questioned. 

“Not yet.” Ouma shook his head. There was no way to know for sure, but something about that idea of another entrance, a secret passage, it stuck with him. 

Saihara’s piercing eyes looked back at him, “But-- why?”

“Perhaps it’s what Momota-chan would call a gut feeling?” Saihara’s eyes widened, “Or not. Nothing stupid like that. I think sometimes it’s better to not just rush in headfirst right? Games aren’t always won by taking the obvious, direct path y’know? Sometimes it’s smarter to take a _back route_ if there is one.” 

Saihara’s hand flew to his face as he thought, “Huh… you might be right.” 

“Of course I am.” He joked, before looking at Saihara, dropping all pretense, “Alright, Saihara-chan. Let’s end this. For real, this time, okay?” His voice was serious, a brief moment of vulnerability loaded with the implication of trust. And he couldn’t know for sure but there was a flicker of understanding in those grey-gold eyes that made him think that Saihara figured at least that much out. _Clever_ . Maybe in the stolen moments together between the terrible things this game put them through, they had already begun to understand each other. A least a little bit. The smiles they shared now felt _real_ , nothing like a lie. The doubt wasn't gone, but part of Ouma believed that maybe Saihara could be right, there could be something better after all. There was still so much unsaid, Ouma knew that. Things that would end in anger and frustration and pain but maybe that was okay. Maybe all that mattered was that they got the chance to find out. 

Ouma pocketed one of the clown masks. Even if he wasn’t sure if any of this was real, if those people in his memories actually existed- it felt like some sort of charm. A symbol that maybe it could be real. That there could be a place to belong after this, people to care for. _Something better._

And together they left the lab, standing side by side. Ouma had no expectations for this supposed last day of the killing game. But he guessed it could be worse. He knew of anyone, Saihara would be able to find the last bits they needed. _Together…_ they could finish this. They were so so close to whatever awful truth awaited them, but if it meant ending this game, surely he could stomach whatever they planned to throw back at them. 

_They deserved better._

_He hoped that was the truth…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was very fickle about how I wanted this to go which makes me hesitant to post it because I could change my mind a million times probably. But this is not the setting for the apologies and full discussions that need to happen but a small shift in the right direction nonetheless. So I feel that it is fitting for neither of these conversations to be completely fulfilling but at least a shift towards where they need to go if that makes sense. Sometimes true emotional vulnerability takes time and that's just not something they have in this situation. But allow them to progress without rushing and misunderstanding, slowly build an actual foundation.
> 
> Hope it's okay, sorry if I haven't been responding much. Things right now are crazy and hard to deal with and even tiny social interaction is very draining right now for me but I appreciate the kind words always- they really do mean a lot.

**Author's Note:**

> link to some amazing Chapter 10 Fanart by @Zhifeiji0523 
> 
> https://www.instagram.com/p/CIqeJI8ln4u/?igshid=uqzs3auvnb3b


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